Category Archives: babies

Published: July 30, 2010

Lesbian Unicorns

Pat,

I had to miss San Diego ComicCon this year. It’s my first one I’ve missed in five years. Many tears.

What did you think of it compared to last year? This was only your second ComiCon, wasn’t it?

Michelle

This was only my second ComiCon, Michelle. But I have to admit that it felt a lot different than the first one.

Part of the difference was that this year I knew the lay of the land. I knew where the all night deli was. I knew the layout of the dealer’s room and how to find the place with the good seafood.

The other big change was that this year I’m a dad. This was the longest stretch of time I’ve spent away from Oot since he’s been born. It was harder than I expected, and I missed him from the very first day.

For example, last year when I went to the con, my mental commentary was like this: “Hey! Hot girl dressed as Poison Ivy! Hot girl in chainmail! Hot catgirl! Batman!”

I make no excuses for this. I am who I am.

But this year when I walked around the con, I was thinking, “Oh, look at that baby! Cute baby! Baby dressed up as Yoda! Hot Catgirl! Batman!”

Also, this year I was smart enough to schedule times to meet people instead of just hoping we could get together. As a result, I got to have dinner with Brandon Sanderson and Christopher Paolini on Saturday night.

We had a lovely conversation, and at some point Paolini told us that in an early draft of his first book, the main character was named Kevin, not Eragon.

Not to be outdone, I said that in an early draft of The Name of the Wind, Kvothe was actually a lesbian unicorn.

I didn’t think much of it. This is the sort of thing I say all the time, and I don’t expect people to pay much attention to me.

But I failed to take into account twitter. Which led to someone sending me the profoundly bizarre e-mail.

So the next day when I was doing a reading and signing at Borders, one of my lovely readers brought me a present:

It is, of course, a lesbian unicorn. His name is Kvothe. You may of heard of him.

I had a good laugh over it, and thought that would be the last I ever heard of it. But after I get back from the Con, I find one of my friends has sent my the following surreal e-mail.

Pat,

Okay, so I am doing a search for “pink unicorn gay” in Google Images because, well, it’s a long story…  (Shut up!)

Thing is I spotted something very odd pretty early on in the results.

I swear to you this isn’t a set up or faked or anything.  I just typed in “pink unicorn gay” and this is what I got!

[name withheld for blackmail purposes]

(Click to Embiggen.)

So yeah. That was the unexpected result of this year’s ComiCon. Permenently linking Kvothe’s name with the phrase “Lesbian Unicorn.”

Working to make your day a little more surreal,

pat

Also posted in Catgirl, conventions, fan coolness, lesbian unicorns | By Pat73 Responses
Published: October 7, 2009

A New Addition to the Family: Portugal

The Name of the Wind just came out in Portugal. They tell me that at the beginning of the month it was actually #7 on the bestseller lists over there. Which, I will admit, gives me a little bit of a tingle….

I haven’t actually held one in my hands yet, but the cover looks pretty cool:

I always like seeing new covers for the book. Especially when the art has obviously been commissioned especially for the book.

Though I’ve only recently become a father, I’ve compared writing a book to having a baby for years. My mom used to refer to it as “her grandbook.” And one of my friends used to ask about it in those terms. We wouldn’t see each other for months, and when we got together and caught up on the news, she’d eventually ask, “And how’s the baby doing…?”

Now that I’ve been a dad for a couple of weeks, I realize that the baby analogy is better than I thought. Before I was mostly referring to the emotional connection you feel to your own book. But now, having dealt with a newborn, I realize that writing a book is not entirely dissimilar to actually raising a child.

You feed it. Change it. Cuddle it. Dress it. Undress it. Change it. Feed it. Change it. Change it. Get it to take a nap. Change it.

And then, at the end of the day, you look at it and realize that it’s pretty useless.

Don’t get me wrong, you love it. You love it like nobody’s business. But unless you’re an idiot, you realize this thing really isn’t good for anything yet. You’re going to have months and months of thankless, repetitive work before it’s capable of going out into the world on its own.

Later, when your book is published, it’s very cool and very scary. That’s when your baby has grown up enough to leave the nest. It’s out there, meeting people all on its own. If you’ve raised it properly, it hopefully makes a good impression. Hopefully it makes friends.

But the foreign editions of the book are… different. It’s still my baby, but it’s not *really* my baby. It’s like someone has cloned my baby and dressed it up in lederhosen and made it smoke a pipe for marketing reasons.

Yeah. The analogy really starts to fall apart after a while, I guess.

What was my point? No point. I don’t always have to have a point, you know….

Wait! I guess I do have a point. It’s that sometimes they make your baby smoke a pipe and you have to shrug it off. You don’t know what sells books in Bangladesh, or Berlin, or Brigadoon. For the most part, you have to trust that the publisher knows what they’re doing. For all you know, those Doonies are loonies for pipes…

But it’s nice when you see the marketing and it appeals to your aesthetic. Like the trailer I posted before. Or this picture that I stumbled onto when I was googling up an image of the cover for this blog.

(Click to Embiggen)

I’m guessing this is a promotional poster. If it is, I wish I had a copy. I like the tagline across the top. “Kvothe: Magician, Musician, Thief, Assassin and… Hero.”

Hell, if I’d have been able to come up with promo copy like that on my own, it wouldn’t have taken me five years to sell the thing.

Later, you hoopy froods….

pat

Also posted in book covers, cool things, foreign happenings, translation | By Pat55 Responses
Published: September 25, 2009

What all the Fuss is about….

It’s been a busy couple days over here.

Because:

There are many of you out there who deserve to hear this news by phone. Or by getting an e-mail. Or through a sarcastic gorrilagram of some sort. But I just can’t manage it right now. As you can see by the picture, we’re all pretty tired around here.

Everyone always says things like, “The labor was 8 hours long…” or “She was in labor for 15 hours.” Or something like that. I don’t know where to officially start counting the official labor, but she started having contractions Friday night, and we had the baby Tuesday morning. So no matter how you count it, it was long.

The end result is pretty good though. Little Oot is healthy and happy. He resembles his daddy in that he likes boobs and sleeping. Everything else will be sorted out later.

I won’t trouble you with his measurements. I’ve never really understood the desire people have to quantify a baby. “He’s X big and Y long,” As if the baby is a fish you’re not sure you’re going to keep. Or some prize potato you’re hoping will win a prize at the county fair.

Rest assured that he does posses mass and volume. He has all three dimensions and the requisite number of usual parts. He is a boy child. A Libra. Full of grace. An ox. Pinkish in color. Soft. And we have just received independent verification that he is cute as a button.

I’ve been stockpiling blogs over the last couple months, so you’ll see some of those when I’m too busy writing and being domestic to write a new one. If anything, posts will probably be more frequent for a while.

If you have a piece of baby advice (and it seems like everyone I meet does) feel free to post it below. I will also accept cute baby stories. Everyone likes cute baby stories.

Sweet dreams everyone,

pat

Also posted in Oot, Sarah | By Pat317 Responses
Published: July 31, 2008

The Pat Rothfuss Escort Service.

Today I was driving downtown and I saw a momma duck walking down the middle of the street with six little baby ducks following her. Downtown Stevens Point isn’t really a bustling place, but there’s still two lanes of traffic, and she was walking right down the center line.

I did a quick job of parallel parking, which turned out even more lousy than my usual. Then I hopped out of the car and made sure that they got out of the road okay.

The babies were still really young. They still had their baby fluff, and were smaller than tennis balls. Mom was taking small steps to they could keep up, and they were all trucking along to keep up with her, none of them ever falling behind by more than a foot and a half.

The other thing I noticed is that if she stopped moving, all of them sat down immediately. They did it in unison, six little duck butts hitting the pavement all at once. Then when mom started going again, they all bobbed back to their feet and started following her again.

Momma duck eventually headed off the road to the sidewalk and hopped up the curb. I was surprised that the baby ducks could make it up there too. But they did, bouncing up a sheer wall three times taller than they were. It was really cute. Hallmark cute.

I walked with them the five or six blocks to the river, stopping traffic when they needed to cross the road. I thought I might need to herd them too, but momma duck knew where she was going, and I only had to steer once to keep her going the right direction.

That said, she really didn’t like having me around and made it clear whenever I got too close. She would snap her beak, and the feathers on the top of her head stood up. I had no doubt that were I to cross some invisible line, she would bring all sorts of momma-duck wrath of god down on me.

A lot of the drivers I stopped of didn’t care for me much either, and their mouths made similar snapping motions behind their windshields when I stepped in front of their cars and held out my hand for them to stop. Luckily, this is something I can do with incredible authority. I worked in a parking ramp one summer, and that was the skill I carried away. I can stop a car at thirty feet with a hand gesture no matter what the driver might think of me.

However, people didn’t stay pissed for long. Once they saw what I was doing, everyone was full of smiles and willing to help. I believe, given the chance, the vast majority of people are eager to do the right thing. I believe that people are good, and that most of the ugliness in the world comes from folks being thoughtless, or misinformed, or simply inattentive to the world around them. No one willingly runs over baby ducks, but it happens all the time because people aren’t careful.

Sometimes you need someone to step out in front of you and say, “No. Stop. Look at this thing that’s about to happen. Think about what you’re doing. Attend. Be mindful.” Whatever you call this impulse, I have a great deal of it, and it’s constantly leading me to step out in front of moving cars. Metaphorically speaking.

Everything said, it took about an hour for me to escort the ducks to the river, and the milk that I’d left in my car got hot from sitting in the sun too long. But the truth is this: walking those ducks to the river was the best time I’ve had in months. Maybe longer. I felt good afterwards, better than I’ve felt in a long time.

It’s strange for me to admit this, but a lot of my life has felt very hollow lately. Many of my days are not particularly good days, though I would be hard pressed to explain why this is the case.

I’ve had fun, don’t get me wrong, but a lot of it has been fun like eating one of those giant Pixy Stix. It’s great while you’re doing it, but afterward, you don’t really feel…. good. It’s not a substantial experience.

I need to think on this. If an hour spent helping some ducks feels like the most worthwhile thing I’ve done in a months, I probably need to re-examine my life.

That’s all for now folks. Have fun, but look out for ducks while you’re doing it. And if someone steps in front of you and holds up their hand for you to stop, you might want to slow down whatever you’re doing and have a second look around, just in case.

Fondly,

pat

Also posted in baby ducks, day in the life | By Pat57 Responses
Published: May 17, 2008

Photo Contest Part II – Babies

Everyone, I would like you to meet Captain Joe. You saw him paying homage to the book in the last blog.

Though Joe put together a lovely shrine and took an excellent picture, I mentioned in that he couldn’t win a prize in that category.

Joe came into the contest early, and he came in strong. He photoshopped, posed, dramatised, and wrote captions that cracked me up. What’s more, he seems to have put his life at risk at least once or twice. As in this one, where apparently he climbed up onto a roof….

…to set up a scenic shot.

So why can’t Joe win?

Well, the first problem is that Joe entered so many photos, of so many types, that if I let him win, he could, potentially, crowd out a lot of the other folks in the competition.

But the second reason is the larger of the two. You see, Joe is an Australian.

And I hate people from Australia.

No. Kidding. Just kidding. Well… I’m half kidding…. Joe is actually from Australia, Perth specifically. But I don’t hold it against him.

The real problem is that back when I set this up, back when I was hoping to get maybe a dozen entries, I said that the picture needed to include the paperback. They don’t have access to the US paperback in Australia yet.

This was a short-sighted mistake, and I don’t plan on repeating it if (when) I do another one of these.

Still, I’m left with a problem. On one hand, it is a rule. IN a way, it’s unfair to everyone else if I suddenly change it after the fact. But on the other hand, Joe’s pictures were pretty cool, and, in my opinion, this sort of fanatical minioning should really be rewarded.

So here’s the deal. In the upcoming blogs you’ll see Joe’s photos included in the categories such as “Most Sexy” “Most Dramatic,” but he won’t be eligible to win. Instead, I’ve decided to make create a new category for him. Let’s call it… “Most Most.”

What does Joe win? Well, that’s a good question. I’ve got some various stuff to give away as prizes.

1. Good old-fashioned signed copies of my book. I’ve got a bunch of the new hardcovers here at my house, and though I love them, they are taking up quite a bit of shelf-space. I’ll sign or personalize them and send them off to you if that’s what you want.

2. Copies of my first published book, The College Survival Guide.

This is a collection of the first four years of a humor column I used to write. It came out in 2005 and they only printed about 500 copies. I still have a box of them here at my house, so I’ll offer them up as prizes. Signed by me and my fabulous illustrator friend, Brett Hiorns.

3. Maps of the Four Corners, as rendered by my friend Nathan Taylor. Signed by both of us.

The winners and the runners-up can have their pick from these three. So if you see you’re a winner or a runner up, you might want to send me an e-mail letting me know which you’d like, and your real-world address too, if you haven’t done that already. Remember the address is paperback.contest {squiggly at thinger} gmail.com

In Joe’s case, because he really went the extra mile, I’m also going to include either one of the old black-cover galley copies of the book, or one of my old manuscripts. Whatever makes him happier.

Now, on to today’s category.

When I finally gathered all the pictures and tried to group them together, I found they didn’t fit neatly into the categories I’d been expecting. Oh sure, there were dramatic pictures, and cute pictures, and pictures of people reading. I’d counted on that. What I hadn’t anticipated were groups of pictures involving food, or birds, or babies.

This photoshopped one was the exception to the rule. Everyone else sent me pictures of their babies, which now that I think of it, is really unexpectedly sweet.

This guy has hair like mine.
Ah yes. This guy seems to have his priorities straight….

Eeeeeee! No! Don’t bend the cover back like that!

Awwww…. This guy wants it too. What’s more, he’s picking it over a bunch of brightly colored toys. I think we could hang out.

The Runner-Up. This is about the cutest thing ever. I think it’s a combination of the hoodie and the fact that the little pink elephant wants in on the action too.
But here is the undisputed winner. The caption that went along with this picture reads:

“Levi can’t believe he has to wait so long to continue the story. A year is a long time for a 2 month old.”

I don’t know if there’s something wrong with me, but every time I look at this picture I end up laughing. I’ve never seen anyone so absolutely furious in my entire life. It’s nice to know that the angriest fan I ever have will never be this angry.

That’s all for now folks. More on the way….

pat

Also posted in College Survival Guide, contests | By Pat21 Responses

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