The thought of getting a book signed is an odd one to me. In these last several months, it’s possible that I’ve signed thousands of books. Many thousands. I’ve signed books to families, to kids, to grandparents. I’ve signed books in warehouses, libraries, bookstores, and colleges….

But honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever approached someone to get their autograph. Not in a formal setting. And certainly not anyone of Terry Pratchett’s status. Not someone I’ve been reading since I stumbled onto a copy of Sourcery in Shopko in 1989….

By the time Monday rolled around, I’d been at the convention for three solid days. And truth be told, I was kinda hoping that I might run into Terry at some point in that time. Maybe we’d be in the elevator together. Maybe we’d meet in the hallway on the way to a panel. Maybe someone would introduce us and I’d get a chance to say a few words….

But it didn’t happen. I wasn’t surprised or disappointed. I know how these things work. It’s a big con, and Terry’s the star of the show. They have to work hard to protect the Guest of Honor at events like this or they’re mobbed by fans. If they aren’t careful, a guest like Terry will have a hard time finding a moment’s peace to eat. I’ve seen some titan-level writers who have trouble simply walking down a hallway at a con without a handful of people asking for an autograph or a picture.

So I didn’t stalk Pratchett. I didn’t arrange an introduction, or just happen to bump into him somewhere. Even when I found out that his room was right next to mine in the hotel, I didn’t do anything like leave a copy of The Princess and Mr. Whiffle outside his door. I didn’t want to be that guy.

The signings were carefully controlled, too. They have to be. Terry has written more than 50 books, and everyone there would like nothing more than to get a bunch signed. If they let everyone get as many books signed as they’d like, Terry would have spent the entire length of the four-day convention signing books.

I’m not being hyperbolic here. It’s the literal truth. He could easily have spent 70 hours signing books if the convention didn’t work hard to control the situation.

This is something I understand only now that I’ve been on my first signing tour.

Take me, for example. I’m a newbie author. I have two books out (compared to Pratchett’s 50+). I’ve been published for four years (compared Pratchett’s 40.)

To put this in different terms, I am currently hovering around 2300 Gaiman-Day units of cool, which isn’t bad.

But Pratchett probably ranks in at more than 60,000. I mean, when you write so well they actually knight you, you’re kind of a big deal.

Despite my relatively newbie nature, when I showed up in Houston back in March, I signed books for 9 hours straight. Given that I’m about 2% of a Pratchett, you can see how quickly one of his signings could spiral into madness if it wasn’t carefully controlled.

My point is, I knew Pratchett wasn’t going to be signing books all higgledy piggledy at the con. Even if he signed a single book for every person there, it would take him 12 hours. Because of that, I knew I probably wasn’t going to have a chance to get anything signed.

That said, I was pleasantly surprised when the guest liaison for the convention told me that if I wanted, he might be able to pull a few little strings for me. Maybe enough for me to get a book signed. Maybe.

I was honest, and said I’d be grateful for the chance. If I could get a book signed, I’d be able to use it for the charity I run every year.

He said that if the book was for charity, we could almost certainly make it happen.

So I bought a copy of Nation from Dreamhaven in the dealer’s room, and on Monday, I wandered to the hall where Terry was signing. He was mostly autographing stuff items that had been sold at the charity auction the day before. I’d had to miss the auction because I was doing some paneling. But it was probably for the best, as I’d already spent more money than I should on swag.

The guest liaison motioned me over and told me it was cool if I got something signed. It really didn’t have to be for the charity, either, he said. I could just get something for myself.

Suddenly I was really conflicted. I’d brought a copy of Where’s My Cow? to the convention, because whenever we travel with Oot, we need to bring about a dozen books to keep him happy. (He’s like his dad that way.)

I’ve been reading Where’s My Cow? to Oot since before he could talk. It’s a great book, and the ending makes me a little weepy, because I’ve turned into a total soppy git ever since I became a dad.

Oot knows what noises the animals make, even the  Hippopotamus. He really likes the page with Coffin’ Henry on it, too, and asks to see it again and again.

He also enthusiastically says, “Buggrit!” Which is a little troubling to Sarah, but pleases me to no end.

So when the guest liaison says I can get any book signed, I realize I have Where is My Cow? in my backpack. I could get Pratchett to sign the book to Oot….

It’s a hard moment, but I decide to get Nation signed for Worldbuilders instead. Because personal isn’t the same as important. The signed book will be a nice draw for Worldbuilders if we throw it into the general mix of prizes. And if we auction it, I’m guessing it will bring in at least a couple hundred bucks. That’s enough for a couple of goats….

I consider trying to get both signed, of course. Because I’m only human. Terry is a nice guy, and accommodating, so I’m guessing if I pulled a second book out of my bag when I was at the table he’d go for it….

But I shake off the thought fairly quickly. I am not a special snowflake. I don’t deserve to get two books signed when everybody else gets one. If everyone tried to pull that shit, Terry would have an extra 2000 books to sign.

The guest liaison brings me up to the table and introduces me, explaining that I’m fellow author and that I’ve hit the New York Times with both my books. That’s nice of him. It lets me stand a little taller.

Terry looks up at me and says, “I’m guessing you’re fantasy, not science fiction.”

I grin and nod. “We do have a certain look, don’t we?”

I’m pleasantly surprised by the fact that I don’t feel terribly tongue-tied or shaky or awkward.

[Author's note: Sarah just brought Oot in after his shower. He grinned at me and, "Bugit! ... Hand and shrimp! Fow Ron!" (This will only make sense if you've read a lot of Discworld or Where's My Cow?)]

I hand over the copy of Nation and say, “This book was absolutely gorgeous. It might be the best book I’ve ever read.”

“I got a lot of letters from children,” Terry says. “They were upset because it didn’t have a happy ending.”

He opens the book and signs his name. His signature is way loopier than mine.

Terry keeps talking as he signs, “But I always reply, ‘It has a ending. It has the right ending.”

“It has the perfect ending,” I say. “It was beautiful. It absolutely broke my heart.”

And that was it. I moved away and made room for the rest of the folk who had things for him to sign.

Would I have liked to talk longer? Maybe chat about writing and the art of ending? Of course. Who wouldn’t?

But there’s only so much time. And honestly, I was happy to wrap things up before I accidentally made an ass of myself.

Besides, though Pratchett didn’t know it, he’s said about the best thing possible to me. I worry about the ending of my story sometimes. I worry that people won’t like it. Most of my readers are hoping for a particular type of ending. They e-mail me with their theories and their hopes. They want X to hook up with Y. They want Z to get his comeuppance. They want such and such story tied up in a certain way….

I know it comes from a place of love. But it makes me nervous.

After talking to Terry, I’m less nervous. I can’t give each of you your own personalize ending, containing everything you specifically wanted out of the story. That’s impossible.

But I can give you the right ending. A perfect ending.

That’s all for now. If you have a spare moment, send a good thought this way tomorrow.

I don’t want to give any specifics, but tomorrow is going to be a little rough for us. If everything goes well it won’t be a big deal. But still, if you have a spare thought, Oot and Sarah and I could use it, just for luck.

Later,

pat

View Patrick Rothfuss, Wise Man’s Fear, Book Tour in a larger map

This has been a good thing. Your questions made me think about the tour in ways I wouldn’t have considered otherwise. I’ve spent weeks figuring things out, and now I have all sorts of answers for you. Plus a few other cool things that will probably be of interest even if you’re not planning on coming to one of the signings.

Also, for those of you who RSVP’d to the San Francisco event and couldn’t get a seat, we’ve managed to arrange a second event in San Francisco. Details are below in Question #2.

Ready? Here we go.

1. This is going to be my first booksigning and I don’t know the etiquette. Do I need to buy my book at the bookstore, or can I bring a book from home?

Honestly? The polite thing to do is to buy your book at the bookstore hosting the event.

You see, the bookstores hosting me put a lot of time, energy, and money into events like these. They order a BUNCH of books. They bring in extra staff to manage the crowds, set up chairs, and sometimes reorganize parts of the store. If the signing goes late, they have to keep the store open after hours.

Also, you have to remember that while the bookstore loves you, they are also, you know, a store. A store that sells books. They need to sell books to stay in business.

But there are other reasons too. Let’s say I do a signing and the bookstore sells 500 books. That bookstore is happy. That bookstore likes me. That bookstore wants to have me back for future events. Also, my publisher is happy, and they feel like spending the money to fly me out to events like this are a worthwhile investment.

But if I do a signing and sell, say, 20 books, odds are the bookstore won’t be inviting me back in the future.

Ultimately, buying a book at the hosting store is just good manners. They’re putting a lot of work into the event, and buying a book is the best way to show that you appreciate that.

*** There is one exception to this rule. There will be no books for sale at the Library of Congress reading. I’m happy to sign your book. But you’ll have to bring them with you.

Now does that mean you MUST buy a book to attend? Well, not exactly, read on…

1b. Pat, I called the bookstore and they said if I didn’t buy a book there, I couldn’t get anything signed. But I’m planning on buying your book March 1st, then driving three hours to get to your signing on the 10th. I’m a poor college student. I really can’t afford to buy a second book…

When I got the first message like this, I was surprised.

Needless to say, this isn’t the sort of policy I feel good about. The main reason I do these readings is so I can meet up with fans. I don’t want anyone getting turned away because they can’t afford to buy a book. (Or a second book, as with the example above.)

So I called my lovely PR team. They, in turn, called all the stores.

As a result, I’ve been reassured that nobody will be turned away from any of the events simply because they aren’t buying a book at the store.

That said, you can probably expect the hosting bookstores to give some preferential treatment to the people who buy at least one copy of the book in store. For example, they’ll probably get to go through the signing lines first. If we get huge turnouts, people who buy books in store will probably get first dibs on seating. Stuff like that.

1c. Can I get more than one book signed?

Yes.

The number of books you can get signed varies from store to store. Some stores will let you take three items through the line, some stores will let you bring five. If you want more books than that signed, you’ll have to get back in line.

For specifics, I’d suggest calling the store and asking them.

What if you’re picking up books for eight of your best friends? Well, odds are you’ll still be able to get them signed. The main reason I’m doing this tour is to sign books. My intention at each event is to sign books until there are no more books to sign.

I will only stop if I need to catch a plane, if the store needs to close, or if I collapse from exhaustion. That’s my plan.

2. I just found out that your reading in San Fransisco has limited seating! I e-mailed them 6 hours after you announced it, but all the seats were already taken! I was going to drive there with my girlfriend as her birthday present! Is there anything I can do to get us in? Anything?

I got a lot of messages like this. A lot.

The truth is, we were caught off-guard at how many people responded to the event. We weren’t expecting such a big turnout.

As soon as we realized the problem, we started trying to figure out some way to get more people in. The fabulous folks who run SF in SF tried to find a bigger venue, but there wasn’t anything available. We couldn’t do an afternoon event because I’m not even going to be in San Francisco until 3:30 that day.

Still, I felt really bad that so many people were going to be disappointed. So I worked with my PR team and the folks at Borderlands Books to create an overflow event. Something to give the rest of the people chance to come see me and get their books signed.

So. We are holding a second event in San Fransisco. It will be DIRECTLY AFTER the evening event on March 3rd.

It will, in fact, be my first-ever midnight signing.

The second event will be held at:

• Books will be on sale at Borderlands Books, right next door.

• First come, first seated.  There will also be standing room and, once the cafe is at capacity, there will be overflow space at the bookstore. We can’t guarantee that there will be enough space to accommodate everyone.

Edit: * The Cafe will be closed between 9:00 and 10:00. But at 10:00 they’ll be back up and running, so you can show up, grab your seat, and grab some coffee in preparation for the event.

• If you don’t have a seat at the event at SF in SF, YOU SHOULD COME TO THE MIDNIGHT EVENT INSTEAD. Only people with tickets to the SF in SF event are guaranteed to get their books signed there.

• Each person will be able to get two books signed. People wishing additional signatures will have to go to the end of the line and may or may not be able to get additional books signed, depending on how late the event continues. (I do have to catch a plane in the morning, you realize.)

• There is no need to RSVP for this event and no seats will be reserved.

It’s entirely possible that I will be wearing my footie pajamas for this event, as I’ll be giving up a couple hours sleep to make it happen. It’s also fair to say that I’ll probably look a little wild around the eyes. But that’s half the fun of a midnight signing, isn’t it?

My sincerest thanks go out to the folks at Borderlands for helping us pull this together at the last moment.

Thanks so much, guys.

3. Can I get my picture taken with you at the signing?

Normally, my answer would be an unqualified yes. Anyone who’s glanced at my facebook page, has seen ample proof of the fact that I’m not camera shy.

(Yes. I’m wearing a kilt.)

However, there are certain logistical problems with me taking pictures with everyone at these bigger signings. Simply said, photos make a long signing even longer. But what usually happens is that you hand your phone over to someone else to take the shot, then we pose, then the person can’t figure out how to use your camera. Then you explain to them that it’s the button on the side….

You know what I’m talking about, right? We’ve all been there.

But let’s do some simple math. Assume that 200 people show up to my signing, and I take *just one minute* with each of them to shake hands, exchange a few words, then sign a book. 200 people at a minute each means that the signing is already more than three hours long.

That’s not even counting if people have more than one book. Or if people ask me for personalizations. If we add another 50 people taking pictures on top of that, the signing will suddenly be five hours long.

So my answer to this is… Maybe. We can probably snap a quick picture. But don’t be offended if we have to skip it if the line is really long.

4. Will you sign copies of The Name of the Wind?

Hell yes. Just because I have a new baby doesn’t mean I don’t love my first baby.

5. Will there be hardcover copies of The Name of the Wind available to purchase at your signings?

Almost certainly. But if you want to make sure you get one, the smart thing to do would be to call the bookstore and reserve a copy.

6. Will there be copies of The Princess and Mr. Whiffle available at your signings?

Maybe. Very maybe. Most bookstores only know about me because of The Name of the Wind. If you want to buy a Princess book, I’d suggest you call the store and try to reserve one. If they don’t have one in stock, I’m sure they’d be happy to order one in for you. Bookstores love selling books, you know.

6b. Will I get a special promotional sticker if I buy a copy of the Princess book at the store?

Good idea. I’ll throw some of those in my luggage. So yes. You can have a sticker.

7. Can I bring you cookies or some other sort of treat?

Let’s be clear here. I’m not posting this question as a desperate attempt to cage cookies off of everyone. I’m posting this question because at least five or six different people e-mailed me on the subject. So I figure it’s a legitimate FAQ.

The short answer is that yes. You can bring me cookies. That’s very sweet of you.

The long answer is that if you do bring me cookies. Please don’t be offended if I give some of them away. This tour is going to be kinda rough on my system, so I’m going to try and eat healthy. If I eat a dozen cookies at each signing, it’s going to ruin me.

7b. Do you have a cookie preference?

Chocolate-chip cookies are the favored kind of cookie. Raisin cookies are for people who secretly hate themselves. A real cookie shouldn’t have fruit in it. A real cookie is bad for you. It is like a delicious nail driven directly into your heart.

8. Do you hug?

I have been known to hug.

That said, you might want to refer to the logistical issues I mention up in question #3. It might have to be a short hug.

And watch those hands.

9. I want to buy a Kingkiller t-shirt to wear to your signing, but I can’t find the link to your store, the Tinker’s Sack. What’s the URL?

Here’s the link for you.

And by the way, it’s called The Tinker’s Pack. Pack. With a “P”.

The Tinker’s Sack would be a whole different sort of website. I don’t know what they’d sell there, but I don’t think you’d want to buy any….

10. What are your signings like?

First say howdy to everyone and explain some of the ground rules of the event.

Then comes the reading. I read a little something, answer some questions from the audience, then read another little something, then more questions. I do this for about an hour.

Last comes the signing. I pretty much sign books until they make me leave the store.

11. When are you coming to Canada/Spain/Ireland/Estonia?

Rest assured than when I make plans to travel to another country, I’ll post those signings up on the blog as well.

12. I live in Mexico/Germany/Korea/Bulgaria. How can I get a copy of the English version of your book? I want to read the original language.

If none of your local bookstores carry English books, I know that some of the stores that are carrying signed versions of my book are also willing to do international shipping. You could order from them….

13. I won’t have had time to read the whole book before I attend the your event in Portland. I’m looking forward to hearing you read, but I hate spoilers. Do I need to be afraid?

I hate spoilers, too. So you don’t need to worry about me giving away big secrets like the fact that Kvothe is really Kaiser Soze.

14.You’re coming to my town, but I’m going to have to miss your signing by just a couple hours because of attend class/go to work/catch a plane/etc.  Can I meet up with you a little earlier and have you sign my book?

I’m sorry. But my schedule is way too tight to do anything like that. A lot of times, I won’t even be flying into town until a couple hours before the signing.

But if it’s your hometown, you can just call the bookstore and reserve a copy. Whenever I do a signing, the bookstore has me sign a bunch of books for people that couldn’t make it to the event.

15. Will you personalize my book to me? To my dad? To my girlfriend?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

However, I probably won’t have time to write anything really lengthy in the books. (See the Answer to #3 for the reason why.)

That means personalizations will probably have to be limited to a name and just a few words. No really long quotes.

16. Will you Sign my Nook/Kindle/E-reader?

Yes. This is something that I’ve done before.

That said, you might want to check out the answer to question #1 up there. Showing up with your kindle is just the same as bringing a book from home.

17. I have an important question. About how tall are you?

I am one thousand feet tall.

18. Is it really surreal that people are taking days off of work to come see you?

Yes.  It is weird as hell.

19.Will your baby be with you at any of your signings?

My accountant has informed me that if I’m going to keep writing him off as a promotional expense, I need to take him to at least one signing.

That means it’s a fairly safe bet that you’ll see Oot in Madison. You might also get to see him in DC, New York, or Boston.

(He’s the one on the right.)

Who’s daddy’s cute little deduction?

20. Mr. Rothfuss, is it better for you if I buy your book at any particular store? Or in any particular way? (Nook? Hardcover?) I love your books, and so I want to support you as much as I can.

Over the last month, I’ve had more than a dozen messages like this. It just goes to prove something I already knew, that my readers are delightfully considerate human beings.

The truth is. I make more money off the hardcover of the book. Also, the more hardcover books I sell, the better chance I have of making it onto the New York Times Bestseller list. That’s kind of a big deal.

For the most part, it doesn’t matter where you buy the book, though I do usually encourage people to shop locally. Because supporting your local economy is a good thing.

If you *really* want to help, you could make a point of buying the book close to the release date. If enough people buy the book in that first week, I might get onto the New York Times Bestseller list. That would be really good for my career.

There you are folks. All of the big questions answered.

And for those of you who actually took the time to read all the way to the end. Here’s a little something extra. Over on the Gollancz facebook page, they have a video of me reading a scene from the Wise Man’s fear. I taped it with them more than a year ago when I was in England, so it’s a little different from the finished version. But if you’re looking for a little taste of what’s coming. You can head over there.

And don’t worry, it’s only a small piece in from the second chapter. No big spoilers. It isn’t until the third chapter that we learn that Kvothe’s dad isn’t really dead, he was merely horribly wounded and now serves as the strong right hand of the empire, Darth Vader.

Share and enjoy,

pat

I’m used to being actively involved in my book. I tinker with it endlessly. I revise and edit, constantly trying to make it just a little bit better….

But now The Wise Man’s Fear is out of my hands. I’m helpless. All I can do is wait and see how things turn out. Will people like it? Will it get good reviews? Will people actually buy the book?

It’s nerve wracking. Normally I have pretty strong nerves. Despite this, mine are being wracked. Perhaps even racked. I’m not sure which.

For example: a couple weeks ago, I had a nightmare about my upcoming signing tour.

Normally I don’t worry about signings. I’ve done a lot of them over the last four years and, generally speaking, I really enjoy them.

If 5 people show up, we just hang out. I do a little reading and answer questions. I tell stories. We chat about books, or publishing, or writing, or the world I’ve created.

This was the end of a signing I did in a small town in England. Only about 8 people showed up, so after I signed books, we went to a nearby park and enjoyed the weather.

If 80 people show up to a signing, I do pretty much the same thing. Except then I do it while standing behind a podium.

This one is from Amsterdam. If you embiggen it, you can see Sarah sitting in the middle of the crowd, pretty as a flower. At this point, Oot was just a tiny little bump in her belly.

My expectations for signings are always pretty low. That’s because when I was first published back in 2002, I did a few signings of the Writers of the Future Anthology that had my first published story in it.

Now in some ways these signings were cool. They were my very first signings, after all. I was feeling pretty good because something I had written was actually in a book. I was really for-real published.

But mostly, those early signings were lessons in humility and desperation. I would sit at a card table in the entryway of a Waldenbooks in some local mall and try to smile for two hours while everyone avoided making eye contact with me. If I was lucky, one of my friends would stop by and chat with me for a while, helping pass the time. If I was really lucky, someone would buy a book out of sheer pity.

In 2007 when The Name of the Wind came out, things were a little different. My first reading/signing in Madison was very well attended, with almost 100 people. (Admittedly, a lot of those were friends and family.)

Then, a couple months later, I went to Chicago and four people showed up.

But it didn’t get me down. Why? Because four people up is a treat compared to sitting at a card table in the mall for hours while people avoid you. Four people is delightful compared to that.

What’s your point, Pat?

My point is this: Over the last couple years, all my signings have purely recreational. I’m just there to hang out with fans. That means it doesn’t matter if we get two people or two hundred. I’m still going to have fun.

But the upcoming signing tour is different. This is kind of a Big Deal. The publisher is paying to fly me around and put me in hotels with the hope that people will come out to the bookstores, listen to me, and buy the book.

This makes things more of a high-stakes situation.

Which is probably why I had a nightmare about my upcoming tour.

In my dream I was in Seattle, at the first stop on my tour. I was pretty excited, because it was the big day. March 1st. My book was about to come out, and we were expecting it to be a pretty big event.

In fact, it was such a big event in my dream that the bookstore had brought in another author to do a signing before mine. Sort of like an opening act.

The opening act author was a weird cross between Tobias Buckell and some guy I knew in grad school. He got a pretty good turnout for his signing, about 40 people. A respectable number.

But when he was done reading and signing books, all those people left. Nobody stayed around for my signing. None of my fans showed up. The store was pretty much empty. There was just a podium and ranks and ranks of empty chairs.

When it became clear that nobody cared I was there, I walked around the store for a while, more than slightly depressed and despondent.  Then I found a quiet corner, covered myself up with my coat, and fell asleep on the floor.

When I woke up, the store was dark and I realized they’d forgotten about me and closed the store, locking me in. So I got up and wandered around the dark, empty bookstore, all alone….

Now admittedly, it wasn’t a scary sort of nightmare. I didn’t wake up in a sweat.

But still, you have to admit. It wasn’t exactly a warm snuggly dream, either.

So, moral of the story, I’m a little nervous about book two.

Maybe more than a little.

pat

The comments on Wednesday’s blog were lovely.  People’s enthusiasm was infectious, and I have to say I’m looking forward to the tour even more than I was before.

Right now I am filled with warm, fuzzy feelings. And spring rolls.

Since I announced the tour dates, folks have been asking some really good questions about the tour. I’m going to look into the answers and put them together into a tour FAQ that I’ll post up Monday-ish.

But for now, here’s the big question people have been asking me for months.

• “Will you be selling signed copies of Wise Man’s Fear through your online store?”

I don’t think so. At least I’m not going to be doing anything like that really soon.

The main reason is time. I’m going to be spending all of March touring. That means I wouldn’t have the time to sign your books until April at the earliest.That means most of you wouldn’t get your books until two months after the release.

And honestly, when I get home from my month of touring, the last thing I’m going to want to do is sign and ship 500 books….

That said, I know a lot of you won’t be able to make it to my signings. Maybe I’m not doing an event close to where you live. Maybe you have to work that day. Maybe you have a pathological fear of bears, and because of this you don’t want to get very close to me in real life…

So here’s what we’ve worked out.

Shawn Speakman runs a Website called The Signed Page where he sells signed books from all sorts of big-name authors.

He’s based in Seattle, so when I go out to do my first signing there at the University Book Store, I’m going to stop by his place too and sign a bunch of books for him. That means he’ll start mailing out his orders on March 1st.

Shawn does international shipping, so you can get hold of my book no matter where you live. He also is very careful about his packaging, so you don’t have to worry about your book getting banged up on its way to you.

Yes, I will still personalize the book to you if you want.

And yes, the books will be first edition copies of The Wise Man’s Fear. If the first book is any indication, these will probably be worth some serious money some day…

Shawn is also selling signed hardcover copies of The Name of the Wind and copies of prints of the original cover art for The Name of the Wind.

Best of all, Shawn has agreed to donate five bucks of every book sold to Worldbuilders. He’s just that sort of guy….

It’s a way better option than ordering from me. You’ll get it cheaper and faster, and some of the money goes to charity.

So feel free to head on over and make your order.

Have a great weekend everybody….

pat

(Click to Embiggen.)

That’s right, I was so excited about finally holding a real-life copy of The Adventures of the Princess and Mr. Whiffle that I actually went outside to take a picture of it.

It was strange outside the house. Everything was very bright and green. There was some sort of fiery orb in the sky that burned me….

Seriously though, I’m so happy with how the book turned out. It’s gorgeous.

Best of all, since these boxes of books showed up today, I’ll be able to take them down to my reading near Milwaukee this Saturday.

That means if you swing by the reading, you’ll be one of the first people to hear me read the whole story. And, if you want, you can buy a copy before they’re even in stores.

The books literally just got in from the printers. So the folks at Subterranean Press are still busy processing them. That means they won’t be shipping for a little bit. But the good news is that if you haven’t ordered it yet, you still have a day or so to get free shipping.

Or you can come down to Waukesha on this Saturday and pick up a copy. Did I mention I’m doing reading and a signing there? I’m pretty sure I did.

Man, I really need to get some sleep. Even new-book excitement can’t change the fact that I’ve been up for 40 hours.

Sweet dreams everyone,

pat

This trend started with my very first signing, the day The Name of the Wind hit the shelves. I actually wrote about that in one of my earliest blogs. I still have that book inscribed “To Hell” on a shelf.

A lot of times my screw up is a minor thing. It’s not uncommon for me to misspell a word. This is embarrassing, but it’s easy to laugh it off. I usually correct my mistake with proofreaders marks, and say something like, “That’s what editors are for.”

Occasionally I misquote a piece of my own book. That’s not so bad either. Understandable, as I’ve known the book it for 15 years in several hundred different revisionary versions.

Sometimes it’s just my handwriting itself that’s embarrassing.

But nothing is worse than screwing up someone’s name. This is why, when I do a signing, I usually ask people to spell it out for me. I write it down on a separate piece of paper, point to it, and ask, “is this right?”

Most people don’t bat an eye at this. They’re not Nicky, they’re Nikki. It’s not Sandy, it’s “Big S, little A, little N, Big D, little E, Big E. With a star at the end!”

I ask everyone. If you get to the front of the line and say, “Can you sign this to Joe?” I write down J O E in my childlike scrawl, point to it, and ask, “like this?”

The reason I’m so careful is because I can fuck up any name. Once a guy got to the front of the line and said, “John. With an ‘h.’”

So I write, “To Jhon.”

Then I sat there, staring at it, thinking: “I am a fucking idiot.”

The thing is, not only do I tend to screw up one book at every signing. I typically screw up the worst possible book. If someone drove four hours to get there and brought the first edition hardcover their mom gave them… that’s the book I’m going to make a mistake in.

Or, if someone cool shows up to the signing, someone I’d like to not look like an idiot in front of, I’ll cock up that book instead. That’s what happened when Felicia Day showed up when I was doing a signing in LA. I made a real mess of the book I was signing for her brother.

Are we sufficiently backgrounded for the story? I think so.

So let’s jump back to last year when I went to San Diego Comic Con. While I was out there, I did a few signings. One in the main autographing room, one at at Mysterious Galaxy’s booth, and one in the nearby Borders.

The Borders gig sounded pretty cool. First we were going to have a panel where a bunch of authors would discuss urban fantasy vs epic fantasy, then we would do a signing.

I was really looking forward to it. Partly because I love discussing books with other authors, and partly because I love doing signings and meeting fans. But mostly because one of the other authors on the panel was Amber Benson.

I was excited all weekend, telling everyone I met about the panel/signing. But when I mentioned Amber Benson’s name, they mostly looked at me blankly. “I don’t think I’ve read her stuff,” they’d say.

“She hasn’t been doing books that long,” I said. “She does comics. Screenplays. Directs stuff. She’s an actress too. You probably know her as Tara from Buffy. Willow’s girlfriend.”

It was only when I mentioned the last bit that I would see the light of recognition go on in people’s eyes. So eventually I just started skipping straight to that, saying, “She played Tara in Buffy.”

I had one signing earlier that day, and despite the fact that a ton of people showed up, I managed to make it through the whole thing without screwing up anyone’s book.

Maybe that’s it, I thought to myself. Maybe my streak is broken.

Later on in the evening I went to Borders and had a great time. I managed to say a few clever things during the discussion which is nice, because, well, Amber Benson was there, and I wanted to look cool.

After the panel everyone signed books. I had a nice line of people, which gave me another iota’s worth of cool. More impressively, I didn’t screw any of them up, not even a little. My streak finally seemed to be broken.

After all the fans had their books signed, the authors hung out and chatted. Amber came over from her end of the table and said something along the lines of, “I don’t normally do epic fantasy, but after what you said, I’ll admit I’m curious about yours….”

“I’d love to give you a copy,” I said. “So long as you’ll sign my copy of Death’s Daughter.”

She agreed and signed my book. I was all aglow with geeky joy. I’d met someone cool, made a good impression, and even had a little bit of banter. I was awesome….

So I grabbed one of my books and opened it to the title page. Then, so I didn’t screw up her book, I looked up and asked, “Do you spell it T-A-R-A?”

She looked at me, slightly confused, as if she didn’t understand what I meant.

I looked back at her, slightly confused, not understanding why she wasn’t following me.

Then, at the same moment, we both realized what I’d done. At the same moment, we both realized that I wasn’t awesome at all. I was, in fact, a fucking idiot.

The other authors standing around overheard this. They realized it too.

Amber was very gracious and laughed it off. But I was still covered in shame. Even now it makes me cringe to remember it.

So there you go. Welcome to me.

For those of you who don’t know, Tara Amber has written and directed a couple movies. In fact, her most recent one, Drones, is being shown in a few select locations right now.

In fact, it’s being shown tonight, (Tuesday the 13th) in LA, with all the proceeds going to charity. If you live nearby and you aren’t going, you might want to seriously reconsider your priorities. In fact, you might want to reconsider what you’re doing with your entire life.

I’d be there in a heartbeat if it wasn’t 2000 miles away. Right now I’m kinda pissed at you cool kids who live in your big cities with your film festivals and fancy hats. Yes. I’m looking at you Orlando, Boston, and LA.

If nothing else, you should really check out the trailer. I was curious about the movie before I watched this. Now I’m filled with a terrible longing like unto hunger. I love Jonathan Woodward.

Share and Enjoy,

pat

When I posted up last week’s blog looking for venues, I was hoping to maybe hear from 2 or 3 bookstores or libraries willing to help me throw a couple signings together. Maybe.

I didn’t expect to get 30-40 offers. While it was terribly flattering, sorting everything out has been a bit of a logistical puzzle.

But I think I’ve finally got it all sussed. Here’s the current list of times and places where I’ll be stopping by to do readings and signings.

[Edit: All signings now confirmed.]

March 16th 7:00pm

Reading and Signing
Borders
348 East State Street
West Lafayette, IN 47906
Phone: 765-743-7775
Website

March 17th 2:00-3:00pm

Signing (No time for a reading here, I’m afraid.)
Josephbeth Book Store
692 Madison Road
Cincinnati OH 45208
Phone: 513-396-8960
Website

March 17th 7:00pm -

Reading and Signing
Josephbeth Book Store
161 Lexington Green Circle
Lexington, KY 40503-3323
Phone: 859-273-2911
Website

March 19th 6:30pm -

Reading and Signing
Prince Books
109 East Main Street
Norfolk, VA 23510-1691
Phone: 757-622-9223
Website

March 20th 2:00-4:00

Reading and Signing
Books A Million
3312 Princess Anne Road
Virginia Beach, VA 23456
(757) 368-3167‎

March 22nd 7:00pm –

Reading and Signing
Borders
6701 Frontier Drive
Springfield, VA 22150
Phone: 703-924-4894
Website

March 23rd 7:00pm -

Reading and Signing
Barnes and Noble
5500 Buckeystown Pike (Fixed. Sorry.)
Frederick, MD 21704
Phone: 301-698-0121
Website

March 24th 7:00pm -

Reading and Signing
Joesephbeth Bookseller
24519 Cedar Road
Lyndhurst, OH 44124
Phone: 216-691-7000
Website

As you can see, there’s not a lot of time in between those stops. So I probably won’t be adding any more stops. I’ll hit somewhere in Chicago in maybe a month or two, as that’s relatively close to home and I can just drive down there any old time I feel like it.

I’ve had several people ask, “What exactly do you do at one of these readings?”

So here’s the deal.

First, I drink a strong cup of coffee. Something like a white chocolate mocha with two shots of blackberry and four sugars. This is the source of my power. After one or two of these, I look like something out of Kulba Kahn and can lift up a truck.

Second, I hang out a bit and chat with the people that show up early.

Third (Readings only) I spend about an hour reading stuff and answering questions. What I read really depends on what people are in the mood for. Sometimes I read a few humor columns. Sometimes I read a little poetry. Sometimes I read a bit of one of my books.

In between readings I answer questions about pretty much anything. Sometimes I tell stories. Sometimes I give advice. There are occasional descents into madness.

Fourth, I sign books. Generally speaking, I’ll write whatever you want in a book: a quote from Bast, a profession of my undying love, a letter of recommendation to grad school.

But it’s best if you give me some direction. If you say to me, “Just write whatever…” there is a very real possibility that I will simply write “Whatever” in your book.

I will also try my very best to spell your name correctly. Though sometimes I fuck up.

Caveats and Addendum:

Do not touch my baby. Little Oot will be coming with me to some of these readings and signings. If you see him, you may gaze at him adoringly or coo in his direction. But touching him his not acceptable behavior.

No offense. But I don’t you. I don’t know where you’ve been. I don’t know if you might be sick, or if you’ve been around someone sick. You might be a sociopath. You might be from Illinois.

Here’s the deal. Oot is my first baby, and I’m very protective of him. So when planning your behavior around him, it would be safest if you thought of him as a tiny bear cub, and me as his momma bear. Any sudden movements or over-familiarity might lead to sudden and terrible wrath.

We clear here? Fair warning.

I occasionally cuss. I try to restrain myself if there are tiny kids present. But if the thought of hearing the word “shit” spoken aloud horrifies you, then… well… you’re probably going to be horrified.

My handwriting is not pretty. My handwriting is such that young children mock me for it. Seriously.

You can have a hug if you ask nicely...

…Just don’t get all handsy on me.

Lastly, one request. Since I’m scheduling these events not even two weeks ahead of time, there really isn’t much time for typical promotion to spread the word about them. Most bookstores won’t even be able to get up posters advertising these signings until next week.

So if you know someone that lives in the area who might be interested in coming. I’d be much obliged if you passed the news along to them. It’s always so sad when I get an e-mail that says, “I just found out you were in [insert hometown here]! I can’t believe I missed it!”

Thanks so much for your help everybody,

pat

Over the last couple months, people have been contacting me, asking if I’m still signing books like I mentioned in my blog from long ago.

The simple answer is, “yes.” You mail me the book, something cool, and a check for return postage, and I’ll sign your book.

But for the Worldbuilders fundraiser, I’m streamlining the process. Rather than having you pay shipping both ways, you can just buy a book, I’ll sign it however you like, then I’ll ship it back to you. Hopefully in time for Christmas.

I can inscribe any of the following books however you like and mail them off to you.

These are anywhere from the second printing to the 6th printing. All of them have the cool new blue cover. Signed however you like.

• Your College Survival Guide.

This book was my first publication, and it’s a shameful piece of my sordid past. It’s a collection of of humor columns I wrote for the college paper between 1999 and 2003. Columns dealt with pressing philosophical issues such as the fast zombies/slow zombies debate as well as everyday problems like how to bribe your professor or start a career as a prostitute.

The book is full of illustrations by BJ Hiorns, the same guy that illustrates my blog. It also contains annotations where I explain how some columns got written, the lies I told, and what sort of trouble various jokes got me into

Only 500 copies were printed, so the Guide is hard to come by these days. Collectors sell them for as much as 200 bucks. Myself, I think it’s perfect for reading on the toilet.

• First edition copies of the Name of the Wind. [SOLD OUT]

I’ve got about 20 of these. Some with the green man cover (above) some with the Fabio, and some that have been re-covered with the blue jackets. You wouldn’t believe what some people are charging for these things out there.

I can sign this however you like, but make sure to specify in your order which cover you’d like.

Edit: As of December 3rd, I’ve run out of the first editions. They went WAY more quickly than I’d ever guessed. If I can find some more, I’ll put them up here again. But for now we’re sold out. Sorry.

If you mailed in your order, and it’s postmarked on the 3rd or earlier, I’ll should have enough books to cover your order. But if your mailed-in order has a later postmark than that, we’ll contact you contact you and see what you’d like done with your check.

• Tales of Dark Fantasy.

This is the Subterranean Press anthology that printed my short story, “The Road to Levinshir,” which is an excerpt from The Wise Man’s Fear.

It’s a beautiful hardcover book with stories by folks like Tim Powers and Kage Baker. The cover price was $40, and that was back before it went out of print. Now it’s hard to find one for less than 80 bucks.

• Original galley proofs of The Name of the Wind.

A galley is an early version of a book that publishers occasionally print to promote a book. This version of The Name of the Wind came before the final edits, so there are about 5000 small changes I made before publication, as well as two chapters that I re-wrote almost entirely.

There weren’t that many of these printed, and I have a handful that I kept for sentimental reasons. The last one of them I saw on e-bay was going for over a hundred dollars, and that was a year ago. The few signed ones out there are going for more than that…

• Please be aware that I have limited copies of these. So they might sell out kinda fast depending on how many people are interested.

For the most part, prices for the books are double what they cost me, plus a little for packaging. I can get a 6th edition hardcover for 20 bucks, so they’re up there for 45. Tales of Dark Fantasy is out of print, and would cost me 50 bucks off Amazon, so they’re going for 105….

The reason for this is that it’s in keeping with the fundraiser matching donations. If someone buys a book from me for 20 dollars and then I donate the money. They really haven’t donated. They just bought a book. Follow me?

And remember, all the money goes to Heifer.

* Signed hardcover – $45

* Signed copy of Your College Survival Guide – $85

* Signed copy of Tales of Dark Fantasy – $105

* Signed First Edition Hardcover – $145 [Sold out.]

* Signed galley proof – $255

You can pay one of two ways:

• By Mail:

1. Write the following information on a 3 x 5 note card:

A) Which item you want.

B) EXACTLY what you’d like me to write in the book.

I have no problem personalizing books, but please be specific about what you’d like. Asking for a quote from Bast is fine. Asking me to wish someone luck in their own writing is fine. “Happy Birthday Schmendrick.” “To the best lover I’ve ever had.” It’s all good.

But if your card says, “write whatever you want.” I will write, “Whatever you want” in the book. Seriously.

C) Your return address.

D) Contact information. Either a phone number or an e-mail address where you can be reached.

2. Include a check. Make it out to me because I’ll be using a couple bucks from each one to cover postage before I make the lump donation to Heifer at the end of the fundraiser.

3. Mail the note card and the check to:

Pat Rothfuss
P.O. Box 186
Stevens Point, WI 54481

Rules for International orders:

If you live outside the US and want to buy a book, the rules are a little different. International shipping is expensive, and you need to fill out your check a certain way or my bank won’t cash it.

It costs me about $25 dollars to ship a book internationally. Every additional book in the same package adds $10 to the cost of shipping.

So here’s what you do:

1) Add the extra 25 dollars (or more, if you have more books) to the prices I’ve listed above.

2) Add three bucks to cover the fee that the bank is going to charge me to cash your check.

3) Convert it into your local currency. (euros, pounds, rupees, whatever)

4) Write me a check using your local currency. (This is important. Don’t write me a check in dollars if that isn’t what they use where you live.)

5) Mail it off to me with the other information I’ve asked for written on a notecard.

• By Paypal

You can pay online with paypal. But make sure you include your contact information and detailed signing instructions with your order.

Note: When you pay on paypal. Make sure you include how you want me to sign the book BEFORE YOU COMPLETE YOUR TRANSACTION. Seriously. Look around, find the little area where you can add extra instructions and put your signing instructions in there.

Edit: Please visit us at The Tinker’s Packs to buy signed books online.

That’s all we’ve got for now, folks. Hopefully before too long we’ll have t-shirts and posters for sale too. Keep an eye on the blog.

Want to go back to main page for Worldbuilders? Click HERE.

As always, special thanks to our sponsor, Subterranean Press.

(All Hail Subterranean Press!)

At the time, it was just a little blip of information: interesting, but not really relevant to my life. I remember thinking, “That’s sensible. Nobody could ever have 5000 friends anyway, and some sort of limit will keep facebook from getting all myspacey.”

Fast forward to two days ago. I’m going about my business on facebook, adding another handful of people who’ve sent me requests, and what do I see?

So apparently the rumor is true…

I mention this for two reasons:

1) If you send a friend request and I don’t add you, don’t feel snubbed. And take it personally. And show up outside my house clutching a bouquet of flowers and a homemade shiv. Naked.

2) To let folks know that most of my activity is moving to the official facebook fan page. That’s where I’ll be posting most of the book-related events, pictures, and other assorted ephemera from now on.

(Editorial note – In response to some comments below: I’m still planning on doing the blog. No fear of that going away. I’m just moving most of my facebooking from one place to another.)

Now, the main event. Audience participation requested…

More than a year ago, someone sent me a copy of their book to sign. As per the rules I’ve laid out in a previous blog, they sent something cool: fortune cookies.

(Editorial note – Yes I’m still signing books according to the rules set down in the blog. But if you want a simpler option, I’ll soon be selling signed books as part of the upcoming Heifer Fundraiser. Just so you know.)

Now this might not sound terribly cool at first. After all, you get fortune cookies for free when you order take-out Chinese food. Personally, after packing myself full of garlic shrimp, I’m not always in the mood for a dry, kinda almondy cookie. So for me, fortune cookies slowly accumulate in my kitchen where Sarah arranges them in vaguely ocd patterns on the countertop.

But you need to believe me when I tell you that the cookies these folks sent were, in point of fact, terribly cool. Turns out they actually run their own business where they do custom fortune cookies. Cookies in all manner of delicious flavors like orange or strawberry. Cookies dipped in chocolate. Yes. Chocolate.

Better yet, this company is located in Indianapolis. The same place as Gen Con.

And this year I’m going to be GOH at Gen Con….

I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this.

So I’m going to get some cookies to hand out at GenCon this year, but I’m not sure what they should say inside. These days fortune-cookie fortunes are all cheerful and nice. (“Everyone loves you, and your ass looks great in those jeans.”) That’s always bugged me. If these cookies are supposed to predict the future, then simple statistics say that some of them should foretell some dire shit. (“You should really see a urologist.”)

Also, I miss the old, cryptic, badly translated fortunes. The ones that said things like, “The onion in your salad is someone else’s orchid.”

And I feel like I should have a few cookies that relate to the books. Maybe a few portentous hints about book two. (Some true, some not.)

Here’s the problem, I tend to write long things, not short things. Fortune Cookie fortunes are short.

So I turn to you, my clever and creative fanbase. Any suggestions?

pat

Also, the power outage threw a wrench into my plan to fine-tune and post another blog about Europe. So, instead, I decided to pass along some news and answer a piece of fanmail I got yesterday instead.

First the news: I’ve just finished updating the tour page.

The busy part of convention season is fast approaching, and I’ve got a lot of events scheduled over the next couple months. From relatively small conventions and signings here in Wisconsin (I’m in Wausau this Saturday, btw) to big conventions in Indianapolis, Minneapolis, Montreal, and San Diego.

At some of these conventions, I even get to be Guest of Honor. I’m not sure, but I think this means someone will be contractually obliged to fan me with a large palm leaf. I also expect to be given a shiny medal of some sort or at least a rather dapper-looking hat.

So head on over to the page and take a look at where I’m going to be. I go to these to meet readers and hang out, so the more the merrier.

Now the piece of e-mail:

Pat,

I have a quick question I hope you don’t mind answering. I saw you do that sometimes in your blogs.

After finishing The Name of the Wind, I called my local bookstore to see when the next book was coming out. They didn’t know. So I called my local Library. They didn’t know. So eventually, I gritted my teeth and borrowed a friend’s internet and found your blog.

Over the next week I read all of it. Including most of the comments. I was a little addicted. I’m guessing it took me fifty hours.

I don’t have a question about book two. Take your time. But as someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time online, I am curious about this whole blog thing. Specifically about the comments you receive on your blog. After reading these, I feel like I know a lot of the posters.

Many of them are funny, and some of them are really clever… But some of them seem downright insensitive or rude.

What is up with that? Am I just oversensitive, or are a lot of the people commenting on your blog actually rather rude?

I’m tempted to say it’s the former. I’m not really a blog reader. And I’ve always assumed that people smart enough to read your book would also be courteous and polite.

Sincerely,

Jen J.

Jen,

I’ve always assumed that people who read my book are not only intelligent and polite, but more attractive and better in bed than your average person. They also smell like fresh pie.

Unfortunately, the internet is like a great machine designed to make humanity look stupid. Oh sure, there are good things the internet does for us. Smart things. Noble things. But for every one person using distributed computing to cure cancer, there are ten people forwarding me a letter that threatens impotence and the death of a fluffy kitten if I dare to break the chain.

The problem is this. The internet is allows people to do things very quickly.

Now don’t get me wrong, some things are better done quickly. Getting someone to the hospital. Mowing the lawn. Making my 7-layer burrito.

But many things are not improved by speed. Most things, actually: Backrubs. Baths. Getting a haircut. Writing a novel. Cuddling. Kissing.

And blog commenting. Contrary to what people believe, fast is not always better in terms of communication.

The problem is, language is a slippery thing. People have a hard enough time getting their point across when they’re face-to-face. Over the phone is harder because you can’t see body language or facial expression.

But pure text is the hardest. That’s why e-mail misunderstandings abound, because you don’t even have timing or vocal inflection to help get your point across.

This means when a person types a comment without thinking things through, it’s much more likely that their intended message will get lost and they’ll seem rude when they really didn’t mean to be.

Take my announcement today for example. I know what’s going to happen as soon as I post about my upcoming convention appearances.

I’m going to get people posting comments that say things like: “Screw Indianapolis! Come to Mucwanigo!!! We have a bookstore!!!1!!”

Now this person probably wants to say three things:

1. They have a lot of enthusiasm for me and my work.
2. They won’t be able to make it to Indianapolis and this ensaddens them.
3. They’d appreciate it if I came to Mucwanigo.

But despite the egregious overuse of exclamation points, this is not what this comment actually communicates. To a lot of readers, this comment seems rude. Here’s why.

Signings and conventions require a great deal of effort on the author’s part. Doing a even a handful of events like this means an author will spend dozens of hours on planes breathing recycled farts, hours scheduling panels and e-mailing plans, then days at the event itself.

It’s also expensive, thousands of dollars on plane tickets, taxis, hotel rooms, and overpriced airport burritos.

Knowing all of this, a courteous internet user can understand why a comment of, “Why don’t you ever come to St. Augustine?” seems a little insensitive.

At the same time, rude is sometimes in the eye of the beholder, too. That’s why I try my best to read comments in the spirit they were written. That means looking at them with a generous eye sometimes, trying to cherish the enthusiasm and ignore the fact that the poster didn’t take the time to think things through.

Still, when someone writes, “Minneapolis is a whole 30 miles away! Come to Wanamingo!” it’s bound make me feel like a cat that’s been rubbed backwards.

Not only is it issued as a command (which is never endearing) but it implies that even though the author is traveling several hundred miles, leaving his pregnant girlfriend home alone for the weekend, and effectively skipping his own birthday, he still isn’t doing enough to please you.

So that’s what I think is going on in the comments, Jen. Sure there are a few mean-spirited or genuinely snarky people out there making posts. But the vast majority of the people that come across as rude are probably just guilty of posting without thinking things through.

Of course my readers. My clever readers. My clever, polite, sexy, apple-pie readers are a class of person quite above the normal internet rabble. They think twice before they post. Some of them even think three times. Right?

Right?

Later space cowboys,

pat