A non-event event

I have a lot of opinions.

I mean, a lot. A super lot. It’s kind of what I do. It’s my defining characteristic.

You know how most people are 85% water? I am 85% opinions. And most of the time my opinions are… rather strong. They may change from day to day, but there’s usually some degree of passion driving them.

When you combine this with a reasonably clever turn of phrase, a tendancy to over-share, hyperbolize, froth, and occationally make bad cussings, you have something that’s occationally entertaining to watch from a distance, and somewhat less entertaining to live with.

That said, sometimes I end up with something I feel I *should* have an opinion about, but I really don’t.

It’s a rather odd sensation. Sort of the mental equivolent of *knowing* your carkeys should be in your pocket, then reaching down in there and having your hand close on nothing. Then you root around, searching, only to find even more nothing. Extra nothing.

That is how I feel about this:

Apparently it’s a real book that will be coming out soon.

I thought some of you might find this interesting. Or might have strong opinions of your own. That’s why I’m sharing it.

But as for me, I don’t have anything to say about it. At all.

Not a thing,

pat

This entry was posted in musings. By Pat64 Responses

64 Comments

  1. The Writer
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 11:43 AM | Permalink

    Um…wow. Neither do I.

  2. Yoni
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 11:49 AM | Permalink

    I think you need the full title / product description to really get the full measure of this. The full title is “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance – Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!” and the product description (amazon) “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” features the original text of Jane Austen’s beloved novel with all-new scenes of bone crunching zombie action. “Last to keep in mind is that this author has brought us such greats as “The Big Book of Porn.”

  3. Captain Joe
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 11:52 AM | Permalink

    Wow.Amazon linkage: < HREF="http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347" REL="nofollow">Zombies book.<>What’s there to be said? Maybe it’s supposed to serve as a historical primer for the zombie apocalypse we all know is coming.I hear ya on the car keys, Pat.I reached down into my pocket the other day for my work keys that unlock Perth International Airport, and they weren’t there. This was a concern on so many levels. After a moment of sheer panic I realised I was wearing the wrong pants. True story, don’t tell anyone.

  4. greg
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 12:52 PM | Permalink

    Does the overwhelming urge to laugh count as an opinion?

  5. Arevanye
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 1:20 PM | Permalink

    I’m not sure how I feel about this. Are they fast zombies or slow zombies?

  6. Kip, Zombie-tastic
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 1:21 PM | Permalink

    Epic, every book should have the standard version and the Zombie Version.How long until we see “Name of the Wind and Zombies” or “A Wise Man’s Fear of Zombies”. Can you say awesome?Yeah I do the key thing all the time. It scares people to see this giant of a man in a black trenchcoat, rooting through his many pockets muttering obcenities like a crazy person.Pat, quick Question. In all of your “rubbing of elbows” with various literary figureheads, have you met Warren Ellis?

  7. Amber DeGrace
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 1:22 PM | Permalink

    Well I’m pretty much terrified of zombies and their eventual reign of terror on humanity (in my lifetime, of course) so I must be of the opinion that as disinterested and disgusted as I may pretend to be of reading this book, I inevitably will. It is like swimming with sharks or sneezing when you’re driving :: quite scary but such a thrill.

  8. Captain Joe
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 1:29 PM | Permalink

    Amber said: <>I’m pretty much terrified of zombies… <>Heh. Me, too. I wasn’t until some bastard decided to make them fast in <>28 Days Later<>. That ruined me. Zombies that could do the 100-metre dash in under ten seconds are the stuff of true nightmares.

  9. Bradley
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 2:13 PM | Permalink

    Man. Talk about the clashing of two totally different genres. Its like peanutbutter and thumbtacks… I too am dumbfounded.

  10. Fae
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 2:18 PM | Permalink

    I suppose as far as satyr goes (I assume it must be satyr in *some* form) worse things exist in the world. And as far as some goofball ruining epic archetypes goes, these people would be hard pressed to one up Steph. Myers and her tragic failure to try and describe vampires with science while simultaneously bringing down 500 or so years of good old vampire stereotypes. That is not to take a jab at the Twilight fans…I’m just a grumpy literature snob.

  11. wildtheories
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 2:36 PM | Permalink

    Hey – I love Zombies– as long as they are written by Terry PratchettOtherwise I avoid them at any costand I certainly would not touch THAT book with a bargepole.Cheers

  12. Bradley
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 2:38 PM | Permalink

    Sounds like the butt of a really bad joke… …and zombies!

  13. logankstewart
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 3:04 PM | Permalink

    Wow. My wife is a huge Jane Austen fan, and I love zombie stuff, so I think this should be a perfect book for us to enjoy together. Looks, uhm, interesting, anyway.

  14. The Big Blue Frog
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 3:13 PM | Permalink

    All humor is, at its heart, rooted in dichotomy.

  15. LiquidWeird
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 3:15 PM | Permalink

    Must. Have. MUST!Let’s see the “Jane Austen Book Club” review THAT! hahah!WV: pawsmwhen yer paw plays deadWV2:tometoma GPS for big fat fantasy novel worlds

  16. Kris-chan
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 3:16 PM | Permalink

    I was the only girl in my all girls’ high school who HATED Pride and Prejudice. Zombies might actually make the book enjoyable to read!

  17. Jay Belt
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 3:57 PM | Permalink

    I for one, will wait for “The Grapes of Wrath of the Zombies” before sharing my opinion on the subject.

  18. Judy
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 5:33 PM | Permalink

    Maybe I’m an old stick in the mud, but this smacks of too much disrespect to me. Aren’t you required to have the permission of the orginal author before you rip something off so obviously? Different genre, I know, but for some reason I’m remember Weird Al Yanchovic getting into serious trouble with the original artists for plagerism or copyright infringement or some such with some of his spoofs…..

  19. Ben
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 7:07 PM | Permalink

    @judyThe copyright on that books is long since past. We think nothing of the BBC or big business ripping off the book to make a movie/series/whatever but don’t actually think that they can do whatever they want with it.If someone wanted to turn it into a hardcore gore film with the same title and even some of the same words they would be perfectly within their rights to do so, not only would they be within their rights, but the new book would be covered under copyright.So here is my thought, I’m going to produce a book entitled Pride and Prejudiced and zombies- minus the zombies. It will be exactly the same as the original with the small alteration that at the begining of the book we shall be informed that there will be no zombies appearing in this book, because the women from Little Women slew them all in Little Women- and the zombie plague.

  20. Incubus Jax
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 7:47 PM | Permalink

    My opinion on this is the same as Pat’s I could care less really. I never really got the Zombie thing.However, DO go to Amazon and search for “F**k This Book”. Now THAT’S something I could get behind.Word Verification – pressoni

  21. munin_and_hugin
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 8:26 PM | Permalink

    I get zombies. I love zombie movies, fast or slow, don’t care. But I have this thing about classics I will not read. And even for zombies, I won’t read Pride and Prejudice. I’d definitely pick it up if it was The Odyssey of Zombies, though.

  22. elizaw
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 8:34 PM | Permalink

    … Um, Pat? You just fried my brain.I’m not sure if that’s super-cool, or the most terrifying thing I’ll see all month.

  23. The Book Fan
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 8:46 PM | Permalink

    Considering that Jane Austin wrote Pride and Prejudice – How many years ago? – and it’s still with us… leads me to think that it’s a bit of a zombie already….

  24. RaynDragon
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 9:37 PM | Permalink

    Seriously? Um… <>seriously<>???Someone (I think on a gaming comic I once read) said that everything is better with either zombies or monkeys. Honestly, I prefer the zombies over the monkeys, but maybe that’s just because I have two children who can ACT like monkeys sometimes and I am also familiar enough with the morning “zombie shuffle”.But… <>honestly<> people! Sometimes I think things are starting to get better in the overal gene pool thing and then WHAM… someone adds <>zombies<> to a classic.Oh… and I put a nice big clippy thing on my keys so I can put them on my belt loop instead of in my pocket. Then they’re there. Every time. Otherwise it’s a ten-minute ordeal while I sift through my pockets or worse – dig through the deep vortex in my purse.

  25. fairytail3982
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 9:43 PM | Permalink

    I think it’s hilarious! Of course, I doubt that the actual book will be worth reading, but if they’d just stopped with the parody of the cover art, I could have really gotten behind it. This reminds me of that website where this guy alters romance novel covers into amusing pics – http://www.worldoflongmire.com/features/romance_novels/Hey, maybe Pat could have a contest for us to alter various covers of TNOTW. :)

  26. Judy
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 11:10 PM | Permalink

    @Ben – Maybe you’re right…… and thank you….. but I can’t help feeling like her estate or offspring or SOMEONE would still hold a copyright or patent SOMEWHERE.And you’re right re:movies etc – but again, I get the feeling that at least a movie or videogame deal would have to undergo a vetting process of some sort from said estate……

  27. Katrina
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 11:16 PM | Permalink

    This is something I would pick up and leaf through in a bookstore before deciding its not as funny as it should be. At which point I’ll relocate that copy to the philosophy section where it will hopefully to be found by a stoner freshman college student who will actually enjoy it. That’s really all it’s good for I think.

  28. fairytail3982
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 11:24 PM | Permalink

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_domainNot that I consider Wikipedia to be the be-all, end-all authoritative source of information, but I’m feeling lazy about research today.

  29. sevedra
    Posted February 6, 2009 at 11:59 PM | Permalink

    Since I am a HUGE lover of all things Austenian and have an enormous and evergrowing collection of books by and related to all things Jane Austen, I would think I might need this, just to be a completeist. On the other hand, I have no interest whatsoever in anything zombie or zombie related and therefore have no need in any way shape or form to own this book. On the third hand, maybe it reads like a parody. But, probably not. Overall, I think it is a very misguided attempt to cash in on a passing fad. Zombies may be eternally in the genre ouvre, but I don’t think zombie books are here to stay. How dull can it be reading about slow moving bad guys?misspellings are my own, spellcheck is not my friend.

  30. Jana
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 12:04 AM | Permalink

    As a fan of the actual Pride and Prejudice, I feel like I should be appalled… but I just can’t find it in myself to get worked up about it…

  31. Steven Weyerts
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 3:20 AM | Permalink

    Zombies cast in a period romance?Sounds like a hit to me.

  32. Anonymous
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 3:25 AM | Permalink

    Clearly the whole idea is to whet the publics appetite with a little teaser of a novel and get us champing at the bit for more until finally rewarding us with the full three film epic blockbusting cinematic version – in Imax – starring Patrick Swayze, Sharon Stone and Danny DeVito.and it’s working…

  33. Twilight
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 3:35 AM | Permalink

    It’s like the creators of Meet the Spartans and Epic Movie have decided to branch out into Books. Not only have they already ruined some great movies for me but they wanna destroy the reputation of a book that defined a ‘classic’. I feel depressed that some people who actually have original ideas cant get published but this pure shiza actually making some douche money.

  34. Gryffin
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 5:15 AM | Permalink

    I’m sure the dialogue in this “instant classic” will be scintillating. “yr-aaaghr!” “Brains! Love your brains!” “gah-grr-ahhh”.Speaking of “arrghs”, wonder whose pants Capt. Joe was wearing?

  35. Liz C
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 7:28 AM | Permalink

    Judy-The US (and the European Union) have a Life+ 70 years for anything published after 1977. So, essentially the copyright can only be held by the estate for 70 years after the author dies. Anything published before 1923 is fair game regardless of these laws.So, 70 years after Pat dies (may he have a long life and write plenty of novels) there will be a dozens of cheap editions of his books, all of which will have silly introductions about his life.Pat- I suggest you write some lovely forwards to your books that can be added to Life+70 editions. That way you know some quack wasn’t misinterpreting your work.

  36. Benjamin
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 8:40 AM | Permalink

    I’m assuming this Zombie version is like how the Japanese took “The Count of Monte Cristo” and made it into an Anime but ‘Spacified’ the story so kids would actually pay attention.I’m posting a link to something else that screams you should have an opinion. (It’s about a Black Magic Goat being arrested for Armed Carjacking in Africa). http://hangmen13.16ops.com/?p=926

  37. pdxtrent
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 9:34 AM | Permalink

    I have two words. The first is:“Awesome!” Which pretty much describes my view on this book. Not because I love zombies….. really, I could care less. No, it’s that I love the fact that Jane Austin is still so relevant that people CARE to make a zombie version of Pride and Prejudice.The second word is:“Kicatici”Which coincidently is my word verification and is the scientific name for the species of fleas that cause the infection that produces zombies from ordinary corpses.Alright…. three more words.“Pat…. you are awesome!”(I know that’s four…. what can I say, I lie.)

  38. Alicia
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 2:15 PM | Permalink

    It’s not the only one – apparently a couple of classics are coming out like this. I really felt it should be interesting – it should be right up my alley. I couldn’t give a toss.-A-Shmer: The way I feel about this book

  39. Philipp
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 7:27 PM | Permalink

    That’s just amazing. Last week I had a dream where I was inside a romance novel (The dream switched between hearing about the novel and taking the place of the main character), but before it could turn even remotely romantic, we were all overrun by zombies.When I was telling my friends about it, I voiced the opinion that it would be interesting to actually embed a zombie attack into one of those hundreds of trash romance novels out there.(That being said, abusing Austen that way is imo a ghastly thing to do.)It’s really sad. When I was fifteen I developed the theory, that by simulating your own brain in a computer, you might actually be able to archieve imortality. A few years later by reading Tad Williams “Otherland” I had to find out, that my “great idea” had already been put into a novel.Seems like there really is nothing new under the sun.

  40. Anonymous
    Posted February 7, 2009 at 8:31 PM | Permalink

    I… Um. What?

  41. William
    Posted February 8, 2009 at 12:50 AM | Permalink

    I’m surprised by how many people are upset over this. I heard about it a few days ago and it made my week. I mean, I love Lord of the Rings and hated Jackson’s movies for messing with them, but if somebody wrote <>The Lord of the Rings and Also of Zombies<> I’d give them children. Not mine, but somebody’s. Everything’s better with zombies.Word Verification: <>demsa<>, Mandarin for “headshot”, as heard in the classic Firefly episode “Objects In Space, Including Zombies”.

  42. Jennifer
    Posted February 8, 2009 at 2:45 AM | Permalink

    I looked this up on the computers at work today and polled my fellow booksellers as to what they thought about it. The general feeling was, “WTF? I think I need to read that.” I’m unclear as to the results of this poll, except that booksellers are weird and awesome. I told my manager that it would be my pick to handsell and she told me if I could move 50 copies, she’d give me a gift card. I’m motivated. I can see it now. “Oh, getting Mansfield Park, huh? Have you seen this? Pride and Prejudice…and Zombies. Yes, seriously.” Oh yeah, it’s going to be great.And yes, Pat, I’ll keep pushing your book. Of course, all the people I’ve already sold it to are now becoming restless waiting for the next one. I tell them to be patient and then start them on Wheel of Time. Yeah, I’m evil.

  43. jedi-bria
    Posted February 8, 2009 at 2:58 AM | Permalink

    I have no words for this other than a quote from Penny Arcade, “If that’s the name of a real book, I’m going to kill myself. Others may die also. I’m going to play this thing by ear.” I find this astonishly fitting as zombies are the topic of discussion here.

  44. Anonymous
    Posted February 8, 2009 at 4:45 AM | Permalink

    Umm… I actually just pre-ordered that book a couple of days ago. Therefore, you should find it awesome.

  45. Laini Taylor
    Posted February 8, 2009 at 6:47 PM | Permalink

    I feel kind of the same way. I love Jane, and I love zombies, but I’m not feeling any need to read this book. Reminds me of a pitch we once heard at San Diego ComiCon: “If you love Jesus, and you love zombies, you will <>lovvvvve<> zombie Jesus.”snigger sniggerOh, also, a really funny YA author (Maureen Johnson) ran a blog contest last year in which readers who wanted to win her new book were to rewrite a passage of classic literature to include zombies. The entries were hysterical: The Zombiesburg Address, Shakespearean sonnets, Dr. Seuss, the classic children’s book The Very Hungry [Zombie] Caterpillar (complete with revised artwork), and more. SO funny!

  46. Jacob
    Posted February 8, 2009 at 10:20 PM | Permalink

    “Heh. Me, too. I wasn’t until some bastard decided to make them fast in 28 Days Later. That ruined me.”To be fair, they’re not zombies in 28 Days Later.

  47. uberhausfrau
    Posted February 9, 2009 at 3:52 AM | Permalink

    amber and captain joe:another big zombie-phobe. i have to leave the room if my husband plays “zombie mode” on call of duty 5.but yes, my opinion was also to laugh.

  48. mkrivera
    Posted February 9, 2009 at 5:21 AM | Permalink

    This made my day. Completely. I was having a terrible day and now it’s 100% better. (Granted it’s after midnight and it’s technically tomorrow but <>still<>…)This made me laugh so hard. And yeah, now I’m probably going to read it because personally I think it’s ridiculously awesome. I agree with whoever said there should be a zombie edition of everything. XD Especially Twilight (because maybe then it would contribute something to the literary world and it’s not like you could make it worse) and the Bible, because I want to see Jesus lay down some Zombie Thumping justice.<3

  49. Sam - Friend to Zombies
    Posted February 9, 2009 at 11:03 AM | Permalink

    All my life I’ve tried to put my finger on what the missing piece of the puzzle was, what it would take to make the garbage books I had to read in high school readable.This is the answer.Zombies.Give me <>Pride and Prejudice and Zombies <>. Give me <>Ethan Frome and Zombies<>. Give me <>The Pearl and Zombies <>, <>A Tale of Two City-Dwelling Zombies<>, <>Grapes of Wrath and Zombies<>. The possibilities are infinite. The excellence limitless.It’s too late for us…but it’s not too late to give our children what was so unjustly withheld from us.Give them zombies.

  50. Cook Zoo
    Posted February 9, 2009 at 4:57 PM | Permalink

    ROFL!!! That cannot be real. WTF? LOL!!!

  51. Joshua
    Posted February 10, 2009 at 3:08 AM | Permalink

    Let this be a lesson to those who would read blog entries too quickly.In reading the paragraph that begins “It’s a rather [..],” I went straight though the lack of space between “car” and “keys” and just assumed that this was some word whose context I would learn from the rest of the sentence. Right, so he’s reaching in his pocket for…carkeys. Ohhhh. Pervert. And he finds “extra nothing.” Poor sod.Oh. Car keys.Awkward.

  52. marky
    Posted February 10, 2009 at 9:34 AM | Permalink

    At least somebody will be doing some sucking in the book. Even if it is just brains. Viva La Zombies!

  53. Feywriter
    Posted February 10, 2009 at 2:56 PM | Permalink

    I’d heard of the book, but thought it was just a rumor, not an actuality… My husband is of the type that zombies make everything better. On other news, I have an < HREF="http://marywjensen.blogspot.com/2009/02/first-bling.html" REL="nofollow">Award for you!<>

  54. Amanda
    Posted February 10, 2009 at 3:21 PM | Permalink

    0.0I don’t even know what to say. I’m sure I’ll hate it, but I’m extremely intent on reading this book now.Word Verification – Shixisth – the sixteenth shiksa one condemns.

  55. Kathy Kreeger
    Posted February 10, 2009 at 3:42 PM | Permalink

    Because of your blog, I knew the answer to one of the quiz questions on NPR’s Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me! Thanks :)Word Verification: sermedou. And serm don’t!

  56. LiquidWeird
    Posted February 10, 2009 at 6:20 PM | Permalink

    Pat, I think it’s your geeky ‘COOL!’ factor and your academic ‘Literature is the highest of the Arts’ factor canceling each other out. As an English instructor and face of distinguished academe, you’re mortified by it, yet as a great raging geek, the prospect of zombies at Pemberley menacing Elizabeth and getting gobs of zombie goo all over the sitting room is SO AWESOME! Thus, a state of nullity.Word Verification:imind – Apple’s new wetware brain-implatable iPod

  57. jay-of-lasgalen
    Posted February 10, 2009 at 8:35 PM | Permalink

    Um … Hi!I’ve just finished The Name Of The Wind, and loved it. I feel rather like a squeeing teenager (I’m not) but this is the first time I’ve told an author how much I love their writing. Having finished the story, I find myself full of questions: How and why did Kvothe become Kote? Who, exactly, is Bast? Who, and why, and what …I can’t wait for April, and the next book!Jay

  58. jlc
    Posted February 11, 2009 at 8:20 AM | Permalink

    Ummm Uniquely creative…?

  59. Prince Jehal
    Posted February 11, 2009 at 12:39 PM | Permalink

    Amused at first, followed by a long and lingering sadness that this probably *will* be made into a movie[1] and NOTW probably won’t be.Which I will probably watch. But I’ll make sure it’s on a pirate DVD so no one gets any royalties from me for this probable abomination. Unless it turns out to be good.

  60. zvazda
    Posted February 11, 2009 at 2:22 PM | Permalink

    Pat – I believe Amazon has made a mistake recently. Your next book is no longer available for pre-order… but for some reason Name of the Wind is.Make it all better!-Z

  61. Anonymous
    Posted February 11, 2009 at 7:17 PM | Permalink

    This has nothing to do with what your talking about, because Amazon.com now says book 2 is not coming out till 2010??? What is going on????

  62. Anonymous
    Posted February 11, 2009 at 8:35 PM | Permalink

    I saw the same thing on Amazon last night as well. I checked barnes and noble as well and The Wise Mans Fear was no where to be found. has the book been delyed till next year?

  63. Lorna
    Posted February 24, 2009 at 2:49 AM | Permalink

    Fantastic Blog, very creative.

  64. glummdead
    Posted February 27, 2009 at 10:16 AM | Permalink

    I know the original blog post was about three weeks ago, and no one is likely to see this, but here goes.If you have no opinions about P&P with Zombies, how about Pride and Predator. An Austenian period romance with added alien psychopath set to be made into a film:http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2009/feb/17/pride-and-predator-to-give-jane-austen-extreme-makeover

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