Photo Contest Part II – Babies

Everyone, I would like you to meet Captain Joe. You saw him paying homage to the book in the last blog.

Though Joe put together a lovely shrine and took an excellent picture, I mentioned in that he couldn’t win a prize in that category.

Joe came into the contest early, and he came in strong. He photoshopped, posed, dramatised, and wrote captions that cracked me up. What’s more, he seems to have put his life at risk at least once or twice. As in this one, where apparently he climbed up onto a roof….

…to set up a scenic shot.

So why can’t Joe win?

Well, the first problem is that Joe entered so many photos, of so many types, that if I let him win, he could, potentially, crowd out a lot of the other folks in the competition.

But the second reason is the larger of the two. You see, Joe is an Australian.

And I hate people from Australia.

No. Kidding. Just kidding. Well… I’m half kidding…. Joe is actually from Australia, Perth specifically. But I don’t hold it against him.

The real problem is that back when I set this up, back when I was hoping to get maybe a dozen entries, I said that the picture needed to include the paperback. They don’t have access to the US paperback in Australia yet.

This was a short-sighted mistake, and I don’t plan on repeating it if (when) I do another one of these.

Still, I’m left with a problem. On one hand, it is a rule. IN a way, it’s unfair to everyone else if I suddenly change it after the fact. But on the other hand, Joe’s pictures were pretty cool, and, in my opinion, this sort of fanatical minioning should really be rewarded.

So here’s the deal. In the upcoming blogs you’ll see Joe’s photos included in the categories such as “Most Sexy” “Most Dramatic,” but he won’t be eligible to win. Instead, I’ve decided to make create a new category for him. Let’s call it… “Most Most.”

What does Joe win? Well, that’s a good question. I’ve got some various stuff to give away as prizes.

1. Good old-fashioned signed copies of my book. I’ve got a bunch of the new hardcovers here at my house, and though I love them, they are taking up quite a bit of shelf-space. I’ll sign or personalize them and send them off to you if that’s what you want.

2. Copies of my first published book, The College Survival Guide.

This is a collection of the first four years of a humor column I used to write. It came out in 2005 and they only printed about 500 copies. I still have a box of them here at my house, so I’ll offer them up as prizes. Signed by me and my fabulous illustrator friend, Brett Hiorns.

3. Maps of the Four Corners, as rendered by my friend Nathan Taylor. Signed by both of us.

The winners and the runners-up can have their pick from these three. So if you see you’re a winner or a runner up, you might want to send me an e-mail letting me know which you’d like, and your real-world address too, if you haven’t done that already. Remember the address is paperback.contest {squiggly at thinger} gmail.com

In Joe’s case, because he really went the extra mile, I’m also going to include either one of the old black-cover galley copies of the book, or one of my old manuscripts. Whatever makes him happier.

Now, on to today’s category.

When I finally gathered all the pictures and tried to group them together, I found they didn’t fit neatly into the categories I’d been expecting. Oh sure, there were dramatic pictures, and cute pictures, and pictures of people reading. I’d counted on that. What I hadn’t anticipated were groups of pictures involving food, or birds, or babies.

This photoshopped one was the exception to the rule. Everyone else sent me pictures of their babies, which now that I think of it, is really unexpectedly sweet.

This guy has hair like mine.
Ah yes. This guy seems to have his priorities straight….

Eeeeeee! No! Don’t bend the cover back like that!

Awwww…. This guy wants it too. What’s more, he’s picking it over a bunch of brightly colored toys. I think we could hang out.

The Runner-Up. This is about the cutest thing ever. I think it’s a combination of the hoodie and the fact that the little pink elephant wants in on the action too.
But here is the undisputed winner. The caption that went along with this picture reads:

“Levi can’t believe he has to wait so long to continue the story. A year is a long time for a 2 month old.”

I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me, but every time I look at this picture I end up laughing. I’ve never seen anyone so absolutely furious in my entire life. It’s nice to know that the angriest fan I ever have will never be this angry.

That’s all for now folks. More on the way….

pat

This entry was posted in babies, College Survival Guide, contestsBy Pat21 Responses

20 Comments

  1. Sienged
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 9:54 AM | Permalink

    I love the one where Rainbow pajamies is reaching for the Book.And captain joe especially, but It would be nice if the winners posted what they picked for their prize.When I checked out the site the non-post had 20+ comments and the real post was blank. Despite the great pictures(and words and actual post)either we’re all crazy or Pat is the worlds best dramatic silence writer. EVeRBut if the wise man’s fear ends up being blank I am going to be pissed. I’ll probably still buy it though, but I’ll be pissed.

  2. Kacie
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 10:15 AM | Permalink

    Congrats Cpt. Joe!! And I agree, that is one pissed off baby!

  3. hypermanic-zen
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 12:12 PM | Permalink

    Gotta love being Australian…We have all the fun with release dates.We’re good with babies though, so I suppose that’s something.

  4. Robert S
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 2:20 PM | Permalink

    The alternative caption was, “A young Kvothe learns the name of “Milk”.

  5. Mary J.
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 2:27 PM | Permalink

    All hail Captain Joe!I liked the hoodie baby best but the angry baby made me laugh out loud. :-D

  6. marky
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 3:32 PM | Permalink

    Congrats captain Joseph, scourge of the multiple entries! Alas My boss is a cross between Ambrose and a hotfooted Hemme or I might have given you a run for your money with some rolling Scottish hills for such an auspicious prize. (he writhes with a truly jealous grimace!)Was somebody doing a bit of sympathy with that kid to make a book pop out of it’s…..it would explain his angry appearance? It would certainly make me angry!! :-)Loved the rainbow kid as well. A ying to angry kid’s yang!! All beautiful children. I applaud your procreation. Keep it up!

  7. -tAy-
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 3:38 PM | Permalink

    Hey, I like the hoodie-baby best too. but that may be because she is my baby and I’m a little bit biased.

  8. suziko
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 4:53 PM | Permalink

    I thought the following rule covered the foreigners who didn’t have access to the paperback:“4c. Since the international readers won’t have access to the US paperback, I’ve created a new category to allow them to use their own native copies of the book: “Most Foreign.” This will be the one category you don’t have to use the paperback for.”So, wouldn’t Captain Joe just win under “Most Foreign”?

  9. Shawn C. Speakman
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 4:58 PM | Permalink

    Man, I laughed my ass off at that last picture! That could be an Absolut Vodka commercial — with the exception of the underage drinking theme, of course. heheInstead, the poor child is being warped not by alcohol, but by Pat. And which is the lesser evil of two? *grins*

  10. Wortklauber
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 6:55 PM | Permalink

    Well, to me The Name of the Wind is a lot more addictive than any Vodka could ever be…And Pat – wait until you have kids of your own, they can get pretty pissed off … – particularly when they want to know how a story continues (I know, I used to fall asleep while telling bed-time stories).But what I really wanted to say is this:HOORAAYY !!! Finally I have been able to get my own copy of the book! I read it months ago, but could not buy it here (Central America). So I had Amazon send it to my daughter in Germany, told my other two kids I can’t wait until I can send them the book in German to discuss it with them and kept pestering the people at the bookstore round the corner to get the book for me…But now I finally have my own copy of the book to read and reread whenever I feel like it!Cheers and good progress with your work (editing) on the next two volumes (if they grow to three or more I would not mind)

  11. Pat
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 7:25 PM | Permalink

    Suziko – Yeah, I thought of that. But the problem was, none of Joe’s photos were really foreign. They belonged in all the other categories.

  12. Slappy Jones
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 10:39 PM | Permalink

    Ahhh I was thinking of entering with pictures of my baby and the book… but didn’t know if it’d fit.It was me reading, and holding the baby near me… totally ignoring it. I really couldn’t pay attention to anyone while I was reading it. I neglected family, friends, school work…Great winners :) Levi and I feel the same way!

  13. Captain Joe
    Posted May 18, 2008 at 2:33 AM | Permalink

    Wow, I did good, huh?I did enter a lot of quality photos, you’re right there, Pat. And I just shot you an email at that photo.contest address, expressing my many, many thanks. Subject line reads: Captain Joe’s fanatical tears of joy…I reluctantly accept winning the category ‘Most Most’ of which I am the only contestant. There was a lot of stiff competition, but beauty won out in the end.Ha, what photo could possibly end up in ‘Most Sexy?’ I think I know, and oh dear… There are enough sexy naked photos of me on the internet! Never, ever, google Captain Joe and the Outback Adventure. Never. Heh, just kidding… or am I? You decide, ladies.I cried enough in the email, Pat, but in all seriousness I’m stunned and giddy that you’d part with one of your manuscripts (making me happier than a feisty Chihuahua) for a photo of me with my dumbass hanging off a building. My little heart won’t stop fluttering.You’re like the coolest dude in the world. Cooler than Ironman AND Indiana Jones put together. And I’m talking about Temple of Doom Indiana Jones here. Yeah, that badass.Heh, I’m rambling on here… Congratulations to that angry baby! Why are babies always angry? Is it just me? Rainbow coloured baby wasn’t angry. It’s just me.All the best, folks,-joe

  14. Marmie
    Posted May 18, 2008 at 4:02 AM | Permalink

    The angry baby (well, probably the caption, actually) made me laugh out loud, too (in fact, so explosively that spit went all over my computer screen), and I’m the hoodie baby’s grandma! ;-D

  15. Amanda
    Posted May 18, 2008 at 5:42 AM | Permalink

    Love it.

  16. Val
    Posted May 18, 2008 at 8:51 PM | Permalink

    I try not to leave too many obnoxious comments, however visiting your blog today has given me so many giggles, my face hearts from smiling. That screaming baby is very, very funny. It truly deserves a prize! You are so blessed with some really creative fans, Pat. I love your blog! It’s not just you talking about being an author, it’s also about the readers and is like an online book all its own. It makes me feel guilty for not reading your book yet, Pat! In any case, snaps to you once again for entertaining me. One of these days I’ll have to feature some funny old photos and cartoons featuring you from the past on my blog. For now, I don’t want to bug ya but spread the positivity and smiles!~Val

  17. Anonymous
    Posted May 20, 2008 at 4:23 AM | Permalink

    But now I’m curious – what exactly is the problem with Australia?

  18. Jessica
    Posted May 20, 2008 at 8:07 PM | Permalink

    Well I for one think that the cutest baby is clearly the baby in the orange shirt. But the angry baby did make me laugh out loud. An angry baby is…something else. And, my baby was pretty much disqualified for bending back the cover, I agree.

  19. Stephen
    Posted March 30, 2009 at 6:58 AM | Permalink

    I never thought that anyone would ever go to the trouble of buing a real gunblade.Bravo, you are a greater nerd than me, Captain.

  20. Anonymous
    Posted October 24, 2009 at 3:28 AM | Permalink

    Nice work C’ptn.
    Congrates to a fellow Perthite :D
    -H

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