Well folks, I’m in Rome. And you know what they say, “When in Rome, do what the Romans do.”
Personally, I’m assuming that the Romans blog.
My overall impressions of Rome will have to wait for a while. As will the anecdotes of my first few fumbling days as a world traveler.
For now, I just wanted everyone to know that:
1. I did not die in a terrible plane-type accident.
2. I will be posting up a blog about my UK reading/signing dates and times as soon as they’re all set up and solid. So far we’ve got the firm details on a Manchester signing at Waterstones on the 28th swtarting at 7:00. More specifics so that will be up on the Tour Schedule page soon.
3. Lastly, for those of you that care about this sort of thing, I got the first draft of book two finished Manuscript printed and mailed to my editor two hours before I got on my plane. To say it was a bit of a rush doesn’t really convey the frantic nature of the past two weeks of my life.
The manuscript is a beast, by the way. Here’s a quick picture I snapped of it. Included is the US hardcover to give some perspective.
Thing is huge. Took more than 3 reams of paper to print. Took six hours just to spellcheck….
Do you know what it’s like to run spellcheck for six hours? It’s like a party in purgatory. A party in purgatory where all they have to drink is sugar-free Kool-aid, and the only game to play is Monopoly, and none of your friends show up.
On an unrelated note, recently, I got a really funny piece of fanmail from someone telling me how to live my life. I was going to post it up in a blog and make fun of it, but then I wondered if that would make me a dick.
I mean, it is my nature to mock. It is my way. It’s who I am. I try to be honest about the me that I show here on the blog.
But at the same time, when I wrote the College Survival Guide, I developed powerful mocking abilities. Like superhero-level stuff. I don’t know if it’s fair to turn the withering blowtorch of my sarcasm onto an unsuspecting person who just happens to be a clueless, controling, passive-agressive fucker.
What do y’all think? Mock or not?
More later, as soon as I can get internet access again.
pat
268 Comments
Rome, eh? Pat, you lucky @#$%*&!
Oh, pleeaasseee mock. Puhlease. I live for your mocking. I live by the rule that if someone wants to behave as an asshat, then mocking should follow.
Would it be too much to ask for a few flicks of you two in Italy? *on bended knee*
And seriously–a 6 hour spellcheck? OMG, my eyes! My eyes!
And did you have to print it out to mail it? They wouldn’t let you e-mail it, upload it somewhere, or put it on discs?? This is the 21st century, after all….or is that your “backup?”
Sweet lord, I think I broke into a sweat thinking about the release of WMF. Or it could just be a hot flash. Either way, I’m HOT for your book.
have fun!!!
Jules
Hey!! the manuscript looks awesome-can’t wait for the the release, i’v been telling literally everyone i know how ace you are!… you should find out what the Romans think to the mocking if your followin the whole when in Rome thing?!? although personally i do find the rants hilarious :)
Have fun with your travels. x
Wow! Are you shure that there are gonna be only 2 more books? If I look at that…It would be a shame if you had to cut that down to a normal book size. Why don’t you decide to write, I don’t know, how about 10 books in total? I guess you wouldn’t lack the content.
That manuscript is beautiful. And huge. Holy man.
Congrats on finishing it!!! Now enjoy Europe with your lady :-)
Amen to the manuscript being finished!
You should have posted a poll for the mock/notmock question.
Mock.
Hey, Pat! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now. Would you mind answering a question? I’ve got a little language problem with your name. I never know how to pronounce it. I am from Austria, so I pronounce it in a rather german way, like “Rotfuß”. But do you say the english th or not? And …fuss? Like the english word “fuss”, with an a spoken in the middle? Or more like fuuus? It’s kind of a problem to talk about a really cool author if you can’t even pronounce his name correctly.
Mock! x5 (my co-workers agree)
mock,mock,mock!
please
ciao Pat, did you and Sarah enjoy your time in Rome? did you go to see piazza Navona, Piazza di Spagna and the Sistin’s Chapel like i suggested to Sarah??
i really hope you did!!
and i also hope you put a coin in Fontana di Trevi, so you’ll come back here!!!!!
My friend recommended your book to me and I loved it. Now that i am reading your blog I must put my meager two cents of opinion in and say that I think you should not tear apart this guy. Even if he is a complete DC.
Of course I’m going to say mock. Or maybe a nicer word would be critique. Yes… a critique can be soul-crushing and helpful at the same time, and you can’t get angry at the person laying the smack down… I mean, giving the critique.
Word verification: pupen. What caterpillars do when they need to excrete. Or maybe what shitty writers use to write with.
Holy manuscript, Patman!
Have fun on your trip and think not of mocking until you return. Then my vote goes for it!
I vote mock. A-holes need to be mocked, or they never learn.
Okay, realistically, he won’t learn anyway. But we will be entertained, and you will feel better for having turned his rant into something thaqt gave someone else pleasure. Don’t want those skills to get rusty.
Congrats on finishing the draft, so that you are free to devote yourself totally to Sarah’s trip to Europe. Enjoy — I am sorry we’re not in the UK at the right time to catch you.
MOCK! MOCK! MOCK!… we all love it when youre a dick
mock that futhermocker till he cries. It will only make him stronger
now that you have finished the manuscript you have plenty of time to mock your heart out
MOCK AWAY! So is this trilogy going to expand into a quartet?
Definitely mock. But more importantly, a finished manuscript is great news. I’ve lent my copy of book 1 to about 20 people and read it 4 or 5 times. I’m ready for #2.
I don’t suppose you need a kidney? …..Pregnant pause for effect….. Asking cause I’d totally trade you one for like 4 days with that manuscript. :P I’d even look for typos if that has any swaying power beyond the kidney. Lol
BTW you should mock especially since you’ve told us all we wanna hear now.
My friend,
You know you want to mock, but you suspect wanting to do so may reveal a flaw in your character. So, you ask us to make the choice for you, so that you won’t feel bad about doing what you want to. The problem is you already made your choice by asking us in the first place. Now it would be unfair to leave us hanging after first whetting our curiousity.
Of course I vote that you should dazzle us with your biting wit, bringing merriment into our mundane lives while simultaneously making us feel good about ourselves (by virtue of the fact that we are obviously less of assholes than the poor bastard that crossed you). I will follow up my vote with the suggestion that it may be profitable to search out a personal rather than democratic solution to this dilemma in the future. No doubt as a public personage you will be confronted by this situation again. You’re a good guy, my friend, and you’re blessed that your path will provide you so many opportunities to learn from those you encounter.
We LOVE the mocking! Please bring it on!
When is the baby due?? You need not be too specific if you feel it is too personal. Maybe a month for us to all anticipate with you?
sevedra
Congrats on the finished manuscript!
I hope you have a wonderful tour of Europe. It’s so fantastic that you can do that.
I don’t like mockery. People get hurt. Reputations get hurt. It does not make the world a better place. My aunt told me once, “If you couldn’t say something nice, don’t say it.” When I succeed in living by that rule, I’m a much happier person.
Adrianne
mock ‘em if they can’t take a joke…
You may only use the powers of your Mock-Fu for good!
Stay good Pat! Stay good!
-ron
I’d like to see a good mocking, but I warn you, if you mock one letter you’ll receive thousands more from attention seeking masochists who juts want to say that the mighty Patrick Rothfuss mocked them. I’m not speaking from experience, just assumption.
Mock the hell out of it.
Mocking seems to be the appropriate course of action. Awesome news on book two.
Pat,
It’s awesome news to hear the first draft manuscript is complete. Though that still means it will be some time before WMF hits the shelves, it shows you’re making progress and will shut up the passive-aggressive snarks for awhile. But those guys are like herpes, you can subdue them but they never really go away.
Um..yeah..moving along…
As for the mock or not to mock, I think as long as you use the ubiquitous “Susan” handle no one will mind. It will let you vent and give all of us mature people with a handle on reality something to laugh at.
Mock. Definatly mock. If someone has done something worthy of a mock than they should certainly be mocked for this mock worthy thing. Also, as i type this there is a comment from someone named Krik staring at me, and i just saw Star Trek so i am geeking out about it. And lastly, that manuscript is the most amazing thing i have ever seen in my life.
Mock away. If you are going to be and a**hole and offer advice to others on how to live one’s life, One should have the forebearance to take it up the a**.
MOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Definitely mock. Mocking is a high artform, and we’d all love to see you in action.
btw – my daughter absconded my copy of Name of the Wind and it is now winding its way through the local high school intelligencia.
Jim in NC
Seeing that manuscript and not being able to read it shoulc be included in your definition of purgatory. Tell your editor to put some muscle in the hustle!
Oh, yeah, definitely mock. Can’t wait.
Can’t wait for the next book!!!!!!!
You have to be like Spiderman with your mocking abilities. You know, pull your punches to a semi-human level unless your fighting a super-villan!
On the other hand – you could just publish the letter and all of US mock him. That way your hands are (somewhat) clean. We still get some entertainment, not to mention the affirmation of how much smarter the vast majority of us are.
Jim in NC
I believe mockery to be the best and only option in this situation… You owe it to yourself to mock the fellow. There is no need for inner turmoil. To deny yourself the pleasure of some first rate mockery would be to deny nature… Nay, to deny God himself! You’re celebrating a finished manuscript. In all celebration there must be fun. Mockery is fun. What would Jesus do? He would mock the hell out of this self-righteous fucker – and have some fun..
Let us see the mockery!
Congratulations on finishing the manuscript. That is indeed good news. Now, the anticipation thickens, ha ha. But that only makes the wait that much more worth it.
Now as to the jerk…
Post his tripe, and tear him to shreds. Use your literary word powers and shred him, piece by piece. Unleash your fire-crafted, stone-sharpened, bone splintering word power upon the unsuspecting yet well deserving moron.
You take too much, and absorb too much, you don’t deserve it. You go without what most people consider the basic, necessary amenities, every day, in your day-to-day life up at your home. All for the satisfaction of your fan-base. The extra money I’m sure is a good perk, but it’s entirely another thing to write at your scale and choose to let people intrude upon your own personal fantasy world. That takes guts, and I admire and commend you highly for it, and thank you for it. Not only that, but you’ve dropped other activities that you not only enjoy but were career jobs that you worked hard for and earned. It takes a lot of faith in yourself and your fans to do something like that. It is a sacrifice that not too many authors would make. That says something to me about your dedication and passion for your work. People who have the gall to criticize you unfairly or try to pull low blows deserve a good dose of scathing restitution.
So… let the beatings begin!!
Absolutely mock! I am salivating at the idea of hearing what this person said and being able to experience your response to said asshat. :)
Hi, found your blog through Brandon Sanderson’s blog. I just finished Name of the Wind a few weeks ago and really enjoyed it–I’m looking forward to book 2, so congrats on getting in that massive draft.
I hope you enjoy your trip! Your blog is ever so entertaining. :)
I say, feel free to mock. You do have epic mocking skills. Why not use them?
please mock! they deserve it for spending the time to tell you, the great wise one, what you should do. And besides it will surely be hilarious. :)
Take the high road.
P.S. Why don’t editors request manuscripts in digital formats? Printing out and shipping seems so 20th century.
Dear Pat,
I am… both disgusted and proud that, on the day you wrote this, you instantly got upwards of 140 replies. Go figure. I guess I am one of them. Obviously, I got to the party a little late. On a related note, I would happily drink sugar-free Kool Aide with you while playing Monopoly for six hours in purgatory.
I like how big the manuscript was, and commend you for completeing it! Now the world is one more step closer to enlightenment.
On an unrelated note, I am well. You are a good person, and not a dick, so I know that you would ask how I have been and what I have been up to. Because you have asked, I can type you that I have been very busy tearing down the set for my school’s production of Of Mice and Men, taking an AP Physics Test (which I don’t advise anyone to do if they have not been taught thermal physics, optics, fluid mechanics, or waves), and eating salmon with my girlfriend. Because you are not a dick, I think you could either (a) not mock said cute fan, even though he or she dared to tell you how to live your life, or (b) mock them with love. Like… “Pat. Your fire-squirrel is very cute. I suppose this is an accurate depiction of your high-school sweetheart. I love you.”
As always (obviously in terms of me only typing to you for the past few weeks), I am just here to offer the insight of a silly, newly not-as-acne-covered teenaged boy. As always, I remain…
Respectfully Yours,
An Albino Druid
Purchasing Ice Cream From the Ice Cream Truck for $2.75 since 1992
Speaking of Neil (as Dixie did) who is speaking of you: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/05/entitlement-issues.html
MOCK!!!!
I vote for a mock… someone who tries to tell you how to run your life, deserves the full spine-tingling, head shaking fury of your wrath…
plus I know it will be an epic mock to read…
oh and indeed… congradulations on the manuscript.. the sheer size of this thing… (now christened in my mind as ‘it’) is a true show of blood, sweat, and tears. Ripper effort. :)
For teh Mock! :-)
I’m with the majority, mock the cranky bastard.
I can say from the bottom of my heart; mock. Some people will be sure to think you look like a dick , but you’ll be a dick that’s standing up for yourself, and that’s better than biting your knuckles and worrying what the internet will think of you.
Personally, I love you.
P.S. congratulations on the manuscript, but you didn’t say anything about being happy, relieved, or proud of it. I hope you are, because I’m happy for you.
Super Mocking powers, huh? I won’t believe that until I see it! … Please?
Have fun on your trip! :)
Cheers,
Nyn
Mock, but in the Rothfussian way.
1: More comparisons between the books (in terms of word count) rather than sheer size. Surely double-sided and single-spaced would hack that pile down to like…a third.
2: (And I’m quoting here) If you’re gonna play Poke the Bear, you better keep in mind the bear doesn’t give a shit it’s just a game. – Therefore, MOCK!
3: Have fun Pat!
So to give us even more perspective… how many words is the current manuscript?
If it’s standard format with 250 words per page and it looks like 1500 sheets… that would roughly give us 375,000 words!
And yeah, MOCK!
1)Hope you’re enjoying the euro-tour Pat, I expect a scorecard on frozen-burrito availability by city.
2)On the subject of mocking… Do you really think the twit in question deserves a public lambasting? If sending the letter was a simple matter of misjudgement (like your ill-advised short story readings a few years ago, nude was not the way to go) perhaps you should keep the vitriol a bit more private. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit here next to me.” If the letter writer was encouraging you to work harder on the second book and uproot that bramble patch on your chin, you may come off as the greater boob in a public exchange. I guess my vote is mock him/her privately, then e-mail it to me, I can keep a secret!
3) To avoid spending six hours spell checking the next draft I recommend you learn how to spell. You could also demand your publisher kidnap one of those spelling bee geeks to handcuff to your desk for the next couple years, I recommend choosing one by size rather than ranking, less food, easier clean-up etc. You could also loan it out to other illiterate literaries.
4) For that Aussie, and anyone else, wondering how to pronounce Pat’s last name: it sounds like moth-fuss.
5) Where is the spell check on this comment thing, can I borrow your geek for a minute?
Hopefully your editors won’t go through too much ink on your draft, good luck.
Kirk
Hell yes!!!!! (also, you should definitely mock!)
Congrats on getting through spell check! Stay safe while traveling! And by all means MOCK, MOCK, MOCK!!
MOCK!!! Just leave out the prick’s name.
And holy shit, Pat. That’s what… 225,000 words or so? I’d be very interested to know the word count on that. I bet MS Word would be counting and give up at about 150,000, and then just continue with progressively more snide remarks.
So yours is probably up to the “My God, dickhead, no one can count that high. Not even a computer. But thanks for trying to make me melt. I’m glad you did that. If I melt, I won’t have to spell check for 6 hours again. Dick.”
Congrats, by the way, on finishing that manuscript. I’m sure it will be flawless and will be on shelves by late Summer. :)
If you are sure the letter didn’t come from your dad, I say mock away.
I also came here to point you to mr. Gaimans latest blogpost:
journal.neilgaiman.com/
2009/05/entitlement-issues.html
It seems fitting ;)
all these people screaming mock!!! they’re telling you to mock? so they are telling you what to do right? and what is it that your making fun of this guy for? well here’s me telling you what to do. whatever YOU want sir master patfuss. Super glad about book 2. does anyone have an estimate of the process time it might take to hit the shelves. i’ve been jones-ing for a while (dollhouse was subsiding it) but unfortunately that is no longer the case…
I’m glad to see that your manuscript is done, I can’t wait to read the final copy of it sir Still, take your time with it, we can wait. Though I dare say mock, mock the shit out of that person, no one should tell you how to live your life. Anyways, good luck and have fun, sir.
Well, did he tell you to live your life without mockery? If he didn’t mention it at all, then the decision could go either way. A specific direction to avoid mockery, however, deserves some form of written retribution =)
Good lord! How much does that thing weigh? I wonder how it will compare with your other baby this year.
Another vote for “mock.”
I say mock. Then again I’m a dick.
Was he just giving you tips on how to lift your manuscript without slipping a disk? Because if so…then you’re a dick. But if he’s a dick he’s THE dick, so I say just be a dick. Tit for tit.
Did I help!?
don’t mock, your revenge is his contribution to your bank account
Mock!
Another holyshit moment…Neil Gaiman just mentioned you in his blog. This means that you are indeed as awesome as we all suspected. You awesome guy.
Can’t wait to meet you in Manchester. Enjoy Europe :-)
How could you not ask us, the readers who love Kvothe, whether to mock or not to mock and assume we would say anything other than mock? Unless that was part of your plan! Because now, you totally <> have <> to post the letter, right? Please?
I’d say Mock.If this person took the time out of their day to tell YOU how to live it would only be fair to share a bit of yourself and your “words of wisdom” with them.And i’m sure if you come off as a jerk but a jerk on a super hero level well… who doesn’t like a super hero?Plus i need something to read while waiting for your book ~.^
I would love to see him mocked, but in a generalized fashion as you probably get a few emails like this now people are waiting for the books to come out.
Also Congrats on the book, glad to see it’s on its way!
Check out the Capuchin and Vatican Crypts . Awesome sites in rome in addition to the usual ones.
Mock! Oh, and congrats on the manuscript!6 hours of spellcheck? Dear Lord your patient…
You could definitely let the letter stand for itself… then you’d be safe from the “jerk” remarks. But I, like others, would love your commentary. ;)
In answer to the folks who are wondering why publishers still request hardcopies–it’s not that we don’t use files or haven’t joined the 21st century (files are sent too, nothing is retyped, and a Word doc is what the copy editors work on–not hardcopy). It serves a couple of purposes: backup copy; reference point (sometimes it just helps to look at something on paper); not everyone who works in publishing owns a Kindle (despite what you might think) and we still ride busses and trains that we read on; you can hand around snippets to others on the project to read parts as needed; etc. etc. It’s part of the contract, so the writer sends it in. Some authors also like to give their book one last read on paper before they send it in to make sure everything’s perfect. (Kids books are short and we can print out a 12-page manuscript quickly. Obviously Pat’s costs considerably more in time and paper.)
But the most important reason? Electronic files can be changed (yes, even PDFs). Hardcopy can’t. If there’s any question of version, you can always go back to the original printed book to make sure nothing was lost, incomplete, altered, or what have you, from what the author intended.
I SAY MOCK PLEASE!
RE: Mock
Karma. You’re traveling. JMHO.
About the book: HURRAY!!!!!!!
Mock: YES!!!!!!!!
Enjoy Rome!
Mock please!
And thank you for finishing the manuscript!
MOCK. Anyone arrogant enough to tell anyone else how to live their live NEEDS to be mcked deep down inside.
and feel free to mock me for writing live instead of life…
Mock!
Unsolicited advice deserves a good tongue lashing.
The dark side calls you to mock, Pat. The question is, are you feeling Darth-y or Skywalker-y?
no on the mocking. yes on the manuscript. it’s a monster.
wv: crepe. really. it is.
Dude. Mock. Anyone who writes something like that and sends it to you ought to know better.
Mock!
I’ve just emerged from reading your book for the second time in a year (something i’ve never done before except for with school text’s like Lord of the flies) and think you’re an amazing writer. I think it’s all too common now that sequels end up being twice the size of the book before and without half of the content. I’m presuming that this is mainly due to annoying people like the one you were talking about rushing them. Take your time writing a decent book and don’t let the world get to you.
Mockity mock away! I shall be amused.
And congratulations on the manuscript!
I’m all about the mockery when they bring it upon themselves. Besides, now we’re all curious and it’d just be mean to leave us hanging. :3
Please mock. It makes all of us feel better because we see how we aren’t like those people.
MOCK. Need I say more?
Mock away good man!
I say thou shouldst mock, but in a manner light of heart. Verily it shall be a joy to be read, and the churlish knave shall have no offense to take.
What do you feed that monster?
Hope you have a fine time in Rome. Just don’t get lost under Colosseum ;)
OMG ITS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!
How about you ask the poor guy who sent you said letter if you should mock/not mock? After all its his self-esteem and virtual life on the line…
Have fun Pat!
MOCK!!! please oh please mock them!!!
-bounces with the excitement of reading an expert mockers mocking-
Oh hell yea. Letting this go will leave one more asshole in a world still without a dipshit hunting season. Verbally raping and pillaging the sorry bastard is something I like to call “tough love” and may just help make the world a better place. And it will entertain us to no end.
Nice job on the manuscript, I look forward to losing gabboons of sleep over it and cursing your name to hell as I try to drown myself in coffee at work.
Mock, Please mock.
How’s Amsterdam?
You have to mock, not mocking would be an insult to the rest of us.
Mocking may be fun but I think it’s mean and should not be encouraged unless it’s for the greater good. It’s much better to have class and be polite.
Anyway, thanks for the eye candy. :D
NOUU Patrick !!!!!!
you were in Rome and I didn’t know!
Just finished “Il nome del vento” , that’s great!!!
please hurry your italian book distributor for translation for the 2nd book!i can’t wait 1 year!:)
ciaooooooooooooooooo
mock! mock! mock! mock!