Father’s Day

It was a good weekend. On Saturday Sarah, Oot, and I drove down to Madison to celebrate Father’s Day. We hung out with my Dad, my aunt, my sister, and her boyfriend.

It may not seem like many people to you, but I don’t have much family. For my side of the family, this is a pretty big gathering.

My dad grilled and my sister and her boyfriend cooked. I removed the lids on the various types of side dishes that I’d lovingly bought from the store. We ate brats and pasta salad and hung out on the deck. We tried to fly a kite and utterly failed.

Oot was in fine form, and charmed everyone with his ability to cram food clumsily into his craw, speak broken English, and walk around without hardly falling over at all. Seriously. He’s like a little rockstar.

It was a great day. My father summed it up best when he said, “Good weather, good food, nudity, and kite flying. What more could you want in a party?”

Today (Sunday) was more low-key. I slept late, and when I got up I learned that Sarah had been coaching Oot to say, “Happy Father’s Day!” He did this with great enthusiasm. Over and over. All day.

But you know what? It never got old.

In fact, when we got back from dinner tonight, I grabbed a little video of it.

You know what? I think this is the first video that I’ve ever uploaded. Look at me striding boldly into the year 2007.

After this touching moment, Oot began to say, “Humdyfal!” over and over. It only took me about 30 seconds to figure him out. You have to do a lot of interpreting with kids this young. They’re not really good with words, yet.

He was saying, “Humpty Fall.” He wanted to hear about Humpty Dumpty.

So I picked up one of his nearby toys. If I call it a plush toy you’ll get the wrong impression. It’s a turtle packed tight with some kind of beans. It’s the size of a round loaf of bread. It’s about as plush as a sandbag and it weighs more than hardcover of my second book.

I put it on my knee and said, “Humpty Dumpty sat on the….”

“Wall!” Oot finished.

“Humpty Dumpty had a great….” I pushed the turtle off my knee and it hit the ground hard. It sounded like someone dropping a heavy workboot onto the floor.

“Fall!” Oot shouted excitedly.

Then he picked up the turtle with both hands and affectionately smashed it into my nuts.

I made the sort of noise you make when you’re trying not to roar and scare the hell out of your kid. Sarah laughed. Then looked guilty about laughing. Then laughed again.

“Fall!” Oot said.

I removed the turtle and put a protective hand over my groin. It took a moment, but eventually I figured out what he was trying to say. You have to do a lot of interpretation with someone this young. There’s a lot of reading in between the lines.

After about a minute or so, I realized Oot was making it clear that he respected the vasty strength of my generative organs. He was trying to indicate that he understood where he’d come from, that he knew exactly whose godlike loins had helped bring him into this world. He was trying to say….

“Happy Father’s Day!” he said, throwing his hands into the air.

Yes. Exactly that.

Happy Father’s Day.


This entry was posted in Oot, videosBy Pat54 Responses


  1. MidgetMe
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:47 AM | Permalink

    That is beyond sweet. It’s almost too sweet. :)

    • Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:53 AM | Permalink

      All that extra sweetness must be where the nausea is coming from….

  2. maine character
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:49 AM | Permalink

    Oot’s gestures are perfect – the kid knows how to do a dramatic reading.

    Sorry about the turtle-whacked nuts.

  3. Ctlacey
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:52 AM | Permalink

    Haha, you ever shown your dad the same affection on fathers day?

  4. Thebackpack
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:55 AM | Permalink

    That’s cute! Just one question: “… striding boldly into the year 2007”

  5. wings_of_nite
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:58 AM | Permalink

    He is massively adorable

  6. Tayacan
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:59 AM | Permalink

    Aw, that’s sweet – and welcome to 2007!

  7. ardnaid
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 6:04 AM | Permalink

    Perhaps he was also subconsciously ridding himself of future rivals.

  8. Joshua_Guess
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 6:18 AM | Permalink

    I realize that “Vasty strength of my…” was probably supposed to be “vast strength of my…” but I like “Vasty”. It sounds like a wonderful new word, possibly combining “Vast” and “Nasty”. Or maybe it’s simply how pirates say vast. Maybe both.

    However you choose to go with it, I fully expect the word “Vasty” to play an integral part of the plot in book three.

    I have spoken!

    • MisterMerf
      Posted June 20, 2011 at 7:32 AM | Permalink

      Watch “Serenity” again ^_^

      • Joshua_Guess
        Posted June 20, 2011 at 7:41 AM | Permalink

        Yeah, I’ve only seen it the once…**lowers head sadly**

    • Matt
      Posted June 20, 2011 at 8:07 PM | Permalink

      “Vasty” was a genuine bona fide word hundreds of years before Joss Whedon ever thought to use it.

  9. Nicham
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 6:24 AM | Permalink

    Sounds a lot like our fathers day… wait, nudity?

  10. Greg
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 6:24 AM | Permalink

    You have a very effiecient child; trying to break two eggs with one turtle.

    Was probably trying to give you the humpty dumpty sequel

  11. AmusedToDeath
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 7:06 AM | Permalink

    An there goes a 50% bump in the number of subscribers on your Youtube-channel.

  12. bookwyrmpoet
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 7:27 AM | Permalink

    Best hit in the nuts story I’ve heard in a long time :D

  13. Posted June 20, 2011 at 8:17 AM | Permalink

    What can I say exept Every Sperm is Sacred! (Monty Python refrence FTW)

    • silentmum
      Posted June 22, 2011 at 9:38 AM | Permalink

      Love that movie- and of course more mini Pat Rothfuss = more super dooper writers…..how could it go wrong……will the jolt to the nether regions affect reproduction ability?…..I’d say 5 or 6 more mini Pats will suffice the fnas

  14. Posted June 20, 2011 at 8:24 AM | Permalink

    This is where I would inadvertently teach my toddler a four letter word that rhymes with “duck” and is “not nice.” >_>

  15. Angoisette
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 8:48 AM | Permalink

    I still say that in the hospital when they hand the mother the “complimentary” bag of formula and assorted items, they should give the father a bag with a protective cup in it. For just this kind of thing. It happens alot. I mean…..ALOT. Especially when they get the age to run at you full tilt intending a hug, and slam into poor Daddy’s junk, which just happens to be at forehead height. ;)

  16. silentmum
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 9:36 AM | Permalink

    Umm… where does the nudity come in???

    • ktsmom
      Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:02 PM | Permalink

      I was assuming (hoping?) that was Oot’s gift of the day. ;-)

  17. Posted June 20, 2011 at 9:40 AM | Permalink

    That is by far the cutest post ever I felt compelled to commen (which I never do because you usually already have a billion comments). I remember when my SIL coached my niece to wish us Happy Birthday except when I answered the phone there was no explination so all I heard was “Happy Barfday!” :) I think this was payback for teaching her the word “dude” and the sentence “whatcha talking about willis?” :)

  18. s.petry
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 9:45 AM | Permalink

    Once I became a parent the world changed, and once again I believed in magic.

    Enjoy the magic while it lasts!

  19. Posted June 20, 2011 at 10:00 AM | Permalink

    Oh my god, I laughed so hard. I need more laughter like this in my life. (Not to the detriment of your delicate bits, though.)

    Oot is precious beyond words. If you ever need a babysitter…

  20. justajenjen
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 10:42 AM | Permalink

    Cute! Man, he’s gotten so big.

    Sounds like you guys had a great Father’s Day. Better than it was around here. My husband had to work which sucked for him. In protest of this, I’m assuming, our son destroyed a floor lamp in the two minutes I took to go to the bathroom. While I was cleaning that up, he dumped the cat box. Can you sell toddlers on eBay?

    • Little My
      Posted June 20, 2011 at 6:43 PM | Permalink

      Oy, you poor thing. I know that kind of afternoon all too well.

  21. Merithathor
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 11:04 AM | Permalink

    I *love* how he threw his hands up in the air on “day.” However, I’m sorry to hear of your war wound. My husband had something along those lines happen yesterday, although it didn’t involve a stuffed turtle.

  22. priscellie
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 11:24 AM | Permalink

    Every time you post another Oot story, my heart gets a little meltier. Soon, it will be unfit for pumping blood. If I die of cuteness, I will make sure the NYPD knows who to blame!

  23. turtliewings
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 12:15 PM | Permalink

    Wow, he’s strong. You might think of putting him into Highland Games when he gets a little older. Or cruelly denying him such privileges because of the sins of his past.

  24. Posted June 20, 2011 at 12:30 PM | Permalink

    Oot is adorable. And I am feeling sympathetic toward you even as I weep with laughter.
    Congratulations on *not* teaching him any Really Bad Words during the turtle incident :)

  25. Melody
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 12:43 PM | Permalink

    Oh my god, Pat, he’s so big!!!! You must be so happy to have had such a nice Father’s Day. Sarah is beautiful, how’d you score a hottie like that? Just kidding, its obviously your boyish good looks and charm…. right?

    Seriously, I feel that way when your friends have kids and then you turn around once and they’re three. Last time I checked, Oot was a baby, now he’s a toddler at least!

    • Posted June 20, 2011 at 1:07 PM | Permalink

      I managed to get Sarah because of the radiant power of my godlike man-tackle. Now that it’s damaged, she’ll probably leave me….

  26. Posted June 20, 2011 at 12:44 PM | Permalink

    So adorable!!

  27. DMage
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 1:17 PM | Permalink

    Hey, is it just me, or you can feel Oot is plotting something when he raises his arms?

    • Posted June 20, 2011 at 1:23 PM | Permalink

      Now I sure as hell do….

      • silentmum
        Posted June 22, 2011 at 9:40 AM | Permalink

        He’s getting ready to yell “blue, blue, blue”

  28. Posted June 20, 2011 at 1:17 PM | Permalink

    So adorable really~! ♥

  29. ktsmom
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:00 PM | Permalink

    You ARE massively adorable Oot, as is your Daddy. And I’m still roaming around in pre-2007 times, as I don’t even own a bit of electronics capable of making a video… Idon’t think… and have certainly never uploaded one!

  30. Lerris
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 5:42 PM | Permalink

    Oh my god. Oot is ridiculously adorable Pat. I hope you had an awesome fathers day! On another note, yesterday at a family gathering my cousin(who I previously lent my(12th!!!) copy of NOTW and (3rd!) WMF assaulted me because the third book is not complete yet. Her words were something like: ” I hate you because the third book is so far away, but I love you for showing me these!”. Followed by a big hug that sort of hurt my chest a bit. I hope that every time that sentence is spoken you get a glow of pride that transmits directly to your brain.

  31. Widow Of Sirius
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 6:24 PM | Permalink

    Trying to imagine that sound you made after the turtle was heaved upon you made me giggle.
    I’ll babysit if you ever need a little bit of a breather from so much cute ;)

  32. nb
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 8:31 PM | Permalink

    Adorable. Recommended your books to an old friend who gave a copy of Name of the Wind to her 78 year old father. She said he loved it. They are a literary family. She was reading Herman Hesse when we were 12 years old. (I know, scary. I was reading Star Trek novels. ) I loved that he loved your book. It felt as great as sharing your books with my 14 year old son, who also devoured them. Thanks and glad you have a such a cool kid. Wait until you can share books with him. It is awesome.

  33. cynrtst
    Posted June 20, 2011 at 10:17 PM | Permalink

    I heard the happiest laugh coming from ‘behind’ the camera. Isn’t Fatherhood great? happy for you.

  34. MLBurt
    Posted June 21, 2011 at 12:15 AM | Permalink

    Wow, you guys look so happy. Such a heartwarming thing to see :)

  35. MLBurt
    Posted June 21, 2011 at 12:16 AM | Permalink

    Uh, minus the nutshot. That probably wasn’t so happy ….

  36. Tager
    Posted June 21, 2011 at 1:18 AM | Permalink

    Oot looks like he’s trying to cast lightning when he throws his hands into the air like that.

  37. frostyjack06
    Posted June 21, 2011 at 1:12 PM | Permalink

    …and it only gets better from here, brother. I can remember my three year old’s look on her face when she saw Santa brought her something for Christmas, and I will remember it forever. Absolutely priceless.

  38. Lairo
    Posted June 21, 2011 at 6:52 PM | Permalink

    You now are obligated to teach him to say ‘I shall conquer the world’ and lift his arms like that. I don’t believe any human or fae will be able to stand against him.

    • origami
      Posted June 22, 2011 at 11:31 AM | Permalink

      ^ This.

    • Posted July 1, 2011 at 6:29 PM | Permalink

      My friend’s daughter (three years old at the time, IIRC) once responded to a request with “yes, master.” My friend swears this wasn’t coached.

  39. origami
    Posted June 22, 2011 at 11:30 AM | Permalink

    Gaah cuteness overload!

  40. Geddy
    Posted June 22, 2011 at 4:02 PM | Permalink

    Personally Pat, I think the attack on your nuts was Oot trying to eliminate the possibility of any competition in the future.

  41. DietchyPeach
    Posted June 22, 2011 at 7:42 PM | Permalink

    all the story and stuff is fine, but the real treasure i found in this blog post was your youtube channel

  42. chat
    Posted February 25, 2012 at 1:59 PM | Permalink

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