Wherein I Start Reading Fifty (50) Shades of Grey

Okay, so everyone’s been talking about it for ages. Everyone’s reading these books. There’s a movie out. Articles are being written all over the place…

I tend to have a irrational aversion to things that are really popular. But at the same time, I feel its my job to be aware what the general populous is reading.

So I’ve decided to start reading 50 Shades of Grey:

It might take me a little while….

I’ve heard that there’s some racy stuff in there, so I’ve been careful to keep Oot away, lest his innocence be irreparably harmed….


God. He’s such a little ham. I can’t imagine where he gets it from….


Now right now I can hear you thinking, “Pat, did you just spend 500 dollars on books just so you can make a joke on the internet?”

To which I reply: You bet your ass I did. What’s more, I don’t feel even the slightest bit bad about it.

The main reason for this is the fact that Shades of Grey by Jasper Fforde is an amazingly good book. And I never feel bad about spending money on books I love. (You can see my gushy review of it over here on Goodreads.)

What’s more, I’m sure I’ll find something else fun to do with these books. Maybe I’ll go and hand them out at the movie theatre to people standing in line to see Fifty Shades of Grey. Maybe I’ll just give them away to friends. Maybe we’ll include them in something we’re doing in the future for Worldbuilders.

That’s all I’ve got for today, folks. Sorry to pun and run….


P.S. And just to head off people who will doubtless be asking in the comments. I haven’t read Fifty Shades of Grey or seen the movie, so I don’t have much of an opinion on them.

That said, I have heard that they’re not a good depiction of proper BDSM behavior. Which is a shame, because tying people up (or being tied up) can be a ton of fun with the right partner if you do it in the right way. Alternately, it can be a supremely bad scene when you do it in the wrong way. Do your homework before jumping into something like this, folks.

P.P.S. There’s only two days left on on the Humble Bundle book deal. Then it’ll be gone forever.

This entry was posted in Fucking With You, My Iconoclastic Tendencies, Oot. By Pat69 Responses


  1. ali rahemtulla
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:10 PM | Permalink

    I love you.

  2. Kelsey S.
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:17 PM | Permalink

    I love Jasper Fforde almost as much as I love you, Pat! It’s a good thing author-crushes aren’t expected to be monogamous relationships.

  3. Miralys
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:20 PM | Permalink

    I really hope Jasper Fforde is still going to write a sequel. Probably needs to change the title though, unfortunately…

    • Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:49 PM | Permalink

      It’s scheduled for 2016 from what I hear….

      • Miralys
        Posted March 2, 2015 at 1:11 PM | Permalink

        Well… when I reviewed it on my blog back in 2011 the sequel was scheduled for 2013… While it would be great I’m not counting on it, especially since he’s been focusing on the “The last dragonslayer”- series the last couple of years.

        • Posted March 2, 2015 at 1:53 PM | Permalink

          Hmmm… good point.

          I wonder if I could find out if I called some people at Penguin…?

          • Medbie
            Posted March 2, 2015 at 4:54 PM | Permalink

            I would love it if you could send word his way how much a sequel is desired!

          • Philbert
            Posted March 3, 2015 at 3:11 AM | Permalink

            Wait, wait, Pat. Wouldn’t it be a bit ironic if you would start hounding him for his sequel?
            Or am I falling for the joke here?

      • SonOfOnett
        Posted March 3, 2015 at 3:09 PM | Permalink

        Sadly it didn’t sell well so he doesn’t actually plan to do the sequels. His current plan is a prequel. Maybe if we can drum up enough support for the original book…

        Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/books/comments/2f98pj/we_are_read_for_pixels_authors_for_the_pixel/ck74q02

        • Posted March 3, 2015 at 10:33 PM | Permalink

          Oh. That makes me sad.

          Thanks for sharing though. I’d rather know the truth….

    • SonOfOnett
      Posted March 3, 2015 at 3:09 PM | Permalink
  4. Ken
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:22 PM | Permalink

    I can’t wait for another Shades of Grey book, though I know he’s working on other stuff right now. That being said, this joke was worth it. Well played.

  5. firebird
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:22 PM | Permalink

    I absolutely love your goodreads reviews. So please read it and then trash it to hell.

  6. ofMindandHeart
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:24 PM | Permalink

    If I’m counting right then it’s actually 50+ shades of grey. I see at least 53, and there are presumably one or two more that are obscured from view by the front-left stack.

    Thanks for the laughs, Pat. It’s appreciated.

  7. Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:30 PM | Permalink

    *one-eye-rollingly-long–sigh* o_o

  8. FrostRazor
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:31 PM | Permalink

    You are the best Pat! I wish I could meet you personally

  9. clara alemcastre
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:34 PM | Permalink

    Damn. I hope you’ve left some copies for sale.

  10. ali rahemtulla
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:35 PM | Permalink

    By the way, you should probably give the rest to worldbuilders or something along that line. I’m just mentioning this on the off chance that you (and others close to you) haven’t thought of it yet, which is unlikely.

  11. wayward
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:35 PM | Permalink

    OMG. I love you!

  12. trunuyawkr
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:37 PM | Permalink

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I just bought a copy. Yep. My budget thanks you. :P

  13. Knightrous
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:43 PM | Permalink

    I came here thoroughly prepared to be horrified.

    Glad that I was disappointed.

  14. ginfur
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:54 PM | Permalink

    This is why you’re my favorite. Thank you for being you :)

  15. Posted March 2, 2015 at 12:59 PM | Permalink

    I actually felt like going back to reread that book after the whole hubbub over #thedress this weekend.

  16. BigSwede58
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 1:06 PM | Permalink

    Patrick,no matter what you do with the books don’t forget to keep 1 for yourself.I know when I get busy I forget me.I figure you are about 10 times busier than me !

  17. Fatikis
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 1:37 PM | Permalink

    Ugg, If you ever release the last book I will likely not even read it. You sell a cash grab nonbook and now are promoting Fifty Shades of Grey.

    I can say this. I will never again donate to World Builders. I will find a better charity.

    What happened to releasing the 3rd book that you said wouldn’t take you years? Too busy cashing in on a shitty book and reading smut?

    • Fatikis
      Posted March 2, 2015 at 1:39 PM | Permalink

      Now, I realize it is not actually 50 Shades of Grey just a terrible pun.

      • Andrew W
        Posted March 2, 2015 at 1:43 PM | Permalink

        Thankfully you didn’t overreact about it.

        • Posted March 2, 2015 at 1:51 PM | Permalink

          Yeah. That would have been really shitty and awkward.

          • Fatikis
            Posted March 3, 2015 at 10:37 AM | Permalink

            I fully admit it was a complete overreaction. I should have checked into it fully. If only I could have deleted it I would have. I actually tried to immediately when I realized my mistake.

            Honestly, I looked into the series and it seems interesting.

            Still, I thought you were posting compliments to 50 Shades of Grey. Now that I see you are not I will still donate to World Builders as I have for the last 3 years.

            Though still pretty upset about the last cash grab book after you promised a third book years ago. I’d have rather donated that money to charity.

          • Jsherry
            Posted March 3, 2015 at 5:27 PM | Permalink

            Dude, you suck at apologies.

      • Holmelund
        Posted March 2, 2015 at 1:52 PM | Permalink

        Congratulations. You just threw a temper tantrum worthy of a 3 year old.
        I am sure your mother is proud of you.

        • TheManiacWoodpecker
          Posted March 2, 2015 at 2:06 PM | Permalink

          Go to your corner and shame on you, little Internet Troll.

        • Fatikis
          Posted March 3, 2015 at 10:44 AM | Permalink

          An occasional overreaction is human. I made a mistake. I attempted to delete it after however that is not possible.

          If Patrick Rothfuss was promoting 50 Shades of Grey I do feel like it was justified. However it was just a terrible pun.

          I admit my shame. I fucked up.

          • ErinKAZ19
            Posted March 3, 2015 at 11:44 AM | Permalink

            A mistake is a mistake, but I take GREAT offense at “cash grab non-book”. I love Slow Regard and Auri and take away something new every time I read it. And…I’m absolutely sure that I’m NOT the only one to feel this way. You’re really gonna dis one of Pat’s books on Pat’s blog? Not cool.

          • Holmelund
            Posted March 3, 2015 at 1:23 PM | Permalink

            Apologies on the internet is a rare thing, so I´ll give you a brownie for actually doing that.

          • Jsherry
            Posted March 3, 2015 at 5:32 PM | Permalink

            Why would you be justified for throwing a hissy fit if on HIS blog Pat decided to recommend the work or another author (which, btw, he does quite regularly)? Because YOU judged that author’s work inferior? Then get your own blog.

          • Veelk
            Posted March 3, 2015 at 5:49 PM | Permalink

            What you did wasn’t an overreaction because you mistakenly thought that Pat was promoting 50 Shades of Grey. The overreaction was that you decided this is a worthy reason of not giving to charity. What kind of douche decides they’re not going to give money to people and children that need it because an author that also gives money to them likes a book they don’t? Like, jesus, get your priorities straight.

    • Manda
      Posted March 2, 2015 at 10:17 PM | Permalink

      Yeah! You won’t catch me donating to your worthy cause. The only thing I hate more than poverty is when someone’s taste in books differs from my own!

      • Fatikis
        Posted March 3, 2015 at 10:59 AM | Permalink

        Actually, I can directly donate to Heifer International as I have in the past http://www.heifer.org/.

        Or one of many other charities that offer useful services. Child’s Play for example.

        But I would not support a charity that supports 50 Shades of Grey. I also don’t support the evil Salvation Army.

        But as I have stated. I fucked up. I’m human. My bad.

  18. TheManiacWoodpecker
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 2:02 PM | Permalink

    I would take one! You could give it to me when you are in Berlin :-)

    • TheManiacWoodpecker
      Posted March 2, 2015 at 2:04 PM | Permalink

      We could change books, i have a spare of “The last Unicorn” in german, if you are interested.

  19. Mjbarn2
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 2:15 PM | Permalink

    Pat, I was so ready, SO READY, to be disappointed. Preparing myself for a let down. To sadly see you somehow not be as wonderful as you are.
    Dear God am I happy right now. Thank you for your comments on safety at the end of your post, and for being so entirely dear.
    I loved the pun.

  20. justajenjen
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 2:17 PM | Permalink

    This is the most amazing thing I’ve read ever! Thank you. I was having a shit day and even whisky wasn’t helping. Then I read this blog entry and I feel better. :)

  21. Sara
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 2:39 PM | Permalink

    You big dafty :)

  22. emmythecat
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 2:52 PM | Permalink

    Hahaha, this just made my day :D I’m so glad that sometimes the right people get fame and fortune – you use yours so bloody well! Can’t stop chuckling :)

  23. Posted March 2, 2015 at 3:10 PM | Permalink

    Wonderful! I love the idea of handing out copies in the cinema queue :)

  24. SporkTastic
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 3:38 PM | Permalink

    Horror to laughter in sixty seconds.

    • SporkTastic
      Posted March 2, 2015 at 3:39 PM | Permalink

      …or less. Or your money back.

  25. dylan159
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 4:07 PM | Permalink

    No need for long posts, Mr Rothfuss, you gave us a lot to think about… Ways to make Fforde’s books even funnier than only by reading them.

  26. MandaAnne
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 4:17 PM | Permalink

    G*ddam it Pat, you made me suck it up and make a WordPress account so I could comment. And all I have to say is, “I love you so hard.”

    • MandaAnne
      Posted March 2, 2015 at 4:20 PM | Permalink

      PS. I also love that you have a whole “Fucking With You” category. Were I unmarried I’d take you in a manly fashion.

      Or something.

      • Posted March 2, 2015 at 6:22 PM | Permalink

        Because I’m pretty?

        • Amanda
          Posted March 2, 2015 at 8:53 PM | Permalink

          Because you’re pretty.

          • SporkTastic
            Posted March 3, 2015 at 1:10 AM | Permalink

            I love you guys.

      • pacifist
        Posted March 2, 2015 at 6:50 PM | Permalink

        the “fifty shades of grey” title connected to the “fucking with you” category left me with a queer urge as well

        • pacifist
          Posted March 2, 2015 at 6:52 PM | Permalink

          okay, foreigner here, queer seems to have a few different meanings…
          pun not intended, but I’m ready to take the credit for it :)

  27. Sandhya
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 7:18 PM | Permalink

    I’m such an airhead. I kept saying to myself, but the name of the book is 50! Shades of Grey!!
    Went right over my head that this is tongue in cheek and besides I like being tied up so what’s the beef? ;-)
    I have not read the book and was about to when I thought you were been real…almost jumped over that cliff!

  28. keelcat
    Posted March 2, 2015 at 7:24 PM | Permalink

    I was actually looking forward to you tearing that book apart. Now that would be a good read. The pun is good too though!

  29. ErinKAZ19
    Posted March 3, 2015 at 11:48 AM | Permalink

    Once again you are looking after the health and welfare of your fans with your final words of wisdom :) Its only one of the reasons why we love you and you are awesome!

  30. cmauroni
    Posted March 3, 2015 at 12:28 PM | Permalink

    Silly Pat. You made me LOL on the bus…

  31. FollowYourMuse
    Posted March 3, 2015 at 4:02 PM | Permalink

    No sequel?
    And I have been waiting patiently for this one, I loved the first book.
    Perhaps I need to get 50, Shades of Gray also to up the sales of this book to encourage a Sequel?

  32. JeffS
    Posted March 3, 2015 at 4:30 PM | Permalink

    I tried to watch 50 Shades of Gray but I couldn’t even get through it a second time, since by then I knew that Dr. Pulaski would save the day and cure Commander Riker of his alien thorn virus, and even a second viewing doesn’t add much to the appreciation of that particular episode. I think I must be missing something key here… is it sort of like a fraternity hazing?

  33. Seiryu
    Posted March 3, 2015 at 8:10 PM | Permalink

    I have seen a lot of jokes about 50 shades of Gray, but this, THIS, has to be the best

    I mean they’re really 50, and Shades of Gray!! *ba dum tss* (Oh, well… nope)

  34. Kateaclysm
    Posted March 3, 2015 at 11:26 PM | Permalink

    I read 50 Shades of Gray (the porno, unfortunately) for a book club and I really wish I had been clever and wealthy enough to take your approach to it. It would have been about a bajillion times more entertaining. And not a waste of brain cells.
    Good on ya, poking fun at things. It made me snort so hard I almost woke up my husband.

  35. Jeff_W
    Posted March 5, 2015 at 11:41 AM | Permalink

    I love Jasper Fforde’s books, I’d really like to see the sequel to “Shades of Gray”, I was sad to see the post above saying they probably won’t happen.

  36. AndreasS
    Posted March 20, 2015 at 1:26 PM | Permalink

    Thank you for this hilarious post! “Shades of Gray” is one of the best books I’ve read in the last time and certainly is one of the books with the best ending ever.

    Plus it was great having people starring at me in the train, just because of the title of the book. Never happened to me before.

  37. Owen
    Posted March 31, 2015 at 2:17 AM | Permalink

    I liked this one as well and was saddened by the horrible curse of its title. Forde set up a world and spent a good part of the book doing it and once things really started to get going it ended leaving us with a want for more, a lot more. I hope he does write a proper sequel as the amount of work to build a world, makes its laws takes a great amount of time. I feel with the sequel he can just enjoy and let the characters and narrative begin without explaining the chromatics of it all.

    It’s good you’re finding the hidden gems if it wasn’t for my brother I’d never find the book above. Maybe in a couple years you can listen or breeze by my character driven Sci-fi books.(Two are in revisions)((Revisions take a while))(((You know revisions take a while))). Well back to my revisions. I wonder what will get finished first, my revisions or eternities end.

    Plus I think it is only fair. You wrote for me, or rather, for all of us. It’s only fair I write for you, and everyone else. Especially the kids, the ones who seem a little lost in life. I think I write for them the most. Thanks thou, for writing and shaping and naming.

    PS. Poor Auri, her name it will soon get too heavy, heavy as a large stone.

  38. Serias
    Posted April 6, 2015 at 11:21 AM | Permalink

    Oooh, that was great xDD
    At first, I was like “Why the hell are there that many books, there are only 3…wait, that’s something different…what the-”
    At that time, I started laughing, great pun, Pat xD
    How’s the book so far?^^

  39. CarstenR
    Posted April 7, 2015 at 3:42 PM | Permalink

    Sorry Pat, but I think you got your books confused. You are actually reading 56 Shades of Grey here…

    first pile to the left: 8; the pile behind that is larger by 7, so it’s 15; behind that 20; pile to the right: 10; plus 2 in front and 1 in hand. 8+15+20+10+2+1=56

    Granted, you could just stop after 50, but who in their right mind would leave a book unread?

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