Category Archives: Sarah

Published: June 16, 2009

A modest proposal

So today Sarah e-mailed me a link to a baby website.

This isn’t anything new. As I’ve mentioned before, Sarah is a font of baby information. She’s a veritable cornucopia of nativity trivia.

Say that out loud. It doesn’t matter if there’s someone else in the room with you and you worry they’ll look at you funny. It’s worth it. Trust me. Say, “veritable cornucopia of nativity trivia.” I put those words together just for you, and you have to say them out loud in order to appreciate them properly.

Anyway, this current site talks about how big your baby is… compared to different foods.

Now at first, this seems okay. Babies and fruit share certain characteristics. Babies are natural. Fruit is natural. They both grow. They’re both tied to reproduction.

Also, fruit is a good frame of reference. We all know how big a lime is, for example.

(Week 12: Your baby is as big as a lime.)

But as you scroll through the pictures, they don’t use fruit exclusively. They use other foods, too, and some of these are… odd. Personally, I find it odd to compare a baby to things like a cooked shrimp, (which strikes me as creepy) or a pineapple (which makes my imaginary womb profoundly uncomfortable).

Plus, since they have a different food every week, they start running out of familiar fruits. I mean, when you tell me my baby is as big as a Mexican jicama, that’s not really informative. The purpose of the fruit is to give me a handy basis for comparison, not to send me running to wikipedia.

Part of me would like to put together a different set of photos with different size/weight references. Week 20: Your baby is the size of a can of beer. Week 27: Your baby weighs as much as the US hardcover of The Name of the Wind.

I understand they were following a theme here. But really, why would you want to compare your baby to food? It’s like Anne Geddes’ work: cute when you first see it, then creepier and creepier the more you think about it.

Am I alone in thinking this?

pat

P.S. Oot is, apparently, a rutabaga now.

Also posted in Oot, Pregnancy, Wierd Shit | By Pat70 Responses
Published: June 12, 2009

Adventures abroad: Prologue

Before I start talking about my trip to Europe, I should mention that in many ways I am embarrassingly American. I’m monolingual. I’m fat. And in many ways, I’m terribly ignorant of the shape of the world. For example, until a couple years ago, I didn’t know where Belgium was. True story.

This means that about 95% of my knowledge about Italy comes from two sources. 1) The movie Hudson Hawk. 2) The episode of Angel where they go to Rome to face down the Immortal.

This is important because Rome was going to be our first stop on our European walkabout.

Sarah was good about preparing herself for the trip. She did research. She got phrase books. She looked at maps. I was too busy getting the first draft of the book ready to do much preparation. I didn’t study any languages. I didn’t look at any tourist guides. I know that somewhere in Rome there’s old stuff and a cool fountain. I know that somewhere in England there’s Stonehenge. Somewhere in Amsterdam there are whores. Other than that, I’m flying blind….

And I do mean flying. Our flight goes from Central Wisconsin –> Detroit –> Amsterdam –> Rome. I’ve done a lot of flying in the last couple years, but this is different by an order of magnitude. Pretty much a whole waking day spent in the air.

Interesting fact: When you get pregnant, your body makes a bunch of extra blood. Pints and pints. Sarah told me this. She’s a font of bizarre information about pregnancy. “Today Oot is growing a pancreas,” she’ll say. “Now he has gills like a fish.“

I’m fairly certain that she makes a lot of it up. But still, I look attentive whenever she gives me these facts. Partly because I prefer things that are interesting to things that are true, but also because Sarah will cry at the drop of a hat under normal circumstances. Pregnancy has magnified this amusing quirk in a exponential way.

I actually took a video of her crying on the trip. Yes really. These things need to be recorded for the sake of science. She cries because she’s upset, then I cheer her up and she cries because she’s happy. Then she cries because she loves me. Then she cries because she’s crying.

I probably shouldn’t post that video without asking her, but here’s a picture, just add a little verisimilitude.

Witness my mad comforting skills. She was weeping just minutes before this picture. After all these years with Sarah, I can stop someone’s crying jag with two hugs and less than 50 words. You’ll be tear-free in 60 seconds or your money back.

By the way, Oot is the baby’s in-utero name. I figured we couldn’t just call it “it” until it was born, so I gave him a temporary name. It’s pronounced like “boot” without the “b.” Just so we’re clear.

Anyway, the point is that pregnant women have a lot of extra blood. So Sarah says. I can’t remember her saying if it happens to all women, or just her. For all I know it might be something Sarah decided to do on her own.

Either way, apparently all this extra blood makes it a bad idea for her to sit still for long periods of time. There’s a risk of blood clots. To prevent this, she has special stockings to wear and instructions to get up and walk around regularly.

Luckily, the guy next to me is willing to switch seats so Sarah can sit next to me. It’s easy to forget if you watch too much news, but the vast majority of people in the world are kind and generous.

The down side is that Sarah’s fear of blood clots combined with her favorite hobby, peeing, means that she wants to get up every three and a half minutes. This means that I, sitting in the isle seat, have to get up so often you’d think I was doing jumping jacks.

Why didn’t I just give her the isle seat, you ask? Well… mostly because I like the isle seat. And jumping jacks, for that matter.

Eventually we made it to Amsterdam. And while Sarah and I were walking to the new gate so we could catch our connecting flight to Rome, I hear two people talking behind us. They’re speaking Italian, and I hear one of them exclaim, “Mama Mia!” He says it twice in the time it takes us to get to the gate.

What really throws me off is the fact that he sounds like a bad stereotype. His accent sounds exactly like someone pretending to have an over-the-top Italian accent. If a really bad sitcom was going to have an embarrassingly unoriginal Italian character, that character would say “Mama mia!” in exactly this way.

Since this is, in many some ways, my first European experience, I can’t help but wonder: is all Europe going to be like this? Are all the stereotypes true? Will a dark, handsome Italian man try to seduce Sarah? Will English food be horrifyingly bad? Are the French going to wear berets and mime at me?

These were my thoughts as our plane touched down in Rome….

Also posted in European Adventures, foreign happenings, Oot, Pregnancy | By Pat65 Responses
Published: May 19, 2009

The Upcoming London Reading (and my growing pigeon obsession.)

It’s 4:30 AM here in Paris. Sarah has been asleep for hours. And I’m exhausted from a long day of fighting the urge to try catching a pigeon with my bare hands.

I’m fairly certain I could do this. What I don’t understand is *why* I want to do this. I know I shouldn’t for good reasons: ethical and social, not to mention my own health and safety. Nevertheless, this is a growing desire in me, and it takes more energy to fight the impulse every day. I don’t know how much longer I can resist…

I said I’d post up a picture of the Amsterdam reading – So here you are:

We had a great turnout, and they were a great audience. Thanks for coming everyone.

Oh my god. Sarah just oinked in her sleep. It was like a tiny little snore that she closed her mouth in the middle of. It sounded just like a tiny little piggie, “oink.” It was the cutest thing.

Okay, she can’t know that I told you about it. It will be our little secret.

I’ve already mentioned my London signing. That’s at Forbidden Planet and everyone is welcome to come.

There will also be a reading afterwards, unfortunately, it will only have about 50 seats available. It will be on Thursday May 21st at 7:30 PM right after the signing at Forbidden Planet.

Since there probably won’t be enough seats for everyone interested, there’s going to be a drawing to see who gets to come. If you’d like to be one of the chosen few, send the answer to this question to the address listed below:

“Kvothe is the main character in the fabulous The Name of the Wind, but what is his name when we first meet him?”

Now, do I have to state the obvious here? You should only send in the answer if you’re interested AND AVAILABLE TO ATTEND THE LONDON READING. This means if you work on Thursday night, don’t e-mail my UK publisher with the answer. Because then they might draw your name and it might screw someone else out of the chance to go to the reading. Similarly, if you’re in jail, don’t e-mail my UK publisher with the answer. If you live somewhere like, say, Montana, don’t e-mail my UK publisher with the answer.

The last one doesn’t have anything to do with you being too far away to go to the reading. I just don’t like folks from Montana.

Okay. We clear on the basic principles here? Don’t you embarrass me in front of my British publisher. I swear I will pull this blog right over….

You can mail them at: gollancz.feedback [squiggly at sign thinger] orionbooks.co.uk.

Lastly, thanks to the kindness of several fans who have offered to drive my worthless right-side-of-the-road American ass around, I WILL be doing the signing in Taunton on the 26th. I don’t have all the details yet, such as address, exact start time, etc. But I’m figuring it will be in the evening.

Just giving y’all as much advance warning as possible, and I’ll post the specifics as soon as they become available.

More soon,

pat

Also posted in foreign happenings, signing books | By Pat51 Responses
Published: April 23, 2009

A Love Note to Germany (And Other Things)

Okay. There’s been a flurry of excited messaging ever since I mentioned I’d be making a trip to Europe, and was willing to sign books while I’m over there. Details are over here on the previous blog.

Here are a few general comments and some answers to questions in response to the hubbub.

To my German Readers:

Oh my German readers. I do love you. I love you with a fierce love that is big as the sky. I know there are many of you. I know you would like me to stop in your country and sign books and do various authory things.

Do not think that I scorn you. Do not think that I neglect you. Do not think I fail to appreciate you, because I do. It is because of you that I can now legitimately call myself “International Bestselling Author” Patrick Rothfuss.

Before that, I was forced to call myself merely “Skilled Lover of Women” Patrick Rothfuss or “That Strange Guy Who Sits in the Back of the Coffeeshop All the Time” Patrick Rothfuss.

I appreciate this. You must believe me. I love you.

But as for making a stop in Germany this time around. I just don’t think I’m going to be able to.

You see, Sarah, she says. “I would like to go to Rome.”

And I think, “Rome? Have they done five hardcover printings of my book in Rome? No. That was Germany. Did my book get all manner of cool reviews in Rome? No. That also was Germany. What of the swank little bookmark? Surely that was Rome? No. It was not.”

But you see, Sarah, she has this baby in her. This baby gives her remarkable powers.

I say to Sarah, “Where would you like to go on your trip to Europe?

Sarah says, “I would like to go to Rome.”

And lo. We go to Rome.

Sarah says, “Also, I would like to see Paris.”

And suddenly, it is so.

I’m not saying I’ll never visit you, Germany. I will. I promise. It’s just that when I do visit, I want everything to be perfect. I don’t want to rush this part of our relationship. I don’t want to go too fast. We need to be sure we’re both ready. I want this to be special for both of us.

Perhaps I’ll come to visit when book two is translated. Or maybe when your paperback comes out. Hopefully, if the German publishers are willing to help, we can do it up proper and I’ll hit a bunch of places all over Germany, rather than just making a two-day stop in one city.

Be patient, I love you.

Sincerely,

pat

To my readers in Dublin:

As above. I was really hoping to make it there during this trip, but it just didn’t work out. You’ll see me before too long. I promise.

To my readers in other countries:

I would love to come to Sweden. To Ireland. To Spain. To Belgium. To Estonia. To Finland. I would love to come to Russia. To the Czech Republic. To Turkey. To Wales. To Portugal….

I’m sure you can see the problem.

If you can’t see the problem, it’s this: if I went to all of these countries, I wouldn’t have time to do anything but drive around. I wouldn’t see anything except through the window of a train. It’s pure logistics. I can’t do it all this trip. Someday. Hopefully.

To people eager to help schedule a signing:

1. If you want your local bookstore to host a signing, you need to tell *them* you’re excited about it, not me. I’m already interested in doing a signing. So are you. We’re on the same page. We’ve established a rapport.

But without the bookstore it’s just not going to work out. It’s like a three-way. It doesn’t matter how much you and me want it. Without that third person, it just doesn’t work out.

2. If you have a friend/relative/lover/former roommate that works in a bookstore, and you think they’d be excited to help schedule a signing. Contact *them* about it, see if they’re really interested, then have them drop me a line if they are.

3. If you want to contact me about a potential signing, use the contact form. If you post it in the comments, I won’t know how to get in contact with you. I will be similarly helpless if you shout the information out your window, or write it on your bathroom mirror. Sad but true.

4. If your town isn’t on the list of places I’m stopping, I probably won’t be able to come out and do a signing. The possible exception to this is Manchester, as it’s on my way between London and Edinburgh. But even that depends on the interest of the local bookstore. (See #1)

That said, if you’re actually one of the folks in charge of scheduling events in a bookstore or a library, and you’d REALLY like me to stop in, you can still drop me a line.

A few quick answers:

Q: “Will I be posting up the dates, times, and places of the eventual signings?”

A: Um… Yes? Rest assured. I’ll be posting them here on the blog, and on the Tour Schedule Page.

Q: “How’s the book going?”

A: Very well. Don’t bug me about it. It harshes my vibe.

Q: “Does Sarah have any news about the baby?”

A: I just asked her. Sarah says: “It’s freaking huge.”

Q: “I live in a town in Europe! We have a bookstore! You should come here!”

A: That is not a question. Also, please see above points one through four inclusive.

Hugs and kisses,

pat

Also posted in appearances, BJ Hiorns Art, foreign happenings, signing books, travel abroad | By Pat72 Responses
Published: April 17, 2009

European Tour – a call for bookstores.

First: My Thanks

Thanks to everyone who offered their congratulations.

(I’d be more properly verbose and flowery, but I have to be brief here. I’m using borrowed internet up here in the northwoods of Wisconsin, and this place is closing in 15 minutes.)

Second: The Tour

A while back, I promised Sarah a trip to Europe. Now, with the baby coming, I’m realizing I’m going to have to either make good on that promise, or wait for years until we no longer have a newborn. Because dragging a newborn around an international trip is not cool on many levels.

So we’re going. Sarah deserves her trip for putting up with my endless bullshit.

Soon I will be turning over a solid draft of my book for my editor to read and… well… edit. This will take her a while, because the book is beastly long and she’s good at her job.

While she’s doing that, I have a window of opportunity. Rather than sit around, twiddle my thumbs, and fret over what my editor will say, I’m going to take Sarah to Europe before she gets too big with baby to do more than waddle to the fridge and make me rub her feet.

I’m looking forward to the trip. It will do me good to take a break from the book for a bit. If I don’t get a few weeks away from it in between drafts, I lose perspective.

Also, it will be nice to have a bit of a walkabout on my own before finalizing Kvothe’s own set of adventure as he goes out to make his fortune in the wide world.

Third: Sending out the Call.

For years now, I’ve had folks in the UK and the rest of Europe saying things like, “When are you going to be coming to [insert name of foreign country here]??!!?”

Well now’s the time.

I’m more that willing to do signings at the cities I’m stopping at. But since this is happening on the spur of the moment, I don’t have time to go through official bookstore channels, or perform the typical courting dances with foreign bookstores: first researching, then calling around, then playing phone tag, then trying to convince them that it would be worth their while to order a dozen of my books and set up a card table….

By the time I finished that, I’d already be back in the US.

So here’s where you come in.

I’m posting my itinerary below. What cities I’ll be and where. If you own a bookstore (or work in one) and you’d like me to come in and do a signing, lovely. Drop me a message off the contact form and we’ll set something up.

If you don’t work in a bookstore, but you know a cool one you think would be interested, ask them if they might be interested. Then, if they are, drop me a message. Or have them do it.

May 8-11 Rome

May 13-15 Amsterdam

May 17-19 Paris

May 21-25 London (And environs.)

May 27– 28 Edinburgh

May 30 Glasgow

Crap crap crap. The place is closing.

More later,

Fondly,

pat

Also posted in appearances, signing books, travel abroad | By Pat128 Responses
Published: April 15, 2009

Some News…

Guess who’s having a baby?

Posted in Sarah | By Pat216 Responses
Published: March 28, 2009

Being Thankful.

Quite frequently, something happens in my life and I think, “I should mention this on my blog.”

This is one of those unpleasant truths that I’m reluctant to come to grips with.

I think part of the problem is the word “blog.” I never felt this way when I would think similar thoughts about the humor column I wrote, or when I think, “I’m going to put that in the novel.”

I know a lot of people who struggle to think of material to put on their blogs. I’m the other way around. If I went with my natural tendencies, I’d be writing little stories up here every day, maybe more. Slowly I would move all my writing energy into the blog, then it would start eating into other parts of my life too. Drawing time and energy away from vital activities like eating and playing videogames. Eventually they would find my shriveled husk in front of the computer.

Because I don’t blog all the things I think of, sometimes interesting little stories get left by the wayside. This ensaddens me.

For example, months ago, I was driving around with Sarah. We were bickering, which is like arguing, but cleverer. We’re really good at bickering. We could bicker for our country if they ever made it an Olympic sport.

The key to our successful bickering is the fact that we argue about stupid shit. We’re also articulate, witty, and in love. Lastly, I am funny as hell, and Sarah is absolutely batshit crazy.

This leads to great bickerings. Honestly, I wish I had a lot of them on tape.

So we’re driving around, bickering, and Sarah says, “Whenever you call me a rule utilitarian it makes my womb clench.”

And I thought, “I’ve got to mention this on my blog.”

Not the reason for the bickering, which I can’t remember. Not any of the context, which really isn’t that important. I just wanted to share that sentence because I knew if I didn’t, you’d never run into it at any other point in your lives. Ever.

Sometimes the blogs that get put off are more substantive. I put those off because they’ll take a lot of time and energy to get right.

And sometimes they aren’t hard to write, they just get buried in the ephemera of daily life. Then when I rediscover them, I think, “Shit. I can’t believe I haven’t posted anything about that yet…”

This is an example of something thus belated.

Those of you who have been on the blog for a while probably remember Captain Joe. If not for his comments on the blog, then for his strong showing in the photo contest last year….

After last year’s minor debacle with the Locus Award, I posted a blog wherein I generally lamented the unfairness of all God’s creation.

In response to that blog. Captain Joe sent me this.

And a close-up of the wordage.

Later, I found out he actually made it. Found the wood, burned it and glazed it. Installed the clock….

In short, it was some serious above the call of duty coolness.

So I just wanted to take this opportunity to share this coolness, and thank him for it in a very belated way. If I had my way, I would have them write “Winner of Captain Joe’s Most Kickass Novel of the Century Award,” on the new version of the book when it comes out. But I’m pretty sure the marketing people have their hearts set on the whole NYT bestseller thing….

Later folks,

pat

Also posted in awards, blogging, fan coolness | By Pat71 Responses

  • RSS info

  • Visit Worldbuilders!

  • Our Store

    The Store

  • Previous Posts

  • Archives



  • Bookmark this Blog!

    (IE and Firefox users only - Safari users, click Command-D)