Category Archives: conventions

Published: April 8, 2009

Upcoming appearances, and the woes of biography

I have trouble with simple things sometimes.

For example: I’m going to be Guest of Honor at Gencon this year.

That isn’t the hard part. Truth is, being Guest of Honor is a pretty sweet gig. I had my first taste of it up in V-Con last year.

When you’re GOH, the convention typically does lovely things for you, like pay for your hotel room and your flight out to the convention. Usually an author has to pay for all that out of their own pocket, which means it’s really expensive to hit two or three cons in a year. Let alone the five or six I usually try to attend.

This year, through a weird confluence of events, I’m going to be Guest-of-Honoring at four different conventions. Details are over on the Tour Page, if you’re interested.

One of these conventions is only a couple of weeks away, down in Madison. I’m sorry I haven’t posted up the info about Oddcon sooner, but I’ve been busy writing, and I was called in as a last minute pinch-hitter GOH to replace Tobias Buckell. He had to bow out on account of his wife being super-pregnant. If you’re interested, they’ve extended pre-registration until Friday because of the change of plans.

Anyway, in exchange for having our expenses paid, the GOH has certain responsibilities. The main one of these is to do stuff for the convention. We do more than the usual number of readings, signings, panels. Etc.

I don’t have a problem with this. This is why I go to conventions. I like talking about stories. That’s what I’m all about.

My problem was with something much simpler. As I mentioned above, I’m going to be the author GOH at Gencon this year. So they asked me to write a bio they can put in the program book….

This should be easy. It’s short. 150 words. When I was born. Where I’m from. What I’ve done. Stuff like that.

But I overthink these things. It’s a problem I have.

So I write a regular bio. Names. Dates. The Name of the Wind. Sold in 27 countries. Simple.

But then when I’m finished, I read that bio and it seems really dry and boring.

So I write a new bio. I want it to be better. Different. A little funny. I want it to be cool. Sexy even.

But then I read that one and it seems desperate, whorish. It’s stupid and corny.

So I write a new bio. I tone it down, try to be subtle, understated, professional.

But then I read that one and it seems boring again, plus stiff and awkward. Plus fakey.

So, finally, I get fed up and write something like this:

Patrick Rothfuss sprung fully formed from Marge Rothfuss, his mother, in Madison Wisconsin. In a mere three months, Pat grew to the height of a man while teaching himself to read and write using only a shovel and a dead cat.

When the voices told him to, Pat left home to attend college in at University Wisconsin Stevens Point where he joined Slytherin house and had many wonderful adventures. After graduating, Pat evolved into a being of pure light and energy. Then he went to grad school and evolved even further into being composed entirely of bile, anger, binder twine, and sweet, sweet, methadone. After grad school Pat joined forces with five plucky Japanese schoolgirls to form a giant robot that fights crime.

Through all of this Pat has read fantasy, watched fantasy, and written fantasy. Some academics have suggested that Pat eats, sleeps, and breathes fantasy, but this is simply untrue. The truth is that Pat eats burritos, sleeps like a drooly baby, and breathes a white-hot plasma composed of molten gold and rage.

And you know what? I like this bio the best. If I’m going to spew out bullshit, I’d rather have it be pure, unadulterated bullshit.

By the way, a lot of you have been asking who’s been doing my illustrations for the blog. It’s not me. I can’t draw worth a tinker’s damn. My illustrator’s name is Brett Hiorns, and he is awesome. You can say howdy to him in the comments, if you like.

That’s all I’ve got for now. More news soon. Cool news. Stay tuned.

pat

Also posted in appearances, my dumbness

|posted by Pat 92 Comments

Published: October 10, 2008

Recovering from Vancouver

I’m back from V-Con. It was a lot of fun….

I have a few stories to tell about the convention…. but I’ll do it later.

While I was up in Canada, I must have somehow offended one of their primitive gods. I know this because I was smote down with a terrible illness.

My illness must have come from some sort of angry god, because within the space of twenty-four hours I went from being a gregarious, energetic scamp, chatting with new friends and mugging for the camera….

(By the way, isn’t this my best hair ever?)

…to a shivering, wretched mass who could do nothing but huddle in a nest of blankets, moaning in pain…

Though honestly, the timeline was even tighter than that.

7:00 – I give the keynote speech at V-Con’s closing ceremonies. I feel fine, though slightly nervous. I get a few laughs, and nobody throws a brick at me, so I count it as a success.

7:30 – Ceremony ends, and I spend a lovely hour or so chatting with V-Con’s lovely Toastmaster and one of the other Guests of Honor: Jaymie Matthews.

8:30 – I go to the dead dog party to mingle, but my heart’s not really in it. I’m oddly tired, and Sarah and I leave after about 30 minutes.

9:00 – Sarah and I go to dinner at a nearby pub.

9:15 – Sarah says, “Are you alright? You’ve got dark circles under your eyes….”

“Were they there when I was giving my Keynote?” I ask.

“No,” she says. “They just showed up.”

9:30 – I feel really cold, and really tired.

9:45 – We go back to our hotel room, where Sarah tucks me into the aforementioned nest of blankets. I commence being wretched and pitiful.

The fever went away, but since then it feels like my head has been packed with hot cotton and broken glass. It’s only through a ridiculous application of painkiller that I functioned well enough to get home to the states.

I’m partially recovered now. But not nearly enough to do any sort of worthwhile post about the con, or to continue my discussion of fanmail. Those will be forthcoming.

Instead, here’s a picture of Sarah doing a handstand in the Vancouver airport.

Why is she doing a handstand? Shit. I have no idea. After all these years, I’ve discovered that it’s better not to ask.

pat

Labels: conventions

posted by Pat 30 Comments

Published: September 27, 2008

Available for a limited time only….

Did I forget to mention that I’m going to be up in Canada next weekend?

In case I did, I am. I’m going to be up in Vancouver. (The one in BC, not the one in Washington.)

The reason for this particular outing is V-Con. While I’ve done a lot of conventions lately, this one marks two notable firsts in my life….

The first first is that I’m not just attending this convention, I’m actually one of the Guests of Honor. It’s a pretty sweet gig so far. Not only are they paying my travel expenses, but I’m pretty sure that while I’m out there, someone is contractually obliged to fan me with a big leaf and feed me grapes.

The second first is a little embarrassing, actually. This will be the first time I’ve ever left the country. I feel like such an adult, I’ve got a passport and everything….

Anyway, I just thought I’d let y’all know that I was going to be out there. Part of the GOH gig is that I got to be very heavily involved with the programming, so I’m going to be doing readings, signings, and a metric ton of panels. So if you’ve ever wanted to hear me pontificate on all manner of diverse subjects, this is going to be a great opportunity.

Also, since I’m don’t know when I’m going to be up in that neck of the woods again, I’m going to do a reading/signing/Q&A session at one of the local bookstores. It’s on Tuesday the 7th (of October) at 7:00 at the Chapters out in Coquitlam. Because that signing got set up fairly recently, I’ve only made mention of it on Facebook so far. (Yeah, I’m on Facebook, feel free to add me if you’re into that sort of thing.)

Generally speaking, if you’re looking for information on my upcoming appearances, you can get the details over here on the “Tour Schedule” section of my webpage. I try to keep that as up to date as possible….

That’s all for now folks. Enjoy your weekend.

pat

Also posted in appearances, foreign happenings

|posted by Pat 12 Comments

Published: September 18, 2008

Tales from the Con: Reading in Indianapolis

So when I was attending GenCon out in Indianapolis last month, I had several adventures.

For one, I got to eat at a Stake and Shake, which was pretty cool. This may not seem like a big deal for most of you, but… well… I don’t get out much.

I also did a reading at the local library.

I love doing readings. But this one was especially fun, as I got to hang out with the folks from “…and Sewing is Half the Battle.” They’re the ones that won the photo contest from a couple months ago.

They all came dressed in their costumes and did an intro to my reading, talking about what cosplay is, why folks do it, and how to dabble if you’re interested.

I have to say that it was pretty cool showing up for my own reading and having a bunch of the characters from the book in attendance.

As a whole, I was too bemused to take a lot of pictures. But I got a huge kick out of this:

I don’t remember writing a hippie into the book. But then again, I don’t remember NOT writing a hippie into the book. Trapis, nice guy that he is, seems to be reserving judgement.

Haliax, as you might have guessed, is a big hit with the ladies. Why do they always go for the dark types?

Here’s one I snapped of Haliax when he didn’t think anyone was paying attention. Apparently when there aren’t any chicks around he summons some sort of glowing orb, practicing to destroy his enemies. I can’t say I’m surprised.

Ladies, let this be a lesson to you. Sure, cowls are sexy. Everyone loves a bad boy. But when you’re dating evil, it’s only a matter of time before you get the glowing orb.

Here’s everyone. From top left to bottom right you have: Elodin, young girl (see below) Haliax, Bast and Urchin, Ambrose, glowing death orb, Hippie, Trapis, Denna, Kvothe and Fela.

I won’t bore you with the whole story of the reading, but here are the high points.

A 10 year old girl made fun of my handwriting.

She looked down at the book I was writing in. “Authors are supposed to use cursive,” she informed me.

“Not me,” I said cheerfully, scribbing away.

“Is that your name?” she asked.

“Yup.”

She kept watching in disapproval, then said. “Authors are also supposed to have better handwriting than a third grader.”

“You’re fat,” I said.

I didn’t really. She was adorable. Plus, I was on an adulation buzz by that point and nothing could bring me down. I long ago came to grips with the fact that my handwriting looks like a psychotic grade schooler’s ransom note. She wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know.

At some point during the Q & A period, I used a terrible phrase.

I used to do improv comedy. This is a good thing. I know how to work a crowd and think on my feet. Public speaking doesn’t freak me out. I’m relaxed. I make jokes. It’s a good time.

The down side is that I’m not exactly working off a script. And that means sometimes I’ll say awful things.

I’m not talking about cussing. I cuss all the time. It’s not a big deal.

All humor is rooted in transgression. That means that most things that are genuinely funny also have the potential for being really offensive, or weird, or creepy.

I can’t remember the exact context for this phrase, but I was answering a question. I think I was making fun of the fact that since I hit the NYT bestseller list, everyone seems to think I’m all rockstar famous.

As I said, I can’t remember the exact context. But I do remember the phrase I used.

It was: “Come Ride the Rothfuss Train!”

Yeah. I even pronounced it with the exclamation point, which is something I very rarely do. It was one of those things that seems brilliant before you say it, but goes horrible as soon as it leaves your mouth.

There was a half-second of quiet, then I said. “I’m never going to say that ever again.”

THAT got a laugh. A big laugh.

So later, when I was signing books, everyone wanted me to write something about the Rothfuss train. So the story has a happy ending.

I got to hang out with the “Sewing is Half the Battle” crew.

After the reading, we all hung out, and I treated them to dinner as part of their prize for their epic win in the photo contest.

Eventually the restaurant closed, so we went to… you guessed it. Steak and Shake. My second trip in as many days. It was there that a talented artist who will remain nameless drew this on a placemat for me.

Yeah. It’s the Rothfuss Train. Hop on. Ride it. You know you want to….

Later all,

pat

Also posted in contests, small adventures

|posted by Pat 30 Comments

Published: September 8, 2008

What happens at DragonCon….

Okay, a lot of you asked about the picture I posted up about a week ago:

True, the vast majority of the questions were variations on the theme of “what the hell?” But I still figure it could do with a little explanation.

While cruising around DragonCon, I tried to find a good present for Sarah, my girlfriend. I picked up the catgirl hat for her because I figured she would get a kick out of it.

About half an hour later I wander by a bookseller, and who do I see sitting at the autographing table but John Scalzi and Tobias Bucknell. Both authors, bloggers, and acquaintances of mine, it’s safe to say that the sheer awesome manliness radiating out from the two of them combined was overwhelming.

Perhaps I exaggerate slightly. I can’t honestly say it was overwhelming. Truth be told, it was just whelming. I was whelmed.

Anyway, I started to wander over to chat with them, then realized a golden opportunity lay in front of me….

Needless to say, they were horrified and amused. Scalzi actually borrowed my camera and took this picture of me, while Toby snapped his own.

That picture Toby posted up on his own website, offering a prize to the person who posted the funniest caption. There were over 80 of them there last time I looked, and I have to say, it’s been a long time since I laughed that hard.

You should go check it out.

Later all,

pat

Also posted in meeting famous people, my dumbness

|posted by Pat 22 Comments

Published: September 4, 2008

How to be Cool – A Primer.

As I’ve mentioned before, due to angering some fickle deity, I only had one scheduled event at DragonCon: a reading.

When I showed up to the con, the programming staff were nice enough to schedule me a signing too. Then, using my not inconsiderable charm, I sweet-talked my way onto a couple of the writing track panels.

The panels went pretty well. Since they were already on the schedule, they had good audiences. I gave a few good pieces of advice, got a few laughs, and avoided – for the most part – making an ass of myself. If I can do all three of those things, it’s a good panel.

My signing was another matter entirely. Since it wasn’t on the schedule, nobody knew about it. You could hear crickets. Two people showed up, and I was surprised to have that many.

Rest assured that my ego did not suffer any permanent trauma due to low attendance. Why is that? Well… mostly because of the signings I used to do back when my first story appeared in an anthology….

They were brutal. Most signings are when you’re a new writer. Typically you spend two hours sitting at a card table in front of a Waldenbooks at the local mall. Then everyone ignores you. Pointedly ignores you. Ignores you as if they fear making eye contact will give them herpes.

Those early signings, while grueling, did a great job of setting my expectations low. These days, if I have a signing and two or three people talk to me, I consider it a win. Everything beyond that is gravy.

The other reason my ego wasn’t bruised by the low turn-out is that earlier this month at Worldcon, when my signing *was* on the schedule, I got a turnout that surprised so much that I took a picture of the line:

By comparison, my DragonCon signing is pretty relaxing. I talk to the two people who stop by, drink my coffee, and read the program book making plans to stalk Nathan Fillion, Morena Baccarin, and Jewel Staite.

Then I pack up and head over to my reading. My expectations understandably low.

Imagine my surprise when I see that the room is pretty much full. It’s surprising to me that all these people, in the middle of all the glamour and weird of DragonCon, have chosen to show up and listen to me read. What’s more, they all started to applaud when I came in the door.

It was a good feeling. I felt cool. Really cool. I was a hoopy frood. I was about .8 of a Gaiman on the cool-o-meter, which is pretty cool.

I briefly excused myself to use the bathroom – as I said, it was exciting – then did my reading. They laughed at my jokes, asked good questions, and didn’t hassle me too much about book two. In brief, it was a great crowd.

When my hour was up, so many people wanted me to sign that, after a half hour, I needed to move the remainder into the hallway because the next reading was scheduled to begin. Then I signed in the hallway for another half hour.

Needless to say, I was feeling pretty good about myself.

Then I realized that my zipper was down. Which means that it had been down since I used the bathroom right before the reading.

Thank you, oh universe, for reminding me of the truth. While I may be all that and a bag of chips, I’m usually all that and a bag of chips who doesn’t know his zipper is open.

I learned my lesson though. Later that night, in order to prevent any further zipper-related embarrassment, I changed into my kilt before I went out to dinner with some of the folks who had participated in the photo contest a couple months back: