Category Archives: fanmail

Fanmail: Apocalypse Wow

Mr. Rothfuss,

Last night I had the most kick-ass dream that I was living through the zombie apocalypse. In my dream, I saved Oot from zombies and brought him back to my house. Since it was the apocalypse, and night was coming, I was prepared to look after him indefinitely.

But just as the sun was setting, you knocked on my door. You had run across several states (in a mere evening), and you were shaggy, but gloriously so. You imperiously held out your hand, I returned Oot to you, and then you turned around and the two of you marched off into the sunset. The experience of being in your presence left me invincible against zombies for several days.

Needless to say, I was rather angry when I was woken up.

On a different note, if I were actually living through a zombie apocalypse, your books would be in my survival kit.

That is all,

Audrey

*     *     *

My name is Patrick Rothfuss, and I approve this message.

through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered....

P.S. Thanks for taking care of Oot for me.

That is all,

pat

Also posted in dreams, I Am Your Spirit Animal, Nathan Taylor Art | By Pat36 Responses

Warm Fuzzies

Today we’re going to take a little break from the day-to-day business of Worldbuilders. We’ve had a busy couple weeks here.

We’ve still got a few auctions going on that you might want to take a peek at. But we won’t be launching any new ones until January. Worldbuilders runs until January 18th, so we still have plenty of time.

We’re not pausing the fundraiser so much as we’re slowing it down a bit. This is a busy time for everyone, and we don’t want to have to compete for your attention. This time of year folks are traveling and hosting. There are parties and winter blizzards. Plus a lot of folks are dealing with post-traumatic stress now that finals are over.

I’m talking about my fellow teachers, of course.

So today I’m just going to share some e-mails that have made me smile over the last couple weeks.

Pat,

Merry Christmas from Dubai! I just wanted to say hello, and let you know that what you are doing for Worldbuilders is amazing and inspirational. Given all the depressing news as of late, your efforts, and those of everyone involved, have been a real pick-me-up this season.

Brett

I hear you Brett. Every year Worldbuilders renews my faith in humanity a little. It also reminds me how delightfully generous the geek community can be. It’s nice to be reminded of how many cool people are out there, willing to give a little to make the world a better place.

Let’s have a picture while we’re at it. If we’re handing out warm fuzzies, there’s no sense being stingy…

(Pow. There you go. Right in the feels.)

This is what it’s all about folks. A dad being able to give milk to his little girl. That’s what we’re doing.

Huzzah.

*      *      *

A lot of times people write me to tell me of the experiences they’ve had with Worldbuilders. This e-mail was particularly interesting….

Heya Pat,

I just wanted to drop you a line and let you know about a way that your fundraiser has had an impact on the world other than in the obvious ways….

This holiday season, I’ve told my family that instead of gifts, I’d much rather they donated to Worldbuilders on my behalf. So I’ve found myself explaining what Worldbuilders is, and, by extension, what Heifer International does.

And you know what? Everyone loves it. My tree-hugging hippie relatives love it because it’s eco-savvy, sustainable, and helps people in need. My straight-laced conservative relatives like it because it encourages hard work and self-reliance. It doesn’t hurt that donations are tax deductible too…

Over the holidays, it’s been really nice to have something that we all can agree on, no matter what our particular political affiliations might be. That’s rare these days.

J.

 Some the conversions take a little longer than others, though….

Last night my husband and I were going over our list of people we still need to buy stuff for…

Him: Crap! We still need to get gifts for your whole family!
Me: No we don’t. I decided to donate to Heifer International in their name. I got them a goat.
Him: Wait, what? A goat?
Me: Yes, well they don’t actually get a goat. I donated a goat in their name.
Him: So you got them a goat that you aren’t going to to give them?
Me: (exasperated) Yes, it goes to a family in need!
Him: Can we not get a goat for my brother too? I feel he deserves to not get a goat for Christmas.
Me: I think you are missing the point…

 But unsurprisingly, my favorite stories are how parents and kids end up participating in the fundraiser together….

Yo Pat,

I know that this time a year, more than any, you’re SUPER busy with Worldbuilders and other such Pat-y (?) things. Like writing. Or staring at the fantasy pin-up calendar. Whatever.

I had to write you ESPECIALLY at this time of year, though. To thank you for creating Worldbuilders. Sure, sure.. there are tons of other charities out there and, even if you hadn’t created this awesome thing, I could feel good about spending my money in a few other equally kick-ass places. But being able to set my daughter on my lap and show her that we can give a flock of chicks or a goat to a family in need somewhere else has been priceless.

That daughter is 12 now. And donating to Worldbuilders this time a year has become a tradition. The kid makes it her Christmas present to the grandparents by donating in their name. Dude. So thank you. For creating a space that gives me the opportunity to teach my kid what giving really means. What compassion truly is. And, HELLO – for mom to have a chance at winning some pretty kickass geek-swag, too.

Salude

The swag is a pretty sweet bonus in the deal. I’ve actually kicked in $120 bucks on the team page (enough for a goat) hoping I might win some of the books we’ve got up for grabs this year.

We also have a video that someone created to help promote Worldbuilders. If the style looks familiar, it’s probably because you’ve seen his work on Sword and Laser.

Isn’t that the best? I think I’m going to send him a little something in the mail…

Last but not least, I’d like to take a moment to thank you all for the help you’ve given to Worldbuilders so far.

Thank you.

Authors: thanks for sending in books, to say nothing you who also donate your time and talent, too.

Readers: thanks for donating on our Team Heifer Page, thanks for buying stuff from the Tinkers Packs, and bidding on our auctions.

Thanks for spreading the word to your family and friends. Thanks for blogging and tweeting about us. Thanks for writing stories for your local papers.

Thanks for letting our sponsors know that you appreciate their donations. Without them, Worldbuilders wouldn’t amount to much.

I’ll stop there.

If you happen to have a warm-fuzzy worldbuilders story of your own, feel free to share it in the comments below. This is the perfect time for it. Tis the season, and all of that…

Fondly,

pat

Also posted in videos, Warm Fuzzies, Worldbuilders 2012 | By Pat28 Responses

Rothfuss and Brooks: Part IV

Here’s the final installment of the mutual interview I did with Terry Brooks. If you’d like to start at the beginning, here’s Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

And now, without further ado, Part 4….

*     *     *

Pat: What’s your revision process like? How many drafts do you go through?

Terry: I outline pretty thoroughly before I put pen to paper.  I don’t write anything until I have it all pretty clear in my head, then I do the outline, and then I do the book.  This doesn’t mean there won’t be changes, some of them extensive.  But it is my blueprint for the book’s foundation and support timbers.  I can pretty much rely on it to see me through.  That said, nothing tells you more about your book than the writing of it.  So I pay attention to newer, fresher ideas that crop up as I write.  I listen to my instincts.

But here’s the good part.  With this method, I only write one draft.

Pat: Boy. I think I’d hate to outline everything. But I have to admit, I’m really jealous of a one-draft model. I end up doing somewhere between 50 and 300 drafts, depending on how you want to count them.

Hopefully I’ll manage to streamline that a bit as I gain more experience. I’m the first to admit my way isn’t very efficient. I end up going back and forth a lot. Once or twice I’ve gone back and realized the best thing for the book was to hatchet out an entire chapter.

What’s the biggest cut you’ve ever made to a manuscript?

Terry: I did a lot of cutting when I was learning the craft under Lester.  Lots of pages went by the board.  But along the way, I’ve learned a few things.  So I haven’t had to cut anything much in a long time.  I should add, though, that I decided a while back to curtail the length of my books.  I am an advocate of less is more these days.  I use fewer words and actively look for ways to cut bits and pieces as I write.  I was feeling wordy about my books about 15 years ago, and that was the end of big books for me.

Pat: Strange as it might seem, that’s actually my philosophy too. I really believe in less is more. And yes, I know how ridiculous that sounds coming from someone who just wrote a 400,000 word book. Believe me, it would have been much longer if I wasn’t constantly riding my own brake.

Terry:  I think you will do more of this the more you write and the older you get.  This isn’t meant to be a warning.  I just think that you learn how to say more with less (that less is more thing again) as time passes and writing skills improve.  You change because that’s in the nature of who we are as writers.

Pat: Roughly speaking, how many copies of your own books would you guess you have in your house?

Terry: I don’t know how many of my books I’ve got in my house, but I’ve got thousands in my book storage rooms, and about half of them are European paperbacks!!  Those guys insist on sending out dozens of author copies every time there is a new print run.  If you put them altogether I think you would find I have somewhere around 20,000 on hand.  Anyone need a foreign edition?  Croatian, Thai, Hebrew or Inuit?

How about Martian?

Pat: The foreign editions really do pile up after a while. And I’ve only got the two books. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you, so many different editions of so many books. There’s really only so much you can do with them, too. One to the library. One to a friend who wants to brush up on his Estonian, then the rest of them sit on a shelf…

Terry: Do you see yourself writing fantasy twenty years from now?  Or do you think you might go off and write something else entirely?

Pat: I don’t think I’ll ever stray very far from fantasy. Not only is it what I love best, but there’s so much room to write any sort of story you want.

Terry: That’s pretty much my thinking, too.  I’m writing what exactly what I want to.

Pat: Rumor has it that Edith Sitwell used to lie in an open coffin for a while before she began her day’s writing. Do you have any little rituals that help you write?

Terry: I’m kind of like Monk.  Very anal.  I have my writing space and I never write anywhere else.  I have my stuff all carefully arranged, and I don’t like it if something gets moved.  I have several recourses that I can turn to when I am stumped or bothered about a piece of writing to remove the so-called block.  I always write in silence.  No sounds, no music, no interruptions.  This is all weird, but it beats lying in a coffin!

Pat: We’re birds of a feather there. I’m not orderly or neat. But I do have my writing space. Nobody is allowed in there, with a few rare exceptions.

And I’m with you. Silence. No interruptions. I can’t understand how some folks write with music playing. I know it’s an issue of different strokes for different folks, but writing with music on strikes me as being profoundly counter-intuitive. Unnatural even.

Pat: The internet has really changed the face of fandom in the last ten years. Has it had much of an effect on the way you interact with your fans?

Terry: When I started out, there was no internet, of course.  My connection with fans was all by snail mail and personal appearances.  I’ve never been good about mail, but I loved going out and meeting readers.  I did it every year, sometimes for as many as 5 or 6 weeks a year, here and abroad.  Can’t do that anymore because my energy level and tolerance for airport security won’t allow for it.  Now I do maybe 2 or 3 weeks a year.  But the personal connections, face to face, always mean more.

On the other hand, the internet allows for instant communication, and a different kind of closeness between writer and reader.  Before, there was no central venue for communicating with readers.  It was all done one on one.  If you were doing a tour, you could send out fliers or the stores could print and distribute them.  You could rely on word of mouth, but you didn’t have video or audio mass distribution available that didn’t cost an arm or a leg.  The internet changed all that.  About ten years ago, I went out on tour and asked at every stop how many people were there because they had read about it on the website.  Web Druid Shawn asked me to take this survey.  The response was eye opening.  More than 80% were there because they had read about it on the site.

How about you, coming in later on when the internet was already the established form of communication? I know you blog regularly.

Pat: Yeah. I have a lot of fun interacting with my readers online. I’ve met a lot of cool people that way. It can be very rewarding….

But part of me also thinks that it would be nice to be able to go back to writing in a vacuum, like I did before I was published. I get about 10-15 e-mails a day from readers. That’s not counting print letters, or Facebook, or Goodreads. It can get a little overwhelming.

As for the blogging, I do that almost as a defensive measure. I know I can’t write a detailed letter back to every one of my fans that contacts me, but I can write something that anyone can show up to read. I use it to tell little stories out of my life and answer questions. I’ve run a contest or two. We’ve sold some t-shirts at our online store, The Tinker’s Packs, to support my charity.

I mostly goof around, in all honesty. But in between the goofing around, I keep people filled in about events and new projects.

Plus it gives me a venue to do the occasional interview with another cool author….

Terry: I like your thinking about using the blogs to answer questions for a general audience when it is virtually impossible to answer individual letters.  I used to do that by snail mail before the internet, but I can’t manage it anymore.

Pat: It works out pretty well. It lets people know that you care. Plus you get to be helpful without having to spend three days of the week doing nothing but correspondence.

Terry: Hey, Patrick, this has been a lot of fun.  I love finding out how other writers manage their lives, why they choose to write what they do, and what makes them tick.  Especially writers I admire.  Thanks for taking time to do this.

Pat: The pleasure has been all mine, Terry. This has been such a thrill.

*     *     *

There you go folks, share and enjoy….

pat

 

Also posted in Interviews, Me Interviewing Other Folks, meeting famous people, Revision, the craft of writing | By Pat22 Responses

Fanmail and Hummus

I have just now managed to get through the last of my e-mail backlog that built up while I was on tour. Who ever knew that it would take so long to work my way through a mere 2000 messages.

Next on my list is going through the 600 or so pieces of fanmail that have built up while I was gone. These are mostly e-mail too, though I do have a couple dozen old-fashioned envelopey messages too.

I used to respond personally to every message. But those days are long gone. I just don’t have the time anymore. But I do read them all. I don’t have anyone filter or pre-sort them for me.

On the home front, I’m having a good time hanging out with my baby. Little Oot is 18 months now, and he’s picking up words like crazy. When I came home on the 7th, after a week of touring, I found out that he had learned how to say “Monkey.” I was impressed, but also kinda sad that I hadn’t been the one to teach him this word. Because… y’know… monkey.

I’d been home for about 10 minutes when Sarah said, “What did we eat for the first time today?”

Oot gave her a look that wasn’t exactly blank, but let her know that he needed a little more help.

Did we eat hummus?” Sarah prompted.

“Hummus,” Oot said. He said the word with a particular intensity. It wasn’t: “Hummus!” Not an exclamation. But it really wasn’t just “hummus,” either. It said it with emphasis. “Hummus.

He pronounced it “haahmis.” With a tiny bit of a lisp on the s. It was, quite possibly, the cutest thing I’d ever heard.

“Haahmis….” he said again. “Haahmis.” A two-second pause. “Haahmis.” Another pause. “Hummus nummus,” he said. Expressing the opinion that hummus was, in fact, delicious. (Yummy = Nummy. Nummy ~ Nummus.)

I quickly had to revise my cuteness scale. “Hummus Nummus” was now top of the cuteness chart.

He then proceeded to say nothing but “hummus” for the next ten minutes.

And you know what? It never stopped being cute. Why? Because my baby is fucking adorable.

(Click to encutenate.)

In other news, (for those of you who have been asking) I’ve made my first tentative steps into playing Dragon Age II. I’ve only played 6-7 hours or so, and thus far my feelings are mixed.

More soon, including news of a few more signings, and stories from the tour.

pat

Also posted in Interviews, Oot, Sarah | By Pat73 Responses

“And beside her came Andan…”

Back back in March, I got the following E-mail:

Dear Pat

I’m having my first baby boy with my wife (due date April 13). The only boy name I have found that we both like is “Andan”, found on page 188 of The Name Of The Wind.

I just really wanted to know if you remember where or how you came up with that name, and what you had in mind using it. I mean, the story reads that his name meant anger, but if you had any more information it would without a doubt be the single kindest thing anyone has done for me for a long time (in other words much appreciation:)

Although I have searched endlessly, I just can’t seem to find any good information on the name… which I really like for my baby… but am apprehensive using it as I really don”t know where it came from.

Anyway, if you got to read this I thank you so much for your valuable time. Here’s to Kvothe and his story… let more people find his tale and experience wonder. Seriously, though — Thank You.

-Jordan & Melissa

I was flattered, of course. And I dropped them the following note in return:

Jordan,

I wish I could help you more, but it’s hard for me to remember with that particular name.

You see, sometimes I make up a name and say it means something. And other times I take an old word and twist it a little and turn it into a name. And sometimes I take an old name and use it…

Unfortunately, that part of the book was written so long ago that I can’t rightly remember which it was. But I expect that I might have made the name up entirely….

Best of luck with the new baby, and if you do decide to name him Andan, drop me a picture of him. That’ll be a first for me, someone named out of the book…

Fondly,

pat

And that was that. I knew it wasn’t really a satisfying answer, but it was the only one I had. I didn’t hear anything back from them, which isn’t particularly odd. And I assumed that using the name had pretty much been a passing fancy on their part.

Then, just a couple days ago, I got the following message:

(Slightly edited for privacy’s sake)

Pat,

I emailed you awhile back about the name Andan in your book. You were gracious enough to provide with a prompt response, and I feel horrible that it’s taken so long to get back to you…. but we did have a BOY!

His name is Andan. I’m so glad that you wrote that name in your book one time b/c we simply love it for our boy, and it is just perfect.

Anyway, I wanted to get a few pictures of our son Andan to you as I said I would… and I’m a man of my word, pretty much, mostly, yeah… we’ll go with man of my word.

-Jordan

So, with no further ado, I would like to introduce everyone to Andan.

You have to admit, this is one seriously cute baby. He looks like one of the podlings from the Dark Crystal. I mean that in the best possible way.


At this point I’m tempted to say something witty, or pithy, or glib. But honestly, I can’t think of a thing. All I can do is think about how very strange my life has become in the last couple years.

My best to you, little Andan. Your face doesn’t look like a mask with burning eyes at all. It’s my sincerest wish that you someday meet a sweet girl named Ordal and form a good relationship built on the common experience of having some seriously cool geeky parents.

Jealous of little Andan? Wish your name was in one of my books? Well wish no longer…

You! That’s right, YOU have a chance to donate to a great charity AND get your name in my next book. Wow. I know. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. But remember, the raffle only lasts until November 15th.

Details, as always, are over here.

Later space cowboys,

pat

Also posted in cool things, fan coolness, naming | By Pat64 Responses

Everyone Hates Their Job Sometimes…

Here’s the truth. Sometimes I hate writing this fucking book.

I know this isn’t something most of you want to hear. You want to hear that it’s going well. (Which is it.) You also want to hear that I love every moment of writing it. It’s my baby, right? You have to love your baby…

Well, yes. But technically I’ve been working on this trilogy since 1994. The book is more like a teenager in some ways. You love a teenager too, but you can also be angry with a teenager. And sick of its endless shit.

The problem is this. People want to believe that being a published writer is a beautiful, happily-ever-after, candy mountain place where all your dreams come true.

Unfortunately, that’s bullshit.

This is a part of something I’ve come to think of as The Myth of the Author. I’m not going to get into the details right now. That’s a blog for a whole different day. But the gist of my theory is that, in general, people think of writers as a different sort of person. And by extension, writing is a different sort of work. It’s strange and wonderful. It’s a mystic process. It can’t be quantified. It’s not chemistry, it’s alchemy.

While some of that is true, this belief makes it really difficult for me to bitch about my job.

For example, if a doctor wrote a blog saying. “Fuck! sometimes I hate being a doctor…” People would read it and say, “Yeah man. I can see where you’re coming from. Long hours. Tons of responsibility. People expect a lot out of you. That’s a rough gig.”

On the other hand, if I come on here and bitch about my job. People will be disappointed. Irritated even.

Why would people be irritated? For several reasons.

Reason #1: It’s irritating when people complain about having a simple job.


Of course, writing a novel isn’t simple. Anyone that’s ever tried writing one knows this. The problem is, a lot of people haven’t tried. They assume writing is easy because, technically, anyone can do it.

To illustrate my point: Just as I was getting published, I met one of the big, A-list fantasy authors. (Who will remain nameless here.)

He told me the story of the time he’d met a doctor at a party. When the author mentioned that he wrote for a living, the doctor said: “Yeah, I was going to write a novel. But I just don’t seem to have the time.”

The author got a irritated just telling me this story. “When you say something like that,” he said. “It’s like saying being a writer doesn’t take any skill. It’s something anyone can do. But only a very slim percentage of the population can write well enough to make a living at it. It’s like going up to a doctor and saying, ‘yeah. My appendix was inflamed. I was going to take it out myself, but I didn’t really have the time.’”

Newbie writer that I was, I simply enjoyed the story, privately thinking that surely *my* readers would never be so foolish to assume that. And even if they did, I wouldn’t mind that much…

Fast forward to earlier this year, when I got the following e-mail:

Hi Patrick,

I’m a librarian, former teacher. I just read your book, very good. But, boy do you have a problem. Finishing tasks?? Why isn’t your editor doing a better job of guiding you? Here’s my quick recommendation: stop going to conventions. Your first book is a great hit, you don’t need any more marketing there. Sit down and decide where to END the second part. You don’t need to write any more. If book two is anything like book one, it is basically chronological. You’re done with book two!! Stop in a logical place, smooth out the transitions, and begin obsessing about book three. Good luck.

For those of you who have been reading the blog for a while, this is the letter I was thinking about mocking Waaaay back in May.

Re-reading it now, most of my irritation has faded. But my profound sensation of *What the Fuck* is still as strong as ever.

Let’s not even deal with the first half of the letter. Let’s ignore the fact that this woman isn’t a publicist, an editor, or my personal life-coach. Let’s jump straight to how she explains how I should write my book:

Oh. I need to sit down. I see. I need to know where to END it. I hadn’t thought of that.

And chronological order? Brilliant! Up until this point I’d been arranging all the chapters by length.

I mean seriously. You people do know that I have to make the entire book up, right? I’m not just cribbing it out of Kvothe’s biography, right?

Right?

And I lack the words to express my stupification at the offhand advice that I should just “smooth out the transitions.”

That’s not true. I do have the words. They go like this: “If this is the sort of advice you used to give your students when you were a teacher, thank you for not being a teacher any more.”

I counted yesterday. Do you know book two has eighteen fucking plotlines? Six entirely distinct settings, each with their own casts of characters? How exactly to I smooth that out? Do you think I just go down to the writing store, buy some fucking transition putty, and slather it on?

Okay. I lied. I guess I’m still irritated.

Truth is, I know that this letter comes from a place of love. This person is genuinely trying to help me. Deep in her heart of hearts, this woman believes she knows how to write a novel. The answers are so obvious. It seems simple to her…

This is why some folks will get irritated if I complain about my job. Because they think writing is simple.

But it isn’t. Nobody’s job is as simple as it looks from the outside.

Reason #2: It’s not cool to complain about your dream job.

I’m well aware of the fact that, I’m living the dream. A lot of people want to be published. They want it so bad they can taste it. They’d give anything…

I know this because that’s how I used to feel.

I’m lucky: I got published. What’s more, I’m one of the few writers that gets to write full time. Even better, I’ve gone international, and people all over the world are waiting for the next book.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t hate my job sometimes.

It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. Ron Jeremy probably calls in sick some days because he just can’t stand the thought of getting another blowjob. I don’t doubt that Mike and Jerry over at Penny Arcade occasionally wake up in the morning and think, “Fuck, I’ve got to play more fucking video games today.”

That’s just the way of the world. Everyone hates their own job sometimes. It’s an inalienable right, like life, liberty, and the pursuit of property.

Reason #3: The Myth of the Author.

People want to believe that the act of creation is a magical thing. When I write, I am like some beardy old-word god, hewing the book from some raw piece of literary firmament. When I write, the muse is like a lithe, naked woman, sitting on my lap with her tongue in my ear.

(This would make a great bookjacket photo.)

And you want to know the truth? Sometimes it’s exactly like that. Sometimes when I write, I’m so full of adrenaline that I could lift up a truck. I can feel my my tripartite soul burning in my chest like molten gold.

But sometimes it sucks. Just like any job. I get bored revising the same chapters over and over. My back hurts from hunching over the keyboard. I am so tired of fucking spellcheck. Do you know how long it takes to run spellcheck on 350,000 words?

I’m tired of trying to juggle everything: the plotlines, the character arcs, the realistic depiction of a fantastic world, the pacing, the word choice, the tension, the tone, the stories-within-stories. Half of it would be easy, but getting everything right at once? It’s like trying to play cat’s cradle in n-dimensional space.

The truth is, sometimes I’m so sick of sitting in front of this computer I could shit bile.

There. That’s all. I’m not quitting. I’m not even taking the night off. I just needed to vent.

Thanks for being here. Remember to tip your waitress. I’ll be here all week.

pat

Also posted in BJ Hiorns Art, Rage, the man behind the curtain, Things I didn't know about publishing | By Pat285 Responses

Concerning Fanmail: Part One

So while I wasn’t paying attention, I apparently received my 1500th piece of fanmail.

Rather, I should probably say I recently received mail from my 1500th fan. There’s been more mail than that, because sometimes I end up e-mailing back and forth with people who drop me a line. Interviews. Witty banter. Coy flirtation. Geek talk. That sort of thing.

But yeah. 1500, people have sent me messages. And that’s just through the contact form on my webpage. That doesn’t count the people who have dropped me a line through Myspace, or Facebook, or sent me a physical letter. I’m guessing that if I counted those, the number would rise up over two thousand.

It’s a little stupefying now that I’m stopping to think of it.

I won’t lie to you, fanmail is great. There have been occasional exceptions to this, like the guy who sent me a message saying that he hoped a dog would bite me on the nuts. But even that made me laugh.

I’ll even go so far as to say that over the last year or so, fanmail has significantly improved the quality of my life. I’ve had some real emotional low points since the book came out. But many’s the time when I’d get a little note from someone and it would salvage what was shaping up to be a real turd of a day.

Like today, for example. Today someone sent me a pair of fucking nunchucks. I’m not even kidding. Look:

Okay. This picture is crap. But the nunchucks are cool. They’re heavy, solid. Not toys at all. And the only thing keeping me from swinging them around as an idiot is the thought of showing up as Guest of Honor at V-Con having broken my own nose.

They were sent to me as the “something cool” part of the package so I’d sign someone’s book. I was understandably delighted.

Then, later, I was out running errands and found out my favorite restaurant had just shut down. This place made sandwiches so good that they were sexual. Not just regular sexual either. These sandwiches were transcendent. They were the sandwich equivalent of a three-way. It was like you, the sandwich, and a sexy god made entirely of bacon got together for a friendly yiff.

Anyway, my point is that my favorite restaurant closed. Depressing. I was ready to be really bummed out. Then I thought to myself, “Someone sent me nunchucks today. I have nunchucks at home right now that I can go and play with.” And my day was saved.

Of course, not all fanmail is physical. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t lovely. Take this excerpt, for example.

I want to thank you so very much. Your book brought me and my girlfriend closer together. Life is tough, my girlfriend and I have a 15 month old son (named after me!) and it seems all we do is work and work and occasionally work some more. Money is always tight and stress is always high, but your book brought a respite from our monotonous routine. J—- loved it (as I hope you guessed already). I had so much fun discussing the book with her I can not even put it to words.

Needless to say, reading something like that is every bit as good as getting nunchucks in the mail. What’s more, that e-mail has the added bonus of having absolutely no chance of breaking my girlfriend’s coffee mug. Which I just did.

In part two of this post, I’ll share more of my favorite fanmail excerpts. Y’all have said some crazy stuff over the last year.

Stay tuned.

pat

Also posted in fan coolness, my rockstar life | By Pat31 Responses
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