A while back, I heard a rumor that Facebook wouldn’t let you have more than 5000 friends.
At the time, it was just a little blip of information: interesting, but not really relevant to my life. I remember thinking, “That’s sensible. Nobody could ever have 5000 friends anyway, and some sort of limit will keep facebook from getting all myspacey.”
Fast forward to two days ago. I’m going about my business on facebook, adding another handful of people who’ve sent me requests, and what do I see?
So apparently the rumor is true…
I mention this for two reasons:
1) If you send a friend request and I don’t add you, don’t feel snubbed. And take it personally. And show up outside my house clutching a bouquet of flowers and a homemade shiv. Naked.
2) To let folks know that most of my activity is moving to the official facebook fan page. That’s where I’ll be posting most of the book-related events, pictures, and other assorted ephemera from now on.
(Editorial note – In response to some comments below: I’m still planning on doing the blog. No fear of that going away. I’m just moving most of my facebooking from one place to another.)
Now, the main event. Audience participation requested…
More than a year ago, someone sent me a copy of their book to sign. As per the rules I’ve laid out in a previous blog, they sent something cool: fortune cookies.
(Editorial note – Yes I’m still signing books according to the rules set down in the blog. But if you want a simpler option, I’ll soon be selling signed books as part of the upcoming Heifer Fundraiser. Just so you know.)
Now this might not sound terribly cool at first. After all, you get fortune cookies for free when you order take-out Chinese food. Personally, after packing myself full of garlic shrimp, I’m not always in the mood for a dry, kinda almondy cookie. So for me, fortune cookies slowly accumulate in my kitchen where Sarah arranges them in vaguely ocd patterns on the countertop.
But you need to believe me when I tell you that the cookies these folks sent were, in point of fact, terribly cool. Turns out they actually run their own business where they do custom fortune cookies. Cookies in all manner of delicious flavors like orange or strawberry. Cookies dipped in chocolate. Yes. Chocolate.
Better yet, this company is located in Indianapolis. The same place as Gen Con.
And this year I’m going to be GOH at Gen Con….
I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this.
So I’m going to get some cookies to hand out at GenCon this year, but I’m not sure what they should say inside. These days fortune-cookie fortunes are all cheerful and nice. (“Everyone loves you, and your ass looks great in those jeans.”) That’s always bugged me. If these cookies are supposed to predict the future, then simple statistics say that some of them should foretell some dire shit. (“You should really see a urologist.”)
Also, I miss the old, cryptic, badly translated fortunes. The ones that said things like, “The onion in your salad is someone else’s orchid.”
And I feel like I should have a few cookies that relate to the books. Maybe a few portentous hints about book two. (Some true, some not.)
Here’s the problem, I tend to write long things, not short things. Fortune Cookie fortunes are short.
So I turn to you, my clever and creative fanbase. Any suggestions?
pat
222 Comments
If you don’t use :
Tuan volgen oketh ama.
in at least a FEW of the cookies, the flowers/shiv deal may start to sound more appealing. ;)
One of the very few things I’ve written may be a good internet-geek fortune cookie. “Head is to desk as face is to palm.”
You’re an amazing writer and a genuinely funny guy. Go through The Book or your blog for a large selection of memorable quotes. Wonderful things!
If you want to make it a special treat, give them a good quote from WMF so that they have to save the Fortune (who wouldn’t?) until they can read it in context and use it as a funny little bookmark on that page.
Heh, I’m loving all these suggestions. Mine:
When in Rome, pee in the fountain.
OH DEAR GOD, it must be:
“Thank you zealous fan!
But YOUR Rothfussian hint is in another cookie!”
So glad I managed to relocate this site to share with you!
http://weirdfortunecookies.com/
Actual fortune cookie slogans that are hilariously authentic. :D
I wish you good fortune in your cookie pursuits!
Here are some ideas:
“It’s dangerous to go alone. Take this.”
“The Princess is in another cookie.”
“The cake is a lie.”
“First!”
“Don’t worry; I can’t pronounce ‘Kvothe’ either.”
‘You have crumbs on your pants’.
“She’s pregnant; you’re not the father.”
“She’s pregnant; you are the father.”
“You’re fired.”
*LOL* Those are some great suggestions already. I wish I was witty enough to add to those suggestions.
I can’t wait to see you Gen Con, Pat!
My favorite fortune cookies, that I really saw:
You have many friends who are bright, witty and entertaining. What happened to you?
Poor man pinch pennies. Rich man sqeeze tomatoes.
My favorite cookie fortune, and I swear to God this actually happened, read, and I quote:
MORE PINEAPPLE PLEASE
No, it wasn’t the flip-side, where they try to teach you to speak a phrase badly in Mandarin. That was the fortune. And since then, I’ve always tried to live by that code.
There are tons of good one here. Here are some of mine..
This end up
Somebody set us up the bomb!
All your base are belong to us.
You have read this…. You will die in 3 days
Gold is the pickle of a man’s house
Watch for falling objects
The stars say you are a wonderful person… but you know they are lying
That guy you made mad at work will have his revenge
Here are a few
Shakespeare stuff
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark
Out, damned spot!
Et tu, Brute?
Cowards die many times before their deaths
The world is thy oyster
Thou art a votary to fond desire
Be not afraid of greatness
Get thee to a nunnery
Asses are made to bear, and so are you
Tao te Ching (old chinese proverbs)
Heaven and earth do not act from (the impulse of) any wish to be benevolent; they deal with all things as the dogs of grass are dealt with.
And when (one with the highest excellence) does not wrangle (about his low position), no one finds fault with him.
this one would be poorly translated if you removed the words in parenthesis
It is better to leave a vessel unfilled, than to attempt to carry it when it is full.
if you keep testing the sharpness of a blade, soon it will not be.
Gravity is the root of lightness; stillness, the ruler of movement.
All-pervading is the Great Tao! It may be found on the left hand and on the right.
if you like these, I can find more obscure stuff.
In addition to long things, you have written some very great short things.
Have some fun
one more
“I’m in ur base killing ur doodz”
Glad I could help, Pat. I’m already intrigued for the fundraiser this year.
Just a thought anyone good enough online to maybe host a message board for Pat? If I was better with a computer I would love to, just thought it woulf be cool for a place for fans to gather?
1. Learn from my mistakes.
2. Practice your signature now.
3. Writers beware.
4. Editors and predators.
5. It’s a strange world.
6. Let’s do it that way, let us divide and conquer.
7. The downside is the same as the upside.
8. I don’t know what it means, but its pretty.
9. People who give away spoilers go to the special hell.
Sound familar? Yeah, had some spare time, just went into random archives and picked random sentences you’d written in them.
WV: alitiem
Actually this is a phrase we use in the south – it means it was necessary to chastise him. Example: He obviously wasn’t paying attention to me so alitiem.
The journey of a thousand miles begins in Kvothe’s pants.
20% of all fortune cookies contain trace amounts of fecal matter. Enjoy!
Your lucky number is: elbow.
I would put in the cookie:
1. Give the cute, bearded wiseass a dollar.
AND . . .
2. Your credit card has been charged $19.99 for this cookie. Plus shipping and handling.
Print both sides with “wrong side”
get a couple that say “Made you Look!”
I’ve never been terribly good at these things (I tend to pretty long winded myself), but I’ll give it a shot.
Look up.
Your time is coming.
If you are reading this, you have too much time on your hands.
This is the most substantial part of the meal you just ate.
This is the most reading you’ve done all year.
You’re bald. You know it. We know it. Ditch the rug.
Oh, just thought of one more.
Beware of cookies from eccentic, bearded men.
- ctrl+alt+del, Saving lives since 1981
“Porcupine underpants would be very uncomfortable.”
I don’t think anyone can object to simple truth in that statement
I think they should be fortunes that relate to the books. Such as…
Last is the door of death.
Always check you’re lute strings.
Will you be my Reshi?
Master Elodin thinks you’re odd.
Beware of the bone-tar.
Meet me and Anker’s.
That’s all I can come up with at the moment, but you get the idea.
Oh, just a last minute one I couldn’t pass up sharing…
You want a fortune? Throw me in the House of the Wind.
[This page left intentionally blank.]
I was just forced to add this to documents at work. Engineers never understand why this bothers me.
A few ideas.
“There is no stone.”
“Ambrose has just purchased your ass.”
“Go find me three perfect pine cones.”
“The wise man fears the sea in storm, a night with no moon and the anger of a bearded man.”
“Naming may cause dizziness, paranoia, maniacal laughter, disembodied voices and general weirdness.”
And some taken from our friendly neighborhood Engrish site . . .
“You can enjoy the fresh air after finishing a civilized urinating.”
“Beware of missing foot.”
“It’s so moonshine in that empty dream.”
“Ground ahead! Slow down!”
“No anything else, but happy only!”
Well, that’s all I have. Hopefully I’ve done more than clutter up your comments with these. <_<
You are being followed.
Knowing where the bathroom is shall come in handy.
If confronted with a special treat in a large metal object, it is a trap.
Do not ask if she is pregnant.
You shall regret destroying a cookie.
A bear shall over estimate your ability to prevent fires.
If you have never written another mans fortune I don’t think you can ever understand.
Got milk?
-plucky
Nothing to see here.
You are
what you eat
you ate
cookie fortune
Next month you will arghhWHAT?!! FOXDIE!?Damn you Sna
Don’t stop believing.
If it is not broken, do not fix it; unless it is a epic space opera franchise, George Lucas.
Your element of the month is POLONIUM
A few ideas:
Fool! You have released the evil!!!
Chicken: astes like house cat.
Run, it’s gaining on you!
Or, you could put little messages that start with ‘Learn sympathy’, and have short tips or guidelines for the magic in Kvothe’s world. Kind of like those ‘Learn Chinese’ one or two phrase snippets on the back of some fortunes.
Or just put in a link to Heifer . . .
– Gathers Scrolls
For GenCon:
-Don’t make any sudden movements; there’s a girl nearby.
-Where I come from, 3.5 is greater than 4.0
Japanese proverbs:
-Only death will cure a fool.
-Even monkeys fall from trees.
-Don’t let your daughter-in-law eat your eggplants.
Don’t stick a spoon in your eye over it.
Here is an idea. Personalize it more for those you hand them out to and use 5 of your favorite quotes from your book. Additionally you could have a lucky winner of an autographed book and picture of you, by having one of the cookies have a message saying that “they are a winner”, of course in the spirit of your book. Something exciting like that would make GEN Con very memorable for one fan.
My only suggestion:
“NEVER BE ALONE!”
What frustrates me with fortune cookies is that in at least 9 out of 10, the “fortune” is not actually a fortune. I’ll try to make these suggestions prescient as any bona fide fortune ought to be:
“‘In bed’ after a fortune, Yoda will say.”
“This fortune will remind you of Patrick Rothfuss.”
“This fortune will self-destruct if you do not read it.”
-Alex
i do have a few:
Behind you! A three-headed monkey!
You fight like a dairy farmer
You’re uglier than a monkey in a negligee
And the best fortune cookie I ever actually got:
You will do something bad for a good reason
You will not become rich today. But is so, dont blame me.
You should have taken the other cookie
-> 0 < - You have seen the ring! you die within 7days
Next time, use a bottle instead of a cookie
The best cookie is the next one!
I’ve only been able to think of one good one. Hopefully it’s good enough to make it into the batch.
“Even on a rainy day, a fuzzy catgirl hat will make the sun shine.”
Or something similar. Pat, you’re pretty good with words, so if you decide to tweak it, I’ll be OK with it.
I like where you are headed with the ominous sounding fortune cookies. For the last 15 years (and I’m only 25) I’ve had the idea of having a “Misfortune Cookie” company. Or atleast sneak a misfortune cookie onto someone’s tray of regular “happy go lucky” cookies, so one person in the party is disturbed and worried about what they’ve just read in a cookie. some examples are…
Your best days are behind you
You’re nobody special
Your friends only like you for your money
You look fat in swim-wear
You’ve surprised everyone by making it this far in life
I’m your only friend… a cookie… please don’t eat me
Where the cat grows tall, your tree is strong
He will take you there if you ask him
Those are unforgivable thoughts
If you break the china, the monkey will rise to power
In the East the sun will set; in the west your moon will rise; your time is short
I haven’t read all the comments so forgive me if I’ve stolen someone else’s idea for a fortune cookie saying. Here’s mine:
Denna kills Kvothe.
Let me tell you, people will not first read, but spastically flip through book 2 wondering if that’s true. :-)
the only other person I “know” on facebook who reached the magical 5,000 limit is Emerson Spartz, founder of mugglenet.com, the insanely popular (and awesome) harry potter fan site.
Fortune cookies would be awesome if they said things like,
“Han shot first.”
“Your girlfriend wishes you were taller.”
“Don’t use too much salt.”
“Ramen noodles are delicious.”
“Yes sir, Captain Tightpants.”
“Did you know that the human head weighs eight pounds?”
“If you’re gonna get into the Evil League of Evil, you have to have a memorable laugh.”
there is a qoute from u that ive always rather enjoyed and i think it deserves to make into the cookie collection and it is
P.S. Your tears are delicious to me!
Kvothe dies in book three. Suck it.
This may have been suggested I didn’t scan all the comments before I thought of it, but… how about this for a fortune?
“Book two will be released XX/XX/XXXX”
Eh?
Make the fortune cookie state that the bearer will most likely be eaten by a Grue.
Side question: are you fond of Cthulhu or Cthulhu-based products?
That is all.
Oh! I forgot:
The best fortune I ever received was:
“Beware cookies bearing fortunes”
Philisophs…
A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving. (Lao Tzu)
Respond intelligently even to unintelligent treatment. (Lao Tzu)
Large skepticism leads to large understanding. Small skepticism leads to small understanding. No skepticism leads to no understanding. (Xi Zhi)
We live, not as we wish to, but as we can. (Mencius)
Rewards and punishments are the lowest form of education. (Zhuangzi)
Do not let circumstances control you. You change your circumstances. (Jackie Chan)
During the first period of a man’s life the greatest danger is not to take the risk. (Kierkegaard)
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. (Aristotle)
Remember to charge your iPod.
Your keys were in the dog.
OH SHIT!
That was a close one. Be more careful.
Those don’t grow back, you know.
You have 82,369 steps remaining.
Try it. What’s the worst that could happen?
Even a goose must say “whist” and walk on.
Hey y’all, watch this!
Do you ever worry about things falling out of the sky onto you?
Hey, I’ll be a Ruh and you be a tinker. Ok?
MSG is fuckin’ awesome, dude.
Yeah, go ahead and unfasten your top jeans button. Nobody will mind.
You are a tool in my hand. Say it.
You wimped out and used a fork, didn’t you?
You are too fond of your little cruelties.
Her nose was a little crooked.
Ain’t nuthin a little more soy sauce won’t fix.
Bruce Lee whooped Chuck’s ass that one time.
THEY’RE IN ME! THEY’RE IN ME! THEY’RE IN ME!
You seem kind of uncomfortable.
Congratulations. That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. Ever.
You should stop making right turns for the next few days.
Oh, sorry about that.
Word verification… Loacus: place where William Gibson fans hang out.
The fortune cookie is a lie.
best one i’ve seen yet.
HILARIOUS (for everyone who has played portal)
Hope you like diarrhea!
Ideas:
This cookie only touched the ground twice before wrapping.
Has anyone ever told you your dreams smell like french fries?
This cookie apologizes for giving you herpes.
Nice knowing you!
Mom?
You are now out of mana.
Beware of people driving cars in broad daylight.
When in doubt always take the left path.
[Insert witty comment here.]
You will never get the time it took you to read this rip-off of a fortune back.
You broked’d me! I hope you’re happy!
What you expected a cream filling?
This cookie had hopes and dreams but now you’ve squished them. :(
Friends don’t let friends take advice from cookies.
Please! Stop ordering cookies, they won’t let me leave!
In soviet Russia cookie eats youuuuu!
If you’re really seeking advice from a cookie, I’m sorry for you.
Strangenly here in Spain we do not have fortune cookies. I’ve eaten chinese food hundreds of times and never got one.
I’d go with…
- The name of the wind is Fred
- A wise man’s fear is to wear dirty underwear the night she says yes
- Kvothe is hiding himself from Bad Horse
Selenio.
“You got this for free, and you want wisdom too?!
When I was 12ish, half a century agoish, my fortune cookie read: If your morals make you dreary they are sure to be wrong.
-the glass is too big
-never pet a burning dog
-originally, made in japan
-if at first you don’t succeed, so much for skydiving
A fortune I’ve been promoting for years now:
You Have 30 Seconds. 29… 28…
(on the back:)
Your Lucky Numbers Are 27 26 25 24
If you build it, He will come.
omg I feel so bad now I didnt read the rules for requesting a signed book sent! X(
I hope the mask made up for my lack of details *runs and hides*
I always liked the idea of misfortune cookies. i.e.: It will happen on Thursday. They know your secret. Beware the shrimp. They’re watching you.
One man’s Edema Ruh is another man’s band of thieves.
The Adem never teach, but you still may learn.
The tree speaks truth at the expense of butterflies.
Never tug on an Amyr’s hauberk.
Sympathy isn’t magic, but it’s close enough.
Sympathy means “once together, always together.”
Don’t be afraid to use the Names you know.
One night with Felurian is worth five years with the milk maid.
Be wary of the warrior who isn’t afraid to wear white.
Beware of Folly.
Never fall asleep beside a waystone.
Haliax is Kvothe’s father. Don’t tell anyone.
Kvothe the (character to die in the next book) nevermore…
Use of the pronounciation of the protagonist and Edgar Allen Poe all wrapped up in Cookie goodness… and rumours about character deaths are always exciting.
Your future impotence shall greatly limit you.
Size matters not especially within the heat of the moment.
The second book shall not be released till December 21,2012
With my freeze ray, I can stop.. the world.
This cookie contains the remains of dead children.
The paper which you’ve precariously unfolded was used by indigenous people as toilet paper.
Beware, there lies “lead” within this cookie.
This cookie tastes like ass.
Snape kills Dumbledore.
You are Captain Tightpants!
Before you criticize somebody, walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away, and you have thier shoes.
The Destruction and downfall of a great hero approaches swiftly- But the phoenix foretells rebirth in death.
Because Cryptic bullshitting is fun and scares silly people.
also, chocolate covered fortune cookie = win of the century. My mind is blown.
Best fortune cookie actually received: “Forget her. She’s no good for you.”
And how about the two absolutely universal truths in any situation?
1. This, too, shall pass.
2. It could be worse.
Dont eat me.
How would you like it if a cookie ate you!
I ate Pat.
Give Pat the Cookie.
Eat at joes.
Eat me and we become one.
I would have to throw my vote in on “I’m lost in the factory. Send help. And milk.”
I’m the stomach eater type, y’know…
YAY YOU JUST GOT A HAPPY FORTUNE :D
Don’t you feel like scratching your ears?
You can’t lick your elbows.
I’m a cookie from Mars! I have a very important message to earthlings concearning the future of the planet! But you probably ate me…oh well…
AHAAAAAAAAAAA!
Didn’t I frightened you? Yeah, I know… you are probably choking, haha, I’m sorry, I’m just a too badass cookie fortune…
Oh, I guess those last ones weren’t short…
“Do not trust grey-eyed man. His 20-sided is weighted.”
“Pipes are coming back. If you wait too long you’ll seem like a poser.”
“Lorren was Kvothe’s Grandpa. I wrote it out.”
“You will misquote my book 3 times before the cock crows.”
“It was poisoned…wait. Is laxative a poison?”
For females you meet:
“I was too shy to say so, but you have very pretty eyes. -PR” …or to leave a guy feeling weird and confused I guess.
For males…or women who enjoy the company of other women:
“Nip slip. 3 min. To the left. Princess Leia (slave) costume.”
IN CASE OF EMERGENCY:
“You gain +5 Social Skills. And I escaped while you were distracted.”
–> Matt: Even though HP is kinda sorta green, I love the Horcrux, RAB fortune.
And more ideas:
I hope you didn’t break the cookie, it’s a family heirloom
Things left unfinished will bring certain doom (eat your cookie)
This is Pat’s cookie. Why would you eat Pat’s cookie?
You are one step closer to the complete fortune cookie experience!
Like noodles in a man’s hat I see an unexpected lunch in your future.
Don’t forget to floss!
How about:
“Redeem this at the Veterinary Clinic next door for one free puppy shampoo and a free pouch of catnip”
I know someone who happens to be perfect to quote.. Remember these?
- Masturbating with a cheese grater – Vaguely amusing, but mostly painful.
- One word down. 299,999 to go!
- A dry, joyless husk cannot write a book that is full of wonderful things
- I am the steaming turd in your bowl of cereal
- Good lord. I’m pretty sure I just wrote a completely new sentence.
- If your WOW character is named Wonkerbee Bumchuck, it just won’t work!
- ‘Childlike.’ That was it. The perfect word.
And that is just one blog.. Speculaas met hopjesvla, isn’t it?
Both your love and this meal will soon burn your ass as they leave you.
I’m working on it, ‘kay?
Thanks for your money.
Makes a great doorstop. (I kid.)
My vote is for….
All of Andrew W’s made me laugh.
Tae’s ‘poorly translated’ were good and someone did some real philosophy quotes which were well chosen.
Cisko ” Your heirs will find this in your sock drawer”
Hannah “Buy Westing Paper products” ( Good to know there are other Raskin fans out there)
Brandon “kvothe ate the cream filling”
unreturned library books and the various permutations of “try again later” or “this program is not responding” made me smile.
And all the people who recommended other websites with fortunes already on them…just didn’t get it.
Thanks everyone for making me smile.
PSFrom a fan point of view, random comments from the book is the killer app!
If you really want to mess with someone’s head, make some of the fortunes say, “Kvothe dies,” or something.
1. Friction is a drag.
2. Never moon a werewolf.
3. Dumbledore dies in this one.
4. (Insert witty remark here)
Here are a few ideas I had
1) This fortune will self-destruct in….
2) Your shoe-lace is untied…
3) Did you look in mirror before you left?!
4) Why do I smell sweaty palms?
5) While you were reading this, a draccus walked by.
6) So, Kvothe and Denna are sitting at a bar….
7) I see fluffy, pink socks in your future.
8) I would tell you your future, but you don’t seem to have one.
9) What came first, the fortune or the cookie?
10) Your home will be broken into in 3…2…1…now.
A few more occured to me
11) A draccus in the hand is worth two in the bush.
12) That which you fear will not happen as long as you don’t read this…
13) You will lose the third toe on your right foot.
14) Your hand isn’t who you think it is.
15) This is not the cookie you’re looking for.
I’ll post more when they come to me.
This cookie flavored with love. (If you were wondering about the taste)
You are not Pat’s biggest fan. Your mom is Pat’s biggest fan.
Spoiler alert- Kvothe is Keyser Soze
Spoiler alert- Kvothe is Lord Haliax
The name of the wind is Robert. Bob to his friends.
Wise men fear angry wives
Check page 435 of Wise Man’s Fear for Harry Potter guest cameo
Check page 154 of Wise Man’s Fear for Frodo Baggins guest cameo
Name of the Wind Film rights have been sold to Uwe Boll. Be afraid.
Operation Mongoose is go. Release the Mimes, be ready with the Confetti and lighter fluid. Good luck Agent 14
No one ever stops to wonder why these things are tinted yellow…
I can’t believe no one has thought of this yet.
(Include as much as possible)
We’re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of
You wouldn’t get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling
Gotta make you understand
Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you
-First ever rick-roll via fortune cookie. Though of course it’ll have to be edited down to a key line or two.
Step 1. Grow Beard
Step 2. ???
Step 3. Profit!
100% recycled toilet paper
Don’t trust the lying lairs
A few more…
16) If you think this is pointless, you should see the flip-side!
17) The Name of the Wind is…irrelevant to your waking mind.
18) If you are reading this, it already is too late.
19) I’ll tell you your fortune if you tell me mine…
20) Go to jail, go directly to jail. Do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars.
Hope you enjoyed them!
More…
21) Did you just see that hottie walk by?!
22) Think about it this way; the fortune may suck, but at least the cookie was free!
23) Why would you look to me for advice?! My house is edible!(or ‘a cookie!’ whichever you think is more funny)
24) Yes, he/she does think you’re a dork.
25) Bite me….WAIT! I DIDN’T MEAN THAT LITERALLY!
Many Hunter S. Thompson quotes would make greate fortunes such as
“Call on God, but row away from the rocks”
“The Edge… there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.”
“I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.”
“In a closed society where everybody’s guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.”
fortune cookie idea:
Please send help! I’m trapped in a fortune cookie factory!
I like the ominous ones:
1. It wasn’t a dream.
2. When the time comes, you’ll know what to do.
3. Don’t turn around. They’re watching.
4. That was a mistake.
5. Some urban legends are true.
Aww, Vasko beat me to a Zero Wing reference!
Some ideas:
- Sleep with your eyes open tonight.
- I am your father.
- Did you leave the stove on?
- Beware of the ninja in your cupboard.
- Good things come to those who eat cake.
- Cake or death?
- This fortune cookie will self destruct in 5… 4… 3… 2… joking!
- Don’t trust the green-leafed tree.
- There is no reality. Only Rothfuss.
- +++ Divide by cucumber error. Please reinstall universe and reboot +++
- EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!
- Fortune Cookies: Now with added Plutonium!
- Brazil or Bust
- I.O.U One Cream Filling.
- Don’t Blink. Blink and you’re dead.
- Stop, drop and ROLL!
- [Insert Wise/Cryptic Statement Here]
- Je suis une baguette.
More literary goodness:
“This is obviously some strange usage of the word ‘safe’ that I wasn’t previously aware of.”
“What do you get when you multiply six by nine?” (flip side: Lucky number: 42)
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
“Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”
“It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.”
“It is no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase ‘As pretty as an Airport’ appear.”
The turtle moves!!!
-I really hope you read this before eating that cookie… otherwise, have fun with that cyanide.
-That chicken you ate was no chicken.
-Ssufhtor skcor! Ssufhtor skcor!
-This sentence is false.
-Pinocchio says: My nose will grow.
-Stop it. Right now. Or else.
-Uh oh. It just ran up your leg.
-Eew, a rat just ran through the cookie batter…
-Denna dined on denner for dinner.
-Beware the rakish man wearing the sari.
-Elucidation draws near.
-Quick, define “materfamiliases.” No? Well, that just shows how much you know.
-You may have caught a rare and uncurable disease. Or maybe not.
-You’ve got a little xanthelasma on your cheek. No, to the left a bit. No, my left! Farther, farther… there, you got it.
Sanity calms but Madness is more interesting!
Annie
heh put “Learn to speak another language!” and then “Don’t put a spoon in your eye over it.” on the other side in Siaru.
I love that part..^-^
“Got Sympathy”?
“Got Iron”?
“One broken lute string=a few drabs….winning your pipes and making Ambrose look like a bitch=PRICELESS!”
“What happens in Tarbean, stays in Tarbean.”
Can’t wait for the next book.