Tag Archives: Oot

Coming Soon to a Town Near You! (Offer Not Valid in Towns Not Near You)

As many of you know, a couple of days ago I decided to take a bit of a road trip down to Virginia. And, because I am an accommodating Midwesterner, I thought I might do a reading or two on my way down. So some folks could get their books signed, if they wanted.

When I posted up last week’s blog looking for venues, I was hoping to maybe hear from 2 or 3 bookstores or libraries willing to help me throw a couple signings together. Maybe.

I didn’t expect to get 30-40 offers. While it was terribly flattering, sorting everything out has been a bit of a logistical puzzle.

But I think I’ve finally got it all sussed. Here’s the current list of times and places where I’ll be stopping by to do readings and signings.

[Edit: All signings now confirmed.]


March 16th
7:00pm

Reading and Signing
Borders
348 East State Street
West Lafayette, IN 47906
Phone: 765-743-7775
Website


March 17th
2:00-3:00pm

Signing (No time for a reading here, I’m afraid.)
Josephbeth Book Store
692 Madison Road
Cincinnati OH 45208
Phone: 513-396-8960
Website


March 17th
7:00pm –

Reading and Signing
Josephbeth Book Store
161 Lexington Green Circle
Lexington, KY 40503-3323
Phone: 859-273-2911
Website


March 19
th 6:30pm –

Reading and Signing
Prince Books
109 East Main Street
Norfolk, VA 23510-1691
Phone: 757-622-9223
Website


March 20th
2:00-4:00

Reading and Signing
Books A Million
3312 Princess Anne Road
Virginia Beach, VA 23456

(757) 368-3167

March 22nd 7:00pm –

Reading and Signing
Borders
6701 Frontier Drive
Springfield, VA 22150
Phone: 703-924-4894
Website


March 23rd
7:00pm –

Reading and Signing
Barnes and Noble
5500 Buckeystown Pike (Fixed. Sorry.)
Frederick, MD 21704
Phone: 301-698-0121
Website


March 24th
7:00pm –

Reading and Signing
Joesephbeth Bookseller
24519 Cedar Road
Lyndhurst, OH 44124
Phone: 216-691-7000
Website

As you can see, there’s not a lot of time in between those stops. So I probably won’t be adding any more stops. I’ll hit somewhere in Chicago in maybe a month or two, as that’s relatively close to home and I can just drive down there any old time I feel like it.

I’ve had several people ask, “What exactly do you do at one of these readings?”

So here’s the deal.

First, I drink a strong cup of coffee. Something like a white chocolate mocha with two shots of blackberry and four sugars. This is the source of my power. After one or two of these, I look like something out of Kulba Kahn and can lift up a truck.

Second, I hang out a bit and chat with the people that show up early.

Third (Readings only) I spend about an hour reading stuff and answering questions. What I read really depends on what people are in the mood for. Sometimes I read a few humor columns. Sometimes I read a little poetry. Sometimes I read a bit of one of my books.

In between readings I answer questions about pretty much anything. Sometimes I tell stories. Sometimes I give advice. There are occasional descents into madness.

Fourth, I sign books. Generally speaking, I’ll write whatever you want in a book: a quote from Bast, a profession of my undying love, a letter of recommendation to grad school.

But it’s best if you give me some direction. If you say to me, “Just write whatever…” there is a very real possibility that I will simply write “Whatever” in your book.

I will also try my very best to spell your name correctly. Though sometimes I fuck up.

Caveats and Addendum:

Do not touch my baby. Little Oot will be coming with me to some of these readings and signings. If you see him, you may gaze at him adoringly or coo in his direction. But touching him his not acceptable behavior.

No offense. But I don’t you. I don’t know where you’ve been. I don’t know if you might be sick, or if you’ve been around someone sick. You might be a sociopath. You might be from Illinois.

Here’s the deal. Oot is my first baby, and I’m very protective of him. So when planning your behavior around him, it would be safest if you thought of him as a tiny bear cub, and me as his momma bear. Any sudden movements or over-familiarity might lead to sudden and terrible wrath.

We clear here? Fair warning.

I occasionally cuss. I try to restrain myself if there are tiny kids present. But if the thought of hearing the word “shit” spoken aloud horrifies you, then… well… you’re probably going to be horrified.

My handwriting is not pretty. My handwriting is such that young children mock me for it. Seriously.

You can have a hug if you ask nicely...


…Just don’t get all handsy on me.

Lastly, one request. Since I’m scheduling these events not even two weeks ahead of time, there really isn’t much time for typical promotion to spread the word about them. Most bookstores won’t even be able to get up posters advertising these signings until next week.

So if you know someone that lives in the area who might be interested in coming. I’d be much obliged if you passed the news along to them. It’s always so sad when I get an e-mail that says, “I just found out you were in [insert hometown here]! I can’t believe I missed it!”

Thanks so much for your help everybody,

pat

Posted in appearances, fan coolness, signing books | By Pat94 Responses

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