…or something. Is that too obscure a reference these days? Should I have gone with the cliche but easily recognizable “there can be only one?”

What I’m talking about is the battle royal going on over at Suvudu. They’ve taken a bunch of our favorite fictional characters and paired them up in head to head fights. They’ve chosen a pleasantly bizarre and diverse group of fighters: Gandalf, Cuthulu, and Hermione are all in there duking it out.

Flatteringly enough, Kvothe is in there too, paired up against Garret Jax.

It’s a fun concept, and you get to vote on who you think should win. But what makes it truly entertaining is the brief descriptions that they give each of the characters, complete with strengths, weaknesses, and special attacks. Better still are the staff’s narrative descriptions of how they think the fight would turn out.

I’ll admit that I’m surprised how pleased I am at how how some of the voting is going. For example, Ged from the Wizard of Earthsea is currently kicking the stuffing out of Edward from Twilight.

Anyway. Feel free to wander over and take a look for yourself. It’s a good time.


[Edit: For those of you asking in the comments. I didn’t send in a little blurb when I heard about the contest for two reasons. 1) Because I was really busy. And 2) I heard that Terry Brooks was too busy to send stuff in too. It didn’t seem particularly fair for me to step in and stump for Kvothe when Brooks wasn’t going to be able to do the same.

That said, Lewis isn’t around anymore. And I’ve got a little time on my hands. So if Kvothe makes it to the match-up with Aslan, I might send a little blurb their way.]

This entry was posted in cool things, fanficBy Pat80 Responses


  1. Kyle B
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 7:12 AM | Permalink

    I have all of the Shannara Series and love Terry Brooks. But Garet Jax would get a beat down by Kvothe any and every day.

  2. Elder Bonnie
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 7:19 AM | Permalink

    Agreed. I'm curious to know who Kvothe would be paired against next. Looks like it might be… uh oh. Kvothe vs. Aslan.

  3. Pat
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 7:22 AM | Permalink

    Yeah. I don't like his chances against Aslan. I think his only chance would be desperate guile and heartwrenching music.

  4. Nick
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 7:36 AM | Permalink

    Oh no! These battles are epic! Kahlan vs Drizzit? Rand vs Locke Lamora? I don't know who should win!

    Thanks for the link Pat- I had heard rumors of this for a few days now but hadn't pinned down the actual cage location.

  5. Anonymous
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 7:50 AM | Permalink

    Way ahead of ya Pat!

    P.S. Accept my friend invite on facebook =(

  6. JenMo
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 7:54 AM | Permalink

    LOVE the Thunderdome reference… And old movie or not, it's still on cable all the time. Everyone should know it.

  7. Erzberger
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:16 AM | Permalink

    Well, Aslan may be a God, but hasn´t Kvothe killed an angel (as rumored anyway)? Kingkiller, Angelkiller, … Godkiller might be the logical next step.

  8. Alicia
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:20 AM | Permalink

    Aslan is a tough one to beat. And how can you do it and not be thoroughly blackened? Also, whoever kills Aslan will have him coming back alive and forgiving them. Not sure that's really a "win" in fight terms.


  9. Elicius
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:33 AM | Permalink

    I felt a little guilty voting on some of the others, not knowing who their foes were.

    On the plus side, I got to vote for Jaime AND vote against whatserface from harry potter at the same time.


  10. Anonymous
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:41 AM | Permalink

    The cage matches are cool. But I think the predited endings will influence some voters so it would be even cooler without them or if they had 2 possible endings. I just voted for Kvothe but my favourite is Jaime Lannister..

  11. Daniel
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:47 AM | Permalink

    Conan over Harry Dresden? Pfffffft.

  12. Jordan
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:50 AM | Permalink

    these matches are hilarious but i feel a little less of myself for knowing almost every one of the characters and thunderdome was a great movie

  13. Anonymous
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:59 AM | Permalink

    Why haven't you added a little blurb Pat?
    George RR Martin and Steven Brust both wrote something stating how they thought the fight was going to go, in their respective cage matches.

    (that way we might also get some insight on grown-up kvothe's mad combat skillz)

    Martin's blurb was genius btw, as is most of everything he writes. Putting the beatdown on those poor website-writers.


  14. Anonymous
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 9:41 AM | Permalink

    ok so after reading them all, i do believe kvothe could beat aslan, from what i remember, aslan needs people to believe in him to have any power. also the dumbledore v. vlad taltos match is complete crap, people just dont know enough about the people/things to vote accuratly

  15. Robert
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 9:44 AM | Permalink

    I notice Steve Brust sent in his take on how his character would put a shine on Dumbledore. Admittedly, as much as I love Dumbledore, I'm a little disappointed that the poll isn't leaning that way.

    Why don't you send them a message, Pat?

  16. sam___25
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 11:47 AM | Permalink

    Including characters like Aslan and Cthulu might have been a mistake, especially when the outcome centres on public vote since, y'know, the whole invincible god thing that they both have going on.

    Incidentally if you don't look at it as a raw fist fight the character most likely to defeat both of those is Lyra. If there is a way to stop Cthulu the aleithiometer would be the best way to find it, and Aslan is very weak against innocent little girls; there's no way he could outright kill Lyra.

    (Admittedly there are a few names on the list that I don't yet know.)

    It's also kinda hard to judge Kvothe's battles since we don't yet know a great deal about how naming magic works.

  17. Anonymous
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 12:35 PM | Permalink

    I agree, it would be awesome if you could add your own blurb as well.
    George RR Martin's is great. Please add your own!

  18. Joshua
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 12:51 PM | Permalink

    "The barkeep went back to scrubbing his endless supply of ale mugs and listening to the three parts of silence."
    ^^^ Haha, that's great.

  19. Memphis
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 12:54 PM | Permalink

    Dear ex-hero

    I found out about your little secret Mr. Rothfuss!
    Not quite the name givers ourselves are we?

    => <=

    To think I almost designated you ‘Master Of All Things That Have Beards’

    How could you. I mean, steal a name off the Internet?

    I grew a beard for God's sake!

  20. Steve (HRputer)
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 1:50 PM | Permalink

    Two men enter, one man leaves.
    Two men enter, one man leaves.

  21. Joe
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 3:22 PM | Permalink

    I cant believe Eragon is beating Aslan… who is voting here, 13 yr old kids? well now I can vote for Kvothe without any moral dilemma

  22. Joe
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 3:22 PM | Permalink

    Wow, Garet Jax is a blast from my childhood. The Weapons Master would certainly put up a fight!

  23. Nick
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 3:30 PM | Permalink

    Two man enter, one man leave.

  24. D
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 3:46 PM | Permalink

    Dearest Pat
    I must thank you, once again you've made my day. Don't falter for Kvothe might still have a chance over Aslan.
    Cheers then.


    P.S. Sorry for the one above.

  25. Jacob
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 3:58 PM | Permalink

    What ever happened to the post titled, "Why I don't talk about book two?" It has been a couple of weeks since you told us to watch for that post Pat and it doesn't seem to be comming. I know we got the Drafty post which was awesome to know that book two is that far along in development now. So far you are the only author that I follow that doesn't post regularly on how the writing is currently going. I would just like to read that post so that I would know better from your point of view why you don't talk about it.

  26. Menalaus
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 4:15 PM | Permalink

    I'd love to see a Ged vs Kvothe matchup. Two broken heroes who have lost their magic, but are both master namers. That would be messy.

  27. AC
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 4:29 PM | Permalink


    If Ged vs Kvothe were to happen I'd be sad to say I think Ged would kick his ass. No offence their Pat but Ged is well…Ged ^^

    Ps. I have never been happier to see Edward Cullen get massacared

  28. Pat
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 4:50 PM | Permalink

    Ah hell. Eragon is winning over Aslan? That's bullshit.

  29. Menalaus
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 5:09 PM | Permalink

    No he's not. Eragon is being schooled by Aslan:

    Aslan – 86%
    Eragon – 13%

  30. Pat
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 5:15 PM | Permalink

    Oh good. I was mislead by a previous post on here….

    It would have been way easier for Kvothe to take on Eragon though…

  31. wirelessrobin
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 5:38 PM | Permalink

    hahah I just spent the last 3 hours reading and voting…. and arguing with my husband over who would win what match….. My two personal favorites are Kvothe and Roland Deschain (currently re-reading The Dark Tower series) Thanks for bringing this to our attention.
    Also, like everyone else says… you should comment on Kvothe's fight! :)

  32. Crow T. Robot
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 5:40 PM | Permalink


    Can't we just get beyond Thunderdome?

    Crow T. Robot

  33. Alexis
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 5:41 PM | Permalink

    Aw man, I would vote Kvothe over just about anyone for cool, Kvothe is absolutely COOLER than Aslan… but IF they were to fight, I think he'd be torn apart. :(

    I mean YES of course it makes sense I like and empathize better with a character who isn't immortal, or super buff but instead gets by with the intelligence to TRY not to get into stupid situations… but this set up was just not meant to capture such things…

  34. Jason
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 6:40 PM | Permalink

    I think the "head to head fight" angle is disadvantageous to a number of popular characters. Could Kvothe outright kill Aslan, dropped into the conflict? Probably not.

    Armed with knowledge that trouble is brewing with a figure like Aslan, could the older, wiser, craftier Kote/Kvothe arrange a situation that is to his benefit and that of those about whom he cares, or find a way around the obstacle of Aslan? Why on earth are the two in conflict in the first place? Asymmetrical goals completely redefine a conflict, after all.

    The terms of the conflict and what defines "victory" have to be refined for some of these characters to get their fare shakes.

    I also add to my rage about the Dumbledore/Taltos match. Vlad has been taking on powerful sorcerers and warrior-mages for a bloody living. He could surely take the kindly old headmaster just as easily as that bloody snotrag Malfoy did. Even by the deathmatch terms, he could honestly whoop the old wizard. Tsk, kids these days.

  35. Synerg012
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 6:54 PM | Permalink

    No Pat. I don't think Thunderdome is to obscure. Til Death made a few references to it last week. Oh wait, Til Death might be even more obscure than Thunderdome.

  36. Synergy012
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 6:56 PM | Permalink

    Crap my first post on an authors blog and I misspell 'too.'

  37. Marleen
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 7:59 PM | Permalink

    Does someone know what is going on with the suvudu site? It keeps going to the sign in screen after 5 seconds on any page. I can't even stay on a page long enough to figure out where to ask for help. Help!

  38. Chris
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:01 PM | Permalink

    According to the text, bot written and implied, the Kvothe is a unmatched badass that will in time defeat the Chandarian(sp?) though use of his extensive wit, magical abilities, and hand to hand combat that will be learned via the Amyr.

    Kvothe should run through this tournament.

    Plus, Naria is gay.

  39. Anonymous
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:08 PM | Permalink

    The bit about Arthur Dent vs the shrike was pretty damn funny.

  40. Michael
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 8:26 PM | Permalink

    Aslan losing to Eragon would make me scared for the fate of Humanity's eternal soul and not just because Aslan's status as "Jesus Allegory Lion". I am rooting for Kvothe against Aslan as I'd like to see him go toe to toe with Raistlin or most likely Dumbledore.

  41. Anonymous
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 10:15 PM | Permalink

    Kvothe must win. It is imperative.
    And just because a name come up on the internet doesn't mean Pat stole it, Memphis

  42. Christopher
    Posted March 11, 2010 at 10:53 PM | Permalink

    Folks only know a fraction of Kvothes capability. The ability to bind things with spoken word is far more versatile than weaponry or spell components. But if Aslan is symbolic of the Son of God, who can stand against him?

  43. Jason
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 12:57 AM | Permalink

    second what the other Jason said…

  44. Jason
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 2:16 AM | Permalink

    Do the people voting for Dumbledore really know who Vlad Taltos is?

    Din't think so.

  45. Anonymous
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 2:52 AM | Permalink

    Kvothe could beat Aslan… in theory that is. Technically all he would have to do is learn the true name of Aslan, I assume that eventually gets to the point where he is at least as equally cool as Elodin…? But even if he didn't know that he could simply bind Aslan and lull him into a sleep and then stuff him into that box with three keys… Ok, so it's gonna be a tough match but I've got faith!

  46. Diana Buhigas
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 3:52 AM | Permalink

    I went straight in there and was amazed by some of the couplings.
    It was sad for me not to be able to vote for Aragorn (LotR), Ged (Wizard of Earthsea… wow, in English I feel the name really odd lol, I'm used to calling it Terramar) or Roland Deschain (The Dark Tower)…
    But HELL YEAH!!
    I could still vote for Kvothe and Raistlin Majere!!!

    That was so fun!

  47. educatedpony
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 4:15 AM | Permalink

    i voted kvothe.

    but can i say (because i feel this is a safe space) that as much as i L O V E and adore jaime lannister–hermione would kick his ass in a new york minute.

    c'mon now.

  48. JDP
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 9:09 AM | Permalink

    I don't know you but I think I had a dream last night where you were trying to eat one of my cats. Please leave my cats alone, Pat; they're good people.

    I voted Kvothe.

  49. Baldsilver
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 11:54 AM | Permalink

    yoyo, congrats, this was a good one. I liked the contest thing, had funny stuff in it. I thought the stories about how the fights would go down were sometimes a bit weird but hey, they're fans not professional fantasy authors. I thought the one liners about the fight were much better. My favourite was the Aslan one, Aslan wins, because he is God. That was exactly what I was thinking when I saw the matchup. And, dunno if you've read Ender's game but he and his prepubescent mates were pretty badass. I mean Ender shoved some dudes nose into his brain, I was disappointed in his loss to some random mage. I think he'da thunk up something. (To be honest I had no idea who the mage was, so I might be biased) What else, well I can't remember the other matchups, oh yea there was Drizzt, i was disapointed that no one made a jab at the 'fire in his lavender eyes.' Anyways, imma cut this short, later

  50. Tyler
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 12:48 PM | Permalink

    Guh. I don't like their description of Kvothe. They have him described as the barkeep, but fail to mention his mundane talents and dragon-slaying expertise in his blurb.

    Kvothe takes Garet Jax in a heartbeat. Kvothe will cheat if he needs to because he is a total badass.

  51. Anonymous
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 3:19 PM | Permalink

    Pat! If you send a blurb remember that Aslan CAN die (he is just resurrected later). The cage match is a fight to the death, resurrection doesn't matter. First one dead loses. Add that to the fact that Aslan LETS himself die, and Kvothe has this in the bag without even trying.

  52. dillivered
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 3:20 PM | Permalink

    Kvothe could take Aslan if he can convince Aslan to martyr himself. It'd apparently take thousands of years for Aslan to reappear after that. That has to count as a win!

  53. Anonymous
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 6:04 PM | Permalink

    I say Arthur Dent will, most improbably, go all the way, meeting Kvothe along the way. Kvothe, logically, would win, but who knows with the dread Dentarthurdent? He is guided b mysterious forces that are not entirely understood…

  54. An Albino Druid
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 6:36 PM | Permalink

    The Thunderdome reference is perfect. If you watch any oldish movie channel, you know the entire Mad Max series.

    And I don't know how we are getting out of this one, Pat… I would say that you send in a blurb about how Kvothe proves himself to Aslan and Aslan, being a great and merciful lion who is impressed and heartened by this young red-headed warriorpoet, spares Kvothes life and acknowledges him as the rightful winner of the challenge.

    Otherwise… Kvothe is going to die, man!

    Respectfully Yours,
    An Albino Druid

  55. Nadingo
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 7:26 PM | Permalink

    I get that you didn't have time to submit your own blurb, but what do you think about the scene that they described? I agree with the outcome, but it seems odd that Kvothe just asked Garet to tell him his true name. Isn't that something that most people only discover by accident? And would a grizzled warrior give up something so valuable so readily?

  56. Darin
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 10:19 PM | Permalink

    If you do provide a comment on the next round, you should give all of us some idea of what powers he will have in the upcoming book. Like his Kung Fu grip, lasers for eyes, and Blink Dog teleportation ability. He needs more street cred.

  57. Darin
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 10:23 PM | Permalink

    btw, the Martin Comment to Jaime Lannisters fight is priceless!

  58. Jacob
    Posted March 12, 2010 at 10:27 PM | Permalink

    "I don't know you but I think I had a dream last night where you were trying to eat one of my cats. Please leave my cats alone, Pat; they're good people."

    Pat Rothfuss, cat eater.

  59. Anonymous
    Posted March 13, 2010 at 12:06 AM | Permalink

    "We Don't Need Another Hero" as you've never heard it before. :)

  60. Bookwyrme
    Posted March 14, 2010 at 4:25 AM | Permalink

    You should comment! George R R Martin didn't worry about his opposite number posting!

  61. Jason
    Posted March 14, 2010 at 4:40 AM | Permalink


    I agree with the outcome, but it seems odd that Kvothe just asked Garet to tell him his true name. Isn't that something that most people only discover by accident? And would a grizzled warrior give up something so valuable so readily?

    It depends on the warrior and where he's from. If no one of his acquaintance uses True Names in that fashion, or if the concept of a "True Name" is different in his home paradigm, saying "So, hey, what's the one name that really resonates with you, the thing you've been called that really speaks to you?" might be the most straightforward, easy way to trick someone into giving you their True Name.

    The fact that someone is capable of being cunning and executing a complex con doesn't mean they always have to do so – the best conniver is the one who does exactly enough to get what they want. Hell, sometimes the best way to manipulate another person for a duplicitous end is just to tell them the unvarnished truth.

    *cough* Or so I've heard. From connivers. Who aren't me. Because I would never do such a thing.

  62. bldysabba
    Posted March 14, 2010 at 9:20 AM | Permalink

    Hi everyone. I'm sure you guys already know this, but just in case…

  63. Vae
    Posted March 15, 2010 at 12:53 AM | Permalink

    Ok, that is awesome. I hope Kvothe wins. i mean come on, he has the most wit, the sharpest tongue, quick thinking, and skill and innate power to crush his opponents. although seriously, good luck against Gandalf…

  64. missalena
    Posted March 15, 2010 at 12:58 PM | Permalink


    Did you see that Kvothe won against Garet Jax? That was awesome!

    Also… @JDP:
    I don't know you but I think I had a dream last night where you were trying to eat one of my cats. Please leave my cats alone, Pat; they're good people.

    I voted Kvothe.

    Effin' hilarious, man. You had me srsly ROFLing all over the place.


    P.S. Captcha: rednes

  65. Anonymous
    Posted March 15, 2010 at 3:29 PM | Permalink

    unfortunately, kvothe has no chance against aslan, because aslan is god. we know that kvothe fought an angel, but most likely not tehlu himself. sorry pat.

  66. LaurafromNY
    Posted March 15, 2010 at 7:47 PM | Permalink

    huh…I don't even know half these characters…got to read more.

    Anyway, as much as I like Kvothe…Aslan kicks ass. Sorry Mr. Fussy, but the lion wins thar…

    (that's a really cool picture of Kvothe…wonder who drew it?)

  67. Anonymous
    Posted March 15, 2010 at 11:25 PM | Permalink

    Why can't Aslan die? He's certainly capable of dying, the only reason he was brought back was because he sacrificed himself for the life of a traitor. In fact in the book it says that death will work backwards, implying that he did actually die but was brought back but only because he sacrificed himself.

    Shoot me if I'm wrong :P

  68. Anonymous
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 4:13 AM | Permalink

    I can't believe they already paired Kvothe with Aslan… This is so hard to decide. I love Kvothe so much, but Aslan just trumps everyone hands down… It would be easier to pick Kvothe if we knew more about how his powers progress in the next two books. lol.

  69. Anonymous
    Posted March 16, 2010 at 6:03 AM | Permalink

    Honestly guys, everyone knows Aslan is not a *tame* lion.

    Kvothe wins, because there is absolutely no reason for Aslan to show up.

    What is this? A circus?

  70. Citizen
    Posted March 17, 2010 at 10:54 PM | Permalink

    People, Kvothe is beating Aslan. Go vote for him!!! And Jaime Lannister is marching over Cthulhu! This day all Gods die.

  71. Citizen
    Posted March 18, 2010 at 2:34 AM | Permalink

    Pat, please do write a blurb for this and post it either on the cage match or here, and we can link to it. GRRM doing so totally saved Jaime Lannister, Kvothe needs you as he is falling behind. He can win this, you can do it.

  72. Ryan
    Posted March 18, 2010 at 4:15 AM | Permalink

    None of Robin Hobb's characters…disappointed.

  73. Ryan
    Posted March 18, 2010 at 4:18 AM | Permalink

    Also, Robb Stark pwns all. This Tourney is bunk!

  74. AC
    Posted March 18, 2010 at 9:42 PM | Permalink


    Aslan 49%
    Kvothe 50%

    Epic is what that is!!

  75. Joe
    Posted March 18, 2010 at 10:30 PM | Permalink

    Kvothe needs a push in round 2!

  76. Eric Schwartz
    Posted March 18, 2010 at 10:51 PM | Permalink

    Come on everyone. You need to get over there and push Kvothe through. It's really really close; probably gonna come down to a handfull of votes.

  77. Citizen
    Posted March 19, 2010 at 4:41 AM | Permalink


    As others have noted, it is totally neck and neck. There have been times where Kvothe has been down by one vote, or it's been tied, or Aslan has been barely winning. It's really close, and keeps changing, so every vote counts. Also, there's an extensive discussion of the merit of the match. Please feel free to both read it and contribute. I'm fighting as hard as I know how for Kvothe, and would welcome assistance. btw, I have nothing against Aslan or Narnia, but the discussion in the cagematch has convinced me that Kvothe really should win here.

  78. Citizen
    Posted March 19, 2010 at 6:29 AM | Permalink

    And Pat, I acknowledge that from your perspective, I'm just some fanboy from wherever that has not previously posted on this site. And yes, you should absolutely spend time with your new child, and maintain your sanity. At the same time, please check out my posts on the Kvothe portion suvudu site (same moniker, Citizen). Sure, I'm just some fanboy, but Kvothe continues to contend, and your intervention could make a huge difference. I wouldn't be bothering you if you hadn't previously expressed some interest, and timing will be everything, given the closeness of the race. Take as long as you need to make the next book good, I'll buy it whenever it comes out. NOTW was that good. If you would, though, take a moment to weigh in on round 2. Not only can Kvothe win, it would be right for him to do so, and your intervention would be huge.



    Thanks for your attention.


  79. Anonymous
    Posted March 19, 2010 at 6:59 AM | Permalink

    Love to see how everyones pullin for kvothe against even Aslan! Pat, your book is usurping even our "literary classics"! hope he beats cthulhu

  80. archmandrate
    Posted March 25, 2010 at 3:24 PM | Permalink

    Hey–just in case you haven't seen, Kvothe is now in an epic battle against Dumbledore, so make sure you support your guy:

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