Tag Archives: BJ Hiorns

Even More Manuscript Critiques and Guest Appearances

Well folks, we’re in the last two weeks of Worldbuilders, and we’ve got a lot of things to show you before the end.

First off, at our last count, we’re already giving away more than 1,500 books in our prize lottery.

ShelfJanuary

A lot of those books are signed, limited edition, or otherwise rare. And we’re not even counting the books we’ll be announcing over the next couple weeks.

So remember that for every ten bucks you donate to Heifer International on our team page, you not only make the world a better place, but you get a chance to win these books and many more.

And now for today’s dose of awesome….

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This year we’ve had a lot of professionals offering to read-and-critiques manuscripts for unpublished authors. Even more rare, we’ve had authors offering up cameo appearances in their books. We posted a blog full of them earlier in the fundraiser, and now we have some more.

As always, be sure to read each of the descriptions closely, since everyone is offering something a little different.

First the cameo appearances….

500xMary_Robinette_Kowal-370

Hugo-award winning author Mary Robinette Kowal will tuckerize your name into a forthcoming piece of fiction. What does this mean? It means that she will work your name into a story or novel depending on what your name is and which project it seems to fit best into. She’ll also send you a signed manuscript before publication.

If you want the joy of being in Mary’s work, head over here and bid.

  • Become part of a series about time travel by Wesley Chu.

Wesley 600x400

Find your place in science fiction immortality. Wesley Chu is pleased to offer one tuckerization in his upcoming series, Time Salvager, about a time traveler who jumps back in time to reclaim resources from more prosperous pasts.

Wesley Chu is the author of The Lives of Tao (Goodreads Choice Awards 2014 Finalist for Best Science Fiction) and The Deaths of Tao (Booklist and Shelf Awareness Starred Review). Time Salvager has been sold to Tor Books and Tor UK and is projected to release in 2015. All proceeds from the auction will benefit the 2013 Worldbuilders fundraiser.

To show that he’s such a cool guy, Wesley has stretch goals in place, making the character cooler (and more likely to survive) the more money it raises for us.

If you want to be a part of this series, be sure to go bid here.

And now the Read & Critiques….

Pat’s Note: Some of these auctions include feedback of your query letter and/or synopsis. I would like to say that I would have killed to get a professional’s opinion of those things back when I was trying to get published.

Well, maybe I wouldn’t have killed. But I would have maimed the hell out of someone.

Also, please only bid on these if your manuscript will be ready for critique in 2014.

  • A read and critique of the first 15,000 words of your manuscript, as well as your query letter and synopsis, by Cassie Alexander.

CassieAlexander

Cassie Alexander is offering a read and critique of the first 15,000 words of someone’s novel. You’re welcome to include your query letter and synopsis on top of that word count.

She’ll be critiquing for plot, pacing, readability, character arcs, voice, how well the opening works, and give overall, general impressions of the story.  All critiques will be done in MSWord via track changes, and will be done in under a month.

Cassie Alexander is the author of the five book Edie Spence urban fantasy series, comprised of Nightshifted, Moonshifted, Shapeshifted, Deadshifted, and Bloodshifted, and has been published in Germany, France, and the Republic of Czech. She’s an experienced workshopper, having attended Viable Paradise and Clarion West, and frequently is a writing workshop professional at conventions she attends.

To bid on this awesome chance, head over here.

jaimeLeeMoyer_logoFinal

Jaime Lee Moyer is offering a read and critique of the first 75 pages of your finished novel. While she won’t line edit for grammar, she will comment on plot, pacing, character arc, voice, how well the “hook” or opening works, how well the story sustains her interest, and give overall, general impressions of the story. Critique will be done in MSWord via track changes, but please use a readable font and double-space your work. The critique will be returned to you within three months, edit letters and deadlines allowing.

Jaime Lee Moyer is a speculative fiction writer, poet and recovering editor. Jaime is the author of Delia’s Shadow, the first in a three book series coming from TOR beginning in September 2013. Delia’s Shadow won the 2009 Columbus Literary Award for Fiction, administered by Thurber House and funded by the Columbus Art Council. She doesn’t take herself nearly as seriously as that credit implies.

Jaime’s short fiction has appeared in Daily Science Fiction, Lone Star Stories, and two of the well-respected Triangulations anthologies. She was the editor of the 2010 Rhysling Anthology for the Science Fiction Poetry Association, a poetry and short fiction editor for a semi-pro zine for five years. For a short period of time she read slush for a literary agent, and has critiqued more novels and short stories than she wants to count.

Get in on this one by bidding over here.

  • A critique and commentary on your complete submission packet by literary agent Jennifer Azantian.

Jen

Jennifer Azantian is a literary agent at the Paul Levine Literary Agency where she represents science fiction, fantasy, and smart, psychological horror. She began her career with the Sandra Dijkstra Literary Agency in 2011 where learned from the best and had the pleasure of working with some of the most prolific and talented authors around. In her limited free time, she is a published author of several short stories and brings to the agency her passion for literature born of a writer’s heart. Her personal tastes run toward all flavors of the fantastic. She believes that it is against the backdrop of fantasy and science fiction that basic human truths can be best examined, magnified, and delighted in.

Jennifer Azantian is offering a detailed critique and commentary of your submission packet (query, synopsis, and first three chapters up to 15,000 words) as someone who has worked as gatekeeper to thousands of submissions in her budding career. She’ll include her thoughts on pacing, impact, characterization, world-building, and more within three months of receiving your submission. Though she makes no promises, she would be a fool not to consider representing a project if it truly blows her away.

Getting in with a literary agent isn’t easy – bid for your chance over here.

Josh and Patricia

Joshua Palmatier and Patricia Bray (co-editors of the DAW Books anthologies AFTER HOURS: TALES FROM THE UR-BAR and THE MODERN FAE’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING HUMANITY) will each read and evaluate your short story (up to 7500 words in standard manuscript format) within six weeks of submission. Each author will write a general evaluation of the story and mark up the manuscript using comments and track changes in the document itself, although this will NOT be a formal line or copy edit, simply commentary at specific points in the short story. Patricia Bray is the author of six fantasy novels from Bantam Spectra and has published numerous novellas and short stories in various anthologies.

Joshua Palmatier has five dark, epic fantasy novels published by DAW and four short stories in various anthologies. Their experience is mostly with all forms of fantasy, science fiction, and horror. Their intent will be to offer editorial advice on how to improve your story and to use their experience as both authors and editors to make it the best it can be.

Joshua and Patricia have requested that you send them your manuscript no later than July 1, 2014.

To bid on Joshua and Patricia’s read and critique, head to the auction over here.

  • A critique of the first 10,000 words of a sci-fi/fantasy novel from urban fantasy novelist Michael R. Underwood.

Michael R. Underwood

Michael R. Underwood is pleased to offer a critique of an excerpt of up to the first 10,000 words of a fantasy/science fiction novel (adult or young adult) and offer critical feedback, covering how the excerpt opens, characterization, plotting, setting, and the expectations set for a reader by the excerpt, as well as an overview of strengths and weaknesses of the excerpt.

Mike will make notes throughout the manuscript and offer a formal overview of the manuscript in the form of a critique letter. This critique does not count as or entitle the winner to a submission to Angry Robot, an endorsement or a blurb, though if the sample is particularly strong, Mike may be willing to pass it along to someone. This auction is only for the critique.

Michael R. Underwood is the imprint-bestselling author of the comedic urban fantasy novels Geekomancy and Celebromancy (from Pocket Star Books), as well as the forthcoming Attack the Geek, Shield and Crocus, and The Younger Gods. Mike has been a bookseller, an independent sales representative, and is currently the North American Sales & Marketing Manager for Angry Robot Books. Mike is a graduate of the 2007 Clarion West Workshop, and his short fiction has appeared in Escape Pod and Crossed Genres.

Bid on this awesome opportunity over here.

  • A consultation about your query letter and synopsis, with a Skype discussion from Michael R. Underwood.

Michael R. Underwood

Michael R. Underwood will read and critique a query letter and short synopsis (2-5 pages) for a young adult or adult science fiction/fantasy novel, giving detailed written feedback.

In addition, Mike is offering a 20-minute Skype discussion about the query and synopsis. The discussion will also include advice on how to refine the pitch with an eye toward submission to agents and professional markets. This critique and consultation does not count as or entitle the winner to a submission to Angry Robot, an endorsement, or a blurb, though if the query is particularly strong, Mike may be willing to pass it along to someone. This auction is only for the critique and the consultation.

Michael R. Underwood is the imprint-bestselling author of the comedic urban fantasy novels Geekomancy and Celebromancy (from Pocket Star Books), as well as the forthcoming Attack the Geek, Shield and Crocus, and The Younger Gods. Mike has been a bookseller, an independent sales representative, and is currently the North American Sales & Marketing Manager for Angry Robot Books. Mike is a graduate of the 2007 Clarion West Workshop, and his short fiction has appeared in Escape Pod and Crossed Genres.

This is a great additional auction, especially if you’re more concerned about your submission packet than your manuscript.  If it interests you, head over and bid on it.

Peter and Friends

Head to Seattle to attend a full day of writing discussions and workshops. The Day of Narrative Design will consist of three parts throughout the day: Game Writing, Short Fiction Writing, and Novel Writing.

This event has not been scheduled for a specific date as yet, so that schedules can be worked through, but contributing authors have agreed to be flexible on date anytime between February 2014 – June 2014.

Peter Orullian, author and musician, finalist for the Compton Crook award and short-listed for the David Gemmel Morningstar award, will lead and participate in these sessions, having had a hand in each. Peter’s worked in the video game industry for ten years, and previously in the publishing industry for five.

 If you’re an established writer looking to branch out into another area of the field, or an aspiring writer looking for pro advice and instruction, or a reader interested in talking with writers working across these different mediums, then this will be a day to remember.

There’ll be a grab-bag of signed books from the cool folks you meet with throughout the day.

This is a really cool opportunity, and there are even more details over in the auction, so be sure to head over, check it out, and bid.

  • A read and critique of the beginning of your novel (up to 25,000 words) and pitch letter or summary, by Del Rey fantasy author Robert V.S. Redick.

Rob Redick

Currently based in Indonesia, Rob is the author of The Chathrand Voyage Quartet, described by Locus as “one of the most distinctive and appealing epic fantasies of the decade.” The series began with The Red Wolf Conspiracy and concluded in February 2013 with The Night of the Swarm. He is also a seasoned editor, international development worker and writing teacher. He loves all good storytelling but has a soft spot for the literary end of the SF/fantasy spectrum.

Rob is offering a critique of the beginning of your novel (to a maximum 25,000 words), and will also be glad to assess a pitch letter or brief summary of the same. He generally includes a few line edits, but concentrates on providing no-nonsense, no-attitude feedback. He seeks to balance a professional & analytical critique with his own spontaneous but self-aware response as a reader. And Rob’s always careful to remember that this is your book and your agenda, not his own.

You can bid on Rob’s auction right over here.

  • A read and critique of the first 150,000 words of your manuscript from the person who made Name of the Wind not suck, Brett Hiorns.

Brett Monkey

Brett has been one of Pat’s go-to beta readers since the beginning, and was even called in as an alpha reader for Wise Man’s Fear (the book really didn’t make sense at that stage). He’s currently the voice behind a lot of the Worldbuilders website content and auction descriptions, and has done webcomic work, amusing movie reviews and plenty of longer-form horror fiction. Pat keeps pestering him to publish a book or two, but apparently he’s afraid of success.

His preferred genre is horror, but he’ll tackle fantasy and science fiction, or anything that sounds interesting. He also enjoys young adult fiction for its brevity and creativity.

Brett can help you with character voice and dialogue, concise writing, and the nuts and bolts of grammar and punctuation. He’ll also analyze pacing and the consistency of world building, and he’ll do his best to poke holes in the book’s internal logic.

The critique will include reading up to 150,000 words, marking up the margins with suggestions, corrections, and random comments. He will also type up a detailed explanation of the manuscript’s strong points and possible weaknesses, as well as clarifications and expansions of his marginal notes.

A note from Pat Rothfuss:

Okay folks. Here’s the deal. When we were putting together this second batch of read-and-critiques. I said to Brett, “You give really good editorial advice. How would you feel about offering up a critique?”

“Nobody would bid on that,” he said.

“A chance to get feedback from the person who has been a pivotal part of my revision process?” I said. “I think people would jump at it.”

He just kinda shook his head at me, as if the extent of my dementia made him sad inside.

Still, he’s said he’s willing. So let me explain a few things about Brett, because he doesn’t feel entirely comfortable talking about how great he is.

I’ve known Brett for over 20 years. He was my first writing tutor back in college. He gave me advice on my first, horrible high-school novel. Later, he gave me feedback on a book I called “The Song of Flame and Thunder.”

That book changed titles several times, eventually becoming The Name of the Wind.

Brett read several drafts of The Wise Man’s Fear, too. Probably more drafts than anyone other than myself. More drafts than my editor. Not because Betsy isn’t awesome. It’s just that Brett started reading those drafts back in 1997.

Now is Brett a professional fiction writer? No.

But let me say this. Brett is a *great* writer. I know this because I’ve read his unpublished urban fantasy novel and it’s fucking brilliant. One of my greatest sources of guilt is the fact that his work here at Worldbuilders keeps him too busy to finish his final round of revisions and start submitting it to publishers.

Is Brett a professional editor? Also no. But he gives great feedback. He has the rare gift of not letting his ego interfere with his critique.

Let me say one last thing: Right now I’m writing a novella about Auri. I’m about a hair’s breadth from being done with the first draft, and I’ve never been so torn up and confused about anything I’ve ever written.

Part of me thinks this story is some of the best writing I’ve done: brave and different and brilliant. Another part of me thinks this story is… just the dumbest concept ever. Just vastly hugely embarrassingly stupid.

Brett is the first person I’ll be showing this story to. Because Brett is clever and honest and gentle. I know that after his critique, I won’t want to throw this story into a fire or put a gun in my mouth.

And even better, I know after Brett’s critique, I’ll understand my story better. I’ll be able to move forward and revise it in a productive manner.

So. If you’d like Brett to critique your stuff, you can bid on his auction over here.

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There you have it, folks.  Another blog full of cool opportunities for aspiring writers.

You can also see *all* the current Worldbuilders auctions by clicking the link below.

Stay tuned to the blog, because we’re going to be posting up more and more marvelous things until the fundraiser ends….

 

Posted in BJ Hiorns Art, Worldbuilders 2013 | By Pat14 Responses

Hugging and Monkey Love

Hello everyone. Sorry for the radio silence here on the blog. I’ve been busy writing and getting together a project that I’m going to be announcing here in a couple of days.

However, rather than leave a gaping hole of not-blog, I’ve decided to post up some back-in-the-day writing. Specifically, a satirical advice column called “Your College Survival Guide” that I used to publish in the local paper. It was a delicious blend of demented ravings, bad advice, black bile, with just a tiny garnish of truth.

Fair warning: The tone of the College Survival Guide is different than what you might be used to here on the blog. It’s different than my novel too. Different audience + different purpose = different style. So don’t assume that I’ve had a psychotic break.

And if you don’t know what satire is, you might want to look it up before you read the column. It might help prevent confusion….

Anyway, here’s one I wrote a couple years back. Enjoy.

*****

Hello Young Rothfuss,

How you do amuse me from time to time with your silly column… it really is the best read I’ve come across in a long time.

I’ve been wondering about men lately. In particular, boyfriends. I’ve been asking my gaggle of girlfriends why women have attachment issues. (That’s not your question) I want to know why most males in a relationship like to play games with their bitches (i.e. “I’m not gonna call her for a couple of days to see if she cracks and calls me first… A HA!”) OR if they just deal with distance better than us women.

My friend and I call our condition, the “Kiss and Cuddle” syndrome. The only reason we go back to our loser boyfriends is cuz we want to hold them and kiss them and squeeze them until their heads pop off “wike kwazy widdle cutie pootie wootie puppies!” I’m rambling now, but why why why does my boyfriend (who lives in Minneapolis) NOT CALL ME, GODDAMN IT!!!????

— Anitra

Well Anitra, I have a good answer to your letter. Actually, I have two good answers. Luckily, due to psychotic break brought about by midterm stress, I have two fully-formed personalities willing to give you their opinions on this issue.

Evil Pat’s Response.

So, why are guys thoughtless, callous, game-playing jerks? Simple, Anitra, because that’s what you women have trained us to be.

Let me explain this with a story. Imagine that you’re a young boy, and like most young boys, you’re a Nice Guy: innocent, polite, and considerate. You meet Julie. She’s smart, funny, and pretty. You become friends and slowly but surely you realize you’re in love with her.

So you join forensics because she’s on the team. You cheer her on when she tries out for the swim team. Soon you’re talking on the phone for hours at a stretch, really getting to know her.

But while you’re investing time and energy into building an emotional and intellectual bond with Julie, some basketball player asks her to the prom. She says yes, because he’s a junior, and he has his own car. Plus he’s got an ass you can bounce a quarter off of. Let’s call him Chad.

Then Chad proceeds to treat Julie like crap, because he doesn’t know the first thing about her. But for some reason she clings to him like he’s the last life preserver on the Titanic. And all the while, there you are, her friend and confidante. Every night you’re on the phone, listening while she cries about how obnoxious and thoughtless he is. But she forgives him because she’s in love, right?

Then it slowly dawns on you. Julie will never be your girlfriend. Why? Well, given the overwhelming evidence, Julie doesn’t want a boy who listens to her thoughts and feelings. Julie wants a cretin with a nice ass. Guys like Chad get all the lovin‘. Guys like you are the equivalent of an emotional tampon. End of story.

Now if you’re a Really Nice Guy you move on with your innocence intact. Then you meet a girl called Erica. Lather, rinse, repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

And after you slide down this emotional razorblade about a dozen times, you know what you get? You get me. I’m not nice anymore. Over the years I’ve molded myself into an arrogant bastard of such vast proportions that women find me irresistible. And you know what? It works great. You can get radiation burns from the amount of raw animal magnetism I throw off.

And now you’re complaining that your guy doesn’t call you? Get bent, chicky. You women have made your collective bed, and now you have to lie in it. Alone.

Nice Pat’s Response.

Well Anitra, your letter reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend about a week ago. She told me that she liked getting massages. More than that, she considered them essential for her emotional well-being, especially when she was in-between boyfriends. She went on to explain that she thought touching and being touched was a vital part of being a primate.

Which means, in a nutshell, that she feels like her inner monkey occasionally needs to be loved.

Personally, I couldn’t agree more. I think that deep down we all have basic monkey urges. Do you remember that experiment we all learned about in psychology 101? The one where the baby monkey had to choose between two fake mommy monkeys? Given the choice between a non-cuddly chicken wire mom that had milk, and a furry fake-mom that didn’t have any milk, the baby monkey always chose the furry mom. It goes to show how important this cuddling impulse is to us primate types.

So to answer your question, Anitra, I decided to perform an expanded version of this experiment. I added a balsa-wood monkey with a cookie and a handgun; a sheet-metal monkey that gives out bong hits; and a monkey made entirely out of Cool-Ranch Doritos that gets drunk and burns you with cigarettes.

Anyway to make a long story short, I never got around to finding a baby monkey to experiment on. Apparently you need a permit or something for that. But I CAN tell you that my favorite was the razorwire monkey with a tazer that dispensed sweet, sweet, methadone. I still sleep with it at night.

So what’s the moral to the story? Shit. I have no idea. Scientists hate monkeys, I guess. There’s your moral. I’m outta here.

pat

Posted in BJ Hiorns Art, College Survival Guide | By Pat33 Responses

Your College Survival Guide: How to impress your professor.

Here’s one of the first columns I wrote for the College Survival Guide. It’s from way back in the day. Not my best work, as I was still figuring out how to be funny back then. But it’s still worth a chuckle or two….

*****

Well, the first month of the semester is pretty much over. So if you’re a serious student like myself, it’s about time you considered going to what we eighth-year seniors like to refer to as “class.”

Do not be alarmed. “Class” has received a lot of bad press in the past several years, leading many students to avoid it entirely. I however, have always believed that “class,” when taken in moderation, adds a new, enriching dimension to your whole college experience.

But “class” is not something to be approached hastily. Important questions should be asked before attending your first “class.” Questions such as: “What time is it?” “Who has my pants?” and “Is this your slightly molested, vaguely-orangutan-looking, plush toy?”

Once you’ve answered these questions (and taken any appropriate legal action that the answers seem to necessitate) you should be ready to go to “class.” For new students, I recommend that you bring some school supplies to class. The most important of these are: Pants (this should prove simple, if you’ve answered question #2), and a bag of candy.

(Optionally, if you had trouble answering question #3, you may want to bring the plush orangutan as well. It may belong to someone who happens to be attending your “class.”)

Now, some people will recommend that you bring pencils, paper, a calculator, etc. That’s a loosing strategy, because if you try to remember all those dozens of little things, you’re bound to forget at least one of them. But as long as you’re wearing pants you can usually borrow pens, paper, and books from other students, or in extreme situations, trade candy for them.

On the other hand, if you forget your pants, my experience has been that no one will lend you theirs. Also, without pants, your “classmates” will be noticeably less willing to take any candy you offer in trade.

So, once you are wearing you pants and you’re in “class,” you should notice one student that is older than all the rest. This old student is called the professor. You will note that he is also wearing pants. This will form a bond between you, which will eventually lead to you getting a “grade.”

In rare occasions, your professor will remove his pants. The proper thing to do in this circumstance is to remove your pants as well. This will form an even closer bond between you, which will eventually lead to you getting a “disease.”

*****

Something cool coming Monday. Stay tuned.

pat

Posted in BJ Hiorns Art, College Survival Guide | By Pat44 Responses

The Good Life

A while back I was in the grocery store picking up something to eat. I ended up behind a mom and her little boy in the checkout line. She was buying all sorts of grown-up groceries: hamburger, milk, celery, saltines, green peppers, tomatoes…

I was buying Fritos, some Mountain Dew, and a box of Fruity Pebbles.

The boy looked at his mom’s groceries, then at my groceries. Back and forth. I could see him putting together the pieces. His mom’s groceries were going to make meatloaf. My groceries….

That’s when I realized how awesome my life is. I was living this kid’s dream. Of course, I was living MY dream too, but I had forgotten it until this moment.

I looked at him and pointed at the Fritos. “When I get home, I’m going to eat all of those,” I said. “and it’s going to completely spoil my dinner.” I smiled and pointed to the box of fruity pebbles. “That’s my dinner.”

He didn’t say anything. He was only about six or seven, and I’m guessing that he was too stunned with my untrammeled glory to put together a full sentence.

But he looked up at me with eyes that said, I want to be like you. How can I do these things which you have shown me?

“Go to college,” I told him.

I was just about to tell him that I was going to put the Mountain Dew on the cereal instead of milk when his mom hustled him away, probably because she thought I was some kind of pervert.

Which is only fair, I suppose. I probably am.

Later all,

pat

Posted in being awesome, BJ Hiorns Art, College Survival Guide, day in the life, My checkered past | By Pat32 Responses

Concerning Fanmail: Part Two – Hubris


I’m in Vancouver right now, working at a computer in the hotel lobby. I’m going to blame any sloppiness in this post on that. Fair?
As promised, here are a few quotes from fanmail that’s been sent in over the last year. It’s by no means comprehensive or scientific list. Just a random sampling of quotes that happened to strike me as funny, flattering, or odd.
As you’d probably suspect, a lot of these are good old fashioned compliments. How can I tell? Well, sometimes because they actually make a point of telling me:

Your book is gonna be bigger than any fantasy book that has ever been made. If I was Rowling I would kill you now. That is a compliment.

This is surprisingly helpful, because sometimes I can’t tell the messages are supposed to be flattering or not….

If Noam Chomsky can provide his email address and invite questions on his website why can’t you? After all, Prof. Chomsky probably receives more email than you do and obviously does more important work than you.

Lazy bones.

You’re a good writer though.

Ummm…. Thanks?
Some people explain how the book has effected their lives:

I am a closet geek. I suspect no one would ever think of me as a fantasy reader. Yet I have recommended your books to colleagues, my wife and friends. Effectively, you outed my geekiness.

Some folks tell me about the nature of their obsessive relationship with my book:

We left the house the other day, and I made a mental note of the page I was on in your book. While we were out, we stopped at a book store for a couple of hours. So I found a copy of the book and read it until we left.

*****
If Name of The wind was a woman, I’d find out her address and move next door to her with the hope of making her mine.
*****
When my home was threatened by fire 2 weeks ago your book was one of the few things I packed in my handbag on my way out the door.
Here’s one that struck me as being very sweet in its honesty:
I love “The Name of the Wind” like I love my picture in the mirror.
More than a few have contained various flavors of delicious blasphemy:
You are something very similar to God, with The Name Of The Wind being the Bible me and my close friend worship on a daily basis.
*****
For the first time in a long time: a class Fantasy novel. Burn everything else you own, roll in the ashes, read this book and make it your new god.

Some have been…. surreal:
I’m almost done with your book. Its fantastic. I LOVE it.

I also like the cover. Its really fun to feel. When I touch it I get these weird spit thing in the back of my throat. But its a good spit thing. When I swallow it it makes this nice noise.

Some have been flabbergasting:

So, my daughter, who’s twelve and has read NOTW twice now, lists you as one of her very favorite authors (she’s got great taste–Buffy’s her favorite show ever too.)

Anywho, she had an assignment in class–part of a “Who am I?” sort of assignment. One of the questions that she was asked to answer was, “If I had 24 hours to live, I would…”

Her answer: “I would donate all my saved money to Perfect Pals [a cat shelter hereabouts] and then read Name of the Wind one more time.”

Wow. Warm Fuzzies don’t get any warmer and fuzzier than that…..

Lastly, I seem to be showing up in people’s dreams. A lot.

I dreamed that I was walking through a mall or whatever in Kansas City and I saw you working in a cell phone kiosk. I was like “Holy shit, you’re Patrick Rothfuss! I loved The Name of the Wind!” to which you replied “Thanks man, always great to hear. So….you wanna buy a phone?” Then I woke up.

Very random, and a little strange. Not sure why you were trying to sell me a cell phone.

*****

I had a dream last night that we watched TV together. No Joke. At one point I went to the fridge to find you a drink and found that everything was moldy and old. Then you told me we have to watch a certain movie next time we meet. Then you gave me your telephone number, but told me that it wouldn’t work in a week or so because you had to keep on changing it since so many fans would find it out and call you.

So I just wanted to stop by and thank you for being so kind as to drink the crusty old Snapple I had lying around. Thanks for also not kicking my dog as some people tend to do in my dreams.

*****

Pat, I dreamed about you last night. You came to Austin, I was so happy. Then you turned into a girl….

Please note that those final ellipses at the end are from the guy that wrote the e-mail, not me.

Personally, I’d like to know a few more details. Was I pretty? Did I still have my beard? How can I not be curious?
Soon we’ll have part three of the fanmail series: Some gentle advice on what you might want to consider including (or avoiding) in your fanmail.
Later all,

pat

Posted in BJ Hiorns Art, Fanmail Q + A | By Pat29 Responses
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