The Philosopher’s Stone

Okay guys. Are you ready? This is my best idea ever.

Did you know if you mix tea and cup-a-soup together it tastes really good?

It does.

I’m not going to tell you which kind of tea or which flavor cup-a-soup, because honestly, I think I might want to patent this. I’m serious. It’s like I’ve discovered the philosopher’s stone.

JosephWright-Alchemist

I have an unhealthy fondness for cup-a-soup. I drink… well… kind of a lot of it, and I’m not proud of that. It’s also not a secret that I have a burgeoning substance abuse problem when it comes to caffeine, either.

But here’s the beauty of the situation. When you put these two things together, they form an elegant balance.

Sure the cup-a-soup has my entire day’s worth of sodium in a single serving, but the caffeine in the tea is a diuretic. Zero sum.

Sure the cup-a-soup is full of MSG and terrible artificial preservatives, but the tea is full of all sorts of healthy antioxidants, so I’m pretty sure they just cancel each other out.

It’s low calorie. It’s delicious. It’s cheap. It fills me with energy. I’m pretty sure it’s boosting my metabolism right now. I’m pretty sure if I keep drinking this, I’ll be able to communicate directly with angels and shit. When I market this, I’m going to put this on the side of the box: Now With More Enochian!

My heart is beating really fast right now. That’s how I know it’s working.

How did I have this brilliant idea? I’m glad you asked. See, I had a lot of e-mail to get through this morning, so I made a big cup of tea and drank half of it.

20140225_143846

And then I wanted cup-a-soup, so I made some and drank half of it:

105b392414f91d4863970ee04b41d7c7_large

I know what you’re thinking. “Wow Pat. Your life is pretty glamorous! Someday I hope I become a #1 New York Times Bestselling author so I can eat soup in a cup and have a desk that consists of a piece of particle board sitting on two filing cabinets!!!!”

Well fine. Be that way. Mock all you like. You’re just jealous because it never occurred to you to do this:

MugOfAwesome

No, I’m not talking about the photoshop filter. I’m talking about mixing tea and soup together to form a miraculous uberbeverage that is going to revolutionize life as we know it and usher in an age of peace and harmony to all mankind.

Now you might be looking at saying to yourself, “Wow, that’s a pretty big mug, Pat.”

Yes. It is a big mug. Self-actualization is not for the faint of heart. And besides, the size of the mug is just going to be another selling point of my miraculous three-tiered souper-tea regimen. Each of those mugs contains a full quart of liquid. That means after drinking both of them, I’ve already had all eight of my recommended eight-ounce servings of water for the day. And it’s not even 10:00 yet.

That’s right. I’ve figured out all the angles. I can feel myself getting healthier by the minute. I think my entire body is turning into pure energy. What does a stroke feel like? Does it feel like you are becoming a being of pure transcendent light? Probably not. I think it’s more likely that I’m just fast-tracking my way to Nirvana here.

I’m fine. Today is going to be a really productive day. I’m fine.

*     *     *

In other news. The Pairs Kickstarter is clipping along nicely.

There are five decks unlocked right now, and we just passed the stretch goal for the second one of mine: the Modegan Deck with art by Shane Tyree.

I’m really looking forward to giving y’all a look into that world. You haven’t even caught a glimpse of Modeg yet. It’s a very different place.

We’ve got two more of my decks lined up as future stretch goals too. One is a Princess and Mr. Whiffle deck, and the other one is a Faen deck. Specifically, it’s set in the Twilight court, the corner of the Fae where Felurian and Bast hie from.

The art for both of those will be done by the excellent Nathan Taylor.

Nate's Sketches

Nate drew these sketches to tease y’all a bit, but remember we’re only going to be doing those decks when they get unlocked around the 115K level.

We’re well on our way to hit that, mind you. I’m just letting you know. Full disclosure.

I’ll be making a more detailed update about the Kickstarter early next week, including showing off some more of the art.

But for now, here’s the link to the kickstarter if you want it.

Fondly,

pat

This entry was posted in being awesome, My brilliant ideas, Terrible Science. By Pat73 Responses

73 Comments

  1. UrsulaK
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:30 AM | Permalink

    Oh, Pat. Remember those tasty cookies I baked for you years ago for your Chicago signing? Yup, that was me. Baker extraordinaire. I’m a really good cook, too. I make Fancy Ramen™ from scratch. You’re welcome anytime. There is no need to eat dehydrated sodium noodles, no matter how much you enjoy heart palpitations. It is not of the Lethani.

  2. Robo
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:35 AM | Permalink

    Hey, Pat. Your geek’s showing.

  3. ali rahemtulla
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:37 AM | Permalink

    NOOO! Not another competitor! I had hoped after Rob, no one would ever figure it out again… You still haven’t patented it, so the race is sill on.
    En garde!

  4. cynrtst
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:39 AM | Permalink

    The cup-a-soup/tea combo so early has made you blather, Pat…

    But damn you, you’re taking all our money again, adding decks so we’ll have to up our pledges, and we haven’t all got our NOTW decks yet! Evil man.

  5. katherineofyork
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:43 AM | Permalink

    It troubles me that Bast has sexier horse legs than I do people legs. (Are they horse legs? It doesn’t say in the book, to my recollection, just that he has hooves. Sexy hooves).

    I am pleased, though, that said cuppa soup doesn’t seem to be overly chunky, as the thought of chunky soup + tea was a bit grim. You may actually be on to something.

    • Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:57 AM | Permalink

      I totally missed the hooves the first time I looked. Overwhelmed by sexy, clearly.

  6. Amanda
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:50 AM | Permalink

    I’m going to call Sarah and make sure that you’re not left unattended today. Because something tells me this will only fuel more “brilliant” ideas ;)

  7. chaelek
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:52 AM | Permalink

    Pat… I think you may have reinvented some kind of PCP or amphetamine. It’s cool though. Freud used cocaine, after all. And look how that turned out.

    • Posted February 28, 2014 at 12:17 PM | Permalink

      So did Sherlock Holmes. I’m sensing a pattern.

      • ali rahemtulla
        Posted February 28, 2014 at 1:08 PM | Permalink

        Freud sucked. Holmes did not. You don’t. Two out of three isn’t bad.

        • Posted February 28, 2014 at 1:22 PM | Permalink
          • NAMDORG
            Posted February 28, 2014 at 2:12 PM | Permalink

            That letter is great, but what really made my day is that the original document was donated and signed by ‘A Grateful Mother’.
            If Freud had no other affect on society, I’d say that was enough.

          • ali rahemtulla
            Posted February 28, 2014 at 3:51 PM | Permalink

            I mean in terms of arguments. But he certainly did contribute to some good things. And also created bad things that he helped created.

          • chaelek
            Posted February 28, 2014 at 6:31 PM | Permalink

            Freud kind of fucked up our views on sexuality… He thought of a vaginal orgasm as infantile. Which is a phrase enough to discount him.

          • Sandhya
            Posted February 28, 2014 at 8:20 PM | Permalink

            I second that, Chaelek.

  8. Posted February 28, 2014 at 10:57 AM | Permalink

    Do you have a Nutrimatic Drinks Dispenser that actually works?

    • Posted February 28, 2014 at 12:16 PM | Permalink

      Yes. This is what the nutrimatic dreamed of producing.

      • Fluffyeti
        Posted February 28, 2014 at 2:58 PM | Permalink

        You really took the complaints division motto to heart. So very glad you did.

  9. sandibd
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 11:01 AM | Permalink

    The whole heart overworking is a bit distressing. Be careful Pat, I want you around a long long time to keeps us on the edge of our seats.

  10. Sors_Salutis
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 11:04 AM | Permalink

    This is why I love you.

  11. Monkey_head
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 11:17 AM | Permalink

    Wow! My stomach hurts now! Not from the thought of the Souper-tea, but from laughing so hard.

    Thanks for funniest blog post of the year!

  12. Hans
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 11:17 AM | Permalink

    Science marches on! further revealing the power of tea. Do you take it with sugar, though?

    I suspect cup-o-coffee/soup would be terrible.

  13. arachnid
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 11:22 AM | Permalink

    I’m worried about you, Pat. I think it might be time for an intervention.

  14. Plenoric
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 12:27 PM | Permalink

    Actually you need half your body weight in ounces of water a day, not 64 ounces.
    That being said, It sounds like a great drink/lunch/breakfast item you could get from a vending machine on a college campus.

  15. bobulusdole
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 12:30 PM | Permalink

    Another Rothusian ( Rothfusian? ) concoction? Will its mysteries be revealed to a top bidder in this next year’s WorldBuilders’ auction?

    Also, if one has a group of Rothfuss; Is it, Rothfusses? Is it, Rothfi? Perhaps a Convocation of Rothfians? Curious.

    • LordZod
      Posted February 28, 2014 at 12:38 PM | Permalink

      I think this would be considered “A Roth-Fusion of Flavor!”

      “So Bold You’ll Wish Your Kidneys Would Fail… And They Will!”

    • Posted February 28, 2014 at 12:53 PM | Permalink

      I believe it’s a murder of Rothfi.

      This is because, like crows, they band together to overcome threats using complex patterns of speech and are also willing to branch out and try exciting new combinations of food and drink combinations, combinations that may be considered An Abomination Unto Nature.

      …Or because there can be only one, in which murder also works.

      • DoctorAvenue
        Posted February 28, 2014 at 3:25 PM | Permalink

        I must respectfully disagree. To me, the obvious collective noun should be a sympathy of Rothfi.

        • bobulusdole
          Posted February 28, 2014 at 7:37 PM | Permalink

          Yessss! Sympathy of Rothfi!

          Now….Rothusian? Rothfusian? Rothfisian? I can’t decide. Oh! Rothfusion!

      • NAMDORG
        Posted March 1, 2014 at 8:11 AM | Permalink

        A previous blog’s comments concluded that the proper plural form of Rothfuss is now Rothfora.
        It’s also fun to say.

    • LordZod
      Posted February 28, 2014 at 4:36 PM | Permalink

      And on another note, if the singular version of octopus is octopi, and the singular version of penis (if you’re under 18, or sensitive, read: wang-chung) is peni, I think we can safely conclude… that we will never know the answer to this question.

  16. Mickey
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 12:47 PM | Permalink

    Ok Pat, we need to talk. I worry that you need to be introduced to the idea that food is not simply body fuel. Food is art, my brother. I’m not denying the practicality of your invention, students and other cash strapped individuals all over the world will salute your genius.

    If you ever find yourself in Dubai I shall cook such culinary delights for you and yours that you will weep that you knew not these things existed before. As an author you are gifted beyond the talents of any other but that concoction should not be allowed to live…please kill it before it breeds !

    • Curiosity
      Posted February 28, 2014 at 1:17 PM | Permalink

      This could be art. He could just stand on stage and drink it, and people would gasp, and take notes, and whisper things like “avant-garde” and “shock value” and “profound symbolism.”

      • Mickey
        Posted March 1, 2014 at 9:43 AM | Permalink

        Horrendously enough, this is probably exactly what’s going to happen…and its all going to be your fault ! I suppose beauty is, in this particular case, in the taste buds of the beholder. Oh dear, at least Pat will get to pose on a stage with a mighty flagon of SouperTea, eh ?

  17. grinch
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 1:08 PM | Permalink

    Fact check: one quart is only 32 oz, sir, not 64.
    Just sayin’.

  18. isaiasw
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 1:16 PM | Permalink

    So is this drink going to be a new on in the Eolian too? Prepare a name for it!

  19. hail2daredskinz
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 1:30 PM | Permalink

    that is a fucking bad-ass mug. link? I like having the option of bludgeoning someone whilst drinking.

  20. skaldr
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 2:16 PM | Permalink

    ME: I sure love cup-noodles, because I can eat all the nice briny noodles right out of the cup without having to drink any of that disgusting brown sodium water.

    Patrick: There has got to be an easier way to drink all of this delicious brown sodium-water.

    I’m also gonna venture a guess: Twinning’s green tea and chicken-flavored Maruchan instant lunch?

  21. Linnet
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 2:17 PM | Permalink

    ::delighted laughter::
    When I wake up and read something like this, I know it’s going to be a good day.

  22. BigSwede58
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 2:22 PM | Permalink

    So I read your post,how amazing.I’m not going to be crass and try and wheedle the ingredients out of you.I’ll just say Pat you are selfless giving up yourself to find out what a new UBER-drink tastes like and then sharing the results with us.Thank You kind sir and DRINK on!

    P.S.
    I know what caffiene addiction is like be careful where you tread!
    BigSwede58(Bill Conway)

  23. lenamoster
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 2:34 PM | Permalink

    I upped my deck order on the assumption that the Faen deck will be unlocked :) IT MUST HAPPEN! I need that art!

  24. Posted February 28, 2014 at 3:01 PM | Permalink

    Maybe you could put the recipe as something to unlock on this new Kickstarter. LMAO.

    I mean, you did blog about them together, so that clearly makes sense.

    Also, did this just happen to come about because you didn’t want to boil water a second time?

  25. WCSally
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 3:05 PM | Permalink

    MSG and terrible artificial preservatives

    M S G … destroys your braincells! …

    A V O I D … AT ALL COSTS!!

    Writing for angels does not require a brain, writing for humans does … do the equivalence, … less brain cells, … less goodness in the book, .. less fans … less and less and less …

    Google : MSG and brain cell loss

    this is good for laughs!
    http://themetapicture.com/canada-the-only-place-youll-see-something-like-this/

    • lolzbuckets
      Posted February 28, 2014 at 6:47 PM | Permalink

      MSG doesn’t kill brain cells. All evidence that it has any harmful effects on humans is anecdotal, and not a single replicable study has shown that it has any adverse effects in doses lower than 15 grams per kilogram, which is way more than is contained in your body weight in Souper-Tea.

      I’m not saying this is the healthiest drink ever. What I AM saying is that if you drink enough of it to suffer adverse side effects, it won’t be from the MSG.

      • Posted February 28, 2014 at 7:12 PM | Permalink

        Yeah. What he said. I used to avoid MSG too, but there’s no good science pointing to MSG doing bad things to people.

      • chaelek
        Posted March 1, 2014 at 10:13 PM | Permalink

        This is exactly why I stopped eating kilo bricks of MSG. Well that and people on the subway started looking at me funny.

      • Little My
        Posted March 2, 2014 at 7:58 PM | Permalink

        MSG is DELICIOUS.

  26. Fluffyeti
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 3:06 PM | Permalink

    For a more breakfasty option, there’s the espresso and instant oatmeal combination that Jeph Jacques was divinely inspired to make.

    http://jephjacques.com/post/69652249948/boatmeal

  27. Andreamgc
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 3:35 PM | Permalink

    souper-tea!!!! The name is perfect! Bahahaha!
    Also, it sounds more like what you made was Mudder’s Milk. ;)

  28. Posted February 28, 2014 at 5:12 PM | Permalink

    I once made miso soup from a pot of left-over twig tea. Yum! And quite invigorating.

  29. Manda
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 5:31 PM | Permalink

    ::amusement, disgust::

  30. Andrew
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 5:37 PM | Permalink

    Is it sad that this is one of my favorite blog posts of yours ever?

    I don’t think it’s sad

    cup a soup is delicious man!

  31. wntriscmng
    Posted February 28, 2014 at 11:54 PM | Permalink

    No such thing as non-creative soup..

    However, there are many examples of non-edible soup.

    I am personally responsible for at least 10 non-edible variations of ramen noodle soup.

    .. But I digress
    Or I think I digress

    Ugggh ADD suuuckzz

    Ok, anyways… I’m abouut 87% done with my 2nd kkc read (1 read through 2 listen through… ‘s er.. What?)

    I can’t finish this post… Too much Vodka ;)

    Dosvedanya

  32. SporkTastic
    Posted March 1, 2014 at 3:01 AM | Permalink

    So, it took a few days before I could adequately respond. A few days of mental percolating, if you will. I think the most apt response I can give is “I like you, man, but you’re crazy.”

    And my brain pulls this from Old School. (Short clip, not to interrupt potential brilliance.)

    • SporkTastic
      Posted March 1, 2014 at 3:02 AM | Permalink

      …while it is often dry, my humor is not always “high brow”. Just, you know, as fair warning.

      • Linnet
        Posted March 1, 2014 at 2:47 PM | Permalink

        All that time and this is what you say?
        “I was expecting something with a little more flair.”
        ::respectful teasing::

        • SporkTastic
          Posted March 3, 2014 at 4:16 PM | Permalink

          “Well, I left my armor and warhorse at home.”
          I didn’t say I came up with a particularly *good* response… ;-P

  33. Noth
    Posted March 1, 2014 at 7:13 AM | Permalink

    Hey Rothfuss, slightly off topic but I think you’d like it anyway. There is this wonderful webcomic I found that could possibly just rival your books in its cultural, economical and historical depth and its ‘magic’ (pyramy and such) reminds me a lot of sympathy… sort of. It’s still a little vague but the story is only 8 chapters in, but anyway thought you’d be interested in this beautiful piece. It’s called Unsounded (maybe you’ve heard of it) by Ashley Cope and you can find it here:

  34. tudza
    Posted March 1, 2014 at 7:52 PM | Permalink

    Reminds me of things people put in tea in the past like onions and salt.

    Then there’s tea with salt and yak butter. I originally understood that the yak butter would be less than fresh, but further reading seems to indicate that it just depends on what yak butter you happen to have available at the time.

    Perhaps you’ve independently invented ochazuke. Left over rice, tea, and seasoning which can be bought in packets.

  35. PiratePuddles
    Posted March 1, 2014 at 10:43 PM | Permalink

    I really want to try this. It reminds me of an awesome combo I came up with, chili cheese nuggets, which is pretty self explanatory but for good measure I’ll list the ingredients: chili, cheese and chicken nuggets. Anyway, just wanted to say I love your books, Pat. I can’t wait for the next one. You’ve written the best fantasy series since Tolkien.

  36. rmK0017
    Posted March 4, 2014 at 1:48 AM | Permalink

    I can’t quite believe I created an account just for commenting this but, Mr. Rothfuss, don’t you fucking die.

  37. Traveling Tubie
    Posted March 6, 2014 at 8:31 AM | Permalink

    You’re too late. I blend food for my feeding tube and I’m pretty sure I’ve had the tea/cup ‘o soup combo. Never had the pleasure of tasting it though…

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