I’ve noticed that if you read much Dr. Seuss
Your brains quite invariably start to get loose,
And all of your sentences fall into meter
Like the thump-thumping feet of a geet-eater-greeter.
And if you greet beasties that like to eat geets
And your made-up-ed words sound like swift-stomping feets
And you’re trying to rhyme while you’re writing e-mail
Then your e-correspondence is destined to fail.
So if you have mailed me and haven’t heard back
Please note that it’s not due to love or its lack.
I’ve simply been reading too much Dr. Seuss.
That’s all.
Yours sincerely,
Patrick Rothfuss
94 Comments
Sir, you are full of greatness. Thank you.
Truth at last.. Rhyming and emailing does not go well together. Poor recipients of those whacked messages.
Though usually in comments I remain most aloof
I have been compelled to sign up by this smattering of Seuss
And it appears through the fact that while morning in Britain
It’s dark in Wisconsin so this is the first comment written.
But why this particular blog do you ask?
Because while waiting for book two has been an arduous task
The time is approaching when my need will be sated
And the hunger for Elodin and Kvothe be abated
And though ryming like Seuss as a pastime is top
I am finding it really quite hard now to stop.
(As you can see)
Sorry…
I am most impressed
with this articulate guest
for he has expressed
my love for Kvothe best
Heh. I really didn’t mean to start a trend today….
Don’t you mean Yours Sincerely, Patrick Roth-foose ;-)
i am too hooked on fb. Where’s the “like” button? :P
Be the wee hour of two am here,
And yet I feel my self caught in this rhyming snare,
You would think that by now I would have answer sleep’s plead,
But I must sate this itch for a Kvothe’s story reread,
Honestly, to have perfect memory is my wish,
Novel-based sleep deprivation would be abolished.
Every time someone uses slant rhyme, baby Jesus cries.
I heard the same thing happens when a women gets a breast reduction.
*Sigh.*
Come on Pat, be kind. Kvothe would have nticed the error but would he have mentioned it?
Yes. He totally would have. It would have messed up his whole day.
I have an irrational prejudice against slant rhyme.
I find that entertaining coming from Patrick Rothfoose.. or have I been pronouncing your (or Dr. Seuss’s) name wrong this whole time?
Patrick Rothfuss
Sometimes doth fuss
When a slant rhyme shows its mien
Flee this easel
Foul shitweasel
I decry your form mundan — err, unclean.
I’m pretty sure he did mention it:
“I understand that if I saw a horse with a leg this badly ‘sprung,’ I’d kill it out of mercy, then burn its poor corpse for fear the local dogs might gnaw on it and die”
Come one. I wrote the thing at 2am. Didn’t even realize they where slants.
Once a year the rhyming habit grabs me
As christmas gifts with words decorated be
I now feel compelled to strike again
And through will and effort wrack my brain
For see, a much-anticipated date soon is nigh
When all of us Kingkiller addicts will be on a high
This needs must be celebrated in style
And what better way than to wax lyrical a while?
March 1st pretty please come soon
All this waiting is making me crazy as a loon
Finished NotW again last week
Another read-through by a certified geek
Methinks I now must lay down for a bit
My poor brain is almost afire from all this wit!
Metrics, people. Metrics.
Iamb. Look it up.
Tut tut, Mr. Rothfuss, no iambs are these*:
say amphibrachs rather, good sir, if you please**.
____
* Except that one.
** … And that one.
I really like swhalley150’s for sure
Looking forward to future installments in the “bitin yo style” section. Can’t wait to see who’s next.
Steinbeck? That would be something.
I don’t care. ;)
Now I’m waiting for you first ‘actually for children childrens book’…
I finished re-reading NOTW yesterday, now I’m more itching than ever to get my hands on TWMF…
I knew I had to back off of my recitations of ‘Fox in Socks’ when my two year old woke up muttering: “When Tweedle Beetles fight it’s called a tweedle beetle battle…”
I feel quite compelled to comment on this blog
As my mind seems to clear from an internal fog
Long years I have waited for a date to arrive
And now that it’s nearing I feel so alive
With excitement and wonder at what will unfold
I can’t help but imagine what book two will hold
My nails have been bitten, my hairs going gray
Much trouble I’m having contin-uing this way
But soon I will have what my hart does desire
And into my mind I will quickly retire
For reading your book called the Wise Mans Fear
Will be something I cherish for many a year
line 4 should have been
And now that it’s nearing I feel so alive
I fixed it for you…
thank you! that was really bugging me.
Thank you for that! (Your meters just right!) You made my poetry reading night.
Why not the tried and true A,B,A,B,C,D,C,D,E,F,E,F,G,G?…its worked for centuries.
ABBA, ABBA, CDE, CDE is so much better and takes talent. Shakespeare didn’t invent the sonnet.
I’m not risking the rhyming. I’ll be rhyming in my head all day at school as it is without showing you my awful grasp on meter.
But nevertheless, good job. Making up new words has always been a better alternative to slant rhyme – just ask Dr. Seuss and Shakespeare.
Rhyming is fun even if your as bad at it as i am.
I can see how your brains might well start to come loose
When they are weaned on Whedon, Gaimon and Seuss,
But this looseness that you speak of with much depredation
In truth is a path that runs towards innovation.
You have been bemoaning your lack of long email-sending
But your brains been inquiring and thusly extending.
The flap of a foot – thunder in night- the disaster that waits poised to strike,
With these you’ve led my mind on a proverbial hike.
:)
So, though your Seuss may leave something to be philosophically desired
I am a huge fan of both your book and your blog so it didn’t raise my ire
I’ve quite enjoyed this jaunt but worry that my words may be obtuse
Nevertheless,
Thank you kindly,
Mr. Patrick Rothfuss
Pat, I can’t rhyme, at all. I spent half an hour trying to make a pretty poem, but alas, I failed. Miserably.
So, a query then!
Do you know how many signed copies and hence how much you’ll be passing onto Heifer International?
Shawn Speakerman said: “Since this signing is likely going to be the largest The Signed Page has seen in its 10 years of operation, I bet we can raise $2500-$5000 for Heifer.”
You’ll keep us updated no doubt, but I am very curious if it’s up to that yet…
I have There’s a Wocket in My Pocket memorized. It is quite entertaining to start quoting the book and watch my two year old start looking for the book to figure out where I’m reading from.
:)
I can’t rhyme in English and don’t think you’d be interested in my rhyming in French, so I’ll be brief :
Thank you.
My abs are aching, but still, thank you.
I suffer quite awful the curse,
no matter how ‘ambic the verse.
It’s read in my head
as lim’rick instead
But to rhyme the last line, they’re averse ;-;
Please don’t mind my mussy meter. I figured better to flex my brain and write something than to continue to let it rot. A related question: Are you supposed to use punctuation in poetry just like in regular prose, or are there special rules?
I have found over time
I’ve lost my ability to rhyme
but nothing’s sweeter
then seeing my meter
continuing perfectly fine
Blarg.
I have found that over time
I’ve lost my abil’ty to rhyme
but nothing is sweeter
then seeing my meter
continuing perfectly fine
There you go.
You see, folks? Revision. Revision is king.
There once was this dude
Who hated poetry so bad
He whipped out a light sabre
and everyone had a really bad day
Reading too much Seuss
An iambic rhyme pattern
Swallows my brain whole.
Actually, the second line would be much cleaner if it were just ‘Iambic pentameter’. Curses!
It has been many years since rereading some Seuss,
so alas my rhyming may seem too bland and obtuse.
So I make this post both short and so sweet
but I dare not call it a blog or a tweet.
Mr Rothfuss your diction makes me giddy with glee,
but if you bring up the show I shall give you a knee.
So to that end I say my prose is not near
to the quality I expect from your Wise Man’s Fear.
Attept number two. Feels like it flows a little better, if only to myself.
It has been many years since rereading some Seuss,
so alas my rhyme may seem too bland and obtuse.
So I make this post, both short and so sweet
but I dare not to call it a blog or a tweet.
Mr Rothfuss your diction makes me giddy with glee,
but if you bring up that show I shall feed you a knee.
So to that end I say, so I can be clear
t’is not the qual’ty I expect from your ‘Wise Man’s Fear’.
Note to self – re-read before posting…
It has been many years since rereading some Seuss,
so alas my rhyme may seem too bland and obtuse.
So I make this post, both short and so sweet
but I dare not to call it a blog or a tweet.
Mr Rothfuss your diction makes me giddy with glee,
but if you bring up that show I shall feed you a knee.
To that end do I say, so I can be clear
t’is not the qual’ty I expect from your ‘Wise Man’s Fear’.
Reminds me of 10th grade Latin when the teacher, the venerable Ms. Bluestein, gave us the assignment to translate a book into Latin. She was not very specific and was I think a bit diappointed with my effort:
Unum piscis
Duo pisces
Russatus piscis
Caeruleus piscis.
She was particularly unenthralled with my version of jump on the hump of the wump of Gump.
That’s awesome…
This was fun. Me gusta.
My childhood driven by Seuss’s apt rhymes
Now leads me to laugh at inopportune times.
Perhaps the most obvious trigger, I fear:
The myriad moments when folks make it clear
That well-metered poetry takes time and skill.
Elusive it is, like blap-headed land krill.
It’s not that I’m laughing at others’ expense.
The joy is in trying. Not all art makes sense.
We make imitations of the doctor’s style
If only to re-live our youth for a while.
Thank you to Patrick for posting this thing
Containing some words in a Seuss-like word-string.
That was excellent. That shit SCANS.
Yeah. Pat and everyone who rhymed is awesome.
I would but I just woke up and I have to go to give an impromptu speech for my class, and I don’t want to start saying something like “This guy is really quite awesomely cool. He invented twelve things without going to school.”
The date has been told, when my book will arrive
I sip Mountain Dew and allow my mania to thrive
I must prepare! All old facts I should know!
They can all be reread! To my bookshelf I go.
I head to the toilet grasping the tome
Appreciating the fact no-one else is at home
I pore myself in to the pages I heft
Stopping just once, to flush what I left
Don’t worry my friends, my hands I do wash
Don’t send me a note and exclaim “Oh my gosh!”
Thank you Sir Rothfuss for sharing Seuss love
The good doctor peers down and smiles from above
At work I am now so my words I shall cleave
A small post I do write, and I take my swift leave.
For the record, when I wrote this I imagined it being narrated by Anthony Hopkins.
I refuse to be sucked into your Vortex of Rhyming Shame, Mr. Rothfuss.
(publicly, anyway)
I’m with you on the slant rhymes, though.
Your fans await, good sir.
Enough of Seussian rhyme.
March first is nearing.
Extra syllable
Your first line has gone too far
Try again, Duckwark
Perhaps make a rhyming contest…….? :D
Haiku! Haiku! I vote for haiku!
Not a lot of people get haiku right either.
I have to do physics, it’s better than Puzzles,
To feed the cat Curious, who happily nuzzles
In the corner of my brain.
But now I must speak like a quantum mechanic
Of insulating antiferromagnetic
Mott states of nickel oxide.
And now thanks to you, I carry this curse:
To speak in fine lines of slow-written verse,
While my advisor scowls down from above,
Filled with hot rage and not scholarly love.
I have probably broken some rules, but it has been a few years since I spent lots of time playing with words and not greek letters…
Today is the day I get paid
And, possibly, even get laid,
You see I would rhyme,
But I have not the time.
And because of your post my day has been made.
I must ask a question I will do it in rhyme.
It is in regards to a story of mine.
I would have asked on Monday it would have been fun.
But I was too late for the Q&A Machine gun.
A character I have it is based largely on you.
It is based on your look and your humor, a liberty taken or two.
The character will be a demon bookish and smart.
But if you piss him off he will tear you apart.
The question I have, of this do you mind?
It is meant as an homage loving and kind.
But if you do not like this, please let me know.
I will think of something else, onward I will go!
Second verse should be:
A character I have, based largely on you.
Influenced by your look and humor, a liberty taken or two.
We should definitely haiku about things Rothfussian.
Here, I’ll start.
*****
Patrick Rothfuss is
To fantasy writing as
Ink is to paper.
*****
*****
March 1st draweth nigh
Beckons us, The Wise Man’s Fear
Book two better rock.
*****
*****
Shall I venture north
To a Dayton book signing?
Pat reads aloud? Yes.
*****
*****
Shall I compare Kvothe
To a summer’s day? Hardly.
He’s much more hardcore.
*****
*****
The Eolian
Pride pays silver, plays golden
Savien reborn.
*****
Pat’s love is extolled
Seuss’ words notwithstanding
He gave us his Kvothe
5-6-6?
Hmm, I was counting Kvothe as 1 (like ‘oath’), but I can totally see how it could be counted as 2.
And Seuss’ as 2, to make the requisite 5-7-5.
I’m sure your email correspondants wouldn’t mind a Dr. Suess style email :D
Two more. I couldn’t help it.
*****
The Edema Ruh
No strangers to music, they
Sir Savien, lay’d.
*****
*****
Fire burns blue, wood rots.
The Chandrian are bad news
Kvothe looks to vanquish.
*****
The Suess is necessary
for a child growing hairy.
For surely in time
he will need his own rhymes.
So I thank you for the memory.
A teeter-totter of infirmary.
Windows foggy of the symmetry
but it lined up in the end.
What were you thinking, when you unloosed
the fiendish force five of verse so in-Suessed?
It’s rattling back and forth inside my brains
in pristinely metered and endless refrains!
The grim Geisel guzzler has locked on and eats
my prosaic thoughts like your greeter eats geets.
It’s a foregone conclusion, my sanity’s fled
on a groovy new wuzzleplutronian sled.
With my thoughts all in knots from this cursed obsession,
I cannot concentrate on my chosen profession!
I’ll look in the paper! That’s what I’ll do!
Til I find a position so worthwhile and new that my Seussical thoughts fly away to Zanoo.
Hey! Here’s a listing so perfectly fitting
I’ll start it today! (That’s right Boss, I’m quitting)
I’ve found my true calling, right here in this ad.
Mom will be proud and hey, so will Dad.
“Geet eater greeter meter reader needed today
with options for advancement and a bonus in pay”
In time, I’ll do well. I know I will stick it.
Geet eater greeter meter reader leader. Yeah,that’s the ticket!
But wait, what is this? What’s that fine print say?
“Must supply your own Geet eater greeter meter reader leader eater spray!”
Pat,
I read your blog every day
and often, I am quite blown away
by content so varied, so witty, and clever
Don’t ever stop blogging, guy.. No, not ever.
Ok.. I have seriously GOT t stop thinking in rhyme now, but everytime I do I think:
Stop it! I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?
Gotta love The Princess Bride.
let it drop
like a couplet
in a duet
while we’re ranking
yo’ mama
Blogs and facebook (to me it seems) are for entertainment. Thank you! This was hilarious to read!
Did anyone else read “Rothfuss” as “Rothfoos”? (To make it rhyme with Seuss)
Yes! Definitely!
Seuss shall prevail though men abhor
his resonating light
and wage exterminating war
and put all foes to flight.
Though trampled under feet of men
Seuss from the dust shall spring
and by the press, the lip, the pen
in tones of thunder ring:
“BEWARE! BEWARE! Ye who resist
the light that beams around
lest e’re ye look through Rothfuss’ mist
Seuss strike ye to the ground.”
Someone in one of my English classes did a presentation about Dr. Seuss, and here’s a fun fact (compliments of wikipedia):
You’re wrong as the deuce
And you shouldn’t rejoice
If you’re calling him Seuss.
He pronounces it Soice
(He later switched to the anglicized version because it was reminescent of “Mother Goose”)
You know, I was bummed that I missed the rapid fire question day. I was going to ask about what Oot was reading these days (or what you were reading to him, at least).
This is something of an answer, even if I missed it.
Fox in Socks is always fun. A super fast reading of “Tweedle beetle puddle paddle battle” always gets a laugh from my little guy.
Up
Up
Down
Down
Left
Right
Left
Right
B
A
Select
Start
-Fin
WINNER!
Reminds me of the Foot Book, which is not really in the same league as One Fish Two Fish, or actually the [not nearly popular enough] Sleep Book, whose biggest problem is that it’s too long to be a good bedtime story. Chippendale Mupp, though? The BEST.
As I stoop in my seat for my afternoon snack,
I wonder what’s the flavor of Pat’s latest claptrap
This hirsute dude with mucho ‘tude to spare
Is probably at home typing in underwear.
So why tune in when the others are so adoring
Except to shout out, “that fat bastard is boring!”
I swear, I’ll never read another word of his, see?
Except when my pre-order arrives of Book three.
Dear Mr. Rothfuss,
English is not my mother tongue and I only learnt it so I could read more books, so, I do not know how to rhyme or write a poem in this language.. I am from India and living in US for now. I can not buy the hard back of wise man’s fear ‘coz it will add to my already threatening weight of books that I have to take back to India, Same problem applies to audio cd (I loved the audibook for TNOW ).. I will buy the Kindle version of the Wise Man’s Fear and wait till 3:00 AM EST when it downloads to start reading.. But It would be awesome to have the audbile version on March 1st all the same for me to buy. I dont see your name in the coming soon section of the audible. Could you please let me know if the book is releasing on Mrach 1st or if not when will it be releasing ??
Regards,
Kalyani
One of my favorite things to do is read Fox In Socks at breakneck speed.
I applaud the word smithery and general awesomeness of Pat’s poem.
Blogs such as these make me proud to be a Rothfussarian.
Yeah, I’m bucking the poetry trend. Last time I had to write a poem for an assignment, it went:
My cat is fat.
She sat
On the mat.
I was quite proud of that little creation in 3rd grade. I actually had a fat cat that liked to sit on mats back then, too. When I took creative writing in college, I bought myself a magnetic poetry set and moved things around until I had something that sounded decent and turned that in. I was not meant to be a poet, I guess.
Now if you want another book for Oot that will get stuck in your head for about forever, get anything by Sandra Bonyton. Wonderful books. Nerdbaby is all about Fifteen Animals right now. He also likes Your Personal Penguin. With that one, you can download an mp3 of the song and it’s sung by Davy Jones. I was out, alone, not wearing Mommy clothes, and this older lady came up and asked me how old my little one was. I asked her how she knew I had a kid. She said, “You were humming the Penguin song from that book. My granddaughter loves it and I do it all the time, too.”
I sincerely apologize in advance
After reading a thumping good job of a blog
By a man who wrote words that sent me agog
I felt a strange need to embellish my words
With sing-song like flourish like those of the birds
Now as I stumble along trails of verse
Avoiding the curse of slant rhyme that lurks*
I see my great fear’s that stand and lear
Preparing to tear me ear from ear
My ears I yelped as they turned quite queer
what use have monsters like you to hear
You have your sight-smell and your taste-a-lot-hair
so why chase small children like horrible bears
Because they replied with a fearsome roar
We are bound by our nature to always want more
And on that sad note there dear readers and writers
Im afraid ill have to stop giving the fright-ers
*Intended as irony.
Oh poor mediocrity, however will anyone forgive me.
I sit at my desk and in much dismay
for I missed number four, machine gun Q&A
I have been waiting and waiting and waiting some more
to ask you some questions, oh questions galore
But said day I was ill, with head so a stuffed
and stayed in my bed, man was it rough
I came back to work and what did I find
a blog about Seusses and Seuss style rhymes
so I thought to myself, I thought oh so good
a question I might slip, slip under the hood
for Patrick is awesome and and ever so kind
a question he might answer…if slipped in a rhyme
My question is this and this oh you see
will the story progress in the future to be
For Bast pointed out to the man with the pen
he desired….oh desired, his master again
For Kvothe to return to what he once was
not the shell of a man he’d clearly become
Through the telling of story of music and song
Bast prayed his master, back where he belonged
When the three days are over and the story’s complete
how far in the future will we get to see
Of Bast and Kvothe and Denna and more
or will the story just end as the scriv shuts the door
For this world you’ve created I’ve come to adore
and I’ve read the book, read it, ten times or more
as book two approaches I am happy with glee
and I will read it ten times while I wait for book three
Alas all this rhyming has addled my brain
and I must go outside and jump on the train
to take me to where I can get some good food
So Pat answer my question you bad ass bearded dude
The Good Doctor’s Lasagna:
Toss in some olive oil to a heated up pan,
Then add in the mushrooms and onions, good man.
With that add the seas’ning, or else you’ll be sad,
For the taste of an unseasoned dish will be bad.
Just wait for six minutes, sip some wine from a cup.
After that, add the sausage, and break that shit up.
Let that sizzle and brown for ‘bout five times one minute,
Add garlic. Smells good huh? That’s why that went in it.
A minute that browns while the flavor develops,
Then pour in the wine, and watch as it envelops.
You should scrape the pan clean while off simmers the booze.
We want some wine remaining, but most we will lose.
Spoon one fifth the red sauce in a large baking dish.
Layer noodles, more sauce, and ricotta—delish!
Now layer cheese gratings and a third of the meat.
Stack these layers twice more—it will pile up quite neat!
Save a cup of the sauce to spoon over the top,
Then the rest of the cheese, and with that we will stop.
Now cover her up with tin foil, if you please
Then off to the oven: four hundred degrees.
And there she will sit for three quarters an hour,
So you’ve got some time … why not go take a shower?
Then off comes the tin foil, but the cooking don’t stop:
You’ll need ten more minutes for some browning on top.
Now I know you are hungry and anxious– but wait!
It must cool for fifteen while the juices gelate.
So have some more wine, watch the tube, read a book.
Soon the whole house will know: you’re one fuck of a cook!
Being late with this post is to me most lamentable
But the position I’m in was not wholly preventable
Since the time before writing this bloggity post
Was spent orating aloud Dr. Seuss and his host
to a rambunctiously raucous young duo that who
Are my own little versions of Thing One and Thing Two
but…
I can’t wait for the day when their reading increases
to contain more than blue fish and goo-chewing geeses
When at last I can show them a world that begins
on a late Felling night in Newarre’s Waystone Inn.