Ok, I have a confession to make. My name is Patrick Rothfuss, and I am addicted to Amazon.com.
Not for the reason you might think, while I do use Amazon to occasionally pick up cheap DVD sets and hard to find out-of-print stuff, I actually do most of my book buying from the local independent bookstore. It’s hard walking away from Amazon’s sexy, cheap books, but I feel better about shopping locally. I know the money is staying in the community.
No, I’m addicted to Amazon for another reason entirely: the Amazon Sales Rank.
For those of you who don’t know about it. The sales rank is how well your book is selling on Amazon compared to all the other books. As I write this, I can see my rank is at #1224 among all books. A very respectable ranking, especially considering that I’m a new author.
What you might not realize is that authors don’t have any way of finding out how well their books are selling. We can read reviews and take guesses, but for the most part, we don’t have access to any real factual information about how well are books are selling. Every six months we get a royalty statement and that’s about it.
What we do have is the Amazon sales rank. You want to know the maddening thing? It updates, like, every 15 minutes or so. That means that I am fucking compelled to keep a Firefox instance open to my book’s Amazon page ALL THE TIME. Then, no matter what I’m doing, I can hop over and click refresh. Again, and again, and again. Just to see if it’s changed.
Ooh. Now I’m at 1028! Someone must have bought a book! Maybe two! I am a tiny god!
Because I’m constantly refreshing on Amazon, I’ve also developed a secondary addiction to the Amazon reviews.
Generally speaking, the reviews have been good. People like the book, and they have been generous with their praise. Every time I saw another 5-star review I got a warm fuzzy, and for several months, I was powerfully proud of my unbroken 5-star average. Then a few people gave it 1-star reviews and my average dropped to 4.5 stars, causing a great wailing and gnashing of teeth on my part.
Still at 1028.
As a whole, I respect the concept behind the Amazon reviews. They’re like true democracy in action, everyone gets to chime in and let their voice be heard. PHD in English literature? You get 1 review. Fourteen year old boy who loves Nascar? 1 review. Benobo chimp addicted to methadone? Assuming you have a credit card, you get a review too.
Still 1028. Maybe it doesn’t update every 15 minutes.
While I respect the egalitarian nature of the Amazon reviews, it does tend to occasionally remind me how really low the lowest common denominator really is. A couple days ago some choad posted up a 1 star review because the book was 900 pages (which it isn’t) and because he’ll have to wait for book two to come out. I can respect a bad review if the person makes a few salient points, but my suspicion is that this guy hasn’t even read the book.
Nooo! I’m at 1375 now. I suck. The Karma gods are punishing me for defaming some poor anonymous reviewer’s character. And perhaps for the gratuitous use of the word ‘choad.’
Okay. Another confession. I just bought a copy of my own book to see if it would make the Amazon rank go back up. It didn’t (I expect there must be a delay.) But when I made my order, I saw that right now they’re selling my book for less than fifteen bucks. How cool is that? I’m all about shopping locally, but 40% off is a significant chunk of money…. Maybe I should buy a few more… Is it tacky to give away your own book as a Christmas gift?
Okay, I’ve rambled long enough. I should get back to revisions of book two….
Later,
pat
P.S. Still 1375.
Edit:
P.P.S. In the comments below, RoseNeko posted a link to an article so perfectly relevant to this that I wanted to LINK IT HERE for all of you to see. Bless you Neko, and the person who wrote this article. Maybe now I can start letting my obsession go.
Y’know… using ‘P.S.’ Doesn’t make much sense anymore. For one, it was a convention that came about when you wrote letters longhand, so the P.S. was necessary in case you left something out. Nowadays there’s no reason to leave anything out. Since I’m typing everything out, I could just go back and add it into the original post.
What’s more. P.S. stood for ‘post script.’ But I’m not scripting anything, I’m posting a blog. So really, it should be P.P. for ‘post post.’
But somehow I don’t think that’s going to catch on…
P.P.P.S. 1087

Today, I suck at life….
My star seems to be in ascension. A couple days ago I got a super cool review on NPR. As if that wasn’t cool enough, superhero librarian Nancy Pearl is the one doing the reviewing and recommending.
If you don’t know who Nancy Pearl is, you should. Any you know that any librarian with her own action figure is a force to be reckoned with…
If that weren’t enough, I also recently got wind of a review in Science Fiction and Fantasy Magazine. Michelle West wrote such a flattering, descriptive, spoiler free review discussion of the book that I realize I will probably never have much luck being a reviewer myself. I don’t think I have the knack.
Anyway, my point is that things were looking pretty rosy moving into today. Two embarrassingly good reviews, my student’s tests were graded, and my amazon rank was ridiculously high (#240). I was half convinced that the local woodland creatures were going to wake me up, sing me a song, and help me get dressed for school — Cinderella style.
Because they didn’t show, I had to find my own socks and consequently I was running a little late. So I drove onto campus and found a spot right in front of the building. It even had 20 free minutes on the meter. Better and better.
Then I end up having a disagreement with the local photocopier. I want to make copies of the grading rubric for my class. The machine wants to take a big old shit on my day.
Ultimately the machine wins. It even manages the trifecta by denying me my copies, devouring the one and only copy of the rubric, and making me five minutes late to my own class.
Everything went downhill from there. The class was a trainwreck. Because dealing with the photocopier took all of my class prep time, I looked disorganized and clueless. I wrote all over the dry-erase board with a big bright red non-dry erase marker. (Not my fault, someone left it there.) I looked like an idiot several times and some of the students actually were talking to each other and laughing at me.
Lastly, toward the end of the class I said something in response to a student’s comment that was meant to be a general statement for the class, but I think was interpreted as me being bitchy at that student. *sigh* I don’t know.
It’s strange how quickly your day can turn to shit. In some ways it’s even worse because everything else was really good before that. If you spend the day picking up dogshit it’s not going to be a great time, but at least you know what you’re in for. You’re braced for it. It’s different if you’re just having a picnic and someone hits you in the face with a turd.
And with that lovely image, I will leave you. Hope your day is going better than mine.
Best,
pat
P.S. 204. That helps a bit.