Lesbian Unicorns

Pat,

I had to miss San Diego ComicCon this year. It’s my first one I’ve missed in five years. Many tears.

What did you think of it compared to last year? This was only your second ComiCon, wasn’t it?

Michelle

This was only my second ComiCon, Michelle. But I have to admit that it felt a lot different than the first one.

Part of the difference was that this year I knew the lay of the land. I knew where the all night deli was. I knew the layout of the dealer’s room and how to find the place with the good seafood.

The other big change was that this year I’m a dad. This was the longest stretch of time I’ve spent away from Oot since he’s been born. It was harder than I expected, and I missed him from the very first day.

For example, last year when I went to the con, my mental commentary was like this: “Hey! Hot girl dressed as Poison Ivy! Hot girl in chainmail! Hot catgirl! Batman!”

I make no excuses for this. I am who I am.

But this year when I walked around the con, I was thinking, “Oh, look at that baby! Cute baby! Baby dressed up as Yoda! Hot Catgirl! Batman!”

Also, this year I was smart enough to schedule times to meet people instead of just hoping we could get together. As a result, I got to have dinner with Brandon Sanderson and Christopher Paolini on Saturday night.

We had a lovely conversation, and at some point Paolini told us that in an early draft of his first book, the main character was named Kevin, not Eragon.

Not to be outdone, I said that in an early draft of The Name of the Wind, Kvothe was actually a lesbian unicorn.

I didn’t think much of it. This is the sort of thing I say all the time, and I don’t expect people to pay much attention to me.

But I failed to take into account twitter. Which led to someone sending me the profoundly bizarre e-mail.

So the next day when I was doing a reading and signing at Borders, one of my lovely readers brought me a present:

It is, of course, a lesbian unicorn. His name is Kvothe. You may of heard of him.

I had a good laugh over it, and thought that would be the last I ever heard of it. But after I get back from the Con, I find one of my friends has sent my the following surreal e-mail.

Pat,

Okay, so I am doing a search for “pink unicorn gay” in Google Images because, well, it’s a long story…  (Shut up!)

Thing is I spotted something very odd pretty early on in the results.

I swear to you this isn’t a set up or faked or anything.  I just typed in “pink unicorn gay” and this is what I got!

[name withheld for blackmail purposes]

(Click to Embiggen.)

So yeah. That was the unexpected result of this year’s ComiCon. Permenently linking Kvothe’s name with the phrase “Lesbian Unicorn.”

Working to make your day a little more surreal,

pat

This entry was posted in babies, Catgirl, conventions, fan coolness, lesbian unicornsBy Pat72 Responses

72 Comments

  1. Posted July 30, 2010 at 5:46 PM | Permalink

    Priceless. T’was a great con. Glad we got to hang.

  2. Barbarian of Seville
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 5:51 PM | Permalink

    Hi, Kvothe!

    I’m a male lesbian unicorn, too! We should hang out!!

  3. Carmine
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 6:24 PM | Permalink

    Jeeze, i thought i felt a disturbance, Patrick Rothfuss, Christopher Paolini and Brandon Sanderson at one table, if Brent Weeks and Jim Butcher had been there i think they would have ripped a hole in the fabric of space time.

    • Freelancer
      Posted July 31, 2010 at 3:13 PM | Permalink

      The signing where Pat was given Kevin Kvothe included Brent Weeks and Brandon Sanderson. No holes ripped, but Brent Weeks had to got to read a bit from Pat’s 2nd book, and there were a couple of lines that had everyone (especially Pat) going hysterical while Brent could only look over and say, “You really made me read that out loud”. Pat hung out after everyone else, and I remember him saying to one young lady, “Hey, only the coolest and sweetest smelling fans wait this long”.

  4. AndyB
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 6:40 PM | Permalink

    Oh, Pat. Hasn’t anyone ever told you that you can’t blackmail the shameless?

  5. Posted July 30, 2010 at 6:47 PM | Permalink

    Do you know why we should be glad to live in the year 2011? Because in 1819 they would never had associated a lesbian unicorn to Dr. Frankenstein because Shelley mentioned it once as a joke at a dinner party. It certainly wouldn’t have been so embedded into the subculture that it showed up in the local library under indexes of gay unicorns, pink, just 5 days after the original joke.
    Isn’t our life better because of that? I think so.

  6. Marcus Cox
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 6:50 PM | Permalink

    Out of curiosity what is your opinion of Mr. Paolini’s work? Not to be a colossal ass here I find the awesome level of that dinner table went down a bit with his presence. I mean, I’m sure he’s a nice guy and probably a good person to discuss fantasy with, but in my opinion his books are just bad (this is the nicest way I could put it).

    • Posted July 30, 2010 at 7:22 PM | Permalink

      I’m going to talk about that in my next blog.

    • Posted July 31, 2010 at 1:58 AM | Permalink

      I can’t see how you can think that his books are bad.
      I read them after Harry Potter but before I had heard of TNoTW and I think that they are clearly in the top of fantasy books, even though they can’t compete with TNoTW.

      The movie wasn’t that bad either, imo, though a lot was wrong and as such crashed the opportunity for a sequel.

      • jamiecta
        Posted August 1, 2010 at 10:28 AM | Permalink

        I suppose different strokes. I am sure Chris is a really nice guy and I am sure he is passionate about his work and he will get much better as he gets older. However, I did read the first book and it was painful to get through and I had no interest in reading the rest of the books in his series when I finished. I’ve certainly read worse, but there wasn’t anything about the stories that was unique enough to want to read on or recommend to anyone else. It was just predictable and rather bland. Now, I also understand how old he was when he wrote them so the effort at his age is recognized and I respect him for that.

        • steveJD
          Posted August 1, 2010 at 11:44 AM | Permalink

          The first Eragon book was cribbed (albeit by a 15 year old homeschooled boy from Montana who I’m sure meant well) from the following:
          A) Star Wars
          B) LoTR (the entire Dwarven culture)
          C)Anne McCaffery and all of her books about dragons and psionic binding and, well, basically the entire concept of boy/dragon dynamics.
          D) Beowulf (or at least being innocent enough to believe no one would realize you actually named YOUR Dwarven warrior king after the Danish warrior king in the most famous hero vs. monster story ever.

          If one of my students wrote it and told me it was the first thing he’d ever done, I’d have been impressed. Being that it’s a national best selling phenomenon, I’m not sure which is the sadder fact: the fact that a kid who is now an adult has to live with the fact that his first novel is essentially fan fic of sorts, or that kids in this country were so underfed and uneducated in the genre that they didn’t realize how crappy it was.

          Interested to hear your take Pat, I’m sure you’ll be gentle and kind.

        • Mouse
          Posted August 9, 2010 at 5:30 PM | Permalink

          He’s not so bad you know? He wrote the original at 16 after all. Really his books get better as they go on, a little too stereotypical and too quasi-tragic for me but the story mechanics are fun.

    • JBurris
      Posted August 2, 2010 at 6:04 AM | Permalink

      My wife forced me to read Eragon – while I enjoyed it enough to finish reading it, and greatly appreciate what it had to have taken for someone his age to have published several lengthy, and successful books all I can say is this: boy grows up on farm with uncle, empire burns farm, kills uncle, boy meets wizard – last remaining member of an order of powerful beings who are guardians of peace and justice, which were wiped out by a betrayal by one of their own members and the emperor. Boy learns father is not who he thought, boy falls for princess, etc etc. The second book was far better, but the first seemed too formulaic, and ‘borrowed’ too heavily from elsewhere. Star wars plot rendered into fantasy environs with a plentiful dose of WoT and LOTR.

    • Catherine56
      Posted August 8, 2010 at 9:53 PM | Permalink

      I made an account on this (which I was planning on doing anyway) specifically to respond to this. Christopher Paolini is an excellent author. The first book is not hard to get through and the fact that you say it is makes me think you have only seen the rated G movie. The second and third books are wonderful and if you enjoy the fantasy genre there should be no reason not to enjoy it. It is well thought out and kept me entranced. Needless to say, I am a HUGE fan of The Name of the Wind but I do not think it is a true statement to say Paolini is not unique.

    • Marcus Cox
      Posted December 16, 2010 at 11:58 AM | Permalink

      I realize that it’s been months since this post happened, but I was just looking around at previous blog entries and came across this one. I remembered that I made a post and was curious to see if it ever got more responses. So here we are.

      Catherine56, I never stated that it was ward to get through the book. I just said I thought they were bad novels. If anyone actually cares here is why:

      I read Eragon a couple months before the movie came out and during the process of reading it found my self enjoying the plot of the book. I had a few problems with the some of the characters seeming either too one dimensional or rather inconsistent. But I continued working my way through it, because I was enjoying the plot. I finished the book one evening and thought on it for a few minutes. After a little bit I said aloud “Holy shit, I just read A New Hope.” I know there is the argument that every story has been told, but this was on a totally different level. The near plot point to plot point copy of the two stories put this really sour taste in my mouth.

      Some time later I got around to reading Eldest. My interest in this was to mainly see if it was Empire Strikes Back and and decent chunk of the book was. The chapters revolving around Roran and the rest of the village was a nice divergence from Star Wars and truly the best parts of that book. We saw more of a focus on Eragon’s training then we did Luke’s and, for me, the book kind of suffered because of it. A lot of it just wasn’t interesting to me. That causes me next complaint: the novel was at least one hundred pages too long. I also found Eragon was to be a mess and really annoying. The kid could spend a couple pages spouting wisdom that makes him look extremely intelligent and then spend the next several being this bratty little boy.

      A lot of my complaints over Eldest are really a shame too, because the prose was better than Eragon. I’m not denying that Paloni is improving. I’ve yet to read the third book though. I want to but whenever I think about reading it I just remember how little I enjoyed the second book.

      It is admirable how much dedication it would have taken to write the book at that young of an age, but if it wasn’t for the fact that it was self published at first and wound up in the hands of a relative of an already successful author I question what chance it would have getting published in it’s current form. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but considering the trouble Pat had getting The Name of the Wind published and the level of quality that resulted from countless revisions I’m a bit surprised that Eragon was deemed publishable. Then again different publishers shooting for slightly different markets.

      I don’t know why I spent so long writing this when no one will probably read it.

  7. sking923
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 7:17 PM | Permalink

    “It is, of course, a lesbian unicorn. His name is Kvothe. You may of heard of him.”

    That is one of the most entertaining sentences I have ever read.

  8. Widow Of Sirius
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 7:19 PM | Permalink

    A.Maz.Ing.

    You just made my night about 100 times better.

  9. fattylumpkin
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 7:23 PM | Permalink

    Just sort of warms the heart to see my portrait of young Kvothe show up. I shall now add “unicorn, gay and pink” to my Google alerts.

    Now you know, Pat, when thou speaketh, people listeneth.

  10. Posted July 30, 2010 at 7:26 PM | Permalink

    I don’t want to imply that I’m fit to judge your artistic decisions, but I do think that you made the right choice in changing Kvothe to a male human. It works. Though you could have left the gay part in. That would have spiced things up a bit.

  11. He without a clever name
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 8:07 PM | Permalink

    And now when I’m reading Name of the Wind and my wife asks when I’ve suddenly burst into laughter, I’ll be able to tell her that I was just imagining Bast and Chronicler at a certain inn discussing a tale of epic fantasy with a gay lesbian unicorn.

  12. triteconfessions
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 8:07 PM | Permalink

    So here’s the thing. I just did a search because I wanted a nice little “tee hee”. I’d have to say that the best part of that image search is that it’s completely unrelated to Pat’s off handed comment. Kvothe would have still show up under “pink unicorn gay” searches as the picture below him is actually supposed to be an “invisible pink unicorn” and the young man writing the post is homosexual. It’s impeccably timed and serendipitous that the particular search was made by a person that recognised Kvothe.

    How this makes me long for the days when a yahoo term search of “UCI grad student porn” used to bring my Xanga blog as the first two sites on the results page.

  13. AndyB
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 8:09 PM | Permalink

    Interestingly, I don’t think that the Twitter posts have anything to do with Kvothe’s appearance in the list. The picture links to this page.

    http://www.gamespot.com/pages/forums/show_msgs.php?topic_id=27324355

    Sure enough, it mentions Kvothe, pink unicorns, and homosexuality. But the post was back in May. So Kvothe managed to get associated with gay pink unicorns all on his own. I suppose it was inevitable.

  14. aleah
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 8:43 PM | Permalink

    So, I’m burning with curiosity. Did Christopher Paolini mention what’s up with book 4? Perhaps I should patiently wait until the next post.

  15. Dawn the glass bead maker
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 9:09 PM | Permalink

    http://poorlydressed.com/2010/05/17/fashion-fail-horseplay/

    Safe for work, though you may need to wash your eyes out. Just terrifying.

    ;)

    • Kathryn
      Posted July 31, 2010 at 1:18 AM | Permalink

      0.o My eyes. They bleed. Who ever made that is scary…

      • Dawn the glass bead maker
        Posted July 31, 2010 at 7:58 PM | Permalink

        and there’s another image of him in the same outfit farther on. In a different pose, lol!

    • AndyB
      Posted August 2, 2010 at 11:40 PM | Permalink

      Ha! That was actually the image that inspired the original search.

      If you are a brave soul (and 18+ / legal to view adult images in your area) there are many more at the source. Very NSFW.

      http://www.exterface.com/unicorn/

  16. Kreeblah
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 9:14 PM | Permalink

    You have the best fans. Seriously.

    And I’m not just saying that because I am one. :^P

  17. fpgiv
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 9:35 PM | Permalink

    If Kvothe were a lesbian unicorn, wouldn’t the proper pronoun be her? “Her name is Kvothe. You may of heard of her.”

    • Freelancer
      Posted July 31, 2010 at 2:53 PM | Permalink

      You think there is no such thing as a male lesbian? I beg to differ. I love girls, it’s not my fault I was born in a male body.

  18. Widow Of Sirius
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 9:58 PM | Permalink

    I’m kind of curious, after taking another look at the picture, what does it say on the unicorn’s belly area? Or do I really not want to know?

    • annadala
      Posted July 31, 2010 at 1:34 PM | Permalink

      The Unicorn’s belly says “With all of our lesbian unicorn love” and the names of the people who gave it to him. I know because my husband is the one who wrote it for them while we were all standing in line for the book signing.

      Here’s a picture of Pat with the Unicorn (taken by my hubby):

      http://twitpic.com/28rla4

  19. Yeliah
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 10:21 PM | Permalink

    This makes me want to eat Fairy Bread.

  20. Sir James Smith
    Posted July 30, 2010 at 10:59 PM | Permalink

    I have a group-participation-required question, just to gauge the extent of Pats control-over-the-masses powers.

    How long after reading this blog did it take you to start googling images of gay pink unicorns?

    I will confess that it did not take me long.

    • Kathryn
      Posted July 31, 2010 at 1:19 AM | Permalink

      About three seconds later.

    • Dawn the glass bead maker
      Posted July 31, 2010 at 7:58 PM | Permalink

      Before I got to comments.

    • cyrinthian
      Posted August 3, 2010 at 3:40 PM | Permalink

      Still haven’t done it and don’t intend to.

    • Achela
      Posted August 4, 2010 at 4:36 PM | Permalink

      at first, i thought… men… that was a good one… but, naaaaaaaah…. unless… naaaaaaaah…. (opening another window)… (images.g…..)…. pink unicorn… (i cant beleive im doing this, this is so silly)…(searching)… OOOOMGG!!!! LOOOOOL xD

  21. iburnbrass
    Posted July 31, 2010 at 12:24 AM | Permalink

    Heh-Heh, Heh, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!! Oh… That hurt to laugh so hard. Thanks for sharing!

  22. Antho
    Posted July 31, 2010 at 1:21 AM | Permalink

    I like how the symbol for the invisible pink unicorn group actually looks like a Narwhal more than a unicorn.
    Symbol:
    http://www.invisiblepinkunicorn.com/ipu/home.html
    Narwhal:
    http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/5c/Narwhals_breach.jpg

  23. Robo
    Posted July 31, 2010 at 2:03 AM | Permalink

    Someday I can tell my kids, “I was there.”

  24. Posted July 31, 2010 at 5:00 AM | Permalink

    Congratumalations on permanently increasing the legitimacy of the “Gay Unicorn” search. Certainly give my webernet-stalkers some food for thought!

  25. Bars
    Posted July 31, 2010 at 6:07 AM | Permalink

    I couldn’t help wondering how these lesbian unicorns make out… Perhaps it has something to do with the horns, but I really don’t want to think too much about it :D

  26. kungfusinger
    Posted July 31, 2010 at 9:02 AM | Permalink

    It definitely gives a new meaning to the term “getting horny”…

    • Duckwark
      Posted August 26, 2010 at 5:51 PM | Permalink

      Actually, “getting horny” originally referred to satyrs, those half man/half goats. So it is, in fact, not a new meaning at all.

  27. Posted July 31, 2010 at 11:21 AM | Permalink

    Oh I don’t know, being right up there with Charlie the Unicorn is about as badass as it gets for pop culture icons of that particular breed. As far as his name being associated with something as mysterious as a lesbian unicorn (do they come in chestnut?), one can only imagine all the ways in which that will further enhance Kvothe’s notoriety.

  28. Posted July 31, 2010 at 1:18 PM | Permalink

    I’m really curious about what you’ll say of Christopher Paolini in your next blog post. I really enjoyed his books, as much as yours. I literally grew up with the Inheritance cycle and the kingkiller chronicle. I’m 18 now, and even though his books are aimed at a slightly younger audience, I can’t wait to read the final book of his quadralogy, which, after almost 2 years, still hasn’t a title of an official release date. In the meantime, I’m counting the days to March 1st 2011 !

    Continue your great work !
    Alexandre

  29. justajenjen
    Posted July 31, 2010 at 2:50 PM | Permalink

    So, if I order this item here, can I tell people it’s my Kvothe cosplay? http://www.etsy.com/listing/50651594/custom-unicorn-hoodie

  30. priscellie
    Posted July 31, 2010 at 3:51 PM | Permalink

    Hey, didn’t you once suggest Neil Patrick Harris for Bast?

    It was meant to be.

    http://priscellie.com/rubbish/lesbianUnicorn.jpg

    • annadala
      Posted July 31, 2010 at 5:10 PM | Permalink

      That’s just awesome. That should be considered for the tshirt contest.

      • priscellie
        Posted July 31, 2010 at 9:35 PM | Permalink

        It’s an actual poster for “Harold and Kumar 2.” Will its majesty never cease?

        • Brightbane
          Posted August 1, 2010 at 5:19 PM | Permalink

          Is this Priscellie the goddess?

          • priscellie
            Posted August 2, 2010 at 8:06 PM | Permalink

            The one and only!

  31. chelsea not clinton
    Posted July 31, 2010 at 6:21 PM | Permalink

    This made my day. :) Humorous glib comment followed by lengthy story which ends up connecting two things that really shouldn’t be related (but is amusing none the less).

  32. jamiecta
    Posted August 1, 2010 at 10:29 AM | Permalink

    as usual, loved the blog. :)

  33. Aprilfool
    Posted August 1, 2010 at 12:10 PM | Permalink

    Wow. I just did a Google image search of “pink unicorn gay” to see if it was actually a legitimate screen shot, and sure enough, there was an image of Kvothe :) It made my day.
    Now I think Kvothe should encounter one at some point and have a nice conversation with it. I predict epic-ness. I would gladly be the stenographer.

  34. Posted August 1, 2010 at 2:14 PM | Permalink

    And now, when I reread the novel I’ll be thinking of lesbian unicorns. I suppose it could be worse, I could be thinking of…. no, actually, I’m not sure there’s anything worse.

    You’ve provided me with a laugh today, kudos to you.

  35. Lukas
    Posted August 1, 2010 at 6:06 PM | Permalink

    That’s cute.

    So does this confirm that Kvothe is gay?

  36. Lax Iguana
    Posted August 2, 2010 at 1:39 AM | Permalink

    After reading it, the only question on my mind is still why somebody was looking up the words pink, unicorn and gay in the same search. Then again I also find it almost proof some sort of higher power is screwing with us, because what are the odds that after saying something like that you come across a completely unrelated post about unicorns, Kvothe, and written up by a gay guy?

  37. Barbarian of Seville
    Posted August 2, 2010 at 10:18 AM | Permalink

    Speaking of Narwhals and Unicorns, here’s a play-set with Kvothe vs. Narwhal:

    http://www.mcphee.com/shop/products/Unicorn-vs.-Narwhal-Play-Set.html

  38. Skye
    Posted August 2, 2010 at 3:43 PM | Permalink

    I <3 the internet so very, very much.

  39. Posted August 3, 2010 at 1:55 AM | Permalink

    Typically, I’m just a lurker around these parts, but that was so darned hilarious (my husband is trying to work out what’s making me laugh so hard) I just felt the need to leave ‘cheers for the laffs’. :-) Brilliant.

  40. Dani
    Posted August 4, 2010 at 4:00 PM | Permalink

    Lol, I just found Kvothe as a lesbian unicorn:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EIeUlvHAiM

  41. Skoivan
    Posted August 13, 2010 at 3:10 PM | Permalink

    HAHAHAHHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAlesbianunicornHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!
    That is all.

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