A writer’s job…

Friend and fellow fantasy author Drew Bowling just sent me the following story. It amused me, so I thought I’d share….

I keep running into random people who have read The Name of the Wind. Most of these incidents are pretty damn funny, but I usually forget to send them your way. Here’s the most recent:

New Years Eve, I’m partying in Bethesda (city on the edge of Washington D.C.). The ball drops, and a girl starts kissing one of my buddies. When that’s all over and done with, I decide to say hi to her, in order to make sure she isn’t a succubus (sober, I was not).

We trade pleasantries, and I tell her I’m a writer. She thinks this is cool, especially since I write fantasy, because she loves fantasy.

“What’s your favorite book?” I ask. Well, it turns out to be your book, Pat. So I tell her I’ve meet you, that you’re a cool guy, and that no, I doubted you actually knew a name for the wind – other than wind – which would make it do magical things (yes, she really asked me this, and yes, she also had been drinking).

At that point, I suddenly become very cool, or at least much cooler that I was before (which, in hindsight, wasn’t cool at all, but rather something of a sweaty mess). So my friend wanders over, and I, being a pillar of loyalty, wander away – but not before I hear the girl say: “I wish Pat had been here at midnight.”

I love a story with a happy ending.

If only I *had* been there. I can picture it clearly in my mind. The party is dimly lit, she sees me across the room, her eyes widen in surprise. Then I hear the three words every man longs for…

“It’s a bear!” she screams drunkenly. Then, mad with terror, jumps through a plate glass window and falls three stories to her death. Probably landing on my car.

Seriously though. How come I never end up at parties with hot qua-succubi who want to get all makey-outy with a fantasy author? We need kissings too, you know. For research. Into…. verisimilitude. Kvothe does eventually engage in the wicked co-mutual pressing of lips, you see. And I worry if I don’t gather enough data before finishing those scenes I won’t be able to make it really *real* for the reader.

Yeah. That’s it.

pat

This entry was posted in musings, my rockstar life. By Pat36 Responses

36 Comments

  1. TychoCelchuuu
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 12:11 AM | Permalink

    I laughed.

  2. unique_stephen
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 12:47 AM | Permalink

    verisimilitude: similar to the truth, but not quite the real thing.The perfect word for describing the attentions of a babe – we want to believe, we really do

  3. Pamala Knight
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 12:53 AM | Permalink

    Uh huh. I can hear Sarah laughing all the way down here. Research! Yeah, okay.

  4. Anonymous
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 12:57 AM | Permalink

    This post has been removed by the author.

  5. Jessica
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 1:02 AM | Permalink

    Hmm.

  6. Kanna
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 1:05 AM | Permalink

    Brilliant :D

  7. Judy
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 1:11 AM | Permalink

    Bethesda!!! THAT”S BY ME!!!!!!! you so TOTALLY have to come down here and visit / research / visit Georgetown /whatever! DC is a huuuuuuuge city (well, massive people wise, anyway) and that would be so totally freaking awesome!! Please? I even know this super cool travel agent who can help hook you up…… :D

  8. Anonymous
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 1:18 AM | Permalink

    But Pat, you might actually be a ‘bear’…to the gay community at least. You pretty much fit the bill, coming from a member of said community. The gay one, not the ‘bear’ one. Thats not a bad thing though! It just means you’re probably loved by hairy gay men all over the world! Hehehehehe.How about she says “OMG Its a really fuzzy beaver!” instead? Ooo, um, maybe that isn’t such a great one either…

  9. ripshin
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 3:18 AM | Permalink

    Research, you say, to make it feel real to the reader???? This coming from the guy who gets tired of people thinking he must be a musician b/c he can describe the art of producing music so well. Sorry, I’m not buying it. I think you just want to go spread your big-beard disease to as many people as you can…Btw, I’m in Green Bay tonight. This whole “snowy north” thing is pretty sweet…to visit. Of course, I get to go home to VA in two days, whereas you get to be all snuggly in your igloo.ripWV: benesse – Old english for beness, the state of being “be”.

  10. StabMasterArson
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 3:53 AM | Permalink

    I too am a man of the grizzly bear persuasion, I feel your pain Pat.

  11. Gryffin
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 4:56 AM | Permalink

    Pat, you’ve published pictures of Sarah. You can’t play the “lonely fantasy writer don’t get no hot lovin'” Pictures so far haven’t shown any evidence of succubus nature, but it would be easy to convince us of some dryad in her background…

  12. Captain Joe
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 5:23 AM | Permalink

    Kvothe gets some action, you say?<>Niiice…<>This is good, as I like to live vicariously through a novel’s hero.For cheap thrills.

  13. Steven Weyerts
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 5:44 AM | Permalink

    Pat — you are awesome.And now, if you will excuse me, there is nothing left to say.

  14. Laura
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 7:41 AM | Permalink

    I award 8 points for “qua-succubi.”Word verification: “imere.” The indignant call of a human toddler in response to the panicked cries of its parent.

  15. Theresa
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 9:04 AM | Permalink

    Thank you for giving me a good laugh this morning. My own bear found this very amusing as well, for he’s on the hairy side of life himself. Indeed he has real hobbit-feet ;-)I’m pretty sure, you don’t need any more research, though. Just reading what Kvothe feels for his lute made me start learn it for myself! Don’t think i’m crazy, i’m so happy i did it.Warmest Greetings from freezing cold Bavaria, Theresa

  16. marky
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 10:04 AM | Permalink

    Ha! Don’t go dragging us bearded men back to the grizzly Adams years. I have it in good authority that a shaved Fozzy bear is none other than Brad Pitt. Any more rule breaks, and Barry Gibb and that bloke from Hotel who married Barbra Streisand, will pay you a call and de-beard you!

  17. Amber DeGrace
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 12:59 PM | Permalink

    The warm kiss of a woman may quickly grow cold but a good liquor’s heat will always be with you.

  18. Kip
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 1:11 PM | Permalink

    “I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life.”– Oh I can’t wait to hear about the “research” involved in this part.Pat there is only 1 Fictional Person that would be cooler to meet than Kvothe, and that’s Spider Jerusalem. I want to see a fan fic where they meet that would be the definition of epic.

  19. robyn bright
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 1:36 PM | Permalink

    teehee ;-)This was a very amusing post!

  20. greg
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 1:51 PM | Permalink

    <>Kvothe does eventually engage in the wicked co-mutual pressing of lips, you see.<>i don’t actually. when i do see it, i’ll believe it :-Pi swear to god, if you are ever down in the dc area, and i see you, i promise, i’ll point at you and yell “It’s a bear!”

  21. Alicia
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 2:12 PM | Permalink

    If you looking for variety in your wicked pressing of lip things ,I’m sure Sarah will be happy to wear a couple of wigs :) Probably one at a time.WV: imichin – to mimic a chin. Generally hairless

  22. Dairuna
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 3:40 PM | Permalink

    That made me laugh!It always happens to “other people”, let’s face it – bearded or not. What would you do though, if someone yelled something about your resemblance to bears across a crowded room? Carry your fur proudly and get more practise with lovely Sarah! :)

  23. Bek
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 4:03 PM | Permalink

    LOL! I haven’t been on here in a while, Pat. LOVED that story! Hey, you never know. Sarah might help in the research too. ;) A little girl on girl. You could gauge your reactions to it…Just in case Kvothe has a part in that type of action. Never know.

  24. Elizabeth McCullough
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 4:54 PM | Permalink

    hahah. Awesomeness. Research is my excuse for a lot of things too. aaah…mhm that sounds suggestive in this context, i actually meant i that i buy to many books for art stuff. YUp! thats what i meant!

  25. christinerains
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 5:06 PM | Permalink

    Hilarious! Hmmm… maybe I should plan to write about something I want to do and then proclaim I have to do it for research. Yes, you’re brilliant, Pat.

  26. Anonymous
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 5:28 PM | Permalink

    Dude, that’s what your girlfriend is for. Research away, man.

  27. Anonymous
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 5:47 PM | Permalink

    I’ve kissed Pat a number of times on New Years Eve and I must say that the beard does make it an interesting experience. But yes, research away my friend research away!Todd

  28. Vae
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 7:41 PM | Permalink

    haha, that was terrific Pat. you have to go out and… umm… research… now… and if it goes any further, just say you are considering adding a sex scene into the book…. or something a little more witty.

  29. Bradley
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 7:53 PM | Permalink

    Brilliant! That is exactly what I needed! I’m at work. Been a long day and people keep getting on my nerves. So, I decide to go to Pat’s blog for a brief escape from the journeys in pencil pushing. I read, and yes, I laughed. In fact, I was covering my mouth, turning red, and, no doubt, looking utterly stupid when my boss walked by. He didn’t come to check on me, wondering if perhaps I was choking or if my head was preparing for lift-off. No, instead he just strolled on past with that kind of look you only get just before the inevitable eye-roll. Oh well. It is hilarity in violence, after all! Thanks Pat!

  30. Gareth
    Posted February 3, 2009 at 10:10 PM | Permalink

    Errm you might want to rethink Pat, I hear Sarah’s a dab hand at “sweetbreads.” If you get my drift. LOL

  31. Isaac
    Posted February 5, 2009 at 7:32 PM | Permalink

    Odd you should mention the kissing…it was a source of much tension for me while reading NotW, if I recall correctly.

  32. Sailor Matt
    Posted February 5, 2009 at 8:31 PM | Permalink

    New Years kisses are great. A flagrant excuse for kissing strangers, and if there are any misgivings afterward you can always fall back on the “sorry, it was New Years…” line.When is the next New Years coming around? They seem so far apart these days…WV: sitch- An itch when you sit. Commonly occuring as the itch on your buttocks you can’t reach because you’re sitting. Most common corrective action is the “Lift The Cheek” technique.

  33. Michael H. Tritter
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 2:08 AM | Permalink

    I don’t understand why Drew Bowling would lie to that girl and tell her that you don’t really, truly know the name of the wind and that you can’t make it do magical stuff (probably quill envy – err, Quill <>award<> envy, I mean). He must be stopped from spreading viscous lies and slander about you. You don’t think she believe him, do you?Nah.WV: bapesome – to exude a lot of the quality of ‘bape’, as in, ‘that is just about the most bapesome coed I ever met’.

  34. Anonymous
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 5:06 PM | Permalink

    I hope this kissing Kvothe has it shared with Bast!

  35. Adam Whitehead
    Posted February 8, 2009 at 10:23 PM | Permalink

    My first thought was, “I’ve been to Bethesda!” which is odd because I’ve never even been to the USA. Then I realised I’d been to its fictional post-apocalyptic counterpart in FALLOUT 3 and shot up some radioactive mutants there.Probably a nicer place in real life.

  36. Anonymous
    Posted February 8, 2009 at 11:54 PM | Permalink

    seems like a lot more posts get removed by the author for topics like this. lol

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