Y’know, as much as I love doing the fundraiser, I’m glad it’s over.
I started writing this blog mostly to relax, share interesting news, and amuse myself. I like to cuss in my posts and make the occasional odd joke about clown sex. But, strangely enough, I don’t feel comfortable doing those things in the middle of a charity fundraiser.
Now that we’re done being all charitable on the blog, I can get back to buisiness as usual here. Which is to say I can get back to not doing business and start screwing around instead.
Rest assured that in a week or so I’ll post up some final details about the fundraiser, and some exciting news about a few things that happened right at the end. But right now we’re dealing with the aftermath, assigning prizes, waiting for checks to clear, and preparing to wrap and package roughly a zillion books.
[Editorial note: Don’t email me asking if you won anything. Seriously.]
As many of you might remember from last year’s fundraiser, Sarah was my plucky assistant who worked tirelessly behind the scenes, helping me manage donations, take pictures of books, and package all the prizes.
This year, however, she’s been absolutely no help at all. When I asked her why she was being such a slacker, she reminded me that we had a baby now, and that boobing him took priority over pretty much everything else.
What’s that? Can I post a picture of him? You bet your ass I can….
Here Oot accompanied by one of his compatriots: Friendly Carrot. Not pictured here are Crazy Chicken, Subtle the Colorful Not-Mime, and Perverted Elephant.
Anyway, since Sarah is busy cooing and gurgling, I needed someone else to help me tend to the shop, as it were. That meant that until little Oot is old enough to copyedit, I needed an assistant.
So, without any further ado, I’d like to introduce you to Valerie:
Valerie has been helping me take care of a lot of the epiphenomena that tend to clutter up my life. She does research, organizes stuff, takes care of mail, runs errands….
Generally speaking, she takes care of a bunch of stuff for me, leaving me more time to work on the book.
Over the last two months, that means Valerie has been doing a lot of the heavy lifting behind the scenes of Worldbuilders. She takes pictures of the donations and has managed all the personalized books and posters people bought to support the cause.
She’s also been stockpiling the materials we’ll need to package up this year’s prizes.
Suffice to say that without her help, Worldbuilders would have been a chaotic mess, and I wouldn’t have gotten a lick of work done on my revisions.
Anyway, she’s been working really hard on all this stuff. So I figured it was high time I introduced her…
Say hello Valerie.
Hello.
No. Sorry. That won’t work. You can’t be purple, Sarah’s purple. There will be mass confusion. You’ll have to pick a different colour.
I like green. Can I be green?
That suits you, but it’s a little too bright. Could you bring it down a bit?
How about this?
Perfect.
Everyone, meet Valerie. Valerie, this is everyone.
Say hello, everyone.
pat
100 Comments
Hello, Valerie! That’s a nice green. Good to meet you!
~Ailsa
Glad to hear you’re back up and running Pat. We all love WBs but it’ll be nice to have some of the old fire back. That having been said, the interviews you posted with other authors were GREAT! If you can pop something like that up every once in a while it’d be awesome. Good luck with the editing and we’re all very thankful for Valeries help with your continued dogoodery. Cheers dude-
Woot for cloth diapers!
Hello Valerie!
Hiyas Valerie! I love the green!
What’s that loincloth Oot’s sporting there? There’s something disposable inside, right?
Ps- my word verification is “fulater”, but I promise I won’t.
Hello Valerie! Thanks for all the help, and continued help with WBs.
Moving on, Your little one is getting big! It’s amazing how fast they grow.
Look at that chub, he’s a keeper!
And Hello Valerie!
Hullo Valerie!
I’m excited for things to get back to normal as well, cause it just hasn’t been the blog without even the slightest mention of clown sex.
Have fun :)
Hello Valerie! Hope Pat doesn’t run you too ragged. I feel like I should welcome you aboard, or at least to the insanity.
Hi Valerie! :D
If I won something, can I just have some of that bubblewrap instead? Looks fun. XD
Oh, and Oot is utterly adorable. The carrot is cute too. My nieces played with beanie toys from a drug promo. There was hungry muscle, impaired kidney, fatty triglyceride and a few others. Nothing cuter than a 13 month old trying to say triglyceride.
Hey Valerie — Good luck, looks like you have your work cut out for you
as for Pat — adorable baby — not as cute as mine, but definitely seriously cute : )
Jennifer
Hello Valerie!
Hi, Valerie!
I am jealous of your bubble-wrap-and-cardboard castle. I would like to dive into it from atop a second-floor balcony.
Hi Val! Can we call you Val? Things are pretty relaxed around here, after all. Any friend of Pat’s is a friend of ours. Thanks for all your hard work behind the scenes!
Awwww, Oot is such a cute little chunky monkey! And kudos to you and Sarah for using cloth diapers! WTG! (Interesting Fact: Babies who are diapered in cloth tend to potty train an average of 6 months earlier!)
hI vALERIE! Oops… caps.
Try that again.
Hi Valerie!
Yay for awesome babies, helpful assistants and productive revisions!
Greetings from Missouri, Valerie!
Treat Pat well…the nerds of the world need a leader. Good to hear he’s got some help.
BLG
Great to have you back Pat! And Valerie, SO jealous…. you have the BEST job! I would know, I make fortune cookies.
– Bubble-wrap
– New assistant (Hey, Valerie! Great job!)
– Successful charity run
– Bubble-wrap
– Oot
– Sarah
– Bubble-wrap
Rock on, Pat, rock. on.
Hello Valerie :)
Pat, I like the way Friendly Carrot is kind of being used as a size marker. Oot looks cute, in a pudgy baby way.
Howdy Valerie.
Welcome, Valerie! <3
Hi Valerie!! Thank you for helping Pat and Sarah…… (yes, Sarah – keeping Pat sane helps keep Sarah sane. As a wife, I know these things! lol). Good luck, and welcome!
Hi Valerie! I think you’re the one I really should thank for the excellent bubble-wrap job on my copy of Name of the Wind that I got in the mail yesterday. I was impressed – after I got a DVD last month from a 3rd-party Amazon seller with no padding whatsoever (and arrived completely smashed and unplayable), I really started to notice packaging. So kudos! You’re doing a great job! (Of course, if it WAS Pat who wrapped it up, thank YOU, and I hope you teach Valerie your mad bubble-wrap skillz – yes, skillz with a Z).
Looking forward to the clown sex jokes. I got into your blog only recently, during all the Worldbuilders stuff, so I’m excited to see what the “real you” is like. Also hoping for more pictures of Oot!
Looks like Oot is being fed well! What a charming little guy. Yay for cloth, too. ;-)
I couldn’t find the clown sex joke, Pat?
Oot should probably get named soon…just saying, I mean..the WIND has a name..it seems only fair.
Hi, Valerie!
Sara definitely has her hands full with that one. Be sure to take time to enjoy him yourself.
Hello Valerie!
and ooh, book revisions.
That’s not a hi Valerie.
This calls for something more.
Well Hellllloooooo Valerie. How you doin?
Good morning Valerie, i hope pat hasn’t been driving you too hard these last couple of weeks, if he has i’m sure you could hijack his blog and decrie his crimes to the world for all to read.
From Spain, Hola Valerie!
How cute is Oot! Loving the ‘stick on hands’ :-)
(My little boy was nice and chunky as a baby and it looked like his hands were stuck on at the wrist – in case u were confused lol)
Valerie is hot!!
Hi Valerie
Hello Valerie! Sounds like you’ve done/are doing a great job, now just make sure he spends time writing his book we are all so EAGERLY awaiting! One of my friends just started reading it, and he doesn’t want to have to wait as long as I have for a sequel, so for my friends sake, make sure he finishes this decade ;)
Otherwise, have fun with that bubble wrap..that looks intense(ly fun)!
ps – whats Gremessi? A strange word verification, thats what.
Oh, and your baby just happens to be in that ‘incredibly cute’ phase, that comes after the, ‘Oh….eek…’ phase :D
and lol at the elephant.
Hello Valerie.
Welcome!
And Oot is quite the stunner, Pat! What a handsome little man!
Hello, Valerie!
And SQUEEE for a cloth diapered Oot! Do you like the Thirsties Duo covers? They seem like a good idea, but we haven’t scrounged together the money to try them yet.
Hi Valerie, good to meet you! (BTW, if you don’t already know (of) her, you might want to check out The Fabulous Lorraine assistant to Neil Gaiman – you assistants to writers need to stick together!)
Pat, Oot looks gorgeous, and I hope that in between all the hard work you and sarah are making time to enjoy being with him, too.
Excellent plan there finding your very own Valerie! Marvellous people these Valeries :)
Hi Valerie
Hi Oot, looking good there, don’t let that carrot give you any guff!
-A-
I think you should know on behalf of your readers who are color-blind that Valerie is completely invisible.
Hello Valerie!!!
I must say, I’m so very jealous. Waking up and going to work must be exciting – way more entertaining then my reality…
Hi Valerie! How many papercuts do you get a week?
Oh yeah, and Pat?
Don’t get this assistant pregnant.
!Eirelav Olleh
Firstly; Those pants are so awesome, Oot, I am jealous beyond belief!
Secondly; Hi there Valerie! I am envious of both the immense strength shown in that photo AND the awesome proximity to bubble-mass. Le sigh. [/envy]
Thirdly; Whooo, Back to Pat’s Awesomeness Updates. This makes me happier than a large pile of bricks!
[Happy Bricks!]
PS. Yes, I know I love the word ‘awesome’ but apparently the first A in AA stands for ‘Alcoholics’ and they wouldn’t let me in =(
Hello Valerie!
Next time place an advert Pat. I need a job and I think I’d really like this one :).
Oh and didn’t Brandon Sanderson hire an assistant a few months ago as well? Is it something all writers do or did you steal his idea?
Hello, Valerie! Pleased to meet you. Thanks for contributing to general global awesomeness. :D
Hi Valerie,
Like the green.
I was wondering why Sarah said Hi at first, only took me a nano second to realise It was Valerie in Sarah colour.
Hi Valerie, and welcome the madness! It looks like you’ll have sufficient bubble wrap to pad yourself when you’re bouncing off the walls!
Hi Pat – good to see you’re still alive, and congrats on a successful charity. Glad so many of us donated! Looks like Oot’s happy and growing.
Aw, what an adorable baby Oot is!
And welcome to Valerie, though I am insanely jealous of her job. I live in Wausau, how did I not know you were looking for an assistant?! How does one even go about getting a job as an author’s assistant?…
Also, I’m looking forward to finding out if I won anything from the WB fundraiser (I am crossing my fingers for that incredibly awesome copy of Stardust…) :)
Hello! That purple matched your shirt nicely, but I guess the green will do. =)
Hi Valerie!
And Oot is soo adorable. He’s got such a sneaky smile. Complete with cloth diaper too :)
‘Ello, Valerie!
Make sure to wrap my prizes up good and tight, ok? ;)
OMG! Adorable chubby baby! I was going to say something and got distracted by the cuteness.
Anyway, grats on another awesome fundraiser. I’m now off to give my own adorable baby, who’s not quite so chubby, some boobage of his own.
Do you remind the kid that they’re just on loan like my husband does?
Hey there Valerie! I hope you will be making good use of that color in future bloggings.
Now you have TWO sexy assistants! How did you get so lucky?!
Gratz on your new addition to the fam. Whats up Valerie and welcome to ours!
yours truly
mummbles
So Pat, while I can appreciate the warning: “Editorial note: Don’t email me asking if you won anything.” After posting a pic of Valerie, what makes you think we want to email you now? ;P
Valerie – welcome to the crazy train. Hope you stay a while.
Nice to see you back to your normal self. Oh, and hey Valerie! I envy your job… Working for Pat would be the coolest thing ever.
Ok I’m happy for all this amazing fundraising stuff and your impossibly adorable child, but I just need to ask… what about the second book? ANY updates? Anywhere near close at all?
I know you hate comments like these but really, the longer it takes to publish the next book, the more you should get use to comments like this.
Antonymous: You have a typo there. I think what you meant to say was, “I know you hate comments like this, but due to the fact that I wasn’t hugged enough as a child, I have entitlement issues and feel like I can say anything I want on the internet. Also, I have embarrassing genitalia.”
You might want to run spellcheck next time to avoid mistyping in the future. Remember, if it’s underlined in red, it’s misspelled. If it’s underlined in green, it’s a grammar error. And if it’s underlined in purple, you are being a penis.
HELLOOOO VALERIEEEEEEE
Ben
Firstly, an actual typo: “Antonymous”. If you’re going to offend someone about their grammar and sentence structure, make sure yours is correct first.
Secondly, since it is the internet, anything can be said on it. Therefore… where the frig is book two?
Thirdly, nothing you say, do, sing, dance, produce, re-enact, gain copyright entitlements to, or legally register will make a difference to my attitude. I do not care.
Hugs and kisses from your unhugged chum with entitlement issues.
xoxo
Hi Valerie – welcome! Nice big coffee you have there – how do you take it? Portable radiator, comfy purple sweater, and dark outside. Hope it’s cozy in your workspace!
Hi Valerie!!
Sidenote: That is a holy freaking heck of a lot of bubble wrap.
Hello Valerie!
OMG!!! i KNOW Valerie!!! this is weird/unexpected. but congrats Valerie!!! i had no idea you had such an awesome job! i’m a touch envious all the way here in australia!
Gabe
hi Valerie :)
Hello everyone.
What? Isn’t that what the lord and master Pat said to say?
:-)
Hello Valerie! I’m communicating from a black-and-white universe at the moment. Outside blog comments, I’m actually Blue. I know some wonderful Greens though, and it’s always a pleasure to meet another.
s’happenin babz;o
To anonymous:
“Where the frig is book two”??? In Pat’s head, and that’s just the hell where it’s going to stay until he’s damn good and ready. He has produced a beautiful baby (with Sarah’s wonderful help) that he rightfully loves to spend time with, he has inspired about $200k in support for a charity in 2 years (NOT counting his own matching contributions), he has a regular job, and family and friends – what in the hell, exactly, does he owe you again??? NOTHING. If you don’t like waiting, then LEAVE. I am more than sure that I can find about 10 friends to replace the single copy of book 2 (WHENEVER Pat is gracious and able to provide it, AT HIS LEISURE AND WHIM) that you might buy. The more you ask and pester, the less anyone would feel like giving. So stop f’ing it up for the rest of us (most especially Pat!!!) and just go away. The hole in the slime under your rock is lonely………go seal yourself in for the next millennia!
Oot is adorable! I am very happy for you and Sarah. And hi Valerie! *waves*
Hello Valerie!
hi valerie :D
~Pat (no, not the author, another one ;P)
I’m fond of the fact that you have “Shadows over Camelot” up on your shelf.
It is a regular contender in our large board game groups.
Also, all that bubble wrap looks like a ton of fun to play with.
Way to kick butt with the cloth diapers! We CD’d for about a year with our youngest.
Oot is as adorable as that carrot, lying there in classic “archer” pose of infants, and with the cutest smile EVAR!
Hi Valerie!
Not to leave out Sarah and Oot…
HI Sarah! Hi Oot!
And Pat– HI PAT!! :) Thanks for all you guys do.
Now back to the mines everyone!
Oot is doing the usain bolt pose, therefor, he maybe the fastest baby in the world, now I respect him for more than just being your child
Sorry, I might be quite drunk :)
Respect for Oot!
Sam x
PS its 02.19 here in dear old England.. don’t judge me.. respect me for checking your blog so late!
First off hello Valerie, second I am also happy that the swearing and mentioning of clown sex will be back. But I do agree that those subjects have no place in a charity fund raiser even though I was a sailor and swear constantly at inappropriate times. Oh and if you came up with those names for the stuffed animals they are amazing.
Judy
I am aware of all this. His charity is freaking awesome and commands respect like no other. The baby is adorable (however, I believe you got it the wrong way around – Sarah produced the baby, with Pat’s help). And good on him for making the most of everything, running the charity, raising a kid, and having a life. Kudos.
So what about book two?
I’m not saying it should be ready. I’m saying there should be some kind of update. Why is that so much to ask for?
And really now, truly, what is wrong with ‘pestering’ writers? Meeting deadlines comes with practically every job, but some don’t (like writing). If snarky blog comments about late books are the worst outcome of being a writer, then that’s a pretty sweet deal. Technically it’s more of a compliment.
No need to find 10 friends – I’ll still drive three and a half hours and pay $45 for the book like I did last time (the downside of living in rural outback Australia). But until then I will do the most vile, terrible, disgusting, inhumane act to exist on this Earth – asking writer’s questions.
I’ve actually lost the point I was planning to make, but basically Pat and his book are beyond amazing, and an update on book two should have been given.
This will be my last comment. Who knows… maybe I do have entitlement issues? Maybe I do have a very boring life and have nothing better to do because its 44 degrees outside and the population of this dam town is 112 and I have embarrasing genetilia and live in slime? Really, the insults are futile and childish.
I’m off to do the unthinkable and pester another writer now. I really am evil, aren’t I? I should be called Cinder.
Gnite.
p.s: hi valerie
hello Valerie.
These rolls of bubblewrap seem fun.
I just LOVE bubblewrap… (then again, who doesn’t?)
Oot is such a cutie…I think he looks a lot like you, pat. (nothing new I guess…but still)
Oot looks just like you Pat! Minus beard of course. Same nose though.
Quite the adorable bubby. (And I should know, I have four adorable babies, so I am a qualified baby cuteness expert! :-) )
hi Anonymous –
I have to admit, that reply was a heck of a lot more human than your second one – which sounded very infantile. Hence, my stringent reply. Anywhoo, yes I get the whole deadline thing. What you also have to take into consideration, of course, is that writing a a very creative process – one that cannot be forced. Plus, you are taking something intensely personal (your creativeness) and watching it get shredded and revised by the “powers that be” – the editors – never a fun thing. Finally, I would direct you to one of Pat’s earlier blogs, where he likens queries DEMANDING (which is how your “where the frick” came across) information on the book to the proverbial poop in the pool, and you can gather how he feels about such things. Creating a book isn’t like creating a report at work – reports can meet deadlines, creativity not so much.
So where does this leave us? Enjoying Pat’s pics and stories of Oot when he chooses to share, and just his every day zaniness when he grants us peeks into that as well. Oh, and stories of clown sex, of course. ;o)
Hello everyone
Hey Valerie! Glad to get back to the norm, WB was fun, but as you said I’m glad it’s over for the time being.
Good to have you back, Pat.
HEYA valerie. thats an awesome green! its my favorite color (but sh! dont tell the other colors their jealous!) XD
Hi Judy
Thanks for the well structured reply – you make a very good argument. I guess I didn’t really properly consider that creative processes aren’t black and white. And I guess the longer it takes, the better the second book is going to be. And I guess the original snarky comment stemmed from the fact that I just got fired on the weekend for, surprise suprise, bad attitude. Haha… fail.
Still, an update on the progress of book two would be excellent (wink wink nudge nudge Pat) =P
Thanks again for the logic, Judy. Probably deserved the reality check.
Cinder.
Hi Valerie!
What a cute baby! Yay for cloth diapers! Hope he was spared from having part of his penis chopped off at birth!
Two things:
1) You make my wife wanna have a baby showing your adorable baby off like that. I wanna tell you to knock it off, but he is really cute!
2) I will be glad to see your blog return to form. The charity is totally worth while, but I haven’t had a good laugh about clown sex since, ever. I think I enjoy reading your blog as much as I have your book.
Oh, and, thanks also for the leads on neat stuff! (Legend of Neil, The Guild, ect.)
Just curious….Barnes and Noble’s website has audio versions of “Wise Man’s Fear” listed as available 5-1-2010. I didn’t think there was any truth to this, as you haven’t made any announcement yourself, but thought I’d mention this.
You may have already posted this on a previous blog. If so, I apologize that I haven’t adequately read all of your entries, (I have rest most, though). Many authors will address their writing style, use of an outline, fly by the seat of your pants approach, etc. I’m interested in how you bring your works of art to life, and the process, especially the beginnings. Any other tips/advice/how-to would also be interesting and appreciated.
hello Valerie!
The charity was awsome to read about and I’m glad it did so well, but it will be nice to see the blog return to its normal activities, clown sex included. This blog introduced me to Dr. Horrible, The Guild, and lots of other wonderful things, and I look forward to having my mind blown once more.
Hi Valerie!
– Kayleigh
PS: word verification is “nicstur.” Like what a tween named Nicholas tells everyone to call him when he thinks he’s being cool.
Hi Valerie! Green is my favorite color so if you’re Green that makes you AwesomelyFantastic. Hi and thanks for all the hard work!
I love the Charity and donated myself but I look forward to reading your normal entries again Pat!