Category Archives: Bingo

Well, tomorrow I’ll be heading out to New York so I can go to the Quill Awards, and I’ll be honest with you, I’m a little nervous.

Generally speaking, I don’t have a problem with public speaking or public appearances. But this is different because it’s going to be videotaped and televised. That means if I fuck up, a lot of people will be able to see it. Forever.

I was considering making bingo cards for my friends. Instead of numbers, on each square there would be things like:

Pat trips going up the stairs to get his award.
Pat caught on camera with his finger up his nose.
Pat falls asleep during ceremony.
Pat caught on camera looking at some famous person’s boobs.
Pat accidentally says ‘Fuck’ during his acceptance speech.
Pat and Cormac McCarthy get into a fistfight on the red carpet.
Pat and Steven Colbert share a passionate Madonna-and-Britney style kiss at the Podium.

Then I realized putting together a bunch of Bingo cards would be a lot of work. So I thought I’d turn it into a drinking game instead. Then I got busy and didn’t finish the list.

If any of you are motivated, feel free to made your own additions to the list in the comments below.

The other reason I’m a little nervous is that I found out how long my acceptance speech is supposed to be: 10-30 seconds. How the hell can I say anything in that amount of time? If I had a minute or two I could be witty, but what can I say in 30 seconds that won’t sound like the equivalent of “San Demos High School Football Rules!”

Anyway, I’m off to bed. I’ve got to get up at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow so I can catch my flight.

pat