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There and Back Again….

So I’m back from Penguicon and the signing off near Detroit.

Both events were a good time. I had the chance to read the Princess Book to a few people, hung out with other author types and talked geeky writing talk. It was fun. I’ve even got a few pictures to share…

I’ll post those things later. Today I’m going to talk about part of the convention that usually gets glossed over: The traveling.

The truth is, traveling is one of the hardest parts of going to conventions. It is for me at least.

Conventions themselves are easy for me. I meet people, sign books, talk on panels, and do readings. It’s exhausting, but it’s not hard. I’m a fairly decent public speaker, and I like meeting fans and other authors. So conventions are a treat for me. They’re a break from my otherwise rather unsocial and solitary life.

But the traveling isn’t fun. It’s expensive, irritating, and time consuming. Worst of all, I seem to get sick every time I go on an extended plane ride.

That’s the main reason that I do so many events here in the midwest. And that’s the reason that I decided to drive to Penguicon.

It takes about 8-9 hours to drive from central Wisconsin to Troy, MI. Still, given check-in times and layovers, that’s only a couple hours longer than a plane. Plus it’s cheaper and I don’t have to worry about people groping through my luggage.

The trip to the convention was relatively uneventful. I made a pitstop in Madison to hang out with some friends I don’t see nearly often enough and helped one of them move some furniture around in his new apartment.

Have I ever mentioned that I used to be a professional mover? It was only a summer job, and I was in better shape back then. But still, it’s nice to keep my hand in, just in case this whole writing thing doesn’t pan out for me in the long run.

It’s on the way back from the convention that things get interesting. After my library reading I hop in my car, enter my home address on my Magellan, and start driving.

I feel I should mention here, in yet another tangent, that I feel morally conflicted about the Magellan. I got it as a Christmas present from my dad, and it’s wonderfully convenient. But at the same time I believe devices like this are actively endumbening the populace. You should be able to read a map, folks. You should know which direction north is.

Did I ever mention I used to be a delivery driver too? I was. I can read a map. What’s more, using a brilliant mixture of zen navigation, Aristotelian logic, and pure rage I can get you your package and/or delicious sandwich relatively close to on-time.

That’s another fallback career for me.

That said, I do use the Magellan when I’m in unfamiliar territory. I don’t have a map of Detroit. It’s quick, easy, and usually accurate.

Note the *usually.*

The Magellan tells me to turn right, then left, then right. I just follow along, as most of my attention is focused on listening to Warren Ellis’ Crooked Little Vein on audiobook.

But something doesn’t feel right. I look at the one of the passing signs and see that I’m heading north. I pull over in a gas station and have a discussion with the machine:

Me: What the fuck, Magellan?

It: Calculating Route.

Me: No. Seriously. What the fuck?

It: Turn right onto North 74.

Me: North isn’t the right way to go.

It: Ding!

Me: I’m going to Stevens Point. In Wisconsin. Through Madison.

It: Calculating route. Stevens Point is 974 miles away.

Me: The fuck it is. Go south.

It: Ding! Turn right onto North 74.

So I throw the thing into the footwell of the car. I throw it hard, too. So it knows who’s in charge. You people might have to deal with that sort of insolent backtalk from your machine overlords, but not me. I work with machines in one way: they do what I say or I fucking destroy them and do it myself. I consider myself a Darwinistic force in machine evolution. I’m encouraging them to evolve along more helpful lines.

The gas station is depressing. The woman behind the counter doesn’t know which road leads back to I 94. She doesn’t think the gas station has any maps to sell. She suggests I get directions from someone who has an iphone. She has one eyebrow. Not kidding.

So I find the maps myself, buy one, and get back into the car. Using the map and eight seconds of rational thought, I find the sensible route home.

After two hours the Magellan’s battery starts to die and it chirps at me pitifully from the passenger-side footwell. I let it starve for another ten minutes then bring it out and we have another conversation.

Me: How far away is Stevens Point?

It: 820 miles?

Me: What’s your name?

It: M-Magellan?

Me: No. Your name is bitch. I’m asking you one more time, how do you get to Stevens Point?

It: You should head south through Chicago on I 94.

Me: That’s right I should.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that an hour later, after paying a toll, my driver side window refuses to roll back up. Machines tend to stick together like that.

So I pull over at another gas station and kick the hell out of the door for a while. I do this partly in case it’s a loose wire or something that can be fixed by kicking, but also as a warning for any other machines nearby that are considering insubordination.

Then I go into the gas station and explain the situation. I don’t want to drive another three hours with damp, 50 degree air blowing into my ear. Cardboard and duct tape isn’t good either, as it would limit my visibility too much. The attendant there is cool, and lets me poke around in back looking for useful supplies until I find a roll of that plastic stuff you use to wrap up pallets.

Did I ever mention I used to work in a warehouse? I did.

I have to say, even though I’ve been out of the game for about two decades, I still have some mad pallet-wrapping skills.

Then I went home.

Everything said, it was still way better than flying.

pat

This entry was posted in being awesome, conventions, day in the life, tangentalityBy Pat94 Responses

94 Comments

  1. Posted May 4, 2010 at 5:43 PM | Permalink

    I’m testing a few new ways of handling comments here on the blog.

    I’m just experimenting right now to see what works best. Right now, I think you can leave a comment if you make a subscriber account on wordpress.

    I think this might be a good way of handling things, because then people won’t have to fill out a gapcha each time they want to leave a comment.

    • Robin the Acolyte
      Posted May 5, 2010 at 2:22 PM | Permalink

      There. All registered.
      Now if only I was funny, I’d leave a comment.
      Or even pithy. I’d accept pithy.
      Ah well. I guess I won’t comment after all.

    • Bonfiglio
      Posted May 7, 2010 at 12:22 AM | Permalink

      I hate those things! I have tried using them on numerous occasions and every time i have gotten turned in completely the wrong direction.
      I think with the spectacular power you seem to have over machines, you should list that as a back up plan too!

      And lastly, i just realized how sad it is that i geeked out as much as i did over the title of this blog….

    • Jared
      Posted May 12, 2010 at 2:44 AM | Permalink

      Ah, a fellow after my own heart: yes, all inanimate objects should obey or be annihilated.

    • jasonbrooks1984
      Posted May 19, 2010 at 2:07 PM | Permalink

      That’s awesome! I was going to try to find a way to comment on the beta reader thing, but you interrupted my thought process. Now that will have to wait. I enjoy that you are an author (one of higher thought) hehe and still have a sense of humor. Really, you sound like we all do with the vernacular. I appreciate this story on so many levels, it reminds me of my first vehicle. A ’67 Datsun 1300 Series pickup, that my Dad made me pay him 1K$ for because he had 400$ worth of modern racing wheels put on it. Some damn fine tires. At least two things a week would break on the truck. One time I was helping my girlfriends’ Dad move (I’m no proffesional mover). As we rounded a corner my blinker assembly broke and shorted out my horn just as I passed two state troopers that had some poor sap pulled over. My horn was sounding for about a mile down the road off and on. I was just waiting to get pulled over. The cop asked me “what’s with the horn Son?” of course I looked like an ass ’cause the horn wasn’t going off while I talked to him. However to prove my innocence I touched the blinker that was just dangling around the steering column and it shorted once more. So he laughed and let me off with a fix it ticket. My means of fixing it included removing the fuse that controlled my stereo, dome light, and some other essentials along with the horn. Just one of many short stories I can recount of similar instances with the joys of driving.

  2. Owen
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 5:51 PM | Permalink

    A friend of mine jokes that GPS’s are Skynet 0.8. He likes to say that they are the beta system for the upcoming computer revolution. Oh, sure. They usually give good directions. But every now and then, you wind up being directed into the most bizarre places …

    Anyway, I am glad that Penguincon went well and that you made it there and back safely.

    • Sarah Rain
      Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:29 PM | Permalink

      we actually used a gps to get to a campground…put in shortest route no highways…..yeah…found every freakin dirt holey, rut-filled road in the state of Connecticut…didn’t even know there where any left here!!

      never ever trust the calm cool voice of the gps!!

  3. Tyson
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 5:53 PM | Permalink

    Okay, I’m all registered up so I can comment, but I forgot what I was going to say.

    • Widow Of Sirius
      Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:01 PM | Permalink

      I almost forgot too. It happens to the best of us.

    • wysen
      Posted May 6, 2010 at 8:30 AM | Permalink

      lol, I’ve done the same thing… I forgot what I was going to say, but at least I’m registered now.

  4. bekka
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 5:54 PM | Permalink

    good thinking. those things are tres lame.
    its fun to hear about your on the road adventures.
    maybe one day you can perchance extend your trips Down Under?

  5. Widow Of Sirius
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:00 PM | Permalink

    Pat, you’ve lived a very full life. I’m impressed with your professional resume.

    Be glad it wasn’t as terrifying outside while you were driving as it is right this moment (thunder and that weird greenish color of clouds still letting light through). I thought for sure from the picture on Facebook that your car had been broken into, and I was much more concerned for you.

    But I’m glad you can tell those electronics who’s boss. You should come over and yell at my laptop sometime soon.

    • Widow Of Sirius
      Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:03 PM | Permalink

      Also, I’m highly intrigued by the things you were keeping in your bag before. Particularly the vial o’ caffeine. I thought to myself “HOLY- Oh wait, it’s Pat.”

  6. Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:02 PM | Permalink

    Where did your dad get a GPS that was a member of Skynet?

  7. Valon
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:06 PM | Permalink

    Oh man, I worked in a Warehouse once too.

    The first day they asked me to wrap pallets, my manager showed me by grabbing the wrap and running around it at full speed while perfectly wrapping it. He then smiled and asked me if I could beat that time while walking away; I don’t think it ever occurred to him that I didn’t get to see what he was doing when he was running at full speed.

    I eventually mastered the perfect pallet wrapping technique, and I now feel a warm sense of pride in me every time I walk in a warehouse like Costco and see a wrapped pallet.

    • Brock
      Posted May 4, 2010 at 10:47 PM | Permalink

      Dude, Palletizing machine. I worked in a food warehouse/factory with like 8 other people. So, I had a bunch of different jobs. I would work in the the morning and nearly get my hand sealed into a bag of tamales. Then at noon nearly drop a bin of tamales onto my head with a forklift. And then in the afternoon I got to stack boxes of tamales on pallets. (did I mention we made tamales? Good.) But we had a Palletizing machine. It’s a robot that wraps up pallets and is mega cool. It runs up and down much and spins the pallets around. Much like I imagine you learned to do. I wish I could arrange some sort of John Henry-esque contest between you two.

  8. RegistrationIsStupid
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:07 PM | Permalink

    Noooo!

    Do not keep this up with registrations.

    It sucks,
    it is controversy to the idea of openly sharing thoughts, its annoying,
    it frightens off a lot of people (the user profile even provides for biographical info),
    compared to captchas it is hideous, foreign, email needing, …
    takes forever the 1st time,
    forces me to remember yet another credentials or takes forever retrieving them or reregistring,
    is plain uncool,
    might crumble your awesomeness for taking yourself for way too important,
    ….

    made me not read the post for I spotted the registration needed “)§&)?”$§ right out. And the time I could have spent reading I had to spent posting a login to bugmenot

    In hopes of a user friendly blogging culture,
    keep clear of forcing your readers to make a handstand to communicate with you,

    cheers
    Armin

    • Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:13 PM | Permalink

      Perhaps it’s to keep people from posting ridiculous things in unintelligible English.

      • RegistrationIsStupid
        Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:27 PM | Permalink

        If so, it didn’t work for you…

        Last post from me concerning this topic. So troll away alone if you feel the need to.

        cheers
        Armin

        PS: I am not apologizing for my English. I’m German and I’m positive that even you could understand me with a little trying.

      • Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:35 PM | Permalink

        It is. But it’s also for keeping people from being dicks to each other in the threaded comments.

        You’re both on probation.

        • willow
          Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:39 PM | Permalink

          lol, I love this place. :)

        • Lexxa
          Posted May 5, 2010 at 12:44 AM | Permalink

          Pat, you make me smile. Way to toss the offensive people to the footwell.

        • jayh
          Posted May 5, 2010 at 9:04 AM | Permalink

          oooh, can I get on probation too? Maybe even double-secret probation. And I hear that the punishment is having to proofread a draft of “The Wise Man’s Fear”. Call me a masochist but hey, I’d do it.

          Jay

          P.S… I’ve got my mother reading the copy of NOTW that you signed in Frederick. My wife and I enjoyed the reading immensely.

    • laurafromNY
      Posted May 5, 2010 at 11:02 AM | Permalink

      I don’t like this new set up and agree highly with RegistrationIsStupid…it does scare the crap out of some people because they have to put down their information….change it back Mr. Fussy!!! We might moan about the verification words…but in all honesty, some of us like it, despite the moaning and you-know-what-ing.

      And…how come comments are being closed so early!? By the time I read the publish date, comments were already closed…

  9. James Walker
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:08 PM | Permalink

    Congratulations on finishing your draft!
    I’ll be looking forward eagerly to it coming out next year!

    Also, is there any chance you might visit Britain again?
    I enjoyed your talk in Manchester last year!

  10. Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:11 PM | Permalink

    I’ve done my time in a warehouse as well.

    I like my technology, though. Perhaps it is because technology and those under thirty have a natural understanding of one another, but all the same, I love it.

    I have an andriod phone, and the google maps app is one of the best things about it. Not only can I get directions, but I can also view them on the map, which I like best. I want to see the beginning, the little purple line that tells me what the rout is, and the end. I want to be able to change routes if I want to. When I do google maps at home before a trip, I often adjust the route.

    That being said, I don’t think anything can really substitute for a good sense of direction. However, many people are born without such things.

    We, the lucky few, stand apart.

    • geekd
      Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:26 PM | Permalink

      I used to think I had a good sense of direction. Now I know it was because I grew up in Chicago, where every street goes north-south or it goes east-west.

      Now that I live in San Diego, where streets curve all over and change names for no reason, I get lost all the time. :(

  11. Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:14 PM | Permalink

    I was greatly amused by this tale of travelling. My personal method of fixing everyday fuck-ups in life is to always keep a roll of electrical tape on me, but I must say, the use of pallet wrap displays a greater degree of ingenuity, and win.

  12. Geyter
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:34 PM | Permalink

    Hey Pat,

    I was surprised to see you turned off comments for the great reveal last post. I was all ready and giddy to send you the news that I was eager and joyfully awaiting spring next year.

    Okay, you probably already knew that since I was going to post it on your blog… but I’d like to think us fans heaping an ever growing amount of praise on your good self still brings a twinkle to your eye.

    And I can’t do that now. Now you’ll never know how happy I am the date has been settled and how anxiously I’m looking forward to the Kvothe’s second day. Well poop.

    I work a hell of a lot of little jobs too, or have been doing for the 7 years I’ve been going to college, so I have worked myself around more plastic foilage than any healthy young man should have. (And no, I’m not becoming a doctor… I’m just doing a normal 3 year bachelor, but I keep switching classes…) And I can tell you from personal experience that in a warehouse plastic foil is simple and amusing, and a skill easily learned… but plastic foil in a professional kitchen is a gruelling, depression-inducing, clingy, see-through-nightmare straight out of the arse of hell.
    Seriously.

    The thing that struck me about your post though, is the thought that this writing thing might not work out for you… I mean, you have a kid now and everything. And I’m sure you have multiple loans to pay, plus you’ll have to save up for college funds since you live in America.
    One book every 6 years… I don’t really know the numbers for authors but I’m guessing that isn’t a huge paycheck for something you work on for 2000+ days.
    Meh, you’ll work it out right?

    (now that the big book reveal has been said and done… any update or spoiler for the big secret fanfiction reveal?)

    • Widow Of Sirius
      Posted May 5, 2010 at 2:11 PM | Permalink

      It’s worth noting that Pat was in college for his bachelors for 9 years. I’m pretty sure he understands COMPLETELY about the whole “switching classes” deal and working odd jobs to pay for it ;)

  13. NTHM
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 6:56 PM | Permalink

    If my window refuses to roll up, could I pay you to expertly navigate to my location (preferably with a delicious sandwich) and kick the hell out of my door? Haha :P

  14. Dawn the glass bead maker
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:01 PM | Permalink

    In my part of Florida there are quite a few subdivisions that were never built. They were planned and approved, though, so the roads are on record.

    Just not actually there.

    It’s not unusual when we need to go through the Ocala National Forest to have the Bitch in the Box having a near nervous breakdown because we refuse to turn into the non existent subdivisions.

    It’s always fun to piss off the Bitch.

  15. Howard Tayler
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:12 PM | Permalink

    Convention reports that share just one really good anecdote should be the rule, as this post nicely demonstrates.

    My Penguicon Anecdote has you in it, and is the cyberspace equivalent of me falling on my sword.

    Re: endumbification via GPS — Considering that we’re already self-selecting for the ability to hurtle ourselves about in a ton and a half of wheeled armor, I’ll sacrifice navigation skills for the ability to stay in the correct lane. I mean, assuming I get to pick one or the other. I’d love to have both, plus free cookies.

  16. Antho
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:12 PM | Permalink

    I seriously can not wait for March 1st. Also anyone else think that Pat is really John Connor now? I want a recording of him doing a cheesy Christian Bale voice saying “If you’re listening to this you are the resistance.”

  17. redcrest
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:18 PM | Permalink

    Pat, I have the same tendency to get sick on airplanes. It’s being trapped in an enclosed space breathing re-circulated air full of germs, etc, from the other passengers, I think. Forced to fly coast-to-coast every vacation during college, I had to find ways to deal, and what I’ve come up with is to bring a large water bottle with me (you’ll have to purchase it after the security check point since you can’t bring large bottles of liquids anymore) and keeping myself/my throat well hydrated throughout the flight really helps keep the germiness from getting a foothold in me.

    Also, bundle up (even if the cabin has temperature control, there’s still the chill of the high altitude seeping in from the walls) and bring some Tylenol cold with you to knock back if you feel yourself really starting to get sick.

    Hope this will work for you, because you need to come out to California to see your devoted fans here (like me :D) more often!

  18. Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:29 PM | Permalink

    Those are seriously mad pallet-wrapping skills. I’m glad you got home safely.

  19. dankinney
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:54 PM | Permalink

    Wow. I wish you had a better trip back than that.

    But, in retrospect, it was epic, unfortunate, and hilarious.

  20. beau
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 7:57 PM | Permalink

    lmao.. You crack me up, Patrick… I was blowing soda through my nose into my monitor. The conversation with the gps thing is epic!

  21. Posted May 4, 2010 at 8:05 PM | Permalink

    I hate-hate-hate GPS devices. I received one from my FIL for college graduation May 08. It got me lost in the wilds of Cohasset, above Chico, where I was attempting to deliver a gift to a professor. It repeatedly told me to turn “right” into a ditch/grove of trees. We ended up asking neighbors for directions.

    It then got us lost in Redding, CA. We were looking for a Safeway. It had us turning right into a concrete building.

    When it got me lost in Monterey–sending me 40 miles out of my way for a Costco that was only 7 miles away? I sold the fucker on E-Bay.

    I can get lost all on my own, but it takes a machine to really cock it all up (and almost get me killed).

    I’ll pass on the GPS machines. Forever.

    Love,

    Jules

  22. Slamadoca
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 8:28 PM | Permalink

    I am at this point assured that the GPS system as a whole is very entertaining, but also dangerous. We all should be able to read a map if we have to.

    I particularly enjoyed our time in rural Kentucky, which involved a wrong turn, a dirt road, another dirt road, and a not-quite-a-road which abruptly ended in a 3-foot drop and further boulders. I’m pretty sure TomTom was trying to get us killed.

  23. Trickster
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 8:52 PM | Permalink

    Interesting story. Me? I would probably have endured the damp 50 degree air blowing into my ear, all the while cursing my bad luck and daring someone to have the balls to cut me off. I guess we all have different ways of dealing with our problems and a healthy dose of road rage is just the thing to brighten a day. :)

  24. Walnutbutter
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 9:50 PM | Permalink

    When I was scrolling down your story to make sure I havent missed any blogs before this one, and i saw that pic of your car, I totally thought your window got busted out and your car robbed while you were in detroit. The actual story was just as amusing, but the old blog with your backpack contents cracked me the hell up. Who the hell carries around a vial of crushed caffeine pills? Honestly now. Only you pat.. only you.

  25. evil
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 11:35 PM | Permalink

    I guess we will need some sort of teleportation device before I will be able to get you to Austin.

  26. Howard Tayler
    Posted May 4, 2010 at 11:40 PM | Permalink

    Interesting sidebar. At Penguicon Eric Raymond told me a little bit about the underlying code for GPS systems. Short version? There’s no agreed-upon standard, so any interpretation layer is an absolute mess.

  27. Wrhapsody
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 12:12 AM | Permalink

    Suggestion for the GPS, plug it into a computer and update maps every single time you are going on a trip and expect to rely on one. I also keep an atlas of the US in my trunk… just in case :)

  28. Wafaa
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 1:31 AM | Permalink

    That’s one hell of a drive o_O I would have ended up in tears!

    I hate flying too. I was once stopped in an airport for having in my backpack, I kid you not, a newly released 7th Harry Potter book. I guess the rather large box shaped book showed up suspiciously on the x-ray.

  29. Obdormio
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 3:10 AM | Permalink

    GPS systems are clearly plotting to take over. This is truly the future.

  30. Baldsilver
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 4:58 AM | Permalink

    haha, good story, keep it up

  31. Brainfreeze
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 7:27 AM | Permalink

    Read a nice story over on Schlock Merc about something that happened at Penguicon. That would have been an awesome sit down to be part of.

  32. Darb07
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 8:25 AM | Permalink

    Probation!! HAHAHA, That is awsome!

  33. Posted May 5, 2010 at 8:25 AM | Permalink

    Seriously,

    here in good old Germany GPS have already taken over the streets. Although the chance of getting lost is not quite as present since we have over the centuries managed it to built roads everywhere (that is not a joke … even most forrests and mountains have dirt roads you can usually drive on) but there is an new phenomenon in which the GPS is forcing power on the population. Usually when there are too many people on the road and the trafic slows your smart GPS helps you to find a smaller road to go around the trafic jam.

    What happens now … nearly everybody has one of these smart GPS and so everyone is led around the jam … wich leads to … as you can imagine … a free Autoban (Interstate) with nearly nobody on it (exept those without GPS …those able to read maps ^^ like pat ) and all the little roads jammed with smart expansive GPS cars ^^. What irony …

    I have heard some people are throwint their GPS away … trading them for maps … I think soon we could need some wrapping for all the thrown away GPS.

    Good chance for you to show your skills Pat and maybe read a little bit in Germany ?

    Greets from Germany

  34. Posted May 5, 2010 at 8:44 AM | Permalink

    By the way,
    I don’t know if anybody noticed ….
    I think Bilbo would have liked you to use his title so it finaly has a story sticking to it. “There and back again … ”

    Greets again

    • Posted May 5, 2010 at 9:56 AM | Permalink

      That’s exactly the first thing I thought when I read the title; and I must say, you could almost compare your trip to the adventure of Bilbo. I especially loved the part with the GPS.
      And by the way, I live in Quebec, Canada (I’m a french-canadian) and I never had any problems with my GPS, and I travelled a lot in the US and Canada. So maby it just doesn’t work with you ! :)

  35. Posted May 5, 2010 at 9:22 AM | Permalink

    Oh, how I enjoy reading about your adventures! I’ve had the same conversations with a couple of different GPS thingers. Except their names are TomTom, not Magellan. Funny, I never thought to throw them around to knock some sense into them.. but on the bright side, the windows on my car still work. Maybe my patience paid more dividends than I had originally thought.
    Fare thee well, Patrick of Rothfuss.

    P.S. (since everyone else is adding postscript) – I’m going to start rereading NOTW this weekend. And I wish your not-a-fairytale fairytale would hurry up and print and ship.

  36. Sam_Downunder
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 9:41 AM | Permalink

    Awesome skills Pat, for future reference though the GPS I have tends to react better if I swear in Binary. That and threatening it with being Hasselhoffed.

    Just a little note, I could not be happier with the publishing date, its my birthday! Now I can demand a hardcover to keep and one for a reader. Thanks for the early present.

  37. Kisaoda
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 9:56 AM | Permalink

    Pat, I’m in a dilemma. Now that you’ve signed my book back in Detroit (“get your ass in the chair and write” if you remember), I’m afraid to let myself or my wife touch it. In fact, I’m saving up for an air-tight chamber to prevent any further deterioration. Okay, well, not really, but I do want to try to keep it in good shape.

    Should I then get a paperback to abuse, mistreat, and lend to my wife so that she may too be enlightened? Signs point to yes, but only with your approval, as I want to do nothing to desecrate holy relics such as NotW.

    • Posted May 5, 2010 at 10:25 AM | Permalink

      Thats what I have, two copies, one beautiful hard cover that Pat so lovingly signed, and one paperback that I so lovingly read.

      It’s a good system, and I’ll do the same for the next two books.

  38. Posted May 5, 2010 at 11:30 AM | Permalink

    Ne’er before has one car journey enthralled so many. Thems some serious packaging skills Mr Pat. Fear the might.

    Glad y’made it all the way, and didn’t get destroyed by none of them Robo-evils. Way t’showem who’s boss!

  39. Legbail
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 12:00 PM | Permalink

    Ugh… I remember being a Mover. What a horrible job.

    The hours…

    The co-workers…

    People’s dirty-ass, cat hair covered couches…

    Stained mattresses…

    Would you really ever consider going back? If the writing thing falls through, you should work as a department store Santa.

  40. Taajir
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 1:54 PM | Permalink

    Originally, I used your blog as a way to find out any news about the Kingkiller series…But as time went on, checking for new blogs has become a habit. Not only are you talented, but a hilarious writer, something I find lacking in many writers.

  41. Meggish
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 2:15 PM | Permalink

    One time I was driving through Marin in my roommate’s brand-new car (with her permission, natch) when, with no warning, the driver’s side window made a terrifying noise and FELL INTO THE DOOR. Turned out it was a known defect with that model (whew) but we had to drive back to L.A. and weren’t looking forward to arriving frozen and wind-chapped … so my roomie made a window cover from packing tape and the kite she keeps in her trunk. Still kind of like rolling down the freeway inside a drum, but impressive. Not as impressive as writing my favorite book, though <3

  42. Synergy012
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 2:52 PM | Permalink

    Just one question Pat. Why no iPhone?

  43. Rollen
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 4:14 PM | Permalink

    Pat, you are probably all over this by now, but just in case:

    You are going to love this: http://www.restorejosswhedonandhissmokinghotasskickingchicks.org

    Restore Joss Whedon not Stephen Baldwin!

  44. farleykj
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 6:55 PM | Permalink

    I had a GPS in Germany, and it was a lifesaver. Mostly because the only things I know how to say in German besides easy stuff are remarkably vulgar expressions.
    Back home in the States, however, I have had success with the Dirk Gently method of navigation. Pick a car that looks like it knows where it’s going, and follow it. Got me out of a horrible bit of traffic just last month.

    I do have maps, and love to use them, but that can take all the adventure out of a bit of trouble, can’t it?

  45. Blue Iris
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 8:14 PM | Permalink

    Innovation at its finest!

    ps: thank you for the bit of news on last blog. less than a year baby!! if all goes well.

  46. Olympia
    Posted May 5, 2010 at 10:00 PM | Permalink

    Pat,

    I know you probably wont read this, but this is the first time I have posted a comment. I’ve been reading your blog for about a year now, and look forward to it all the time. Please come to Olympia, WA. We would love to have you up here in the Northwest!! Lots of fans out here.

    Olympia

    • pbatt
      Posted May 6, 2010 at 12:14 AM | Permalink

      As much as I hate to be one of the “zomg come here” people, I have to second Olympia. It’s only an hour-ish from Seattle and two-ish from Portland!

      We have libraries, bookstores, and beer aplenty, man, and apparently more than one admirer of yours.

  47. eli
    Posted May 6, 2010 at 12:31 AM | Permalink

    im still annoyed that you closed comments on your last entry. 11 more months? because of marketing and advertising? They make and release movies in that time frame. Why so many years for a story you wrote long ago?

    • wysen
      Posted May 6, 2010 at 8:42 AM | Permalink

      Stop being the turd in the punch bowl. The book will be out when its out. Whining about it on the internet is useless. Why do you think he turned the comments off? Yet you still feel the need to come the the next open thread and poop in the punch.

      Get over it. Learn to crochet or something while you wait. Trolling the author’s blog is wasted energy.

      • cyrinthian
        Posted May 7, 2010 at 9:25 AM | Permalink

        I’m not trying to be a suckup here (never even commented before), but I was really surprised by how soon the new book is supposed to be out. It really doesn’t matter how many years he’s been working on it in order to get it to a near-publishable form, either way, once it’s in that form it takes a certain amount of time for it to actually get published, and I was sure it’d be a couple of years if even that soon. And obviously books and movies are totally different things, but a movie that gets “made and released” in less than a year was probably in script form well before that, and is also probably either a bad movie, or a very DIY type movie.

    • MacDuff
      Posted May 6, 2010 at 9:59 PM | Permalink

      Seriously, have you ever put more than a few words into a blog reply slot? Do you have any idea what it is like to place your heart and soul out into the public domain for any freaking yahoo-eli-ite to bitch and moan about. Get over your annoyance and take up a hobby. Or maybe learn a little patience and enjoy the anticipation. Of course, you sound like one of those people who can’t wait, finishes early and then doesn’t understand why there is so little satisfaction in his life. Try taking it slow and steady sometime and see how much joy you can find. Life is not a destination, its the journey.

    • Posted May 15, 2010 at 1:59 PM | Permalink

      Actually 11 months is pretty fast for finishing out books. You see, with movies the people who are working on it are likely NOT working on aything else, with books however almost everyone involved with the process has multiple projects that they have their hands in. Like an Agent will have many clients and possibly more than a few that are curently putting out books. The the publisher and editor has multiple clients, and the cover artists have multiple clients. Hands down the publishing industry is over packed with work and not enough people to do it, so you tend to get a long processing time.

      In my opinion, we should all be happy that we have some sort of release date, because now we can plan for it. I know of many Authors who wouldn’t announce their release dates personally, they would wait until the Agent announces it.

      You should just try to understand that the people invlved are going to work as fast as they can to get the book to us. And we should all be happy that Pat is awesome enough to not release a book that is sub-par.

      I loved Name of the Wind, and I believe that Pat will make Wise Man’s Fear an even better read. This fact alone makes me happy to wait it out.

      -Rex

  48. Sedulo
    Posted May 6, 2010 at 3:34 AM | Permalink

    e@li
    Sigh, you have answered your own question there.

    @Pat:

    GPS where I live is insane. 1632 PL SE vs. SE 1632 PL…I swear by the Thomas guides! Maps rule!

  49. Posted May 6, 2010 at 9:53 AM | Permalink

    I’m a big fan of percussive maintenance. Actually my relationships with my my machines are a little unhealthy that way. I mean, I think they will work better if I’m a little rough with them? They need to know who’s in charge? That can’t be right…

  50. PirateXxEsque
    Posted May 6, 2010 at 10:09 AM | Permalink

    I must be one of those crazy nuts who like travelling (:

    When you’re reading text, do you imagine their voice in your head saying it, with all the inflections and emotions too?

  51. PlushMonkey
    Posted May 6, 2010 at 5:23 PM | Permalink

    This should be a prize for next year’s Worldbuilders auction… Pat will come over to your house and verbally abuse your electronics. I’d buy it.

  52. Posted May 7, 2010 at 4:25 PM | Permalink

    Very like y’all have seen this already, but in case not, it shall make you smile, I promise. Presenting: Restore Joss Whedon!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKNqc3a9Xqs

  53. Kobrin
    Posted May 7, 2010 at 9:57 PM | Permalink

    Magellan, like its namesake, failed to complete its voyage unscathed.

    At least they didn’t name it HAL. ;)

  54. Helen
    Posted May 7, 2010 at 10:21 PM | Permalink

    Any chance of Fan Fiction Part II – GRRM has just joined in a big angry internet debate about it on his blog and I’d love to know the rest of what you have to say?

  55. court88
    Posted May 9, 2010 at 9:30 AM | Permalink

    ah man u crack me up!!

  56. court88
    Posted May 9, 2010 at 9:32 AM | Permalink

    ps ive never seen one of these magellens before..can it really talk back or is that me being gullible?? if it can thats mightily creepy yet creepily awesome!!

  57. Asio
    Posted May 9, 2010 at 4:51 PM | Permalink

    I didn’t know caffeine was available in powder form!? Do you just sprinkle some on toast and skip coffee? That sound dangerous, knowing myself I would be in serious trouble if I had a that vial nearby on a tough morning!

  58. Cayenne Pepper
    Posted May 9, 2010 at 10:58 PM | Permalink

    Wow! You might not believe it but the same thing happened to my car window a couple months back. I used cut-up plastic grocery bags and scotch tape! Kudos to you on the pallett-wrapping Pat; you topped me on the visibility. Although, my main goal was to stop the rain. Macguiver would be proud. I have to say the wierdest thing was the drive home when I found out my window was stuck. I couldn’t move it, but it kept inching further down every time I looked over. It was like a slow death march to be consumed by the door.

  59. PirateXxEsque
    Posted May 10, 2010 at 4:34 AM | Permalink

    Pat!

    It’s more concerning the previous post and the tentative release date!

    YOU NEED TO UPDATE THE FAQ ON THE FRONT PAGE :O

    How excitement,
        PirateXxEsque.

  60. Sokol
    Posted May 10, 2010 at 12:03 PM | Permalink

    Great blog, Pat. Did we all work in warehouses at one time or another. The one I worked in was for a theme park . I still remember the wars we had using giant stuffed Panda Bears.

    Looking forward to next March. Thanks for the birthday present, and I didn’t get you anything.

    Sokol

  61. Posted May 10, 2010 at 7:22 PM | Permalink

    I agree with your methods concerning machines, I beat my various electronics regularly. And during this past semesters many computers died but mine survived which is proof that dropping your computers does help!

    And this wordpress thing doesn’t bother me, although I stupidly typed in my regular wordpress account about a million times annoyed that it refused to believe I had one, even though it was open in the next tab. Now I simply feel cool that I have a fake admin account for your blog!

    -Sarah :)

  62. cinnkitty
    Posted May 12, 2010 at 2:41 PM | Permalink

    Don’t worry Mr. Rothfuss, my Tom Tom sometimes Lie Lies to me too! :)

  63. KMartin
    Posted May 16, 2010 at 3:43 AM | Permalink

    Holy God, I nearly pissed myself reading this blog! Seriously I laughed for several minutes; there were even tears. (Although the late hour might account for some lack of brain function.) Glad to know I’m not the only one forced to bouts of rage by a scheming gps with an agenda of its own. Hopefully I won’t have too much trouble during my day long gps directed journey to Mobile tomorrow. Maybe I should start the day off with a very serious conversation with “Larry” (aka my Garmin Nuvi).

    Cheers,
    KMartin

  64. Benny
    Posted May 17, 2010 at 5:54 AM | Permalink

    I once lost my temper with my TomTom and repeatedly punched it, shattering the screen and leaving blood running down my hands. There was a painfull silence in the car with my girlfriend and eventually we turned round and went home without reaching the destination.

    My girlfriend, afterwards, told me she once went on a date and the guy bought a Macdonalds. As he was driving the MacDonalds cup fell out his hand and went all over him. In a flash of anger he punched the windscreen shattering it.

    It seems to me these pesky gadgets are (deliberate) economy boosting agent’s working for the government.

  65. TheRuncible
    Posted May 22, 2010 at 1:06 PM | Permalink

    That wouldn’t by any chance be a 94-97 Honda Accord, would it? That’s what I drive!

    And yup, the windows get stuck all the time when it’s cold, or wet. I think I’m supposed to put some silicon lube on the motor tracks, or whatever, but that just seems too…familiar.

    Otherwise a great car, though it seems odd that a bestselling author drives the same car as my broke ass…

  66. silenther0
    Posted August 24, 2010 at 11:11 PM | Permalink

    I loved this blog, in fact I just registered just so I could comment on how entertaining it was to read. I check in here occasionally to see when I can continue the adventure with Kvothe, so figured why not go ahead an register.

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