Pontificating on True Monsters

A while back, the some folks contacted me and asked if I’d like to talk about monsters and stories and mythology and stuff for a show they were putting together for the History Channel.

(I’m paraphrasing, of course.)

It wasn’t a hard decision. I’m all about talking about stories and mythology. Stuff is right up my alley, too.

And… Ah… who are we kidding? I just like to talk. If I didn’t have access to the internet, I’d constantly be pulling Ancient Mariner bullshit on people.

Anyway, the first episode went up last week Friday. Here’s a little teaser.

You can watch the entire episode right here. Brandon Sanderson is there too, better dressed and more articulate than me.

Before you rush over there and get your hopes up, I’m not in much of the episode. Part of this is because I didn’t have much to say about things like the Jersey Devil or Hel (The Norse Hel).

But a contributing factor is the fact that I have trouble talking in soundbites. Anyone who has seen me on panels at conventions knows this. When I’m asked a question, your best case scenario is that I’m going to talk a paragraph at you. More often my answer will probably be a little story of its own with its own distinct narrative arc. It’s the only way I really know how to talk. That doesn’t translate well onto camera.

Super impressed with my shiny name

Also, I was so impressed with how shiny my name was that I wore this expression all the way through the interview.

Seriously though, I spent most of my interview telling stories, making jokes, and cussing with extravagant flamboyance. Which, in retrospect, probably wasn’t what they were looking for. Though I do remember getting good laughs off the camera crew…

There are going to be 3 more episodes. I’m particularly curious about how #3 turned out: Gods and Monsters. I remember talking at some length about Loki fucking a horse. Which… now that I’m thinking of it… they might not put that in the episode either.

Blowing it off 2

Anyway, here’s the schedule:

  • Cannibals and Killers – Friday, October 16th, 2015 at 10pm EST / 9pm CST
  • Gods and Monsters – Friday, October 23rd, 2015 at 10pm EST / 9pm CST
  • Giants and Beasts – Friday, October 30th, 2015 at 10pm EST / 9pm CST

You could make a drinking game out of it. Every time they put me on the screen – take a drink. Every time I give a Midwestern pause in the middle of a statement – two drinks. Every time I laugh at one of my own jokes – three drinks. Every time they have to bleep me – do a shot.

That’s all for now, folks. Share and enjoy.


This entry was posted in Achievement Unlocked!, appearances, Interviews, videos. By Pat23 Responses


  1. trousertroll
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 2:14 AM | Permalink

    What gives Rothfuss? Your books come in just about every language but Arabic! There are something like 20 countries in the Arab League.. That is why I, as your unpaid and unsolicited advisor, am going to recommend that you have your people reach out to the benevolent sheikhs of Qatar and schedule the release and signing of your books in Doha. I’d pay for you to fly out here, but I think one of the high ministers of Qatari arts and literature or something ( aka a well positioned cousin of the emir) would be better suited to the task. There are dozens of ’em! Plus they’re all eager to out-do the UAE in terms of portraying themselves as modern patrons of the arts. Ooh! Also, with the World Cup coming, Qatar is under a lot of scrutiny for essentially using slave labor, so while they are in the mood to do backflips in order to keep in FIFA’s good graces, you might could get your patron to throw a hefty donation toward World Builders! Just sayin’! (Sigh), sometimes my own brilliance drives me to the bottle… Allah bless you Patrick Rothfuss.

    • Posted October 16, 2015 at 1:36 PM | Permalink

      The strange thing is: foreign publishers have to *want* to publish a book before they, y’know, publish the book…

      • Nayef
        Posted October 16, 2015 at 3:46 PM | Permalink

        Also, I *really* don’t envy whoever translates it into Arabic…

        • Posted October 16, 2015 at 4:23 PM | Permalink

          It’s safe to feel sorry for any of my translators. My work is a nightmare to bring into another language….

          • SporkTastic
            Posted October 17, 2015 at 2:06 AM | Permalink

            From what little I understand of Arabic (as both a lover of languages and from an uncle from Kuwait), it might actually be the best language for Stories from Pat; depending on the dialect to some degree, it’s both melodic and…verbose in its expressions. Not that I’m saying Pat has a tendency towards verbosity or anything. (No need to, Pat’s said as much many, many times.)

          • AlistairM
            Posted October 23, 2015 at 4:11 AM | Permalink

            I seem to remember that Kvothe translates as kitten somewhere.

            I’m guessing this isn’t deliberate, or maybe it is, and this is some secret part of the plot :P

    • Karim
      Posted October 17, 2015 at 3:43 PM | Permalink

      I don’t know if the books would work well in Arabic. Take a name like Marion (and his wife, marionette). What would you call them in a language as adaptable as Arabic? دم and دمى works, in theory, except Marion’s name also reads as “blood”.

      I can’t think of a decent translation for the titles.

      إسم الريح

      Too flappy.

      مخاوف الرجل الحكيم sounds like a treatise. أبواب الصخر sounds like something adjacent to ghar hira’a

      Even a title like The Music of Silence doesn’t translate with the same ethereal quality: موسيقى الهدوء…

      Yeah, I don’t envy the future Arabic translator.

      • Karim
        Posted October 17, 2015 at 3:47 PM | Permalink

        Which is ironic, really, because (as person above said) Pat’s books read a lot like Arabic fantasy, especially classical Arabic poetry. Story-wise, you’re a real Arab. Your language would be three bitches and a bastard to translate.

        Also, “How Old Holly Came to Be” would be the bitchiest to translate.

        I wonder if we could create a thread on the site someday for lit from around the world? I love your recommendations, Pat, but they’re from a specific (American-British SFF) section of the world. It’d be nice to see if we could discover, like, Nigerian fantasy or Catalan science-fiction or.

  2. F.N.T.
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 2:50 AM | Permalink

    Hope you manage to get the stuff out from your alley without too much pain or indignity.

  3. Bobatron
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 6:04 AM | Permalink

    I think I would rather watch the entire interview with Pat than watch the edited version of the TV-program.

    I’m not saying the tv show is bad! I’m just saying I love listening to Pat talking, even if he talks about Loki humping a horse :)

    • Erzberger
      Posted October 16, 2015 at 7:05 AM | Permalink

      Especially if he is talking about Loki humping a horse…

      • Samsote
        Posted October 16, 2015 at 10:09 AM | Permalink

        Wait, have i missed something? Where can i listen to Pat talking about Loki humping a horse :D? That’s like one of my favorite childhood stories not even joking.

    • Sutures
      Posted October 16, 2015 at 8:26 AM | Permalink

      I’ll just leave this here… it would be worth several hard earned slices of green to listen to a webcast of Pat expounding on Mythology or other Sci-Fi-adjacent subjects. Perhaps even a new Worldbuilders fund raiser event…

  4. ghevalt
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 7:14 AM | Permalink

    That Loki and his rampant horsefuckery… he just can’t resist a good mount.

  5. jac
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 7:19 AM | Permalink

    “You could make a drinking game out of it…”

    That, ladies and gentlemen, is how a fandom united with a second commonality, Rothfuss fans with alcohol induced acute pancreatitis.
    Pat is forever bringing us closer, good man Pat.

  6. Samsote
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 10:05 AM | Permalink

    How often did the producers tell you to NOT look in the camera :D?

  7. npeep
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 10:54 AM | Permalink

    Thanks for the Ancient Mariner reference. I did some reading, learned something new, and now I appreciate the humor of you holding people hostage to tell stories.

  8. LizisSparta
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 11:57 AM | Permalink

    Too bad that the full episode can’t be watched in Germany

    • Richard
      Posted October 19, 2015 at 2:53 AM | Permalink

      Ah, so it’s not just me who gets “This content is currently unavailable”? Damn shame indeed. Any suggestions for other sources?

  9. syncap8
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 3:23 PM | Permalink

    As a fan of both Pat and Brandon, I have to say that wearing a sports jacket with a t-shirt does not constitute “better dressed” :)

  10. Jsherry
    Posted October 16, 2015 at 7:34 PM | Permalink

    I’m not always late to run a rehearsal, but when I am, it’s because I get too focused on trying to jump-start a Pat Rothfuss meme:


  11. jestinijames
    Posted October 27, 2015 at 12:14 AM | Permalink

    I wish this video was available to watch here in India

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