Leaving, on a Jet Plane.

Well, tomorrow I’ll be heading out to New York so I can go to the Quill Awards, and I’ll be honest with you, I’m a little nervous.

Generally speaking, I don’t have a problem with public speaking or public appearances. But this is different because it’s going to be videotaped and televised. That means if I fuck up, a lot of people will be able to see it. Forever.

I was considering making bingo cards for my friends. Instead of numbers, on each square there would be things like:

Pat trips going up the stairs to get his award.
Pat caught on camera with his finger up his nose.
Pat falls asleep during ceremony.
Pat caught on camera looking at some famous person’s boobs.
Pat accidentally says ‘Fuck’ during his acceptance speech.
Pat and Cormac McCarthy get into a fistfight on the red carpet.
Pat and Steven Colbert share a passionate Madonna-and-Britney style kiss at the Podium.

Then I realized putting together a bunch of Bingo cards would be a lot of work. So I thought I’d turn it into a drinking game instead. Then I got busy and didn’t finish the list.

If any of you are motivated, feel free to make your own additions to the list in the comments below.

The other reason I’m a little nervous is that I found out how long my acceptance speech is supposed to be: 10-30 seconds. How the hell can I say anything in that amount of time? If I had a minute or two I could be witty, but what can I say in 30 seconds that won’t sound like the equivalent of “San Demos High School Football Rules!”

Anyway, I’m off to bed. I’ve got to get up at the butt-crack of dawn tomorrow so I can catch my flight.

pat

This entry was posted in awardsBy Pat32 Responses

32 Comments

  1. Hob Gammidge
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 1:21 PM | Permalink

    Don’t be nervous Pat! You’re a natural at this stuff; remember doing the radio program? It’s just like that, only a tad bit shorter. I can’t wait to see you on TV, I bet you’re the best lookin’ bearded guy there.I hope you win Book of the Year as well

  2. Kelly Swails
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 1:49 PM | Permalink

    Good Luck, dude. You’ll do awesome. You’re a natural public speaker so you’ll be fine. Just picture all the famous people in their underwear, or farting, or something equally as human.

  3. chriSchaeffer
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 2:14 PM | Permalink

    Pat farts in the first 5 seconds of his speech and spends the next 25 seconds saying it was his squeaky shoes.

  4. Miriam
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 3:23 PM | Permalink

    Good luck!

  5. Christine
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 3:39 PM | Permalink

    You’ll do wonderfully! Good luck and have fun.

  6. Josie
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 3:55 PM | Permalink

    Good luck Pat. I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully. If you can manage to be as witty as you are on the blog at two and three o’clock in the morning, I’m sure you can manage thirty seconds behind a podium. And even if you don’t, the fans will still love you. We’re not that easily deterred.

  7. Kelly Nevins
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 3:56 PM | Permalink

    They say all publicity is good publicity, so if you do any of the things on your list, you’re likely to sell more books because people will say, oh yeah, I HEARD about that guy. So, there’s a silver lining in everything. Personally, I’d like to see the fist fight on the red carpet. Best of luck, break a leg, don’t forget to thank your parents and every teacher you ever had… :-) PS. Will you have a link on the website to the televised proceedings???

  8. Gareth
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 4:32 PM | Permalink

    HI Pat,Just remember that its three words per second and write a 30 second speech, so that gives you 90 words to get it all in.Might not sound like much but it gives you a good shot at preparation. Now just have to see if I can find the Quills on Sky in the UK. Another add on, Pat waves his Quill in the air and tells those who rejected his work where to stick it.

  9. Adam B. Shaeffer
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 7:36 PM | Permalink

    Pat, you’ll do a great job, I’m confident of that. I also want to say I appreciate your “Bill and Ted” quote, though it’s San Dimas, not San Demos, but I only know that because I live about 30 minutes away. “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure” was one of my favorites growing up and when I saw it at Target for $9.44, I bought it unashamedly, even if my wife rolled her eyes at me ever so slightly.

  10. nick
    Posted October 20, 2007 at 7:40 PM | Permalink

    Oh dear, is that on tonight?? Must remember to record it. There should be some record of your awesomeness for posterity, don’t you think?

  11. TK42ONE
    Posted October 21, 2007 at 1:22 AM | Permalink

    I’d add something like “Pat spews his lunch from being so nervous accepting his award.”And thanks for signing my book. Just got it back today!

  12. Springbird
    Posted October 21, 2007 at 5:26 AM | Permalink

    Pat –You’re coming to New York and not doing a book signing/reading/discussion?This is a disappointment for those of us who live here.Oh, well. I’m not one to hold a grudge…Congratulations on the Quill Award!

  13. Anonymous
    Posted October 21, 2007 at 5:58 AM | Permalink

    looks like somebody already beat me too the San Dimas/yes I recognized the B&T reference. Pat, I’m sure you’ll do great. The book will continue to speak for itself, even the author is a bit clumsy. if you want some inspiration, go look at some of Joss’s clips filmed in the early days of Buffy … not that i know where to find them.

  14. Kate Willoughby
    Posted October 21, 2007 at 5:25 PM | Permalink

    Pat gives a masterful speech, but finds out afterward he had broccoli in his teeth.Pat walks to the podium with toilet paper stuck to his shoe.Pat breaks into a celebratory dance and accidentally exposes one of his butt cheeks a la Janet Jackson.Seriously, break a leg. I’m rooting for you. Also, I personally recommended your book last night to two people.

  15. Mary J.
    Posted October 21, 2007 at 6:21 PM | Permalink

    Pat graciously accepts his award and delivers a suave, witty, and wonderful (30 second) speech. He also announces that Abernathy is gay and the marriage described in the book was an attempt at medieval damage control…

  16. Dischord
    Posted October 22, 2007 at 3:51 PM | Permalink

    Good luck, Pat! I know you’ll do well. Just resist the mighty urge to flash the crowd ‘the shocker’ and waggle your tongue as you accept your award and you’ll be fine.

  17. Jordan R
    Posted October 22, 2007 at 8:39 PM | Permalink

    Good luck pat! If you run in to trouble on stage and blank out just remember to think of me naked. That will wake you right the %#@! up.

  18. Dan Hawkins
    Posted October 23, 2007 at 7:09 AM | Permalink

    I’d like to see you and Mr. McCarthy get in a fight on the red carpet, not least because your two books are the only ones I read (both with great enjoyment)

  19. Diane (with one "N") from California
    Posted October 23, 2007 at 9:45 AM | Permalink

    I just read a bunch of articles about the results of the awards. Nora Roberts wins Book of the Year but they all show pictures of freakin ALGORE who wasn’t even there! Isn’t there something not quite right about a guy who is making millions screaming about how humans are destroying the environment publishing two books in two years? Maybe somebody should tell him paper is made out of trees. I’m just sayin.Congratulations Pat! I hope somebody puts your speech on YouTube tomorrow. I don’t want to wait till Saturday and watch an hour of people I don’t care about to see your 30 second speech. I have to laugh at you posting at 12:53 am. I see you got to bed early in preparation for the big event! I think I’ll go to Amazon and buy a couple more copies of your book. Just to spite ALGORE.

  20. Chad
    Posted October 23, 2007 at 1:57 PM | Permalink

    Jesus tap dancing christ, Pat’s almost as big as Bobby Bacala these days.http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21428422/displaymode/1176/rstry/21428618/

  21. Chad
    Posted October 23, 2007 at 2:00 PM | Permalink

    I’m obviously incompetent with these “internets”, so let’s try that again:http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21428422/displaymode/1176/rstry/212428618/if this doesn’t work, you get the jist of it – go to msnbc.com for pics.

  22. Chris Pierson
    Posted October 23, 2007 at 2:27 PM | Permalink

    Say, Athelass — can we keep the freeper diatribes to a minimum on Pat’s blog? kthx.So the romance writer won the overall honor, huh? Meh. I have trouble figuring that her book was actually better than NotW, The Road, Religious Literacy, or The Assault on Reason. Or I Like You, for that matter, though that never really had a hope.

  23. Mary J.
    Posted October 23, 2007 at 6:17 PM | Permalink

    Eh. I thought Athelass was pretty funny… No top hat! I have to admit to a bit of disappointment over that. You arm candy is a cutie, btw! Tell Sarah that is a gorgeous dress. Way more flattering than Fergie’s.Cannot wait to hear your speech. Saturday will come around eventually.

  24. nick
    Posted October 23, 2007 at 9:10 PM | Permalink

    Aah, it was on Monday!!! And then I missed it :(Drat.

  25. Hob Gammidge
    Posted October 24, 2007 at 5:06 AM | Permalink

    You haven’t missed it yet, it shows on tv on the 27th.

  26. Andy B
    Posted October 24, 2007 at 5:57 AM | Permalink

    Maybe < HREF="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21428422/displaymode/1168/rstry/21428618/rpage/1/" REL="nofollow">this one<> will work better.That is one heck of a face, Pat…

  27. Pat
    Posted October 25, 2007 at 3:49 AM | Permalink

    Yeah. I look like he just stuck his thumb up my butt.

  28. Chris Pierson
    Posted October 25, 2007 at 2:34 PM | Permalink

    Pat gets goosed by Bobby Bacala …BINGO! I win!

  29. Sid
    Posted October 25, 2007 at 9:44 PM | Permalink

    “Actor Steve Shirripa (R) poses with author Patrick Rothfuss (C) and Sarah Tompkins (L)”..blah blah blah.. ” Rothfuss won for his science fiction/fantasy/*horror* book, “The Name of the Wind (The Kingkiller Chrinicle: Day One)”.zomg. Horror? I didn’t think it was THAT bad.BAHA.

  30. Andy B
    Posted October 26, 2007 at 4:19 AM | Permalink

    Okay, it cracks me up that they got Sarah and your names right but they misspelled < HREF="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Steve_Schirripa" REL="nofollow">Steve Schirripa’s<>.

  31. Anonymous
    Posted October 26, 2007 at 11:14 AM | Permalink

    Wow what were you taking on that plane pat?

  32. Ex Utero
    Posted October 27, 2007 at 4:15 PM | Permalink

    Dear Pat,Read NOTW in 60 hours. The review is posted here: http://talesfromthewomb.blogspot.com/2007/10/best-book-ive-read-this-millenium.htmlI suggest you close your blog and write more. My only question is can you finish what you start?Ex

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