Elodin Enterprises: Making Tomorrow’s Mistakes a Reality Today.

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about women.

When I was younger, I was the guy all the girls came to for relationship advice. Don’t ask me why. I’d never actually had a relationship. But I was thoughtful, and a good listener, and I didn’t openly gawk at their breasts. (I did gawk, of course, I just wasn’t rude about it.)

These three things may not seem like much, but from what I understand they rarely come together in a 16 year old boy. The result was that most girls found me to be trustworthy, fun to be around, and neuter as a Ken doll.

But I learned a lot by listening to their relationship problems. I learned what irritated them, what they really wanted in a relationship (or said they wanted, anyway), and the sort of jerky things guys were capable of.

Eventually I started to develop a list of things you should never do in a relationship. Rules of conduct that should never be broken. I continued building that list all through college.

Now I’m not talking about the obvious stuff here. Rules like, “Don’t sleep with your girlfriend’s sister.” or “Don’t jab her in the eye with a pointy stick.” Shit like that is obvious.

My rules were more specific, but other people had paid for them in blood.

A few real examples:

* Never tell a woman she looks like her pet.

* Never compare a woman to a cow.

* Never compare a woman to any sort of cheese.

Maybe those last two don’t happen so much outside of Wisconsin. But trust me, you really can’t pull them off. Dairy products are fine. If you’re careful, you can use creamy or milky. You can even, depending on the situation, get away with buttery. But cheese is right out. It can’t be done in a good way.

Later on in life, as I started to date more, I began to add new rules based on my own experiences. Things like:

* Don’t break up with a girl then send her roommate a love letter.

* Don’t invite four different women to the same poetry reading. Especially if one of them is your ex-girlfriend, one is your current girlfriend, and one is the girl who kinda wants to be your girlfriend.

That last one might seem a little specific, and it is, I suppose. But if I can keep even one other person from making that mistake, I will be doing the world a very big favor.

Now some of you may scoff at my list of rules. Thinking them bizarre and overly specific. I don’t really feel the need to defend myself or prove the efficacy of my system. Simply look at me, then look at my past girlfriends, all of whom have been lovely, intelligent, and sexy as hell. My results speak for themselves.

I’m not claiming to have it all figured out. Far from it. I’m still adding things to my list all the time.

For example, the other day I’m laying in bed with Sarah and little Oot. Because Oot is a happy little bundle of cute, Sarah experienced a moment of what I call Mom Bliss. I’m pretty sure this is an evolutionary thing. Specifically, it’s a rush of endorphins designed to make moms adore their children, rather than devour them.

So we’re all on the bed and Oot kinda squirms around, looks up at us, and gives us one of his trademarked triple-distilled cuteness grins. Then he makes a happy little shriek that sounds like he’s trying to speak dolphin.

This presses Sarah’s mom button, and the endorphins hit her brain like a pixie stick dissolved in a jam-jar full of heroin.

Oh!” Sarah says, her eyes all dewy with Agape-style love. “This is so great! I’m in bed with my two favorite people!

“Yeah,” I say, pretty much agreeing with her. “It’s kinda like a lame three-way.”

New rule: Do not refer to quality time with mom and baby as “kinda like a lame three-way.”

Here endeth the lesson.

pat

This entry was posted in day in the life, my dumbness, Oot, Sarah, small adventuresBy Pat77 Responses

77 Comments

  1. AndyB
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:32 AM | Permalink

    I still contend that, “You have an ass like a firm cheddar,” is a fine compliment to a woman.

  2. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:34 AM | Permalink

    Oh, haw haw, Pat. Way to bum guys like me out with your bragging. Could you maybe give us relationship advice in some more of your blog posts?

  3. LoL
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:40 AM | Permalink

    I’m offering advice for a quick edit – don’t just refer to PAST girlfriends as lovely, intelligent and sexy as hell. Don’t want you having to add to your list again so soon…

  4. Dan
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:42 AM | Permalink

    I highly concur, as even my girlfriend who has quite a twisted sense of humour -like me- may draw the line at that one.
    It is almost like when I said the word “flaps” at a society meeting, and she seemed to respond to it, like it was her name; I then told her this information whilst still laughing. Never, never again….

  5. weasel
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:53 AM | Permalink

    lol. you didn’t say that… heehee.
    although the thought is kind of obvious. *g*
    nevertheless, i guess this should give you a good boost to your coolness stats!

    btw. LoL is right… i say that as “womanly advice” ^^

  6. Luigi
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 10:03 AM | Permalink

    In three letters : LOL :) You brighten my day.

  7. Keith
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 10:43 AM | Permalink

    I find myself in similar situations with my wife and 1.5 year old daughter.

    …but I’d never say that. Eep.

    Brother, ya gotta change your filter.

    K

  8. Ball Lightning
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 10:55 AM | Permalink

    Bah! a lame three way!? haha im dying! you poor fool.

    better luck in the future bro =)

  9. Tesse
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 11:25 AM | Permalink

    Apparently you can’t compare girls with politicians either….no matter how the politician looks.

  10. Brian
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 11:34 AM | Permalink

    Wow that was a big mistake… but my first comment on you blog shouldn’t be critical.

    I just have to disagree with the cheese statement. You can get away with comparing any woman to “gouda”… once you pronounce it wrong and give the cheesy grin technique.

    Brian

  11. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 11:37 AM | Permalink

    I never actually laugh out loud at blogs. Today you almost brought that proud tradition to an end good sir.

    I have take the precaution of removing you from my favoured bookmarks. We certainly don’t want a possible repeat of this in future.

  12. Carly K
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 11:38 AM | Permalink

    Laughing so much my tea nearly escapes my nose…
    Oh very well done. I shall get my husband to read your pointers, and we will wait with baited breath for your Illustrated Decorum Guide for Poor Inept Gentlemen.
    Wonderful!

    :-D

  13. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 11:43 AM | Permalink

    haahha i duno if its me as a girl but all those rules seemed kinda obvious! and no i wudnt compare a girls ass to a fine cheddar n yes lol is rite u sudnt really refer to ex’s as lovely, intelligent n sexy! altho mr Rothfuss u do seem to b doin pretty well :P

  14. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 11:47 AM | Permalink

    absolutely BRILLIANT advice, from a woman who has her own list of not-to-dos. Thank you. :)

    Lara

  15. Zuner
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 12:30 PM | Permalink

    HAHAHA… that was very funny indeed.
    Great post :)

  16. Marcus
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 12:43 PM | Permalink

    This Pat is why I love your blog. I can’t think of anyone else that would say something like that.

    My word verification was reader. Kind of appropriate.

  17. alebodden11
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 12:52 PM | Permalink

    LMAO! I’ll keep that one in mind,. just for the sake of bugging my friends =P

    LOVED IT! Though I want to know something… What her reply was… *grin*

  18. kajicarter
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 1:36 PM | Permalink

    HOWL!

    Now that’s a good way to start the morning. And yes, I did laugh out loud. As a parent myself, I so uderstand….

  19. Orvis
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 2:00 PM | Permalink

    Quick story of a woman and a cow:
    My girlfriend (named Elina) has a strange sort of complex that directly crosses everything she believes to be cute with everything she believes to be tasty. As an example, she finds crabs to be fairly adorable, and buffalo doubly so. In this way, cows are absurdly cute. Thus, calling her “cute as a cow” gets points, and bonuses when eating this cow is somehow thrust into this compliment.

    One day, when the time comes, I’m going to use your “lame kind of threesome” comment. I’m interested to see how she reacts. I’ll let you know.

  20. Vulpes Fulva
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 2:04 PM | Permalink

    Just goes to show you, Pat. As smart and successful, witty and creative as you are, you’re still just a dude at the end of the day.
    By the way, Elodin is my favorite character in the book, besides Kvothe, of course.

  21. Andy
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 2:23 PM | Permalink

    I wouldn’t mind being compared to cheese if done in a pleasing way. Such as, uh… “You are as delicious as mozzarella.” I love mozzarella so this is a good one.

    Of course, I’m an ex-Yooper who has spent her who life near Wisconsin, and thus is very attached to cheese.

  22. Toby
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 2:41 PM | Permalink

    I properly laughed out loud at that! Did you get a ‘look’? I get them all the time. Usually just before she throws something at me.

  23. JESSO
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 2:53 PM | Permalink

    I’m pretty sure throwing the term three-way with a child involved is always wrong, unless your making a reference to a recess type sport or competition, and that is even a bit risky.

  24. jansp
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 2:57 PM | Permalink

    You can refer to your past ex’s as a group as fine and sexy. You may not refer to any single one of them as fine and sexy.

  25. Martin Seeger
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 3:21 PM | Permalink

    Hi Pat,

    to know such rules is quite essential. But there are some rules, that are very work intensive, e.g.

    Every time your wife / girl friend leaves the house, look very well and try to remember. Make sure you recognize even the slightest change in hair, cloth or shoes once she return.

    I only pass this test only once every three to four times.

    CU, Martin

  26. Jay Belt
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 3:30 PM | Permalink

    So, “You’re hot like Pepper Jack cheese,” is bad.

    Noted.

  27. silentmum
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 3:34 PM | Permalink

    But the thing is……we are soooo worth it, aren’t we???

  28. Yvonne Shaw
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 3:51 PM | Permalink

    LOL!! That was hilarious!! You should refer to my future book “Men are Stupid, Women are Psycho” if I ever get it published….*sigh*

  29. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 3:53 PM | Permalink

    Hmmm, then I guess that makes it even more wrong that my husband and I used to refer to pregnancy sex as a three way… Ah well, we thought it was quite hilarious:)

    Yes, maybe we’re sick-minded people, but we have fun with it!

    -FryMama

    P.S. Pat – did I see you in one of those ‘Nyquil, for a better looking tomorrow…’ commercials? I could’ve sworn that the bearded man was you…

  30. Gorgonzola
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 4:31 PM | Permalink

    No offense, Pat, but I think any disgust on Sarah’s part was more for the fact that one of her two favorite people just told an extremely lame joke :)

  31. Jonathan
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 5:04 PM | Permalink

    One time I told a girl that I was born giving cunnilingus, which at first would seem to match-up impressiveness with such phrases as “I was born ready” or “Danger is my middle name,” until either the doofus who said it or the sharp tack that it was said to realizes the implications of said event and all mojo evaporates from the scene. So… you can add that to the list.

    The only problem is it worked. I hereby thank goodness for the creation of perverted women.

    Oh, and btw, this was your most enjoyable and informative blog post yet, Pat. True blog spirit shown. Kudos!

  32. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 5:12 PM | Permalink

    …and statements like that are why you are up at 1:10 AM in the morning posting blogs instead of still being lost in one of those special moments. On the other hand, statements like that give one the opportunity to provide others with both sound advice and a good laugh.

  33. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 5:14 PM | Permalink

    My wife forwarded this to me with instructions never to compare her to cheese. All of my exes are hideous. Love letters to an ex’s roommate would seem to be a recipe for a wildly entertaining evening/day/month. What’s the big deal? And why shouldn’t I poke her in the eye with a sharp stick?

  34. Karen
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 5:20 PM | Permalink

    Another thing not to say to the mother of your baby (which my husband did say), especially when said baby is a girl and has just put two pacifiers in her mouth or is scratching a little bit of diaper rash in a sensitive place… “She’s going to be popular in high school!”

  35. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 6:05 PM | Permalink

    As a comparison to always being consulted about relationships seemingly only on the basis of your neutrality I was frequently approached by friends (i.e. members of several different friendship groups who were also friendly to me) and asked my advice on how they should deal with e.g. I think so and so is ignoring me/talking about me behind my back etc. Every friend I have had has been along the lines of ‘If the teacher forces us to choose partners they are a viable option’ (in a nice way). Moreover I am autistic (in a fairly obvious way), go out of my way to be unsociable and have always regarded such events in friendships from the detatched and somewhat unimpressed viewpoint of a naturalist watching the internal politics of a charm of magpies – a series of responses to instinct, a predictable pattern, and ultimately even to the group itself a mere nine days wonder.

  36. Slappy Jones
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 8:25 PM | Permalink

    The rules are specific, but I don’t think they would work for all women. I, for one, would have smacked my husband playfully on the arm after he uttered the lame three way line, then laughed my ass off.

    But then again, I am very hard to offend.

  37. LaurafromNY
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 8:31 PM | Permalink

    lol…that’s a crazy to say when she’s enjoying the three of you guys hanging out! ouch.

    Ok Mr. Fussy! Got any advice for a girl who hangs out with two guy friends and a girl friend and who likes one of the guy friends but argues like hell with him and is fond of the other guy friend, whereas the other guy, the one whom she is fond of, likes her AND the other girl friend?

  38. Mandorallen
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:18 PM | Permalink

    Ouch. I don’t even pretend to know a thing about girls, but that does seem to be a bad analogy.

    Hmmmm . . . Little Oot speaking dolphin huh? That sounds like a writing prompt to me . . . : D

  39. LoL
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:19 PM | Permalink

    My advice was to ensure Sarah was also, at a minimum, included in the ‘lovely, intelligent and sexy’ group. I mean, we all know how much Pat adores her, but the first thing to do when you’re in a hole is stop digging.

    Unless that tells us about Sarah’s reaction and she is also a past girlfriend now…

    Pat, I wish you health, happiness and at least a week without your foot in your mouth.

  40. Mike Miller
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:24 PM | Permalink

    Very smooth.

    On a related note, I’ve found that the only real escape from a situation where a girl raises the dual concepts of herself and “fat” is to fake a heart attack and then flee while she runs to call 911.

    I’ve also thought about carrying a hidden arsenal of smoke bombs so I can throw one and then escape like a ninja in the confusion when situations like that arise.

  41. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 9:28 PM | Permalink

    I am sorry to say, but milky is out of the question for any women who has nursed a baby. It automatically makes her think of breast feeding. Total turn off. Thanks for the post, laughed hard.

  42. Vasko
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 10:16 PM | Permalink

    Wow well Pat I havn’t gone that far with bad comments but I will be sure to tuck that away as something not to say with The Boy and my wife in the bed. I hope on your list is also never let your wife trick you into saying her sister is attractive… apparently my wife still thinks she can trick me into saying that.

  43. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 10:42 PM | Permalink

    I don’t really have anything important to say, because I don’t really think it was that bad of a comment, but I have experienced the type of feeling she was having at the moment and why she didn’t laugh. I also know if said situation is ever, in some far and distant land, in a realm where black is white, up is down, and I’m in that situation again, I would have said the nearly the same thing.

    So I just am thankful everyday that I’m single, and friendless, and hope to stay that way :)

    Oh and my verification word was dicena which is probably supposed to be decennia – 10 years. I hope that doesn’t mean I won’t be single for only 10 years. I was hoping Death would be my bride.

  44. Anonymous
    Posted February 5, 2010 at 10:57 PM | Permalink

    Hahaha… This made my day. I can’t stop grinning

  45. Anonymous
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 12:05 AM | Permalink

    One of the best pick up lines I have every heard involved comparing me to cheese. I had finished competing on a cheese rolling contest – for those of you who don’t know what cheese rolling is:
    You take a wheel of cheese, 30-40 stone sober people and roll said cheese down a very steep hill (think double black diamond ski hill) while the competitors try to catch it. It’s a super fun way to combine cheese, yodeling and compound fractures
    Anyways, I had just finished when a guy came up to me and said “Edam you’re gouda.” Sufficed to say, it worked.

    -liz

  46. Jessica
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 1:49 AM | Permalink

    Wow Pat… That’s nearly as bad as what my husband said to me… Bit o’ background first.. We have two lovely daughters that came out the size of 2 month olds (3.7 kgs and 53.3 cm, 4.1 kgs and 55.9 cm respectively.) I also gave birth completely and totally naturally.. No drugs, nothing. So whenever I see these itty bitty newborns, I get a tinsy bit jealous.

    One day while a lady was showing off her brand new teeny baby to my 2 year old I made an off hand comment about how much easier it would be to give birth to such a tiny baby.
    My husband immediately responds with a “Well yeah now it would.”
    I turn 12 shades of red and ask him calmly what exactly he meant by that. And to which he actually stammers out, “Well.. The girls were big.. So.. uh.. Well..” Finally the man realizes if he does not want to lose an eye to my rusty spoon he should shut up immediately.
    So Pat… Take to heart that it could have been worse. As it is, your comment was pretty funny. It made me laugh hysterically and reminded me of my husbands big FAIL.

  47. Rand
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 4:24 AM | Permalink

    I have to share this since I know I am not alone any more.

    When I was young and inexperienced with women. I saw a cute blonde at a vending machine. I had an epiphany of how to start a conversation with the lovely lady. I planned to ask her “What do you have a taste for?” and then let the conversation evolve from there.

    When I approached the young lady, my heart began to beat faster, my palms got sweaty, I became nervous, and I said “What do you taste like?” That is when the mortifying silence settled into the room. I mean the vending machine even stopped making noise to mock me in the silence.

    The look on her face and that of her friends haunts my dreams to this day.

    Rule 57: Start conversations about shoes.

    It is a lot harder to mess up, “I like your shoes.”

  48. B. L. Garver
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 4:48 AM | Permalink

    Holy shit that sounds like some shit I would say/do. LOL. WTF is wrong with us Pat?

  49. Oggelito
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 11:10 AM | Permalink

    haha awesome comment! Didn’t she smile even the littlest? :)

  50. Vae
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 2:00 PM | Permalink

    Oh Pat….. Ohhhh Pat…. Wow. Lesson noted. Thank you. I shall forever remember your folly.

    Something I have learned about women – when a woman asks you if she looks good in a certain dress/jeans/tight pants, etc. never, EVER hesitate to give an answer. and never, EVER answer with anything other than glowing praise. but, and I can’t stress this enough, do NOT overdo it. too much glowing praise almost seems to be worse than the opposite (ie: they make you look fat).

    yeah… dont hesitate.

    also, when a girl asks you about a past girlfriend and says its okay to talk about her or the things you did together, its probably a trap. :)

  51. Skyler H.
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 6:59 PM | Permalink

    I mostly agree about the cheese thing. I think the exception may be Cream Cheese…

  52. rushmc
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 7:08 PM | Permalink

    Ow, my ears! “Lying” in bed, please!

  53. Anonymous
    Posted February 6, 2010 at 9:13 PM | Permalink

    Here’s one to avoid.

    Pointing out to your woman an interesting correlation between her weight and her attitude.

    “You know, the fatter you get, the meaner you get”

    Avoid at all costs

  54. Vae
    Posted February 7, 2010 at 6:48 AM | Permalink

    To Rand: on the shoe thing, true, unless you try to say I like your shoes, and it comes out something like – I want to lick your shoes…

    then youre in a whole new state of weird.

  55. Vinny K
    Posted February 7, 2010 at 9:40 PM | Permalink

    Wow, Pat. You basically just described me at 16; which was a mere two years ago. hahaha I was always the supportive guy-friend that gave relationship advice to his hot female friends and who wasn’t considered as an option. Funny enough, my advice always worked. :D Oh, and here’s something to add to your list. Never compare a woman’s looks to one of your male friends. It is a recipe for sore nads. May fortune smile upon you.

    ~Vinny~

  56. Alex N
    Posted February 7, 2010 at 9:44 PM | Permalink

    Can i put another one out there for you Mr Rothfuss?

    I’ve found that referring to your ex-girlfriends (either singularly or as a larger group) as sexy, intelligent and lovely is a BIG no-no.

    I even have a scar to help remind me of that one.

  57. Ace
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 12:55 AM | Permalink

    For My barmitzah i got $2331, and your book, i spent all last night reading it nonstop, now i dont know which i like more,this book or $2331…

  58. Anonymous
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 1:57 PM | Permalink

    My boyfriends in college all had the habit of inviting me out to someplace in the city that I had never been to before, and then wanting me to pick them up and drive them there. This was not, mind you, because they lacked a car or a driver’s license. This wouldn’t have been so bad, I suppose, if they knew where we were going (which I foolishly assumed when I would pick them up), but on multiple occasions I can recall being lost and driving around in a bad section of town because they had no idea where we were supposed to be going, while I gradually became an anxious mess. Note to guys: If you invite a woman out on a date, it’s your job to take care of the details!

    Also, if you are on a date with a woman, it’s usually considered impolite to eat all of her food, especially if she’s paying the tab. This actually happened to me. I had gone out for lunch and coffee with a guy a couple of times, and he had paid for me on both occasions. Being the forward-thinking female that I am, the next time he invited me out, to dinner at an Indian restaurant (once again, I had no idea where it was, and he wanted me to drive) I offered to pay the bill. I ordered some sort of chicken dish; he ordered pork, and when the meal came, he suggested that we try each other’s dinners. I don’t eat pork, but for the sake of politeness, I agreed and took a very small chunk from the dish. Then I put a small piece of my chicken on his plate, which he ignored and went straight for the big metal spoon. At which point he began spooning most of my chicken onto his plate. I watched him do this in a kind of mute shock. When I got the dish back, there was ONE piece of chicken left. At which point he said, with an air of oblivious innocence, “Don’t you want some more of my pork?” Um…no thanks, asshole. But I had said at the beginning that I would foot the bill, so I ended up paying about $40 for him to eat my dinner. On the way back to his apartment I stopped at a Taco Bell and got a chalupa, since I was starving. I don’t think he even commented about this.

    Needless to say, this was an EPIC FAIL and I don’t think much happened between us after that. You would think that not stealing your date’s dinner would be an obvious taboo, but apparently it’s not, so I’m adding it to your list of rules.

  59. Tristan
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 6:43 PM | Permalink

    Finally! It’s about time someone told me what I’m doing wrong.

    I need a less pointy stick. Is a baseball bat pointy? Or do those even count as sticks… I don’t have time for a response so, trial and error it is.

  60. robertthetoth
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 7:34 PM | Permalink

    Hi Patrick, long time reader, first time poster…I wish you a long life of writing and reading, you are almost my hero…

  61. Ella
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 9:13 PM | Permalink

    My boyfriend managed to write a neat little cheese comparison for a play:

    You are my cheese. My gorgonzola, my creamy camembert, and my oh so chewy cheddar.

    Can’t say it seduced anyone, but it makes me laugh

  62. rangersexypants
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 10:37 PM | Permalink

    One day I heard my baby making the “i’m hungry” grumbles, and I’m breastfeeding. My husband was holding her, we were having a quiet day at home. I was perfectly happy to feed her, as I love breastfeeding. I was having a mommy-bliss kind of moment…. My husband looks up, smiles and says, “Hey, Feedbags! Your kid is hungry!”

    Ah, love…

  63. Manrix
    Posted February 8, 2010 at 11:36 PM | Permalink

    Well Pat, I must say I was shocked that mere hours after reading about not comparing women to cheese, that I found one of your heroes doing exactly that. I’m reading American Gods (by Neil Gaiman, obviously) and lo and behold, on the second page of chapter four, Mr. Wednesday says:

    “The best thing about the states we’re heading for [the Midwest] is they have the kind of women I liked when I was younger. (…) and round, full breasts with the veins running through them like a good cheese.”

    (Yeah, I shortened the fragment a bit) I think it’s a sign from the gods that I read that so soon after reading your post. I guess Brent Weeks was right, rules and manners can be circumvented if done with sufficient charm.

    Also, I realise Mr. Wednesday doesn’t actually say this to a woman, but still.

  64. capblye
    Posted February 9, 2010 at 1:12 AM | Permalink

    Do NOT feel alone!
    I have a little 18 month old girl and did exactly what you did.

    Same scenario, in the bed, wife and baby.
    My wife is in that “magic mommy moment”. She says “I cant believe how much i love you both”.
    Now, my instinct was to say nothing and let her enjoy the moment quietly.
    However, my mouth was apparently on strike and not taking orders from my brain.

    So, rather than lie quietly, i said, “i know what you mean, this is the best threesome ive ever had”.
    Sound familiar?

    So, from one dumbass to another …
    Salud! you’re in good company!

  65. Anonymous
    Posted February 9, 2010 at 7:47 AM | Permalink

    hahahaha pleeeeze tell me you where drunk when you said that

  66. Anonymous
    Posted February 10, 2010 at 6:57 AM | Permalink

    I was talking to him about the comments and we were talking about Jessica… Here is the snippet of the IM conversation:

    Z: well then she should not take it out on her husband then, not his faulty she wanted to that and ended up with a gaping hole

    C: …

    Z: lmao

    C: when did you see her taking it out on her husband and that it’s somethin she wanted sheesh.

    Z: dont you get pissy, I was joking
    C: that’s another thing to put in the list of “avoid” -.-

    C: dumb men, really…

    Z: *sigh*

    Z: it was a damn joke, get over it

    C: dumb

    Z: alright

  67. Anonymous
    Posted February 16, 2010 at 12:21 AM | Permalink

    I’m hoping someone will pipe up and tell me what OOT stands for. I must have missed that post.

  68. Gar-Dog
    Posted March 2, 2010 at 2:56 PM | Permalink

    What about “sexy elbows”? It’s not directly cheese, but it’s definitely very, very cheesy. Would that be a problem?

  69. Gar-Dog
    Posted March 2, 2010 at 2:56 PM | Permalink

    What about "sexy elbows"? It's not directly cheese, but it's definitely very, very cheesy. Would that be a problem?

  70. Air Jordan
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    Posted March 20, 2010 at 9:05 AM | Permalink

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  74. Jennifer
    Posted March 25, 2010 at 2:30 PM | Permalink

    M’kay, to the person who commented below: most girls don’t like guys to comment on their asses at all. Sorry. It’s just kinda the way our brains work. Depending on the girl, boobs are ok. Depending on the girl, asses are ok. But in general, two words of advice: steer clear. Trust me.

  75. Jennifer
    Posted March 25, 2010 at 2:30 PM | Permalink

    M'kay, to the person who commented below: most girls don't like guys to comment on their asses at all. Sorry. It's just kinda the way our brains work. Depending on the girl, boobs are ok. Depending on the girl, asses are ok. But in general, two words of advice: steer clear. Trust me.

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