Fanmail Q & A: Coolness

It’s been a while since I answered an e-mail from a reader. How about we do that?

Pat,

I just wanted to say I’ve loved The Name of the Wind for over a year now, but I just recently found your website. Your blog has kept me laughing for almost two solid weeks as I go back and read the archives. That’s something I’ve never done with a blog before.

Even better, your fundraiser was seriously amazing this year.

Seriously, how cool are you?

Jake

Jake,

You strike on a topic I’ve been curious about for some time. How cool am I?

As I’ve mentioned before in the blog, growing up, I wasn’t one of the cool kids. But things change, and these days geek is chic. I’m willing to admit to the fact that these days, I might actually be a little cool.

Your letter poses an interesting problem though. If you’d simply asked, “Are you cool?” I could have gotten away with answering “maybe” or “kinda.” But you’ve asked for a _degree_ of coolness. What’s more, you’ve requested that I *seriously* consider the problem.

That means we need to use science and shit. We need quantifiable units of coolness that we can plug into formulas. We need to be rigorous.

Unfortunately, to the best of my knowledge, the BIPM hasn’t established a standard unit by which we can measure coolness. I can’t just tell you that I’m say, 85 pascals of cool. Or 158 newtons. Or whatever.

That means if we want to determine how cool I am, we have to measure me against some sort of universally accepted standard of cool. We need to develop our own yardstick, as it were.

So, let’s pick two people who are undeniably cool. The king and queen of geek cool: Felicia Day and Neil Gaiman.

Now we need some numbers. While popularity isn’t quite the same thing as cool, you have to admit they’re closely related. Since I don’t have access to things like book sales or website hits, we’ll have to go to the lowest common denominator: Facebook.

(Yes, I know. Technically, Myspace would be the lowest common denominator. But there’s only so low I’m willing to go, even for science.)

A quick search of fan pages reveals the following stats.

Felicia: 192,000 fans.

Neil: 90,000 fans.

Me: 10,000 fans.

Now we could stop here and say, that I’m about .05 as cool as Felicia. Or that I’m roughly .11 of a Gaiman. Or something like that.

But drawing data from only one source strikes me as slipshod. To round things out, why don’t we take a look at Goodreads rankings?

Here’s a screenshot of their list of most-followed people.

[Edit: Yes, I know these numbers have changed since I took the screenshot. I’m not redoing the math.]
(Click to Embiggen)

As a side note, you can see that according to Goodreads, I’m ever-so slightly cooler than Wil Wheaton. I like how it looks like his little Lego man is pissed at me for being above him.

“Curse you, Rothfuss,” Lego-Wheaton says. “How dare you get between me and Felicia day?”

“Takest not that tone with me,” Russian-dictator-looking-Rothfuss glowers from above. “Lest I crush you with my manly, blue-lit beard.”

“Bring it Hagrid,” he replies. “I’ll beat you like a redheaded stepchild.”

“What are you going to use?” I say. “Your kung-fu grip? Hell, you don’t even have any elbows!”

Wait… Sorry, what was I talking about again?

Oh. Right. Coolness. I guess I lost a few points just there.

Anyway, as you can see things stand like this:

Me: 383 friends, 308 people following my reviews.

Felicia: 2,710 friends, 380 people following her reviews.

Not pictured above, Neil Gaiman sits at #1 on this list. Topping the chart on a mountain of cool with 5,175 friends and 3,133 people following his reviews.

Let’s just combine these for simplicity’s sake:

Gaiman: 8308

Felicia: 3090

Me: 691

Because the Facebook numbers are really high compared to Goodreads, we have to normalize them by multiplying by .045. (Don’t ask how I got there. It’s boring. If you understand statistics, you know how it works.) That gives us:

Gaiman: 4050

Felicia: 8550

Me: 450

So we add these together and apply the bonus multipliers.

Gaimain:
Medium Bonus – Novels, Comics, Movies, Audiobooks: *1.4

Association Bonus – Engaged to Amanda Palmer *1.5

Flair Bonus – Accent *1.4

Appearance Bonus: Sexy *1.5

12358 *1.4 *1.5 *1.4 *1.5 = 54499

Felicia:
Medium Bonus – Television, Webisodes, Comics: *1.3
(The Guild comic is coming out soon, in case you didn’t know.)

Association Bonus – Works with Joss Whedon *1.6

Flair Bonus – Smells like flowers and PS3 *1.3

Appearance Bonus: Sexy *1.5

11640 *1.3 *1.6 *1.2 *1.5 = 47212

Me:
Flair Bonus: Beard *1.2

Penalty: Engaging in imaginary smack talk with Lego-Wheaton. *.09

1141 *1.2 *0.9 = 1232

You still with me? Now we have to create our yardstick for the measurement of geek-coolness. Imagine if Neil Gaiman and Felicia Day were somehow alchemically combined into one creature. Some ubercool, sexy, hermaphroditic, webisode-creating, rockstar, gamer, author thing.

I think it’s safe to say that godlike creature would be the ultimate amalgam of geek cool.

So if we add together the scores of Neil Gaiman and Felicia Day, we get roughly 100,000 units. These I hereby term Gaiman-Day units. They will hereafter be used to determine how cool someone is. 100,000 Gaiman-Day units is the coolest you can be without collapsing into some manner of singularity.

So there we go. Now we have a way to quantify how cool I am, Jake. I am exactly 1232 Gaiman-Day units of cool. Only about one percent as cool as it’s possible to be.

I hope this answers your question, Jake.

pat

This entry was posted in facebook, Fanmail Q + A, Felicia Day, Goodreads, Neil Gaiman, Science, Wil WheatonBy Pat113 Responses

102 Comments

  1. N!
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 6:44 AM | Permalink

    STAND BACK! He’s going to do SCIENCE!!

  2. Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 6:45 AM | Permalink

    I’m not sure that combining Gaiman and Day’s scores creates a good baseline. Aren’t you saying that Neil is only living up to 60% of his potential coolness? (And we all know the extent of your mancrush on him.)

    The only way to even get a passing score on this scale is to sew together some sort of nightmarish Gaiman-Day conjoined twin hybrid. (It would start out with a score of 100,000, but would shed a bunch what with the lurching and shared circulatory system.)

    I think you need to start with small units, and work your way up from there. For example, I estimate you are 16.7 Hasselhoffs. Unfortunately, that means in Germany you’re a fraction.

    —Remo

  3. Pat
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 6:48 AM | Permalink

    No no. No sewing. It would be an alchemical combination. They’d be as perfect as a pre-hubris Greek.

    • Posted August 7, 2011 at 8:05 PM | Permalink

      In my humble (5 Gaiman-Day units) opinion, that was the single nerdiest things you’ve said on here. How much of Burkhardt and Lindy have you really read?

  4. Mary J.
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 7:06 AM | Permalink

    Pat, I love you and your bizarre logic.
    That is all.

  5. Zach
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 7:13 AM | Permalink

    Where’s the missing Rothfuss constant? We need to work a way to measure coolness for us mortals.

  6. Atreus
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 7:26 AM | Permalink

    Words fail to describe how truly epic this post is….

  7. Russell James
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 7:32 AM | Permalink

    I’m going to laugh over this post all night.

  8. Atreus
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 7:34 AM | Permalink

    Hehe, by the way, I started reading your book aloud a while back to one of my friends. Now I have a merry little group of followers who gather every night to hear me read The Name of the Wind, brutally butchering the Russian accents I substituted for Caeldish (I have no real-world references to go by here, I do with what I can) :D

    Congrats on the fundraiser – I was sick with brokecollegestudentitis, but I am going Army in a few weeks and I will be sure to set aside a goodly portion for the Worldbuilders next year.

    Best of luck on the next book – knowing my luck though it will come out after I finish training and am stuck in B.F.E.

    By the way, you need to give yourself at least 2,000 Gaiman-Days for finally, quantifiably,create a system of nerd-cool measurement.

    Peace!
    Aaron J. Estes

  9. Chiara
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 7:44 AM | Permalink

    you. are. AWESOME. really.

    :D :D :D :D

  10. Jacob
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 7:50 AM | Permalink

    Where do I fall on that if I have no idea who Felicia Day is?

  11. jansp
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 7:50 AM | Permalink

    You forgot to add in your coolness points for raising tons of money for Heifer. That should raise you several Gaiman-Day points.

  12. Zack Truel
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:09 AM | Permalink

    Wow Pat! You never cease to amaze me. You made an error though, your lego-wheaton conversation added to your coolness not subtracted from. That conversation had me laughing out loud here at work. At 3:07am when everything is dead silence in the office and I bust out laughing it brings a lot of attention.

    I wasn’t even going to try to explain to them what I was laughing about! ;)

  13. Ree
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:29 AM | Permalink

    Ahhh~, wait a moment, Pat. You forgot to add some points for your self. You need to add points for you kickass fundraiser, epic author picture (yes, i think you should get points for that. Seriously, I have not seen any author with a more cool bio picture than you.), the pink cat eared hat (for the flare points ^w^), and amazing humor used with excellent bloging skills. Yes, I’m probably missing some, but still, you see my point. With your logic, you still may not surpass the Gaiman-Day homunculus, but you are alot closer and and a whole lot cooler than you think.

  14. Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:30 AM | Permalink

    What happened to the old time unit of cool, a ‘Fonzie’? Is there some sort of conversion chart I can look up?

  15. Greg
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:41 AM | Permalink

    This is fantastic. However, I think if a third party (e.g. your fans) were to assign you bonus multipliers you would score much, much higher!

  16. JDP
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:43 AM | Permalink

    I thought coolness was measured in mB (milli-Bauers). Are you talking metric or imperial?

  17. Vincent
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:46 AM | Permalink

    Coolness is in the eyes of the beholder. And there is only one winner, and that is Oot! But, you are a bit cool for being his father, I guess…

  18. Bombie
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:51 AM | Permalink

    – If you are Fonzie-cool, you cannot be converted.

    – The power of Twitter:
    Neil Gaiman: 1,461,173 Followers
    Felicia Day: 1,746,233 Followers

    – This entry went beyond cool.

    – You are hardly an impartial observer. You are too modest by far. (No worries though, I think your modesty lands you another 1000 Gaiman-Days at least) Behold the impartiality of your loyal fans:

    + Medium Bonus: Book, blog, charity: *1.3

    + Flair Bonus: Beard *1.4

    + Lego-Wheaton smack-talk: *1.1

    + Association Bonus – All the Worldbuilders contributors: *1.5

    I’m sure I’m forgetting a lot of multipliers and bonuses that other people will point out.

  19. Rex
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:55 AM | Permalink

    you left out your medium bonus… you have Novel, Blog, Article

    You also forgot about the coolness thats added by your fundraiser!

    don’t sell yourself short.

    sure these things may not add up to THAT much cool, but the few points count for something

  20. Erik
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 9:25 AM | Permalink

    @Jakob, I’d say -273

  21. Zoe
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 9:58 AM | Permalink

    But hang on Pat, you have only written one book…no? So perhaps you should consider re-visiting said coolness of the first two participants at the same stage of their careers? Because otherwise it’s like comparing ‘Escape From New York’ with ‘Avatar.’ Fledgling cool vs stupidly-big-budget-good-looking-cool, if you get my drift.
    But of course, I choose a James Cameron analogy because, well, he is a geek, and Snake Plisskin adds important cool kudos right from the get go (which is kind of where you are…I think…kind of, is that cool?

  22. slow
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 10:51 AM | Permalink

    Prof. Farnsworth invented the Cool-o-meter in Futurama S05E15, it measures coolness in fonzies (up to megafonzies). i guess patrick would rate just like this:
    IT’S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAND!

  23. Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 11:02 AM | Permalink

    I don’t usually get the urge to post on people’s blogs.. the last person who’s blog I posted on was Eddie Campbell’s (graphic novelist and co writer of “From Hell” on which the movie was based) about 3 years ago after meeting him. Long story short – you sell yourself short. I haven’t read your book, but I plan to possibly next week while I am on holidays (and have been planing to for sometime after reading the first 2 pages not long after it was released – a big thing for me as it usually takes me a little longer to actually decide i like a book), a number of my friends rave about you, and your blog is one of the funniest things i have had the pleasure of reading for a while apart from Jennifer Fallons blog. You and Jen (although she has been around for a little longer then you) share a new writer coolness that isn’t often found these days. Awsome books and wikid sence of humour and a true love of their fans.

  24. Alicia
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 11:26 AM | Permalink

    Jacob – You have to lose about 15,000 GDs. Like the R-man says – she is the queen from whom the standard is derived. How can you not know?

    Pat – you rock. I posit that your awesomeness should factor in your coolness.

    -A-

  25. Schuyler
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 11:59 AM | Permalink

    I like the idea of the Gaiman-Day scale, but the numbers are a little clunky. Too large, too wide of a range, and too many sig figs to remember. How about we take 2*log(G-D) to give us a nice simple-looking 10-scale?

    Gaiman himself is a 9.4, Ms. Day is a 9.3, and even you come out at a modest 6.2 using your own harsh bonus multipliers.

  26. Armin
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 12:13 PM | Permalink

    Seriously Pat: (yes I used the word, too, so you’ll do think about it that way won’t you?)

    Either did you stack so low as to not try and outdo your heroes and heroines and because you are just a way to humble person?

    OR

    Did you intentionally leave enough space for hundreds of forgot-the-adjective, numbered minions to post vigorously on how cool the blue lighted Nostradamus avatar and all you other achievements are, so you could bath in a flood of Pat-praising posts?

    Scientifically speaking: I can follow you to the point were you add up Day and Gaiman to 100,000. This would only make sense to me if they were 100% distinctly cool, which they aren’t. Although I agree that they probably cover the whole breadth of coolness.
    Wont help in your final score but in % you will gain a little.

    Epic blog anyways, will help you a lot when someone comes up with a (nerd/)geekness measure.

    — Something completely different:
    You write fantasy so maybe you are interested in fantasy-like creatures, like the CopyPaste bird or more correcly lyre bird (in German Leierschwanz) – look it up in youtube just stumbled upon and needed to pass it on, bad (or good) for you that next thing I did was reading your blog.

    cheers
    Armin
    (German, so endure my bad English)

  27. jaimo
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 12:18 PM | Permalink

    If there was an alchemically combined Neil Gaiman/Felicia and you *got busy* with it…what would that make you?

  28. Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 1:07 PM | Permalink

    I think you just got a lot more facebook fans and goodreads followers…so you’ll have to re-do all your math soon.

  29. Lea
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 1:53 PM | Permalink

    Please continue the Lego Wheaton / Hagrid Pat throwdown!!!!!

  30. Becky B
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 2:10 PM | Permalink

    My mom says I’m cool.

  31. DMBeucler
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 2:28 PM | Permalink

    This reminds me of http://yuki-onna.livejournal.com/560368.html

    Ya made me giggle.

  32. teri
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 3:07 PM | Permalink

    Pat, Pat, Pat! This post alone gets you another *1.5 bonus! The real coolness factor for Gaiman, Day, Wheaton, Rothfuss is a true respect and appreciate for the fans (and I believe a lot of us ‘follow’ all of you). Just saying, the four of you together are as powerful as the Large Hadron Collider!

    Thanks for this and all you do.

  33. logankstewart
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 3:10 PM | Permalink

    This was wonderful, Pat. I took several Prob & Stats classes and I found this stuff hysterical.

    The line “Some ubercool, sexy, hermaphroditic, webisode-creating, rockstar, gamer, author thing” had me cracked up, too.

    Excellent stuff today.

    I’d like to see where Joss Whedon falls in on this scale.

  34. April (BooksandWine)
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 3:28 PM | Permalink

    Ahahaha.

    Mr. Rothfuss, I think you are way cool, especially with your bad-ass beard!

    This said, if Gaiman and Day and the king and queen of Geekopia, you are the prince.

    Also, hip hip hooray for the Guild coming out in comic-form! I can’t wait to read of cheese-gouging and avatar-dating!

  35. Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 4:02 PM | Permalink

    Forgive the ignorant Scottish person, but who is Felicia Day? And isn’t cool measured in bergs?

  36. B. L. Garver
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 4:08 PM | Permalink

    In my world, Pat, YOU are the reference point when figuring out degrees of cool. Even to my Gaiman-loving best friend. You’re the cat’s pajamas, man. Everyone else should be gauging themselves against you.

    BLG

  37. Katie
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 4:15 PM | Permalink

    i think you should get bonus points for creating a new unit of measurement.
    also? you are great.
    take care!
    k

  38. Jaybles
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 4:22 PM | Permalink

    I just laughed into my morning coffee, and yet I can’t think of a better way to start my day. Seriously though, I never thought I would find humer in science. Thanks for the good words pat!

    -jaybles

  39. Ambrosius
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 4:29 PM | Permalink

    Genius statistic!
    But the less followers you have, the more intellectual coolness you’ve got, so you have to multiply your score by 1.4 for great Humor, then multiply it by 1.9 for your Wisdom. After that you know what’s your “Understandable-for-all-Coolness”, but if you take your intellectual uber-powers, you’d have to multiply your score with Universal-Genius, which would be around 70k points, which means you’re at least as cool as the other cool men and women.
    As the Word Verification says: SCREWED
    Yeah i love those verifications.
    I think i’m going to make a verification bar, where everyone has to enter a veryfication code to come in.
    Have yourself a pleasent afternoon (or evening, whatever. Here in austria it’s about 5 pm.).
    Ps.: screwed =)
    PPs: Wouldn’t ambrosius be a great name?

  40. Robert J. McCarter
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 4:31 PM | Permalink

    Sir,

    You gravely underestimate your coolness.

    While Ms. Day is certainly hotter (as in girly-geek-hot) and Mr. Gaiman seems to have doppelgangerized himself (he is just everywhere) neither has risked, to my knowledge, paying their mortgage to help others. And that sir makes you supremely cool in my book.

    And to that we must add the fact that you invented the most bitching system for magic I have ever found.

    Well done sir, well done.

  41. B. L. Garver
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 4:35 PM | Permalink

    Yes…the most bitching magic system ever. I concur.

    BLG

  42. Derek
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:00 PM | Permalink

    You have one more fan on Facebook! I feel foolish for not adding you sooner.

    I think you should add your 1232 Gaiman-Day Coolness units to your personal info.

    I have a question – what if a Gaiman-Day got together with a Day-Gaiman and they had a child Gaiman-Day-Day-Gaiman – or Day-Gaiman-Gaiman-Day – or… you get the idea. Would that offspring then be a New Universe of Cool Unto Its Own? Or is that just silly talk, icky, or something else all together?

  43. Diana
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:04 PM | Permalink

    <<<3 I heart this blog.

  44. Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:07 PM | Permalink

    I LOVE your blog!

  45. Kathleen
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:19 PM | Permalink

    Bonus points for living in the Same STATE as Gaiman…that has to count for something

  46. Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:20 PM | Permalink

    so . . by your mesurement. where would joss whedon rate?? i mean he’s got the comic book, episodes, and movie multiplier . . . and an entire blog page made for him by his fans (whedonesque.com). Just curious.

  47. Marjorie
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:25 PM | Permalink

    I agree that inventing a new unit of measurement for coolness should definitley add to your score, as should Worldbuilders… Also, not rising up up slaying those those with entitlement issues has to count for something.

    Loved this post :-)

  48. dillivered
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:27 PM | Permalink

    Frak Whedon… Awww hell I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I’m just pissed because according to the Gaiman-Day scale I am somewhere around the same level of cool as a tree slug. Probably not even that because some funny frakker out there probably thinks tree slugs are the greatest ever. Nobody thinks that about me so, maybe a lamprey? Pretty sure nobody thinks lampreys are awesome.

  49. Carrie
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:33 PM | Permalink

    Win.

  50. TheGloop
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:42 PM | Permalink

    Pat, You really are the coolest. You can’t measure cool in popularity with these figures though. I mean, to be fair, you only have widely published one cool thing (don’t get me wrong it is the COOLEST!) but you can’t expect to have the same readership or followers with one book. You are a fabulous person, with all the charity that you do and the way you are such an inspiration for uncool nerds who some day dream of being as awesome as you. Wait till your trilogy is finished, turned into a movie or series on HBO, watched endlessly in repeats on TNT, and THEN show me your figures.

  51. Nicole
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:43 PM | Permalink

    I laughed out loud so expectedly while I was reading that the 11 month old I look after stopped playing to look at me funny.

    I am not entirely sure its sound science, but the process and explanation is pretty darn entertaining and that’s pretty cool in my books.

  52. UK Chris
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:57 PM | Permalink

    I got confused because I expected Neil to be Neil Patrick Harris, which is the only Neil I ever want to see you alchemically mixing together with Felecia Day (young man!). So yes, please get on that.

    Also, if you had to create a Binding between Felicia Day and Neil Gaiman, how would you do it?

  53. Kit
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:58 PM | Permalink

    On the subject of Gaiman-Day units. I have no problem with Felicia Day as the Queen of Geek Cool–she wins that title hands-down. And, I agree that Neil Gaiman is certainly a member of the Geek Cool royal family. Moving down the list, if someone had told me back in the 80’s that Wil Wheaton in a kilt could be disturbingly attractive I would have laughed myself sick. However, even considering Wil’s frowny hotness, Pat scores way, way cooler than him. The thing is, with cool, the minute you call yourself ultra cool you become immediately less cool, so Pat’s self-deprecation immediately raises his score, adding another multiplyer to the formula.

    [fan gush] Pat, I fell in love with you the moment I read the line, “It was the cut-flower sound of a man waiting to die.” Throughout Name of the Wind, your prose takes my breath away. Writing as beautiful as yours rightfully takes time, and I will wait for Wise Man’s Fear however long it takes. [end fan gush]

    Ahem. Returning to the discussion of Gaiman-Day units. Addressing logankstewart’s comment, “I’d like to see where Joss Whedon falls in on this scale,” I would argue that you can’t apply Gaiman-Day units to him. Joss Whedon totally breaks the curve.

  54. Kay
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 5:58 PM | Permalink

    the lego-wheaton conversation increased your cool. that made my day.

  55. Kathryn
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 6:01 PM | Permalink

    I think I got lost in there somewhere lol. Math and I are not friends.

  56. Robin Deffendall
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 6:05 PM | Permalink

    Pat, your personal acolyte is appalled at your unfathomably low Gaiman-Day score. Should there not be some sort of bonus for us losers who don’t follow anyone on Facebook or GoodReads? (What you say? A librarian who doesn’t follow GoodReads. Well now that there is someone whose opinion I trust, I might!)
    OK, so once I log in to follow you on GoodReads you can up your score by a micropoint or two. Feel better now? Your coolness will soon increase!

  57. Rhonda Roo
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 6:12 PM | Permalink

    Wow. This post was retweeted by Neil Gaiman who we’ve established as cool~

    however, your post is so incredibly AWESOME that I, follower of Neil Gaiman and all around stalker chick extraordinnaire, am TEMPTED to defect to the Rothfuss camp.

    (which probably Neil wouldn’t mind, except that i am one of his followers who is an actual-reader-and-not-a-bot, sooo, it could hurt a little bit).

    You. Are. A. Rock N Roll STAR.

    You settled the “what books to buy with the remainder of the barnes and noble gift cards i received from the many friends and family members who recoginize that my degree of coolness is in direct proportion to how many books i can read by supercool authors” dilemma.

    Carry on.
    XOXO Rhonda Roo

  58. Kit
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 6:17 PM | Permalink

    Grrr. Argh. Of all the quotes to get wrong. I meant, “It was the patient, cut-flower sound of a man waiting to die.”

  59. Marjorie
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 6:56 PM | Permalink

    Neil Gaiman just described you as “very cool”.
    That’s surely got to up your score…

  60. wirelessrobin
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 9:13 PM | Permalink

    Pat, the only way you could loose any coolness points is if you intentionally ran over a flock of baby ducks crossing the road while laughing manically.

    To me, you are the epitome of cool. This is the only blog I read….

    It’s all for you Pat.. It’s all for you!

  61. Tacroy
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 10:22 PM | Permalink

    1% of the universal coolness ceiling is still pretty good – after all, 1% of the speed of light is faster than any human has ever traveled, ever.

  62. Anonymous
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 10:43 PM | Permalink

    On Futurama coolness is measured in Fonzies and Megafonzies.

  63. Vae
    Posted January 27, 2010 at 11:07 PM | Permalink

    thats some major interesting math, Pat. But you also have to remember time scale :) afterall, Gaiman has been writing and publishing major works a lot longer than you. He just has a bit of a head start is all. I am sure you will surpass even the master some day :)

  64. Anonymous
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 12:18 AM | Permalink

    If we haven’t received something from the fundraiser yet (poster) should we send an email to someone or should we still wait it out? I got my other stuff a few weeks ago.

  65. Melissa
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 1:30 AM | Permalink

    Pat,

    In reference to the commenter above that pointed out that you have published one book so far, and are still maturing into your fame, compared to the accomplished Gaiman and Day, we in my biology geekdom would recommend that you normalize coolness units by dividing by books published.

    Still laughing too much to write more. Haven’t been able to catch my breath yet . . . it’s been 15 minutes . . sheesh .

    Melissa

  66. Ali
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 1:55 AM | Permalink

    That was the greatest blog post I’ve ever read in my life. You deserve major cool points in my book.

  67. Pat
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 2:26 AM | Permalink

    If you’ve been waiting more than two weeks for a poster, you can send an e-mail to the paperback contest e-mail and we’ll try to sort it out.

  68. Wafaa
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 3:06 AM | Permalink

    Lol…
    This made my day. Don’t know if I’ve ever laughed this much!

  69. Endo
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 3:07 AM | Permalink

    Who gave you the calculator? No more science for you. Back to the writing desk. *whip crack*
    You remember what happened last time, when I found you in the basement with a file and a coke can making thermite….

    Seriously though, Thanks! This completely made my day!

  70. Peat
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 5:02 AM | Permalink

    Let us not forget the three beautiful women who silkscreened your book cover to their naked backs, my friend.

    How many Gaiman-Day points is that worth? If none, your scale needs a Fonzie/Errol Flynn factor conversion rate.

  71. Jake
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 2:17 PM | Permalink

    My head hurts!!

  72. Ana
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 5:10 PM | Permalink

    You’re selling yourself short dude!

    I went to see you at a signing and now The Name Of The Wind is (deservedly) more popular than Twilight in my school!

    You win cool points for that!

    (To be fair you would win EVEN MORE cool points if you wrote a short story where Kvothe killed a sparkly vampire; I know that deep down you want to write fanfiction for your own novel ;D )

    Word verification; brabil – a gerbil wearing a bra?

  73. Anonymous
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 8:53 PM | Permalink

    Shouldn’t the multiplier be .041 instead of .045? Otherwise you’re weighting the results towards facebook.

  74. Art-Jan
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 10:17 PM | Permalink

    Don’t know if somebody noticed already, got no time to read al posts, need to study for my exam in statistics tomorrow morning, oh the irony..

    but my point being: Pat forgot to give himself a *1.2 medium bonus( awesome book + awesome blog).

    also, because statistics are like lies for the advanced, we switch Pats beard from flair bonus to appearance bonus. o.k?

    Now, with a bit of creativity we can argue that the initiative for worldbuilders adds to Pats flair bonus. If someone does not agree, please tell.

    Since Worldbuilders is a great concept, it counts for at least a *1.3 bonus

    Mr. Rothfuss, you are being to modest for not giving yourself these bonus opitons. only one positive multiplier for you? And three for Gaiman and Day?
    Its not fair, and you know it.

    Therefore, I think I speak on behalf of everyone here when I say you deserve a modesty bonus. Lets say: .1 for every bonus you gave to them, and not to yourself. Earlier here I gave you already the appearance and medium bonus, so that leaves only the association bonus.: *1.1

    All combined:

    1141 *1.2 *1.2 *1.3 * 1.1 *0.9 = 2115 Gaiman-Day units of cool.

    glad to be of service

  75. devryl
    Posted January 28, 2010 at 10:25 PM | Permalink

    You have too much spare time. But do continue, it’s amusing.

  76. Anonymous
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 12:04 AM | Permalink

    Pat. This is kind of off topic, but it fits with the whole nerd/geek/coolness theme. Check out themovieblog.com. They have a list of The 20 nerd commandments. I laughed so hard i actually had tears rolling down my face! Have fun.

  77. Vinny K
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 12:15 AM | Permalink

    Pat, I think you need to add a couple hundred Gaimen-Day Units to your coolness for coming up with the System of Measurement for Coolness. And another hundred units for using the example of Alchemy in your explanation. May fortune smile upon you.

    ~Vinny~

  78. SiloG
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 12:38 AM | Permalink

    This has to be one of the most enjoyable blogs I’ve read of yours D;

  79. C. S. Lane
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 1:16 AM | Permalink

    Awesome.
    Simply awesome.

    Which raises a second question:
    How awesome are you, Pat?

    Seriously?

  80. Chuck Danger
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 1:37 AM | Permalink

    I don’t care who you are, that’s some funny shit, Gus.

  81. Em
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 8:24 AM | Permalink

    You are cool. We don’t need maths or science to prove it :)

  82. weasel
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 9:00 AM | Permalink

    I can only hope you didn’t fall into some kind of singularity when exceeding the 100,000 Gainman-Days while you were writing this post…

    Btw, now I can’t stop thinking about this imaginary conversation with Will Wheaton. Only in my head it’s more like in ‘Gamers.’ … “Stop Wheaton, or I smite thee with my mighty beard!” “Smite the with my mighty beard’?!?” “Oh, shut up!”

  83. mountie9
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 5:45 PM | Permalink

    OMG, I love you — that was hilarious! And Follower Jacob — Felicia Day is from Dr Horrible’s Sing a long blog and the Guild

  84. Øystein
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 6:45 PM | Permalink

    You are eerily correct about the russian-dictator-looking picture.. You remind me of this guy

  85. LiqudWeird
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 7:26 PM | Permalink

    Ok… but what about mortals who don’t have fans? Is there a conversion for fans to friends? (In Facebook terms, obviously actual friends are closer to you and more important than individual fans) So if I know this really cool dude who is just some dude, not a celebrity with a fan page, how can I tell how cool that guy is?

    WV: menet – Some sort of painter guy from like, France, or something. One of those 1800s guys who wore turtlenecks and smoked thin ciggys on long filter sticks and like, drank absinthe and bemoaned thier ennui for a living. You know. A douchebag.

  86. Luke Marrott
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 7:30 PM | Permalink

    I agree with countless posts before me. This blog alone, including the Lego argument, should multiply your coolness by many factors. No other blog is as entertaining as yours. That is worth something special!

  87. Jess
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 8:15 PM | Permalink

    Have you seen Cat Valente’s Brian’s Scale?

    “Brian: “I feel like I need a scale whenever I meet someone, so I can know if this is a really big author that I should know, or if they are new, or were big in the 80s or what. I have no idea, usually. Like…this guy is two Scalzis, or something.”

    You would all love it.

    http://yuki-onna.livejournal.com/559209.html

    Today’s word verification: uncemo!

  88. Anonymous
    Posted January 29, 2010 at 11:49 PM | Permalink

    The problem I see with your math is that while Gaiman works well to define the top of the scale of coolness, there is the undefined matter of calibrating the zero point. And for absolute zero I have to think Will Wheaton is as appropriate a choice as anyone is likely to find.

    You should have stopped with Facebook.

  89. marky
    Posted January 30, 2010 at 11:20 AM | Permalink

    LoL. Very cool answer.

  90. damon
    Posted January 30, 2010 at 3:06 PM | Permalink

    if your name is damon and you are gay is that perfect score or close?

  91. Kayleigh
    Posted January 30, 2010 at 4:42 PM | Permalink

    First, add a vote for the most b*tching magic system. I heartily agree. Much better than pointing a wand and saying things in semi-Latin.

    Second, you can add a good many points just by the fact that no other author I know (perhaps I just haven’t looked long enough) guarantees that he’ll sign your book if you send it and some goodies to him.

    My brother, when he gets home from overseas in seven days, is going to get the best Christmas present ever because of you, and I believe that counts for a lot.

    So stop selling yourself so short. =]

  92. Nathan
    Posted January 30, 2010 at 9:29 PM | Permalink

    Hahaha! EPIC!

  93. Nathan
    Posted January 30, 2010 at 9:31 PM | Permalink

    Wait… I just realized, Pat; By doing Science, aren’t you meddling with the dark forces, better left alone?

  94. jkaymartin
    Posted January 31, 2010 at 10:37 AM | Permalink

    Indeed, you do sell yourself short. Many people have already enumerated the ways in which you do so, which leaves me free to point out (although I feel as if I am detracting from my above point by doing so) that you left out a media bonus multiplier for Felicia Day – music video. “Do You Want to Date My Avatar”, with nearly 7.5 million views on the Guild’s youtube channel alone, even allowing for repeated viewings by a single person, surely deserves at least an additional .1 to the MBM. Factor in iTunes sales and other site viewings, and that may rocket her up to Über-Empress-Geek-Queen status, leaving you (and Lego-Wheaton, and @nielhimself) in the veriest dust that ever was.

    But you still rock. Name of the Wind is my most favoritest fantasy novel I’ve read in a long time, beating out even Robin Hobb, George R.R. Martin, and (well, almost) Neal Stephenson.

    Now *that* deserves a bonus multiplier.

  95. Jasmin
    Posted January 31, 2010 at 1:14 PM | Permalink

    This blog entry is simply gorgeous!!! XDDDD

    But me too, i think you are a lot cooler, than you give yourself credit for^^

    You’re underestimating your coolness by ages! You’d get a lot more bonus points, if you’d consider some points mentioned in the comments here^^ and you’d more than deserve them pat =)

    Everytime i read your blog, i can go outside with a big smile on my face^^

    Jas

  96. Mike
    Posted January 31, 2010 at 5:41 PM | Permalink

    Pat,

    You are not cool. Face up to it. Neither am I nor any other blogobyte here. Cummulatively, we are as uncool as it gets…so really we are fridgidly, epicly frozen. Our lives are sad and small. Our math is completely wrong. I mean, seriously, read up on the chaos theory. Nothing can be determined. It is all random. As you analyse the Gaiman-Day problem, despite your attempt to orderly determine a solution to the question of cool, you will see the nonsensical randomness of it all…actually in the end, we may in fact be so uncool that the math will force the world to recognize us as a seperate society of fools so powerful we could control the universe!

    Or, we could just say that your book rocks and we (repeat after me) “Can’t wait for Book 2” and that all authors are to be applauded for thier efforts to increase our brain function.

  97. Rose
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 10:35 AM | Permalink

    Some people have asked, “where does Joss Whedon fit on this scale?” What I want to know is why the scale wasn’t created with him as one of the standards of cool?

    Also, I just watched Dr. Horrible AGAIN this weekend and have been singing it non-stop for two days.

  98. Anonymous
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 1:28 PM | Permalink

    Rofl… :D Amazing post!

  99. Anonymous
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 9:25 PM | Permalink

    well this

    http://rlv.zcache.com/name_of_the_wind_tshirt-p235966224517000722cm65_400.jpg

    Totally boosted up your Coolness. I’d say 800 GD’s?

  100. Anonymous
    Posted February 1, 2010 at 9:27 PM | Permalink

    @ Rose,

    Most likely cuz we can’t even become a fraction of how cool he is :)

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